Mommy Bloggers: Pardon Me?

My oldest daughter was already in a foul mood when I picked her up at her first grade classroom. By the time we reached the border between the school yard and the neighboring park, she was kicking rocks and yelling at her brother to stop looking at her, stop walking near her, and stop being related to her. I requested that she speak nicely over my shoulder. Other parents walked calmly with their arms around their children. I was walking faster and faster, shoving the stroller ahead of me, trying to avert a full-blown revolt. My son dragged his feet, and investigated the clouds. The toddler in the stroller yelled "Wheeeeeee!" and I broke into a trot, hoping to encourage the kids to pick up the pace.

I made it through the park, and turned around to see my son standing about 50 feet away, up to his ankles in a puddle. My oldest was on top of the monkey bars, chatting with friends below. I opened the van, loaded up my youngest in her car seat, and then stood with my hands on my hips and sucked in a lungful of air.

"Heeeeeeeey! Come oooooooooooooooon! Time to GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

My son sloshed to the car, leaving his shoes midway between the puddle and the van. My oldest turned a deaf ear.

"Get over here right now, young lady!" I bellowed across the park. Random children startled, and began to head my way. "No! Not you kids!" I made shooing motions with my hands. Sheesh.

My daughter shinnied down the pole and came sauntering over, fists on her hips. My son had buckled himself into the middle row of the van, leaving my daughter with a choice of the backseat or the backseat.

"Get out of my seat!" She made the same shooing motions I had moments earlier. Heh. She drove home her point with a ferocious scowl.

"No, he's sitting there." I interjected. "Why don't you just climb into the back and get buckled so we can go home."

She turned the scowl on me and said in a piqued tone: "What am I? Black?"

*needle scratching across vinyl*

"What? What did you just say?" I was equally outraged and baffled.

"I'm not black. Why should I have to sit in the back?" She explained, still in a sassy tone.

"What are you talking about?" I was getting really upset. "Where did you hear that? Who said that to you?"

"My teacher read us a book about it on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. That lady Rosa was really brave." She was puzzled at my agitation.

I took a big breath. "I never want to hear you say that again. That is a racist remark. Do you know what that means?"

For the next half-hour, I lectured ferverently on the importance of treating everyone as equals. The thing is, I know that they do. There is no basis for racist anything in our family. We have taught them from birth to respect and celebrate diversity. I found it astounding that my daughter could take a concept from a children's book and twist it into a hateful phrase. My daughter, who corrects me when I use the word "indian" - "Moooooom. They are Native Americans!" How easy it was for her to misunderstand, and to simply accept the idea that blacks ride in the back. I'm still uneasy about it.

I'm going to mention it to her teacher when the kids go back to school on Tuesday. And I'm going to keep the dialog going. This is another of those pages in the parenting manual that someone must have ripped out or colored over. Anyone have any suggestions?

Comments

Talk about a teachable moment! I think you're right to take this up with her teacher. It's not that she meant to teach racism, but evidentally something didn't get passed on to the kids the right way. It appears like the teacher neglected to say "and this is a terrible way to treat anyone". Or, it could have been that your daughter was spacing out and missed the last part. That's why you have to talk to the teacher to find out exactly what the story is. But man, I think my heart would have popped out of my chest if my kid had said anything like that!

Posted by: margalit | February 20, 2006 2:10 AM

In my opinion, your daughter wasn't being racist, she in a very childlike innocence, related something she learned to her everyday life. I don't know how you can learn about Rosa Parks and NOT learn that being made to sit in the back is wrong. I think it was very smart of your daughter to put the 2 together and relate it to her personal situation.

Posted by: Niihaus | February 20, 2006 2:45 PM

It seems she was thinking out loud, and acting out what she had learned. Definitely a teachable moment to get a discussion going, but it seems the sweet child lacked the hatred that is associated with racist remarks.

Teachable moment. Definitely.

Posted by: Meghan | February 21, 2006 10:05 AM

The sweet innocence of youth!
Sounds like she definitely understood the shame associated with "movin on back", but didn't understand WHY it was shameful. The cause/effect thinking isn't very developed at her age, so I wouldn't panic that you've spawned a hate-filled future klan member. If you're ever down towards Memphis, try the Civil Rts Museum- they have an incredible live action Rosa Parks bus with demo.

Until then, be thankful she listens in school! That beats out the other 90% of the kids who are flinging boogers.

Posted by: Me | February 21, 2006 11:58 AM

Pardon Me?

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