Mommybloggers dish with Jen B
Mommybloggers: Jen, first of all thank you so much for allowing the Mommybloggers to feature you. Dare we say you are every BlogHer’s favorite Canadian?
JenB: You may, but you would be missing out on some other fabulous Canadian chicks. J
Mommybloggers: You have been baring your soul to your readers and making them laugh since 2002. Your entries reveal a writer who has mastered the art of combining vulnerability, honesty, and bravery. At the same time, you consistently expose an uncanny and remarkable sense of humor. Have you always been so forthright with your thoughts?
JenB: I don’t feel like I have mastered anything in my writing, so thanks. I have and have not been forthright with my thoughts. As an adolescent, I remember being burned by telling my secrets to someone and have that person tell others. At home, I was mum with my feelings of anxiousness and depression until I was in the hospital at 19 for psychiatric outpatient care. We had a family session where my brother said he had no clue whatsoever that anything had been bothering me for the last 20 years. Honestly though, my brother is the last person I would have told.
Mommybloggers: You reveal a lot of personal history in your blog, but for the sake of this interview, tell us a little bit about yourself. What kind of a child were you?
JenB: I was pretty shy and always afraid other kids wouldn’t like me. I came from a large extended family on both sides and I was the youngest one present at most functions. I felt more comfortable with aunts and uncles than older cousins. I was an anxious nervous kid, my mom would agree. I was a worrier. I do remember a rich make-believe life involving Barbies and Fisher-Price Little People and lots and lots of books.
Mommybloggers: What kind of an adult are you?
JenB: I am an anxious nervous adult, but I mask it much better. That is one thing I have mastered, at least in “real life�. When I had to take time off of work from my part-time job to go to the hospital when I was 19, my boss was completely floored. Apparently I seemed “so together�. I am a much much happier adult than child. When I was about 25, everything seemed to get easier. I still have my challenges but I feel like now I know that I can handle them, even if it might suck to do so.
Mommybloggers: Jen, You once wrote this about your reasons for starting a blog:
June 2004“Because this is why I have a blog I think. Not necessarily to be cool or popular. But because my blog is my mirror. Somewhat in traffic and comments, but also because it exists. Its mere existence makes me visible after feeling invisible and unimportant for so long. It is sometimes easier to know that someone is reading than listening. I can’t see your blank faces and wonder what you are really thinking about while I tell you some story about stealing Virgin Mary statues off of people's lawns while drunk.�
Mommybloggers: Have your reasons for blogging changed since that entry?
JenB: Oooh, that was a good description of why I blog. Still. I would add that I have found that having a blog has exposed me to a fabulous community of people who also blog (like yourselves and many others). Meeting up with people who I got to know through their blogs has been a mind-blowing and fan-freakin-tastic experience. Last year’s BlogHer is a big example, but not the only one.
Mommybloggers: What or who inspired you to start blogging way back in 2002?
JenB: Mrs. Kennedy, Sarah Brown, Caitlin from Styrofoamkitty/), Mybluehouse, and others. I started reading just a few and then my blog roll exploded into more and more and more.
I really needed the outlet. I was keeping an online diary just for myself, but there was something about imagining that even a few people would read that was inspiring. The vulnerability was appealing, since I protect myself from that almost all the time.
Mommybloggers: How has blogging influenced your day to day life?
JenB: I nararrate my life differently, whether or not it goes on the blog or not. It helps me see how I am living my life through other people’s eyes and gives my own version a different spin. I think I have become more generous and gentle with myself because of experiencing that from other people on the blog.
Mommybloggers: Jen, Your writing is extremely personal and autobiographical. Readers can learn a lot about you in the 4 years of entries you have posted on your blog. You love kittens, gardening, cooking, Lyle Lovett, and most of all your daughter Charlotte and husband Mark. You write about your most complicated relationships, particularly with your mother and your biomom. Does your family read your blog and if so, do you hold back in order to keep the peace? How do you handle blog-related conflicts?
JenB: Neither Mark’s family or mine know about the blog. I am pretty careful to keep it that way. Although if it happened that everyone found it, I think we would all survive. I would just rather not have my mother-in-law see me write “motherfucker� 5 times in one post. The mother of her grandbaby. So far, no familial-related blog conflicts. I try to respect other people’s privacy and not write anything about people who can’t read it and respond. Well, except for the really slow blue-haired lady in line at the pharmacy, she might never know HOW LONG IT TOOK HER TO COUNT OUT HER CHANGE!
Mommybloggers: Jen, you have written many posts that detail personal experiences that resonate the loudly with many aspects of the human condition. Some of the most poignant are those in which you describe your emotional struggles to fit in as an adolescent. There is one particular post in which you share excerpts from your diary that would make the most cold-hearted jerk want to reach out and hug the nearest misunderstood, lonely adolescent. At other times, you detailed your mental health challenges, the grief you experienced when you lost a friend to a drug overdose, and the pain of losing a cherished Aunt to Cancer. Has sharing those stories been helpful to you on a personal level? If so, how?
JenB: Sharing those stories really helped. What helps with grief, sadness, or other similar emotions is learning the commonality we all share in regards to painful experiences. Sure, you can talk with your friends or family about such losses, but the dialogue on a blog can be more honest, caring, and even more brutal, which is sometimes a good thing. I find that loss in particular is something that people in your non-blog life sort of expect you be “over� after a certain period of time. It feels more acceptable, at least to me, to revisit this pain or a memory or guilt, etc., with the blog world.
Mommybloggers: Is it at all scary to write about such personal subject matter?
JenB: Not any more. Seriously? People are so nice and helpful.
Mommybloggers: You have struggled for years anxiety, depression, ADD, and “bipolar lite�. Is there any advice you would like to share with others who might be facing similar health challenges?
JenB: Well, here in Canada, psychiatric care is free, so I encourage everyone to get some of that in addition to any talk therapy from a psychologist or therapist. I wish everyone could have the resources to get a couple of different perspectives, both physiological and psychological when it comes to any emotional problems they might be experiencing. My other advice is that not every therapist or doctor is a fit. If possible, seek out another professional if the one you are seeing doesn’t feel right for you.
Mommybloggers: Jen, please tell us a little bit about your creative process. When do you find time to blog, and how do you typically come up with ideas?
JenB: Reading other blogs, reading books, just living life usually gives me ideas. I wish I posted every day. I found it easier when I had the structure of a 9-5 job. Now I usually post late at night.
Mommybloggers: You were nominated for best personal Blog in the Canadian Bloggies, 2005. You took 3rd place in 2005. Congratulations to you for that accomplishment. Any noticeable differences between your Canadian fans and your American fans (insert joke here)?
JenB: Honestly, most of my readers, and every other blog owner’s readers, are American. This is really a population issue. There are 10 times as many Americans as Canadians. The Canadians get a few more cultural references and colloquialisms, such as wearing a toque and getting a double-double at Timmy Ho’s after a curling game.
Mommybloggers: Any thoughts on the recent hullabaloo about the mommy wars?
JenB: I wish women were kinder to each other.
Mommybloggers: Here’s another pesky question: What do you think about the term “mommyblogger�? Love it? Hate it? Why?
JenB: I dunno, it is like when Feminist became a bad word. Is Mommy a bad word? I don’t like any kind of incorrect stereotype. Like a Feminist is a bra-burning, Birkenstock-wearing, man-hating, hairy-armpitted woman. I dislike the notion that a mommy or mommyblogger might be someone who is obsessed with her kid’s school work and birthday party, is somewhow unhappy with her role in the family, and her only job is playdates, minivans, bad highlights and high-waisted jeans.
Mommybloggers: Jen, you post a lot of gorgeous pictures of flowers. Do you really grow all of those? Please share a garden tip or two.
JenB: I DO grow all of those. For suburbia, we have a decent-sized yard. My garden tip is read, read, read and read about what grows where you live. Garden books are lovely and beautiful and full of great photos, but if it doesn’t grow in your climate zone, don’t bother.
Mommybloggers: You post several photos of some seriously sweet bridesmaids dresses. How many do you have, and which one is your personal favorite / most hideous?
JenB: I no longer own any. I would have to say the headpiece at my brother’s wedding was a winner. For one, A HEADPIECE, and two, it had tulle on it. *shiver*
Mommybloggers: Do the toilets drain in the opposite direction in Canada? Just kidding.
JenB: Well, you can get codeine over the counter here. For cheap. So, for some it might seem like it does.
Mommybloggers: Now onto the good stuff: Your beautiful daughter, Charlotte. How has she changed the way you look at the world?
JenB: You know, I feel like a weirdo, but I don’t really feel different as an individual since having a kid. I mean, I am glad we had her, after all the infertility business getting pregnant seemed like a miracle, but having a kid is a joy and a gas and a pain just like everyone says.
Mommybloggers: Do you plan to share your Blog with Charlotte when she is old enough?
JenB: I don’t think I will really have a choice. I am sure she will find it. It doesn’t worry me.
Mommybloggers: Jen, we can’t wait to see you again at BlogHer. Thank you so much for allowing us to feature you. We look forward to keeping up with you and your blog jenandtonic.ca.
And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):
1.What is your favorite parent related word?
TANTRUM
2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
discipline
3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children
Holy doodle
4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
My basement. The wee bedroom where my computer is.
5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
Charlotte’s room used to be my home office.
6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
You can be fit and FAT! I have been too cruel to the FAT PEOPLE. (She should read http://www.bigfatblog.com/)