Smashing label makers
When first meeting someone, what is the first thing they say to you? (Unless of course your fly is undone or you have a trail of toilet paper stuck to your shoe!) Usually they say something along the lines of "Tell me about yourself."
Quick. Don't think. Answer that. Tell me who you are.
I could answer that in my sleep. Me? Oh, I am a wife of 16 years to Clint and have been a homemaker and stay-at-home to my three kids for 13 years.
Bam! Four labels in one sentence. And I am the one who answered.
1) Wife
2) Homemaker
3) Mom
4) Stay at home mom (non-career woman)
What do you know about me that you wouldn't know about a thousand other women? Nothing. Now what if I said, "Tell me about yourself and don't use labels but descriptive words."
I could answer: "I am a passionate person who throws herself into things she believes in and can be a bit obsessive about it, but that comes with the passion! I love being a writer and being with my children and husband."
Have you learned more about me? Do you feel you know me better? And no labels!
This time you learned I am:
1) A writer
2) A wife
3) A mom
4) Passionate
5) Can be obsessive
6) Happy with my family
Which answer do you prefer? Which type of answer would you prefer people give to you when you ask to tell you about themselves? What happens when our "labels" change and we find it awkward to use them to describe ourselves? Should it really be that hard to describe ourselves to others?
Take for instance my initial answer. I am technically a work at home mother. If you add up the total time I spend on the blogs I am paid to write and the total time I spend on the other blogs that are also bringing in an income, plus other writing gigs I have that are paid, they all average out to be about five 8-hour days a week. That is a full time job. At home. So, technically, I am a woman who works full time at home. I am also a mom who is at home with her 3 children. Hmmm, stay at home mom? Work at home mom? Oh the horror of not knowing the CORRECT LABEL!
I for one would love to meet people and have them tell me WHO they are not the LABEL that has been slapped on their forehead by either others or themselves. So tell me. Tell me here or tell me on you blog and link back to this post so that we can REALLY meet you.
Because honestly, I want to get to know you. Not a label maker.
Comments
Ugh. This is the kind of post that after I read it I wish I had written it and I can nearly convince myself that I had. You truly are the writer and your voice is so clear on that.
Can I tell you a little bit here and then a little bit there?
I am figuring out who I am by being a label I hadn't expected: a writer.
I am sincere and complacent and want everyone to get along through a label that I love to admit to: middle child.
I am a powerful force among my family and friends and don't know the power I can wield through a label my husband accuses me of having: Alpha Female.
They are all pre-approved labels that really get to the WHO of me. A friend recently said I'm all WYSIWYG and that was my favorite label of all.
Posted by: Mocha | June 5, 2006 10:18 PM
First glance? I am a
struggling single parent, unemployed, stay at home mom.
Second glance,
Freelance writer, artist, obsessively passionate, work at home insomniac. Still struggling.
But I like the second description better.
Posted by: Melissa | June 6, 2006 3:20 AM
Whoo. I've been pondering this sort of thing lately, along with how women devalue themselves based on their labels. Like constantly mentioning that one used to have a paid job before one stayed home with the kids.
I've noticed, since I've begun to leave off labels when introducing myself to others, that this makes people very uncomfortable. We like to know what people do so we know how to relate..or something. Even just saying "Hi. Glad to meet you." without following up with a label really messes with people.
Interesting.
Posted by: paige | June 6, 2006 2:13 PM
I am a writer, a reader, a shoe freak, an insomniac, caffeine addict. I like nature, except for the part where it's outdoors. I love the beach, which isn't really nature.
I am complex.
But seriously, I think a lot about the power of labels, not so much for me but for my older son, who has a nice list of diagnostic labels in his medical file. I want people to see HIM and not the label, even if the label is merely descriptive of who he is. Because he is more than the label.
As am I.
Posted by: Susan | June 6, 2006 4:13 PM
First glance: wife
stay at home mom
college graduate
struggling mom
Second glance: ambitious
interesting
goal driven
sometimes happy
sometimes lonely
sometimes crazy :)
Posted by: Lisa | June 6, 2006 8:14 PM
I am dying to be a work-at-home mom but for now I'm a niece to a cute li'l rascal who can also write sometimes. :-)
Posted by: Alfa | June 6, 2006 10:19 PM
Vocationally I am a bartender, graphic designer, stay-at-home dad, teacher and information analyst. Emotionally I am a performance oriented perfectionist often paralyzed by the fear of failure and rejection. As such I often resist genuine intimacy. Ultimately I am a child of God who struggles to surrender my will to His.
Posted by: paul | June 7, 2006 8:20 AM
You can call me most anything except-gulp- housewife. Yew, how I hate that word. I too am a WAHM, only I have to go to all different kind of places to work and drag one or more of my kids along with me most times, so I guess I am a Drag to Work Not At Home, or in an office, but on location mom, who does lots of other fun stuff like bike rides and tickle fights on the side too.
Yeah, labels, too simplistic.
Posted by: clickmom | June 7, 2006 1:24 PM
See, I love labels. I use them all the time. Actually, no. Wait. I like titles. Like Queen Jenny. Or Her Majesty, Queen Jenny. Or Empress Jenny! Yes.
I like titles, not labels.
Posted by: Jenny | June 7, 2006 2:26 PM
I am a wife, daughter, sister, dog lover and owner, media production coordinator.
I am anxious, and comfortably chatotic. I am strugglign financially to get over debts of the past and move onto being a homeowner.
I am a book lover, a yoga craver, an early to bedder, a martini and italian food lover. I am a person who is striving for postive change in her life and getting there slowly. I am caring, compassionate and a writer of journals and blogs.
Posted by: Michelle | June 7, 2006 3:40 PM
I've been striving for labels all my life, and now, I don't feel I have any. And it freaks me out.
I am a college graduate, a wife. I am sometimes artistic, hardly ever tidy, a cat-lover, and a long-to-be-a-mom.
I think I'm still figuring out who I am. So when people ask me questions after meeting me, I resort to labels, or just saying the place where I work, because I don't know what else to say.
I SHOULD say,
I am a peaceful, loving person; with a dear husband and loving family. I strive for order and lack motivation to reach my goals. But there are goals.
Posted by: mrspooley | June 8, 2006 9:12 PM
I am a Christian, wife of 12 years, mother to four, 1st grade teacher and a friend,however,I am also someone who strives to do what is right but am non-judgemental of others who don't.I'm understanding, caring, forgiving,loving and a good friend to those who want me for their's.
Posted by: Melanie | June 26, 2006 10:08 PM