The following essay has been written for Mommybloggers.com by Lisa of the fantastic blog Niihaus.

When did I throw in the fashion towel and become the poster woman for Not Your Daughter’s Wardrobe? When I get dressed now my ranking of importance starts with Comfort followed by Stain Resistance. Sure, my kids are fashion plates. Both of my girls have closets that would make Madonna’s little Lourdes jealous of not only their simpler birth names, but their extensive collection of fur trimmed everything. It’s me that looks like I’m trying to blend in with the couch. A very denim and sweatpant material covered couch.

It wasn’t always this way. There was a time when there was great attention paid to my clothing choices. Unfortunately, it was the 80’s. Leg warmers, high top Reeboks, and jeans that doubled as a shelf for your boobs. Now, thanks to The Gap’s lowest low rise pant division, we are all at risk of exposing our ass cracks to a world that doesn’t need to see our motherly ass cracks. Think about it. When you were a kid you would’ve flipped out if your friends mother bent over and you were not only blinded by this aging mom’s crack, but now you were privy to that tattoo she has with the rose that says, “Start Me Up”. And, this would’ve just set you wondering about your friends Dad and just what exactly was that Kink Meister up to?

No, mothers don’t have to be dowdy and merely awarded for their slammin’ meatloaf. But, can’t there be a middle ground? I understand that my ponytail and my sweats might not be your cup of tea. However, perhaps you MILF’s could cut me some slack and not look like your heading out to a fundraiser dinner when you’re simply strolling the frozen food section at the grocery store. Can’t we all agree that there is a time and place for heels and carpool lane isn’t it? You are at risk of breaking your ankle walking up the hill to the school anyway. And your jewelry, when caught by the sunlight just right, blinds those of us that choose to follow the rules and stay in our cars to drive through carpool lane. Maybe you scale down and I’ll scale up and we can meet somewhere in between polyester and silk – I’ll go out on a limb her and suggest cotton.

I’d also like to approach the subject of MILF jeans. Jeans should not cost more than $30. It’s. Just. Jeans. Am I just jealous that my body will never go back to what it was pre procreation? Hell yes. Your body wasn’t supposed to do it either. But it did. I don’t need you to prove it to me. By wearing jeans from the lowest low rise section of the department you are really just going out of your way to prove it to me. Let’s meet in the middle here as well. I’ll lower the waistband on my jeans from the competing with my bra level and you raise your waistband enough to cover your ass crack. K? Honestly, the only person you’re confusing more than me is my 14 year old Boy that doesn’t quite understand why his friends mom makes his “tummy feel all tickly”. How ‘bout we meet in the “Sits At Natural Waist” section.

I have a long way to go in the fashion department. I actually own shirts that say, “Rachel’s Mom”. That’s how motherly clad I am. My shirt spells it out for you. And, I’m not frowning upon my position as The Mother of this tribe, I just need to step the fashionista up a notch. But only a notch. I am currently at great risk of being mistaken for a traveling carnival worker named “Rachel’s Mom”.

I will even sweeten this deal by agreeing to toss out my “Frankie Say Relax” t-shirt and my Swatch. So, do we have a deal?

Read more from Lisa at her wonderful blog: Niihaus.