The true believer
When I was six years old, I tried to mess with Santa, and I lost. Badly.
Being a true believer, I was electrified with anticipation the night before Christmas. I could never get to sleep, I was so excited. That, and the grown-ups downstairs were usually well into the wine, and tended to speak over each other, loudly, until the wee hours of the morning. I was a jangled nerve ending of anticipation.
The excitement nearly caused me to implode. After finally falling asleep in spite of myself, I awoke before the sun. It must have been 5:00 a.m. Maybe earlier. It was so dark, I could barely see. I held my breath, careful to be quiet as I slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the stairs. I don't know what I was more afraid of. The dark, or each and every creak of the stairs as I stealthly made my way down the the living room. My three sisters and I each got our own chair on which Santa placed our gifts. I made my way to the chair that was tagged "Meghan". MY CHAIR! THERE WERE PRESENTS ALL OVER IT!!! SANTA HAD BROUGHT OUR PRESENTS WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING!!! It was too much to wrap my young brain around!. I was awestruck. I crept over to the plate of cookies we had left for him, and sure enough, he had taken a few bites. Holy cow.
My plan was to get a sneak preview of the bounty, and slyly make my way back upstairs to bed with no one the wiser. I took my time looking at each gift, delivered just for me by the big guy himself. When I had documented it all, I decided to creep back up to my bed. As I moved toward the staircase, I passed the chair holding my older sister Julie's gifts. Something caught my eye. A plastic red calulator in the shape of a school house. I picked it up in the dark. I pushed a button. It lit up. I couldn't add. I could barely read. But I wanted it. I wanted it because it was red and shiny and it lit up. It was spectacular.
Without a second thought, I plucked it from Julie's chair and placed it on mine. I was certain I was the first one to see the gifts Santa had left us, and what Julie didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right? Right! It was going to work! I knew it! Satisfied with my ingenious plan, I snuck back upstairs and into my bed.
I rose with the rest of my family an hour or two later. I did my best to act surprised. I "ooh"'d and "aah"'d like a pro. Happy as a carp in muck, I played with my toys. That is, until I realized something was a little off. My parents. They were whispering to eachother and looking at me from across the room. I was certain it must have been my expression that had aroused suspicion. I busied myself with my new goods and concentrated on looking excited and angelic and most importantly, nonchalant.
"Uh.....Meghan?" my mother cleared her throat.
"Yes mom?" I replied, as innocently as I could act.
"Daddy and I think Santa wanted Julie to have that red calculator."
"No. I think Santa wanted me to have it. He put it on my chair."
I racked my brain, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. There was NO WAY they could know that. NO WAY.
"Meghan, Daddy and I are pretty sure that calculator was supposed to go on Julie's chair."
"Why would Santa put it on my chair if he wanted Julie to have it?" I tried in vain to up the ante.
"Meghan. Daddy and I think Santa DID put that on Julie's chair."
Uh-oh. How in the sam hill had they figured me out? I was completely baffled.
"Meghan, you didn't put that on your chair, did you?"
"No." I lied.
"Well, Daddy and I happen to know that Santa wanted to give that calculator to Julie."
"How do you know that?" I was grasping at straws. And I knew it.
"We just know. Now give Julie the red calculator."
I sullenly walked to Julie's chair and set it down. It had been mine but for a moment, and it had slipped right through my fingers. I was totally counfounded as to how my parents had figured me out. It was as though they had eyes in the backs of their heads. Santa DID see me when I was sleeping, and he knew when I was awake. And he had told my parents! Santa had totally turned me in. I had been left high and dry. In the back of my mind I started worrying about next year. I figured this was the end of the line. I would forever be on the bad kid list. No more Santa presents for this lying kid. And it was all my fault for trying to pull a fast one. Why? Why had I done it?
Fortunately for me, I found out the following year that Santa was either very forgiving, or had a very short memory, because I miraculously ended up on the good list AGAIN. It must have been by the skin of my teeth. I tell you what, though. I never EVER messed with Santa again.
Comments
OMG, the minute you saw that red calculator, I already knew what you were going to do and knew where this story was going to end up, and was already cracking up. I could just see you in my head thinking you were pulling a fast one, never even seeing the land mine ahead. Great read, ty for sharing!
Posted by: Debby | December 17, 2005 8:48 PM
You have no idea how much I needed this laugh!
Santa narc'ed you out to your folks. So not cool, man. At least he saw that you learned your lesson. That is a great story!
Posted by: buffi | December 18, 2005 12:33 AM
Fabulous story! :)
Posted by: Kari | December 18, 2005 5:39 PM
And that is why Mom and Dad love ME the most.
Nice try, you little THIEF.
Posted by: EverydaySuperGoddess | December 20, 2005 9:17 AM
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