Mommybloggers: Hello, there, Dorothy! Or should we call you Surrender? Which is it?

RIta: Actually, I’m Rita. I’ve been blogging as Dorothy for about two years now, but I’ve given up on the idea that nobody will ever know who I really am. It’s sort of like trying to force a nickname at band camp.

Mommybloggers: We are all big fans of your blog - how did you discover blogging? Have you
always been a writer?

RIta:My friend C. over at Average Jane forwarded me an entry by Alice Bradley of Finslippy. The entry was about judging mothers and how to do it best. My daughter was three months old at the time, and I felt like everything I did was wrong and someone would be coming very soon to take her away from me. This was before I saw Britney Spears driving with Sean Preston in her lap and realized it’s sort of hard to remove children from their mothers for using the Costco brand of Enfamil.

I’ve been a writer since about age twelve. My first poems centered mostlycon unicorns. In high school, I was heavily influenced by Edgar Allan Poe and wrote a lot of bizarre stuff that I now can’t remember writing. Or even
thinking. Who was that girl? Embarrassing.

I wrote a horrible first novel that never went anywhere while I was temping at Mutual of Omaha and living in my parents’ basement between Chicago and Kansas City. When I got to Kansas City, I decided I needed help and got a
master’s degree. If you want to hate yourself, go to a graduate-level writing workshop. I’m now working as an editor, and that makes me really happy. I think going through the motions of getting the master’s made me own
my writing more, and that’s a good thing. But you don’t really need one.

Mommybloggers: One thing that really stands out in your writing is your obvious affection for your family. Even with difficult subjects, you always manage to create a positive spin. Are you always so upbeat?

RIta: No. It’s all done with mirrors.

I really use this forum to try to find the humor in situations in which I’m secretly doubting myself or paralyzed by anxiety. I’m prone to melodrama and melancholy, actually. I use the blogging to find the lighter side – to see the situation from the outside, like someone else would. It really, really helps.

Mommybloggers: We ask all our guests - what do you think of the term "Mommyblogger?" Are YOU a mommyblogger?

RIta: I love labels. I think we should have more of them.

Seriously, though, it doesn’t bother me. I have categories on my blog –parenting, marriage, writing, teaching, politics, working for the man…I have strong feelings on all of those subjects. I write about my daughter most
because a) I’m shocked on a daily basis by the lack of control involved in parenting and b) I want to have a record of these years. I went to a friend’s baby shower in Chicago a few weeks ago, and her mother gave her a
baby book containing all of these little slips of paper with funny stories about her childhood. I was so happy to realize I’d have a digital version for the little angel.

Mommybloggers: Tell us about your growing up years. We'd love to know where you came from, and what your ambitions were.

RIta: I’m so tempted to quote The Jerk by that question.

I grew up in small-town Iowa, population 5,000. One-fifth of the town lived at the Iowa state hospital school for the mentally retarded. I don’t know why I put that in, but it’s hard to leave it out. I am the older of two daughters. My sister is a very talented writer and editor who works for a textbook-publishing company in Chicago. My mom was a teacher and my dad is a farmer who fell back on mechanical engineering.

What else? I was a fat kid whose mother had cancer twice when I was in middle school, which led to an eating disorder that lasted through high school and college. I haven’t blogged much about that yet, but it also colors my personality. I’m a self-doubter and a perfectionist. It’s hard for me to be nice to me, and blogging helps me, as I said, view my life through someone else’s eyes. We’re always nicer to other people than we are to ourselves.

I met my husband through a proprietary Lotus Notes database. It’s a long story. He impressed me with his killer wit and kindness. My dad always told me to marry someone you secretly think might be a better person than you are. I think I did. But I still like to make fun of him, anyway. He’s a great dad and an amazing human being. I’ve been a lot less critical of myself since he’s been in my life. He’ll never read this, though, because he doesn’t read my blog. Does anyone’s husband read their blog? Besides Heather Armstrong’s?

Mommybloggers: Teaching writing to students with challenges must be rewarding, but difficult. What is the one lesson you try to pass on to all your students?

RIta: Tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, tell them what you told them. Do that, and you’ll be fine.

Mommybloggers: You've written about the freedom you feel when you blog, and how it affects your ability to self-censor in other areas of your life. Is there anything you avoid writing about?

RIta: I try not to be cruel. I don’t think blogging is a good forum for that. If I’m going to be cruel, I write a short story and
disguise the characters. I also try to avoid writing a lot about my family or my husband’s family. They didn’t ask to be part of my blog, and so I try to keep it to stuff that’s purely mine. My sister and I have a deal that we can’t steal each other’s lives for our own stories, and I think that applies to my blog, too. It’s unfortunate, because she has so much material that I’d love to use.

Mommybloggers: For many of us, reading and writing about motherhood helps us to become better, more relaxed parents. Is this your experience?

RIta: Oh, absolutely. I’ve written you, Jenny, about the little angel’s sleeping problems, and I’ve also written to other mommybloggers. Everyone’s always been so nice, and I’m always amazed at how many people actually write me back with great stories.

Mommybloggers: Your blog is full of colorful descriptions and vivid details. Do you approach life from a writer's point of view, or do certain details from your day just leap out at you?

RIta: I can’t turn it off. I make people uncomfortable. Last week I noticed one of my male co-workers has started
shaving his arms, and I couldn’t help pointing it out.

Mommybloggers: We are so excited to meet you at BlogHer... you are going, aren't you? What are your goals for the conference?

RIta: Yes, I’m going! I’m so excited to meet some of the people I feel like I already know. I’m trying to build traffic for Surrender, Dorothy right now. I’m part of the BlogHer ad network and am working on a separate writing project that involves motherhood, so my first goal is to figure out this world and how I might live in it more fully in the future. You never know where life’s going to take you, but blogging has opened some writing doors for me and given me much more confidence to delve into certain subjects. See you there – I’ll be the one with the wine glass.

Mommybloggers: Finally, here are the questions that we subject all our interviewees to - a
la Inside The Actor's Studio:

What is your favorite parenting related word? reward

What is your least favorite parenting related word? night-time parenting

*What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children? Melonpicker (this is a substitute for "motherfucker")

What is your favorite hiding place in your home where you go to get away from it all? The Internet

What is the hiding place you have been found in too often and can no longeruse? my bed

If Oprah exists, what would you like her to say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers? I loved your latest book.