Mommybloggers Dish With Amalah
Mommybloggers: Amy, The mommybloggers love reading your blog. Your writing is so honest, direct, and entertaining. We love your sense of humor, and your personality really comes through in your blog. What led you to create your Blog Amalah.com? How did it all begin?
Amy: Absolute boredom, really. I hadn't done any original creative writing in years, and everytime I started something I abandoned it around, oh, page five because I'm ridiculously critical of myself. I read a few blogs and journals and thought that hey! If I have a blog, I can write something, hit the "publish" button and be done with it! I can't change my mind five minutes later when I decide that whatever I wrote actually sucked!
(Obviously, I did not realize that blogs also came with a "delete post" button.)
One of my coworkers gave me the nickname Amalah, and in the absence of any other creative website title, I registered the domain and started a little Typepad blog. And I never, ever expected anyone to actually read it.
Mommybloggers:Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where did you grow up? What is your family like (aside from not being like the Brady bunch)
Amy:I grew up in Levittown, Pennsylvania, in one of those creepy suburban subdivisions where every house looks ex. act. ly. the same. There was a mall and a movie theater and about 35 used car dealerships. We were 30 minutes from Philadelphia, but only seemed to take advantage of the city on school field trips. Although my friends and I used to drive 30 minutes to the Applebee's, until a TGIFridays moved in by the mall. It was...really kind of depressing and probably why I now live in Washington, DC, and get twitchy out in the 'burbs.
My family was a big, messy blended family -- my parents each have three children from previous marriages. Everybody hated everybody else, but I was the baby and mostly neutral territory. I'm a LOT younger than my siblings so we were never particularly close, but now that most of us are married with children, it's kind of amazing how we all get along and depend on each other. My older sister is having a baby boy next month, and even though she's 18 years older than me and I'm actually closer in age to her first child, we've really bonded and I'm so glad Noah will have a cousin to grow up with. I'm sending her baby clothes and we're renting a house by the seashore together and oh my God, it's like having a real-live sibling.
Mommybloggers:You work in financial publishing. How did you end up there?
Amy:Well, if you work in publishing in the DC area, it's either going to be related to politics, healthcare or finance. I can't stand politics and the healthcare publishers never called me in for a second interview.
I actually started at my company as a lowly editorial assistant, and other than a brief and disastrous stint in the world of technical writing, I've stayed put and worked my way up to managing editor. (And hopefully senior managing editor after my yearly review this week. Hello job! Please promote me! I promise that I don't use the Internet for non-work-related purposes EVER.)
Mommybloggers:In your blog Amalah.com , you chronicle some of your fertility challenges. Can you offer any words of wisdom to women trying to conceive?
Amy:No. I wish I did, but I have no wisdom or insight about infertility, except that it sucks and is incredibly, unbelievably and soul-suckingly painful. The desire for a baby went so far beyond any desire I'd previously experienced, and every month when I failed to conceive was like getting hit by a car.
We tried for about two and a half years, on and off, and we planned to start treatment at a clinic in February of 2005. I found out I was pregnant at the end of January.
So if I was a different person, I might say something trite about how miracles do happen and to never give up, but I am not that person. My ovaries fucking OWED me, and remain on my shit list to this day.
Instead, I encourage everyone struggling with infertility to check out Julie's Big List of Everyone Going Through the Same Damn Thing, because those women are amazing and saved my sanity on multiple occasions. ( http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/blogs.html)
Mommybloggers:Like many writers, you have battled depression and anxiety. How has writing played a part in maintaining your mental health?
Amy:It's been a double-edged sword, actually. When I first wrote about "It" on my website, the response was amazing. I felt very free and relieved to finally stop hiding my problems, and the emails and comments from readers were fantastic. So many people shared my struggles and thanked me for being open and offered their own stories as inspiration.
But the more I wrote about depression, the more I obsessed about it. I let it define me. I became too introspective and started overanalyzing my mental state all the time. Of course, it didn't help that I had a doctor who was over-medicating me to ridiculous levels and who actually made me sicker. Once I finally stopped seeing her and got myself off the drugs and into therapy, I turned a corner and decided to keep my recovery private, which is why my website archives lack any real "closure" entry to the whole thing.
I've got a lot of plot holes like that, I think
Mommybloggers:How has your writing changed since you had Noah?
Amy:I'm more honest, I think. "Amalah" has always been a bit of persona and not a really accurate picture of who I really am, but now I write from a much more vulnerable place and am incapable of bullshitting my audience. I'm probably too tired to bullshit anyone, and can no longer pretend that my life is all nightlife and designer handbags when it's obviously all pediatricians and burp cloths.
I also ask the Internet for advice, which I never used to do and really do not recommend. I am probably going to get emails recommending diaper rash treatments until Noah enters college.
Mommybloggers:Amy, you work full-time outside the home. You wrote humorously and poignantly about your the trepidation you experienced while seeking out good childcare. Can you offer any advice to mothers currently in the daycare search?
Amy:Pee on the stick and then get on the waiting lists. I waited until I was out of the first trimester and was apparently INSULTING these places with my presumption that they'd have a space for me when I needed one.
Also, don't go with a bunch of pre-formed ideas about what you want. Before I started visiting daycare centers, I assumed I wanted a private school where they taught the babies Latin or something. I thought KinderCare was the daycare equivalent to a Russian orphanage. I thought in-home centers were scary, unregulated places where parents overlooked code violations in exchange for cheaper tuition. Luckily, because of the waiting lists, I was forced to visit dozens of places, and I was wrong on every count. Noah is in a wonderful, safe center and is cared for by amazing women who love him and rejoice in his development like he was their own.
Of course, the place with the Latin classes never offered me a spot. They can go to hell.
Mommybloggers:On January 6th, 2006, you wrote a moving post about leaving your son in child-care for the first time. There are so many mothers (mommybloggers included) who work outside the home and rely on child-care. How is that transition going?
Amy:Oh, it's hard. It's so, so hard. I miss Noah so much and there are some mornings when I have to fight the urge to run back into his classroom, scoop him up and high-tail it to Canada where I'd still be on maternity leave.
But he's happy there and is totally thriving. I can't even list all the positives that have come out of daycare, for me AND Noah. I mean, he takes naps now! Naps! Two of them! How did they get him to do that?
Mommybloggers:What pearls of wisdom can you share with other working mothers of infants?
Amy:I'm glad I chose a daycare close to my office, as opposed to my home. The first few weeks I was able to visit him at lunchtime to nurse or just hold him for awhile. I eventually phased those visits out, but they really made the early days much easier. And I never have to worry about rushing after work and fighting traffic to make the pick-up deadline.
Those are really lame pearls. Now, if someone could tell me how to not be so ridiculously exhausted by Friday, like sobbing-at-my-desk-and-walking-into-walls exhausted, I would treat them to a shopping spree at Mikimoto.
Mommybloggers:What has surprised you the most about your experience as a mother working outside the home?
Amy:That I question my decision on an almost-daily basis. I always planned to go back to work, so I assumed I would just...go back to work. But not a day goes by without me wondering if I should look at our monthly budget just ONE MORE TIME, if moving to the suburbs really would be so terrible, or if I would change my mind and regret everything after a week of staying home with Noah.
Mommybloggers:Amy, you also write for Snarkywood. Tell us a little about how you became a part of that site.
Amy:Martha (therandommuse.com) asked Lauren ( newjanbrady.blogspot.com) and I to help her do a little spoof of those Fashion Police-type articles for her website. She compiled a bunch of hilariously bad celebrity photos and we all chimed in with our fake bitchy comments. It was a huge hit, so I think we did a couple of them, and then Martha had the idea to set up a separate blog and do occasional entries there. And thus Snarkywood was born.
A lot of people get upset with us because they think we're being mean, but the site is much more affectionate than people give us credit for. We really love celebrities and fashion and generally chose subjects that we have a nostalgic connection to (Whitney Houston, Madonna, Melissa Gilbert) or celebrities whose bad behavior just generally delights us (Britney, Paris, P-Diddy). We snark because we love, people!
Mommybloggers:We hear you are working on a book. How did that project come about?
Amy:HA!
A couple different literary agents found my website, read my archives and emailed me to ask if I'd ever considered writing a book. I immediately freaked out and offered up a bunch of my ideas and one agent and I really clicked and I started working on a novel, with the idea that once it was done or mostly done she'd help me pitch it to publishers.
And I wrote about 25 pages (a personal best!) before I decided I HATED IT, that it was the WORST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN, and basically became paralyzed with that good old self-doubt and criticism I mentioned way back at the beginning of this interview and I haven't looked at it in months.
One of these days, I keep saying. One of these days.
Mommybloggers:Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers and bloggers?
Amy:Two things:
1) Don't start blogging because you want people to read your blog.
2) But don't start blogging if you don't want people to read your blog.
It takes a long time and a lot of work to build up an audience. Some people are fine with that, while others seem to expect Internet Rockstar Status after like, a month. These bloggers generally get discouraged and give up too early and/or send me hatemail because their blog was better than mine and I am hogging all the readers and am a stuck-up blog whore.
Yet on the flipside, I know people who have started blogs and written things that they specifically didn't want anyone else to read. Then they freak out over strange IP addresses and assume that because they're using a pseudonym that no real-life people will ever find them. These bloggers generally should consider buying a nice paper journal and a lockbox.
Sometimes I am a little horrified by how many people read my blog. Sometimes I think it was more fun when I was just trying to entertain myself and a couple of my friends.
But then I try to imagine fighting through all the stuff we've talked about in this interview without the amazing support I got from my friends inside the computing box and holy crap, I love the Internet and will never stop blogging until Noah's therapist orders me to stop.
Mommybloggers:And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):
1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Oh-my-God-your-baby-is-the-cutest-baby-I-have-ever-seen-in-my-entire-life-and-I-am-not-kidding.
(Hyphens equal one word! Am an editor! Do not question me!)
2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Breastpump.
3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
Fucke. (The E is silent.)
4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
Bathtub + Lush Bath Bombs + Wine + Gossip Rag = A Very Pruny Amy
5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
My child cannot walk! Or crawl! He cannot find me! He will never find me! I will build an impenetrable fort out of the sofa cushions!
6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?Amy, now that you've gotten over your crippling self doubt long enough to publish a damn book already, I would like to add it to my Book Club so it will sell a bazillion copies and make you millions of dollars. Also, here is a car!
Be sure to stop by Mommybloggers tomorrow to read Amy's guest post. We know we're looking forward to it, and if you aren't, well, you could be just plain wierd.
Comments
This was a great interview.
(And it answered the whole "how is your depression situation going?" question that I've had for months. I've actually been worried...but glad that you are doing much better on that front!)
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Isabel | February 20, 2006 3:35 PM
It's great to see Amy featured here. I love her blog as she is just so, well, Amy! She is in the lofty ranks of the top bloggers but she is also very honest and down to earth. I am sure she has been the inspiration behind many people starting out in their bloglife (such as me). Well done Mommybloggers, and Amalah.
Posted by: NattyChick | February 20, 2006 3:46 PM
Oh, just excellent! Of course, I read too fast because it was so good(sorta like sucking down a milkshake too fast and getting a cold headache. Not that Amy's like a headache. Oh, just shut up already,Me) and now I'll have to read again to make sure I got everything.
Go, Amy! And-your-kid-is-the-cutest-
kid-ever-with-the-possible-
exception-of-mine!
Posted by: Contrary | February 20, 2006 5:55 PM
Great interview! Can't wait to obsessively read all of your archives -- look for my IP address!
Posted by: Mary | February 21, 2006 1:00 PM
Loved the interview. Amy, if you ever find the balance between working/staying home, I'd love to know. I've done both and can't figure out what's best for me, let alone what's best for every other mother out there.
And ditto your advice re blogging. Right on.
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