Maybe you CAN buy love
Amber: Is this where I get to concoct a heinous crime, indulge in lusty imaginations of executing the crime, and then my only real punishment is to tell you I'm on The List? Great! But… the only scandalous thing I can think up is that I stole the identity of Bill Gates, kidnapped Colin Farrell and am currently spending my grotesque wealth living it up somewhere I'll never be found – being oiled repeatedly by my pretty sex slave and drinking Baileys by the pint… suck it up, Martha Stewart!

Things of Beauty
Jen from MUBAR: Art theft. No, jewel theft. No, definitely art theft.
Melanie Lynne Hauser: The crime of being too beautiful for words! (Oh, you want serious answers?)
Jennifer: Well, if having shiny hair was a crime... Heh heh heh. I KID! My hair isn't criminally shiny! It's only kinda shiny. And it's all the conditioners doing anyway. This is not natural. But seriously, it's ridiculous how good and law abiding I am! I'm a total L7. The worse thing I do is jaywalk... Maybe if I did it more I could be America's Most Wanted Jaywalker."

No committee needed for this one
Susie Sunshine: Organizing a military junta to overthrow PTO officials while establishing myself leader, all as practice for my inevitable ruling of the world.
Jenn: I would have to say it would be holding a PTA notebook hostage. My demands would be fewer Stepfords on the board of execs, more happy hours and definitely more snark. Whatever it is, I would totally use the "Haven't had my morning coffee" defense and get off on that technicality.

Would you like that in large bills?
Krisco: Definitely robbing a bank for bazillions dollars. (Can they arrest me for thinking about it? Really hard?)"

If I have to say it one. more. time...
Tuesday: I would have killed the 97834 person to ask me if my twins are identical. One is a boy and the other is a girl - how could they be identical?

Death by Rocket Fuel
Ann Douglas: Death by coffee, either self-inflicted or a caffeine overdose inflicted on some poor, unsuspecting person who drank from my coffee pot, not knowing they were messing with a potentially lethal substance.

Really, she's doing the community a favor
Margalit T: Without a doubt, vehicular homicide of my entire town of extremely bad drivers. I'd like to get them all off the road at one time!"