An essay about those kids...whoever they are.
There was a time I believed that parents had pet names for their children as a sign of affection. A term of endearment. I thought it was sweet and strengthened that parental bond. I have since learned that is not always the case.
It is because parents cannot actually remember their child’s name. Now don’t look at me like I am horrible. I happen to know for a fact that I am not the only mom to do this. My own parents were guilty of it. They still are! I grew up known as Michelle-Chris-Jennifer or some variation of that. I would answer to all three names or any combination of them, usually offering a correction as to my real identity if I was so inclined. Unless of course there was trouble. Then I kept silent and let the wrong name sink into my parents’ subconscious hoping that it would give my brother or sister a karmic demerit somehow and earn me a free ticket when I most needed it. The truth is, it all evened out in the end.
Even today, I am occasionally referred to by my sister’s name. As a defense mechanism, my sister and I have added 5 grandchildren to the list of names my parent’s can choose from when talking to us. I am quite confident that within a few years I will just been known as The Youngest Daughter with the Most Kids. (I plan to sign things simply: Younger. It is kind of catchy.)
Now that I have three children of my own, I find myself getting their names mixed up. (Though I swore I would never do that. Just like I swore I would never hide the good cookies while giving the kids the multi-pack of the cheap brand. And like I swore I would never tell my children that when I was their age, I would never have [fill in the blank].) I, too, have resorted to giving my children cute pet names. Out of affection? Sure. But mainly because I just really can’t remember their names at the drop of a hat. I tried to come up with nicknames that might trigger my brain into remembering who they are before anyone catches on that their real names have escaped me. When I look at them, I can see their nickname. Let me just tell you, it has saved me more than once when I draw a blank. In a fit of frustration or when put on the spot, I cannot be expected to know their names. It just isn’t possible when I have things floating around up there like ATM pins, phone numbers to the quickest pizza delivery place and way too many urls to count. I can say, however, that I have become more efficient than my parents were. My kids at least get partial names—BranZarGab-- when I become stuck rather than the full treatment. That should count for something.
I was ahead. I should have known better than to add to the mix. I should have known that I was maxed out on information, but I got cocky.
The other day my oldest son was acting, well, like a tween acts. I had enough. In a fit of frustration I blurt out, “Harley! Knock! It! Off!!�
I was immediately aware of the silence.
“Harley?� my son asked in astonishment. "Harley?! Mom, for crying out loud, you just called me by our dog’s name!�
“Yeah, well...� I stammered. “Stop acting like an animal then. And just to be safe, no talking back, kiddo, or when your dad, Mr. Man, gets home, you are in big trouble.�
Comments
My sisters & I grew up with that too. To make matters worse, all our 1st names start with S and all our middle names started with R. So, when Mom was really pissed, it was really funny to hear all that come spewing out of her mouth. :p
Posted by: ishouldbeworking | December 13, 2005 3:16 PM
My dad once called my sister by the dog's name. I thought he was unique!
Posted by: Beth | December 13, 2005 3:23 PM
My kids's names all start with "A"...but are each affectionately known as "Whoever the Hell You Are, Get Over Here!"
Posted by: Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) | December 13, 2005 4:07 PM
Haaaa! I work my way through the whole family before I get the right name half the time. It's noun-deficiency syndrome. NDS, baby.
Posted by: Jenny | December 13, 2005 4:14 PM
Have you ever seen "Bill Cosby- Himself"? It's a stand-up routine he did a long time ago, where he talks about this name forgetting thing. It is hilarious.
Posted by: Eulallia | December 13, 2005 7:16 PM
My mom often calls me by her little sisters name. Eh, we can only expect so much. Heck, for the first month of my younger daughters life her name was, "Lily, I mean Anya."
Posted by: Elaine | December 13, 2005 7:51 PM
I have a very small family so it was quite a surprise when I had a daughter (my only child) and everyone seems to call her Jennifer (my name!) It drives me nuts!
Posted by: Jenn | December 13, 2005 8:07 PM
I do that *all* the time! I constantlycall the girls the cat's name or the other child's name. I swear I think I am losing my mind!
Posted by: Kate | December 13, 2005 9:47 PM
I tend to call the name of the child that has been giving me the most grief recently - even if they are not the culprit. Also, now that we have a dog I throw that in more often than not.
My oldest used to get mad until he called one of his brothers the wrong name. Now he understands. And I too use the 'whoever the hell you are' line when I've gone through all the names and still don't know which one I'm talking to. Anger does that to you.
Posted by: MoMMY | December 14, 2005 7:55 AM
Bill Cosby does a hilarious routine where he points out that for many years he and his brother thought their names were Jesus Christ and Dammit. After all, that's how their father started every sentence he spoke to them.
Posted by: paul | December 14, 2005 8:27 AM
I avoid that, at least in public. I just call "OK, hoodlums, time to go!".
I get some strange looks, esp. when my children immediately drop everything and fall in line behind me. But at least I don't embarass myself by not remembering their names!
Posted by: Mar | December 14, 2005 9:15 AM
I used to give my dad so much hell for doing this to me. He'd call me by my mother, his sister, the dog and his second wife's names before he would get to mine.
Now I'm doing it too.
Typical of my mom (she's practically perfect I swear) she never did that. Until I had kids. Now she's losing it. It makes me feel so much better.
Posted by: sleepingmommy | December 14, 2005 12:10 PM
As the youngest of 7 kids, I still get called lots of names before Mom gets around to mine. She never apologizes - just says "well, you know who you are".
Posted by: Jen | December 14, 2005 12:36 PM
My kids know that when I call them their dad's name they have pushed too far. Pretty much it means run and hide.
Posted by: clickmom | December 14, 2005 7:17 PM
Hah! My kids are both mortally offended when I call one by the other's name. See, one's a boy and one's a girl, and I *apparently ought not to mess it up.*
My dad used to call me 'dirtball' - which was all very well and good, until I discovered that it was a nickname he used for everyone. Snif...and here I thought it was my own special nickname...
Posted by: Betsy | December 15, 2005 12:20 AM
I guess this is one of those things that people mean when they say that you aren't a "parent" until you have had at least your second child. I have no problems remembering my child's name... but since I have only one, I guess I SHOULD be able to. :)
Posted by: LatteMan | December 19, 2005 4:47 PM