The Teen Book (Or wishing it existed!)
When I became a first time mom, I'll admit it, I devoured the parenting how-to books. I am pretty sure I had all of the most popular titles as well as quite a few of the lesser known as well. I read whenever I could. While I was pregnant, I went to Childbirth Education Classes and a How to Breastfeed Class every week for about 6 weeks. I surrounded myself with the tools and advice of the self-proclaimed experts. I wanted to make sure I did this "mothering" thing well. I looked to the experts and those who had gone before me to reassure me that I was capable of raising this little person without causing too much harm to his psyche. I researched all of the "right" ways to burp, change and rock a baby. I was ready. I was armed with knowledge. I am mother hear me roar!
As my children aged, the books changed. As they went from one phase to the next, the books became fewer; the parenting from the hip style became more apparent. The books have also become more focused on one or two aspects of parenting rather than covering entire phases. Welcome to the teens; you’re on your own! The experts have left the building. (Unless of course you count the true experts. The parents. We are the ones standing on the sidelines of our teens' lives looking perplexed and a bit overwhelmed.) What I need is a book with practical advice on getting through this. Something with chapter titles like these:
“How to Make Yourself Invisible When Dropping Off Your Teen Anywhere, Anytime.” Because let’s face it, your teen will need you to drop him off many times at various places but really wishes you didn’t actual exist. I have discovered that singing “It’s Getting Hot in Herre” is not appropriate drop-off behavior. Which of course, means I do it more often when he give me attitude!“My Teen Only Writes In IM-Net Lingo…Will He Ever Get Into College?” With the ever increasing popularity of Instant Messages, most teens have created their own language. AAMOF, U need the 411 if u have POS, KWIM? (Translation: As a matter of fact, you need this information if you have your parents over your shoulder. If you know what I mean.) See? I don’t see Harvard all over that essay.
“Getting Your Teen to Speak To You: Going Beyond Whatever, Huh? And The Four Syllable Version of the Word Mom” How often have you tried to speak with your teen about his day or his social life only to be rewarded with a riveting “Whatever, Mooooooom!” There must be a way to have a conversation with more than one word responses that do not involve the words “I need” and “money”.
“Toilet Training Made Me Mental But Teen Training Just Might Kill Me!” There was a time I couldn’t wait until my children were old enough to do things for themselves. Now, all they want to do is to do things for themselves. By themselves. With nothing but my money to aid them. Certainly, there is a middle ground in there somewhere. Show it to me.
"Convincing Yourself That Eyerolling Really Does Mean ‘I Love You” My children have always been masters at eyerolling. Masters. But honestly, I believe there must be a secret class taught in middle school that helps them to bring this skill to a mastery level. I have yet to see a teen who is not the master of the eyeroll.
But as I said, I have yet to see this book. Have you? What chapters would you add if you could?
Comments
Heh. I'm quite a few years from needing this book. Hoping that it actually exists by the time I get there. My daughter is six and she's already the eye-rolling queen.
Posted by: landismom | November 9, 2005 4:53 PM
Mom! You're Not Going Out Looking Like That, Are You?
I Could Spend My Money, but Why Should I, When I Can Spend Yours?
Posted by: Karen | November 9, 2005 6:13 PM
Oh I'm sure there's many more good ones to be had. Personally, I am looking forward to Epilogue: Just say YES to military school!
Posted by: Mir | November 9, 2005 6:21 PM
I'd title it - My mom is so dumb she's using up the air meant for the smart people.
And, Could you please pretend as if I'm an only child?
Posted by: carmen | November 9, 2005 9:18 PM
My chapters would be: "Okay, this is the plan" I don't get asked anymore...I get told. "Pick me up at Aarin's at 4:30, then we need to go to the mall, but we have to pick up Alysha first. Oh and could you pick us up afterwards? I'm not sure what time yet, but I'll call when I need you." Cause I'm just sitting there waiting anyways right?
"I have a life you know!" When asked to (heaven forbid) watch her brother and sister for a few hours, do some chores, etc.
"Don't EVER wave at me again! That was soooo embarrassing!"...after I dared to wave at her from the van when picking her up from school. I thought she didn't see me...forgive me God, I am a sinner.
Posted by: Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) | November 10, 2005 12:03 PM
There is actually a book called "Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?"
I've never read it and am about seven years away from being the target market. I just love the title.
Posted by: elswhere | November 10, 2005 7:17 PM
My chapter would be The Hidden Messages Behind "Your The Best Mom in The World" and Other Statements of Affection. Cause if they are being nice they want something expensive.
Posted by: Amanda | November 11, 2005 12:29 PM
I have read "...But First Could You Drive Me To The Mall" and cannot recommend it enough. If only my teens knew how many times that book stopped me from throttling them!
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