Our Sweetie, Ourselves
The following entry was written for Mommybloggers.com by Amy Blanchard of Sweetie and Me - Spina Bifida Moms..
My daughter - my Sweetie - looks just like her Daddy. She has his wide smile, his crinkly eyes, and his fair complexion. Everyone sees it - there's no confusing who Sweetie's Daddy is.
Oh, there are some who claim she looks just like me. But this camp is considerably smaller and consists mostly of my relatives and friends. But I think even they are humoring me, at least a little bit. Sweetie is a Daddy's girl through and through - from looks to parental preference.
Don't get me wrong. I don't mind in the least that Sweetie looks more like her Daddy. She is absolutely adorable (if I do say so myself) and I wouldn't have her looking any differently if I could make that change myself.
I do, however, recognize my physical traits in Sweetie when she's acting a certain way. That is, when she's acting most like me, she physically looks most like me.
I am a contemplative, quiet and reserved person. I am not what anyone would call outwardly "silly" in any way. I love to spend time by myself - thinking, reading or writing. I love to relax with a hot cup of tea, a good magazine or favorite T.V. show. Enjoying quiet time by myself – the best!
I also like order and organization - although you'd be hard-pressed to see this in my household. No, I may not keep the tidiest home, but I do prefer that my day-to-day activities not sway from the norm. And I like to keep lists of all types - shopping lists, topic lists for my writing, party guest lists, the lists go on and on.
When Sweetie is sitting quietly studying a new object or engaged in a fascinating game - I see my own face shining through her rosy little cheeks and her beautiful, expressive eyes. My thirst for knowledge, my desire for calm and order. My patience. Sweetie has all of that in her. And I thrill to see her express these traits in all her little ways.
Ever since Sweetie could sit herself upright she has been fascinated with books and, more impressively, has been able to entertain herself quietly for long periods of time looking at their pages and pictures. To this day she can still amuse herself for very long stretches, "reading" books, holding imaginary conversations with her toys, or "drawling" on her Doodle Pad.
Sweetie, like myself, can be very timid around new people. Whenever she meets someone new or not entirely familiar to her, Sweetie scurries behind my husband or I, claiming, "I'm too shy." She buries her head deep against her chest or hides behind the nearest piece of furniture until she begins to feel just a little more brave about the situation and her surroundings.
And Sweetie is, in many ways, a stickler for order and calmness. She hates to be "messy", requiring a napkin at her disposal as she lunches on a drippy peanut butter roll up sandwich. She'd much rather "just watch" at daycare when the finger paints or "Goop" making materials come out. And she can even get downright ornery if she's not in the right frame of mind for Daddy's silly songs. "No, no, NO! That's not the way it goes!" she cries when he starts singing "Wrinkle, sprinkle, middle lar."
And that, right there, is a major factor in deciding how to approach our Sweetie – which mood is she in at any given moment? You see, for as much as Sweetie takes after me in the calm, contemplative, laid-back arena, she is also 110% exactly like my husband, the jokester.
He's always coming up with silly puns and riddles, laughing and just being creatively interesting. It's no wonder. He is an artist, after all. It's part of why I love him so much - he brings happiness into my life, lifting me out of my sometimes sour moods.
Sweetie can also silly talk, wiggly dance and belly laugh with the best of 'em. The two of them together is an absolute riot. They speak their own gibberish language together; play rough and tumble dancing games; and simply love to actively play, happy to be in each other's company. And, interestingly enough, Sweetie looks most like her Daddy when she's acting just like him.
So how are we to discipline and/or simply communicate with Sweetie when it's so dang hard to know if she's feeling a bit more "Mommy-ish" right now or more "Daddy-ish� at the moment?
Do we coax her to eat more of her supper by making up silly songs about the food on her plate? Or do I calmly, firmly reason with her about what I need her to do?
When meeting new friends do I tell her ahead of time what is about to take place, preparing her little psyche for what lies ahead? Or do we get all giddy/excited with her about the prospect of meeting someone fun and exciting?
When friends come over to play, do I explain to her how I expect her to behave - nicely sharing her toys and using kind words? Or do I just let the chips fall where they may and hope for the best?
Because, really, all of this has worked at one time or another. She has done well in situations when she knows what’s about to happen. But she’s also surprised us by just diving in and “doing�. She can listen well to reason, but sometimes she needs a bit of silliness to shine more light on a situation.
My husband and I knew going into our marriage that our communication styles are such that we arrive at the same point using very different modes of "transportation". Knowing this has helped us immensely to understand each other's points of view and not argue over every little thing.
But when one little girl has all that wrapped up inside her – well, you just better watch out!
All we can do is sit back, make the best observations we can, and try many different ways to get her to finally understand and accept what we've said.
Hopefully, at best – and similar to what we’ve learned in our marriage - we'll teach her there are many different ways to problem solve. Many fresh ways to look at every situation.
And hopefully, she'll gain a great sense of perseverance, enabling her to “try, try again�, as well as a patient, caring ability to help others in need of an original point of view.
Comments
This was a very great entry. It really shed some light on my toddlers personality. He's almost two and sometimes he reminds me so much of his dad that I can help but wonder if he's like me at all. I now see another point of view and that Dawson does have some mommy traits (like impatience). Thanks for the great advice!
Posted by: Dana | June 7, 2006 2:21 PM
Wonderful post!
Yes, I can see both me and my husband in both our caughters, both in looks and personality.
What becomes more and more evident as they got older was that "something else", that part of them that was uniquely their own. Even then, however, I couldn't parent by rote and consistency sometimes needed to go by the wayside in favor of intuition. Parenting is, I think, a science in many ways; but, it is also an art. Sometimes the art is in each moment. In allowing our children to suprise us.
In surprising ourselves.
Again, lovely entry.
Posted by: jozet | June 7, 2006 7:44 PM
She sounds wonderful!
Posted by: Lisa B | June 12, 2006 11:45 AM