This would look good on a tshirt!
Erin-erin-bo-berin: Brace Yourself Bridget!

We love him already!
Michele Yoakum: I asked my mate this question as I was having a hard time coming up with an answer he said, " I don't think you need to have told yourself anything, you're doing a wonderful job."

Not Fat
Nicole: Honey, you have no idea what busy means. And your stomach is as flat as t'll ever be.
KCB: Save your money. And quit finding fault with that cute, perky figure of yours, because you have no idea what’s coming.
Chris: I'd tell her to stop obsessing over her body and her looks. That is as good as it is ever going to get.
Deborah Klosky: "You think you should lose a few pounds? Relax, you look fine now - but just wait."
Marla Good: Take more pictures of that 24 inch waist. Not only will you be saying good bye to it for ever, nobody will believe you when you answer Mommybloggers questions with that assertion.
Mary Tsao: Quit whining about your ass and hips; you're never going to look this good again. Now go over there and talk to that Mike Tsao guy. He likes you, you idiot.
Susie Sunshine: You have NO IDEA how damn skinny you are, bitch. Shut the hell up and have the cake already.
Mir: God DAMN you have a beautiful body! Oh, and maybe you should go see the world or something. You and your perfect ass. Hmph.
Martha: Girl, you're never going to be this skinny again. Quit bitching about those 6 ounces of weight that you want to lose, wear short shorts everywhere that you can, and indulge yourself in some chicken wings, because your time is quickly drawing near.
Alana: Dear self, you are NOT FAT!!!!! Dear self, take care of yourself and quit eating sugar. Dear self, don't gain so much weight during your pregnancies, because when you are in your mid-thirties it does not come off easily. And furthermore dear self, enjoy being young because it won't last. Oh, and one more thing: WEAR CUTER CLOTHES!!!!! (Shallow, am I????)
Amalah: "If you don't stop complaining about your weight right this instant, I will punch you in the face."
Amanda: NEVER GO ON A DIET. That 150 pound, size eight body you’ll think is fat when you’re eleven years old is indeed PERFECT. LEAVE IT ALONE.
Sleeping Mommy: How much time do I have? Probably that she's not fat. To just have fun and not worry so much. And to try to forgive her Daddy for the things he couldn't control and cherish the time she has with him.

You are great the way you are!
andrea from the fishbowl: (a) Ignore bullies. And don't ever let them see you cry. (b) The kids who call you ""giraffe"" secretly wish they could be as tall. (c) Be yourself. (d) It is okay to punch someone in the head as long as it is for self-defence. (e) You are great the way you are and you don't need to change.

Random Tips
Angie: Oh! Lots of stuff, like: Don't waste your time reading all those books. Instincts are very important. Try to relax. And try to keep the words "poop" or "breast" out of most of your conversations, particularly with people you don't know very well. Oh yes, and whatever you do, do NOT buy a diaper-genie. Waste of money!
Sheryl: Stock up on sex now, later you'll be too tired.
Krystyn: Give time to worthwhile causes. Don't waste your time on hopeless causes. Never stop learning. Don't swear. Protect yourself from negative energy. Embrace friends who enrich your spirit."
Ms. Mamita Mala: Don't buy the Chilean condoms!!
EmmaSometimes: Don't disagree to be right, disagree to be heard..that and moisturize, don't 'eat for two' and walk every day you can!!
Carolina Fernandez: That you will be the family police woman so get used to it; that you must develop nerves of steel so start developing; and that you will get more kicks out of the job than you ever dreamed possible.
Danelle O'Shea: Pay attention, the time will be gone before you know it. Take more pictures. Write more journals.
Shelley: I'd tell my pre-child self that she'd better hurry up and learn how to French braid, because with three daughters, she's going to need that skill. Also, to travel lots of places where the primary attraction isn't "kids stay and eat free."

Chill out and enjoy yourself!
Baseballmom: If I could visit my pre-child self, I would tell her to have lots and lots of fun, before all of the stresses and anxieties of the adult world became reality. That, and to laugh a lot and appreciate what an easy and fortunate life she had!
Mary Beth: I'd tell her not to worry about motherhood so much, not to fear the sky falling, as I did. I had visions of life changing into something I didn't recognize, and I was afraid of that. I'd also tell her to splurge a little bit more on maternity clothes when the time came and to do a bit more work on the house before getting pregnant.
Stacy: I would tell her to have more fun, meet more people and not take everything so seriously.
Donna Schwartz Mills: It's going to be all right.
Melissa: I would tell the pre-baby me, relax, he will like you. He will bond with you. And you will bond with him. To not push it or worry about it, because the bonding, it will come.
Julie (mothergoosemouse): Being a mother is infinitely more fun than you think it will be.
Jaime: You'll never have this much time to yourself again--even your MIND and HEART are going to occupied by your family! Put the books down and start chilling out NOW. Trust your instincts and don't let everyone else's opinions get to you. There is nothing more you can do to prepare for this, so just enjoy the journey.
Jen3: RELAX. You will get pregnant. You will be a mother. It will happen. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. TRAVEL - go to Europe. Go to Australia. Take a car ride up Highway 1 in a convertible. Oh ... and go get some sleep. Enjoy those Sunday afternoon naps. Your days are numbered for sleeping undisturbed in the middle of the day.
Jennifer Nybo: I would tell her to laugh more...not stress so much about what other people think regarding your choices...and to hold your babies as close and as long as you can.
Laura: That childhood is going to be a little tumultuous and confusing but to chill out, not take everything so seriously, and trust that everything is going to work out in the end. That there will be good times interspersed with the bad ones.
Margaret: Enjoy every moment, and don't stress so much about the small stuff.
Mary of Owlhaven: "Your life is going to be a great adventure. You'll travel the world to bring home your loved ones, and you will see much goodness. Smile. Relax. Don't take yourself too seriously. And take that trip to Hawaii BEFORE the kids come along!" (oh, and don't let that meat salesman in the house!)

Post-partum depression is real.
Dawn: She is about to get the smackdown of all smackdowns. Labor wasn't so bad as she thought it was going to be. She will want to divorce her husband, but that is the sleep deprivation talking. And yes - it is depression. Don't wait three years to seek help, you can feel better.
Surcie: First, I would tell me all about post-partum depression--that you don't have to be suicidal or want to hurt your child in order to have it, and that therapy rocks. I'd also tell me to lighten up already! "Stop being so hard on yourself. If you don't work on that now, motherhood will only exacerbate the problem," I'd say.

She's just a baby, she don't know nothing.
Bella: I am currently pre-child, so I certainly wish I knew the answer to this one …
Beth Kanter: You have no idea what it is like to be a mom until you are one
Susan: Stop saying, "When I have children, I will NEVER . . . "
Christina Rosalie: Not to say "when I have kids I'll..." because nine times out of ten, it's not true.
Jazzy: That so much more than you (I) could ever imagine is in store for me. Enjoy your child free life now, but it will be so much once you have children.
Sarcastic Journalist: "Hello. I am you, two years from now. That is TWO BABIES IN TWO YEARS. Yes. You're going to do that and yes, they will come out of your vajayjay. So, do me a favor. Take a picture of your boobs. Now. Seriously, I know you think they're big and ugly, but you haven't seen ugly until you've seen a deflated post-breastfeeding breast. I need a picture to show the plastic surgeon when I'm done with all of this."

Let's talk baby gear:
Kenya: Oh, honey, stop buying all those little cutesy, ultimately unnecessary newborn things for the hope chest and start slowly stockpiling those cloth diapers 'cuz they are NOT cheap! (haha!) Seriously, I would tell her to finish that little blanket she started crocheting because it is going to
come in handy for the NICU in her future. I would tell her to stick with her gut and be as natural and peaceful as possible. I would tell her that she is beautiful and that that knowledge will help her to raise an amazing little girl someday. Oh, and that slobbery kisses will one day rock her world!
Captain Mom: Start Zoloft, now. That, and, they really don't need black, white and red stimulating toys. The world is stimulating enough. Hell, at 2 weeks, the side of the pack n' play is stimulating.
Sweatpantsmom: Babies do not recognize the difference between “Cape Cod Plaid� at the baby store in Beverly Hills and “Pattern #4� in the Sears catalog, so buy the cheaper stroller. Oh, and the ladies in the PTA? They absolutely won’t appreciate your joke referring to your kids’ GameBoys as ‘Crack In The Box.’ Keep your sad, sad humor to yourself, lady.

It will be okay.
Mrs. Darling: Hang in there honey. It wont always be like this. In the years ahead you will find love and contentment. Life is going to be very good to you.
Her Bad Mother: You do not now know happiness; you have never known true happiness. You will. She’ll have blue eyes.
MrsDoF: You are going to hate being pregnant, but breast-feeding ain't so bad because of all the bonding and the excuse to sit down and relax for a half hour. And when a 15 year old who is taller and stronger than you says he is able to do it himself, then Yes, he will be fine.
Zoot: When you turn 30? You will be so happy with your life you might not be able to stand yourself. Remember that as you battle the sadness and loss you are feeling right now. Trust that it will get better.
Danigirl: If I could, I'd reassure the me that struggled through infertility that it would all come out okay in the end. And then I'd tell me that while the first couple of months are incredibly difficult, it doesn't stay like that. It gets better, so much better! And I'd tell me to buy a nursing pillow for the first baby, trust my instincts more and not bother wasting money on

Listen to your parents!
Stacy Quarty: Listen to your parents. They’re really not all that bad. Oh, and don’t forget to plant a laxative in your chocolate pudding for that girl that keeps stealing your desserts.
Hula Doula: BE NICE TO YOUR MOM PLEASE!!! That and, "You're mother is a genius so pay attention to everything she does."
The Mom Chronicles: To take notes. This motherhood stuff? Sometimes it's freakin' HARD.

Where do I start?
Chris: SLEEEEEEEEEP. Once 'The Boy' arrives, she won't get more than a couple of hours sleep at a time for 2.5 years - she should get some rest now. Oh, and if being able to talk to my pre-child self means I can ignore the timeline, I'd like to send her a copy of Dojo Wisdom for Mothers by Jennifer Lawler even though it wasn't published until 2005 and I became a mother in 2001. It would have helped me have more perspective. Hmm, can I also send her Andi Buchanan's Mother Shock (2003)? That book makes everything better. I'd also tell her to practice writing 10 minutes a day, if I had started then I'd have a mystery novel written by now. Or perhaps I'd just have drivel, but at any rate there would be a lot of it, and it would look like an accomplishment. I think she'd also like to know that her personal confidence has skyrocketed since becoming a mother, she becomes much more confident in her body, in her opinions and in her relationships. Motherhood is good for her. Finally, she should know that 'The Boy' is going to arrive 7 weeks early, so she should finish up at work at the beginning of November instead of December and she should get her stuff unpacked in the new house right away. She may also want to know that 'The Little Guy' was early too, but only 5 weeks, so her biggest fear of having to divide her time between a 3 year old at home and an infant in the NICU does not come to pass.
Marie: Oh, where to begin? First of all, put down that candy bar and exercise, damnit! And take off 20 pounds more before you try to conceive. Trust me on this. Next? Save a LOT of money. Because you'll need it. You'll be spending a small fortune on diapers before you know it. Oh, and when people ask you what you need when you're pregnant? Tell them DIAPERS. Savor every moment you have alone with your husband. Especially those care-free weekend afternoons -- ahhh. And when you do get pregnant & go to child-birth classes? PAY ATTENTION during the c-section part. Because even with the most picture-perfect pregnancies, there can be emergencies on delivery day. Oh yes. And? Have some bottles and formula on hand because your beloved baby may not take to the breast, even after multiple in-home visits from a lactation consultant. You don't HAVE to pump forever -- your child will thrive on formula, too. So I've heard. Mostly? Brace yourself to love and be loved in an entirely new way. It will be so sweet, it will take your breath away.

Do it now!
Kris: Write a book, now, while you have some free time!
Kristen Chase: Enjoy life. It goes by very quickly and chances are you won't have a chance to see as much of it lugging a kid around.
Krisco: Kiss all your pretty purses good-bye. Ditto the shoes. (Oh and, um? It's worth it.)
cmhl: Go to the movies. Go out to eat. Take more fabulous and exotic vacations. You think you will do all of these things after you have kids, but in all actuality, the logistics are much, much more challenging..
Brandi (ohhmama): I would tell her to not worry about what others think so much, I would tell her to be more daring. I would also force myself to learn to read music, and play at least one instrument, which is something I completely regret not doing. I would also, confirm to her that men can and will be idiots, and to never forget that!
Dawn: To dance like no ones watching.

And She's Napping LIke She's Never Napped Before!
Jerri Ann Reason: Sleep sister sleep; get yourself some sleep. Taking care of your body and all that is easy when you have adequate sleep and once you have children, you will never again have adequate amounts of sleep. Sleep sista sleep!! And get those kids potty trained.
MorahMommy: Slow down, before you know it you will be a grown up. Enjoy the freedom of being a kid. I would also tell her to take and enjoy the afternoon naps. What I would give for an afternoon nap each day!
Lisa Stone: Prepare to grow up, girlfriend. Now go take a nap. You're gonna need it.
Anne: Keep up the good work on the sleeping. You will never sleep like this again. REALLY.
Jaime: Sleep in while you can woman! And catch a few more movies at the theatre. You really have no idea what you're in store for, but it's going to be the best thing you've ever done.
Buffi: Sleeeeeeeeeeep!! For the love of all things holy, sleep now, as much as you can. And then? Take a nap.
Jen at MUBAR: Sleep now!

Get out and see the world!
Liz: Nothing, I wouldn't want to scare myself...I'm kidding...sort of. I would tell her to travel more, to enjoy her friends and perhaps be a little more selfish with her time.
Elaine: You may think there are only boys in this neighborhood but in High School you're going to meet a pretty cool girl named Nicole and it just so happens that she grew up RIGHT OVER THERE. Go make friends so you have someone other than those stinky boys to hang out with.

Learn to flex your time, and your muscles.
Goober Queen: Don't expect so much or be so rigid. Really, I had this little Mary Sunshine view of how thing would be in the marriage, the family, etc. Wednesday was going to be Library Day. Thursday was going to be Craft Day. Every Friday we'd go out someplace cool like a museum. And I expected too much, only to have reality smack me in the head. Enjoy those moments and don't sweat the small stuff. Get Daddy in with the program early or don't count on him at all. (He's the "good guy," the "fun guy," and I end up being the disciplinarian. I should've put my foot up his nether regions much earlier and much more frequently, but I was tired. New moms are tired. Heck, I'm not a new mom and I'm still tired. LOL!)

Pay Attention, now.
Heather Brewer: "All that stuff they tell you about grades mattering? Yeah, they're right. So work hard and study. And don't bother developing a crush on Craig your freshman year. He just wants to be friends."
Mrs. Mogul: *Why didn't you get the teacher's attention when you had to go to the bathroom? You pee'd seven times on the floor! Seven times! At least the other students soon followed.
Mama C-ta: Oh lady you have no idea what is in store for you. You think you are tired now, you have NO idea just how tired you can actually feel. Stop buying those stilletos too, invest in a good quality pair of flip flops and pajama pants. And please stop wearing those push up bras because once you start breastfeeding and having to wear nursing bras, it's going to be even more of a shock to everyone when your boobs droop down to your knees looking like tangerines in a pair of tube socks.

I scoff at your "busy"
Jenijen: Love your body, stay in bed reading all day as often as possible. Also, YOU. ARE. NOT. BUSY. YET.

Honey, about your hair...
kalisah: AVOID CUTTING YOUR HAIR INTO A "MOM" CUT.
Karen Rani: Run! Fast! Oh and don't learn about hairspray before someone shows you how to use that crap. You might avoid the whole shammozzle where your nickname is "Elvis."
Kelsey: If given the shot at a talk with my pre-child self I'd have some words of wisdom to share: Get a haircut. Get some sleep. Go shopping. Go to the bathroom alone and enjoy it. Relish the idea of sitting down while you eat.

Oh, that chick? We just don't understand each other.
Kira: I would be bored to tears by my pre-child self. And I know she would be bored to tears by me.
Mega Mom: How about my pre-marriage self? I think I'd have an earful for her :)

Here's something to look forward to!
Leah: Well, I'm still pregnant, so I don't have any words of advice about having a child around. However, my pre-pregnancy self needs to know that pregnancy gives you kidney stones sometimes.
Pamalamadingdong: You look Marvelous - nice nose ring! Enjoy today cause tomorrow there's colic!

Don't wait to lose the weight
landismom: It's a lot easier to lose weight before you have kids than after. Drop that last twenty pounds now, don't wait till after the baby. You'll still be twenty pounds overweight, but it won't be forty. Oh yeah, and maybe, just maybe, moving across the country while you're pregnant, and into a situation where you don't know anyone else with a baby? Might not be the greatest idea you ever had.

Girl, you've got some drinking to do.
Margalit: Read all the books you can now, and pack in all the classic movies you've ever wanted to see because once you have kids, books and movies become a lot smaller part of your life. Oh, and maybe try to drink your way through the bartenders guide before you get pregnant."
Debutaunt: Drink more margaritas.

Alright, Princess. We need to talk.
Nancy: By pre-child, do you mean before I was born? Hmm, OK. First thing: save up your allowance money; Mom and Dad are never going to buy you that horse. Also, don't worry so much about what other people think of you. Be yourself and you will find your own groove.
Lisa B: "Don't even bother buying those expensive outfits. During pregnancy, you butt will expand to the size of Texas and you won't be able to fit into your old clothes for QUITE some time. And when you finally CAN fit into it, it will be so out of date, you won't even WANT to wear it."
Holli: To not think college was just one big, glorious party - because later on, the penalty for having so much fun would be to work in