I have one kiddo (not even school age yet)--but I SO understand how you feel on this count. What the hell happened?

I remember when my son was about 18 months (he is 3 now) and I was crying to my husband. He didn't understand what the big deal was--or why I was crying about all the little things about my appearance (that day it happened to be my hair--and very often is). And then I said it, "I don't even know what I am anymore. I mean, I don't feel like me, look like me, or act like me anymore."

I think he thought I was nuts. But at least he was supportive in trying to make me feel that bit *normal* again. Even if he didn't understand.

Good luck--and I *know* with a bit of time, you'll find your way. As will all of us.

I love you, Jenny. I have faith and confidence in you, and you are a wonderful person.

Rock on, girlfriend.

You are right to make a decision to work to regain your sense of pride in your appearance. The only thing I would add is this. I am old now, and I look back at my life and recall how critical I was of my body. There was always something I was unhappy with about my weight or my hair or my posture. What I wouldn't give to have that 30 year old body back again. I would stand in front of that mirror and say "I have things I want to work on, but this body is sure gorgeous in comparison to what it will be when I am 60 or 70 or 80." It doesn't get better, trust me. So, get yourself a new haircut, some new outfits and a big smile. When you look back, you would dance around hugging yourself to look like you do right now.

Jenny, once your kids start soccer - and they will, because that is the American Way - you can do what I did. Now there's a lot of reason not to do what I did or do, because it's almost always savagely dorky, but I don't care because Molly had a vaginal birth and all modesty is thrown out the window after having everyone in the room stare at your wide opened bloody crotch for at least an hour.

Fortunately, what my suggestion has nothing to do with spread eagled gore.

So, when I took Moll to soccer practice, I would tie up my running shoes and run the perimeter of the field for several laps. Practice usually takes an hour, fat burning begins after 45 minutes of cardio, you do that several times a week and you have a running program.

Much to Molly's mortification, I also ran laps around her games. But, the rule of vaginal birth applies once again - once you've done that, you just don't care what people, especially your vaginally birthed kid, thinks.

I believe I might have the only comment on Mommybloggers involving vaginal birth and running fitness. Do you give out tee shirts for that level of orignality?

I have three kids about the same age, and I feel exactly the same way, and I have recently decided to do the same thing. It's so easy to forget yourself when you have really young kids.

I hear ya, Jenny. I too am struggling to find the me that got pushed so far behind the kids I can't find her anymore.

I'm think my "me" wears some really nice shoes ;-)

Being a mother affords us several opportunities to re-invent ourselves. Looking back, I remember donating every article of clothing I had to Goodwill...and going out and experimenting with different looks. Several years later I am still experimenting - I know I love silver jewelry with a western flair,that lime green is one of my favorite colors, and that jeans are the foundation of every outfit I wear. I am turning 52 this year...I have earned the right not to match...although my 11 year old may refuse to acknowledge me in that car pick-up line. Good wishes to you on your journey to reclaiming your old self or re-inventing that self that suits your lifestyle now.

The battle not to lose ourselves while helping our children learn who they are. Maybe that's why I started blogging? To have some concrete reminders of who I am?

You know, I've always worried about loosing myself as I was pregnant. I of course put myself on the backburner for the first year, but in the last year I have reall made concious efforts to keep myself in high priority. But what goes along with that is tremendous guilt and paranoia that I am being too selfish...being a mother, work, and my several personal interests is a freakin' circus act! No amount of seal clapping or acrobat flinging can come near it!

I know this feeling and I fought it hard after the birth of my second. I forced myself to get my hair done, to wear jewelry when I went out (even if it was only to playgroup), to wear cute shoes. It's amazing how hard it was to do those things! It's so easy to lose self when you become a mom.

Oh, and I love Grace's post. She's a riot.

I lost myself with 3 kids, a daycare of an extra 5, working 2 night jobs, and trying to go to school. I so understand where you are coming from and sympathize with you. I gained a lot of weight with my 2 child who is now 13 and it stayed with me. I was embarrassed to go out, wear anything that did not resemble a tent, stopped wearing make-up or jewelry because the effort was just to much.
I seperated from my husband and after a nearly 2 year seperation we divorced. It has now been almost 4 years and I am a much happier, although not much thinner mom of 3. But, one thing has changed...I love and respect myself. I know that I am a great person with a lot to offer the world and maybe a new guy, should he happen along in my life. I play volleyball 2 days a week, go for walks with my daughter and our to Great Dane/German Shepherd, Chow mixes, and wear make-up/jewelry when I go out on the town dancing...which I do 2-3 times a month now.
Just some advice...make a list of what you like about yourself now and what you liked about yourself before kids...you will be surprised to find that the 2 lists will be very similar and it won't be so very hard for you to find yourself once again. Loving and Liking yourself, truly liking yourself, is essential to your wellbeing. Good luck...

Go get yourself a copy of 'The Girlfriends' Guide to Getting Your Groove Back'. She addresses exactly this issue! She talks about that magical time when the youngest is six, and you finally rediscover YOU! She's got specific suggestions on wardrobe, hairstyle, etc.
It's just so telling! She talks about being caught in a 'time warp' where you probably wear the kinds of clothes you thought of as sexy before you had kids (stirrup pants anyone?) and the whole idea of frumpy mommy jeans.

I stopped wearing makeup at some point when I had infants and just recently started wearing eyeliner again. IT's amazing what a little eyeliner can do! (I've decided it slims my face! LOL!)

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