Embarrassing Memory Lane
The following entry was written especially for Mommybloggers.com by Izzymom
I was reading a post tonight that got me thinking about a really embarrassing moment that I experienced about 10 years ago. Of course it didn’t feel like a moment. It felt like an hour. An excruciating, in-slow-motion hour that still makes me cringe to this day.
I cordially invite you to share in a little skate down embarrassing memories lane…
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The boyfriend I had before I married my husband was an ass. Why I stayed with him for four years is mostly a mystery to me. I mean I understood that he manipulated me and guilt-tripped me into staying so many times when I was already out the door. But I never understood how anyone, even a guilt-inducing master manipulator could convince me to stay in a relationship that had become so totally dysfunctional and unsatisfying…but he always did.Until one day when I walked out and never came back. We never really settled anything or hashed anything out. It was just over. Like that. And within a couple weeks, he had another girl living with him. It was then that I realized it wasn’t me that he had needed all those years. It could have been anyone. He just needed a warm body nearby because he hated to be alone. And that made me really angry with him for wasting four years of my life. And my pride was a little bruised. But I swallowed all that and moved on with my new boyfriend/future husband (who I happened to have met from the ex…nyah nyah!)
Fast forward a couple years. The huz and I are happily married. We’re doing great. Except me, forever hallucinating that I was fat, decide I need to get more exercise and conclude that the rollerblading craze that was sweeping the nation was the perfect way to achieve this. I nag the huz until he gets himself a pair of rollerblades, too, so we can do it together.
It’s gonna be GREAT FUN! Never mind that we are NOT exercising, fresh air, rollerblading kind of people. We’re doing it anyway, dammit!
So one day, I suggest that we rollerblade to our friend’s apartment and stop for a visit. I put on a cute white halter top and a pair of stretchy little shorts (it’s hot out!) and we proceed with the plan. We skate for a while and finally reach my friend’s apartment building but we don‘t see his car. He’s not home. Oh well…we turn around and start to go back the way we came.
As I’m crossing the road, I look to my right and I see it. The green VW bus that I knew so well is chugging down the street. It’s about a block away and coming right at me.
It’s HIM.
The ex.
I hustle to get out of the street, hoping against hope that we can get out of there without any interaction. I’m stiff yet spaghetti limbed. I’m in total slow motion. I’m all fucked up. And before I can do anything to stop it, I wipe out RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM! On my ass!
I look at him through the windshield and our eyes meet. I’m positive he recognizes me despite my braid and sunglasses. I turn away so I don’t have to see his reaction. I can’t bear it.
I make it to the side of the street, clomp up on the grass and skate away on the sidewalk as fast as I possibly can. I don’t wait for my husband. I don’t stop to inspect my numerous bleeding wounds, including some pretty bad road rash on my upper thigh right below my butt. I just want to disappear before I die of embarrassment.
Once we were out of sight, I asked my husband if he thought there was a chance he didn’t recognize us. Please say yes!
“Uh no...I’m pretty sure he did,” said the huz, just before he broke into gales of laughter while trying hard to bite his lip and look somber out of respect for my beaten and bludgeoned ego.
And to this day, he is not allowed to speak of the incident under penalty of divorce.
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For more from this week's guest, visit Izzy at her personal blog Izzymom or see what she thinks is cool at Cool Mom Picks. Oh, and be sure to visit her for your graphic needs at Designs by Izzy.
Comments
Oh man. That's a rough one.
You are brave to share that...
I do admit to laughing though... Sorry :(
Posted by: Mother | August 11, 2006 7:57 AM
Ouch. On several levels.
I'm sure there was never a hotter wipeout in history.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | August 11, 2006 8:48 AM
You must try to think of it this way, dear Izzy: it was a brilliantly comic turn, performed with slapstick timing, made all the more surprising and so compelling by your beauty and stature - a perfect Lucille Ball moment where the pretty lady takes a dramatic tumble and the audience's collective heart leaps with concern and laughter.
Does that make it any better?
'Cause, otherwise, all that I can say is that that Jackass stuff is pretty popular, too.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | August 11, 2006 8:55 AM
Oh, that IS rough! I did laugh as well, sorry. I've wiped out pretty bad in my lifetime, but never in front of an ex ;).
Posted by: MamaDuck | August 11, 2006 8:57 AM
Totally something that would happen to me! Hope your ego healed up as quickly as the flesh wounds.
Posted by: Chantal | August 11, 2006 9:06 AM
Okay. Totally embarrassing, but it made for a great post.
Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah | August 11, 2006 9:15 AM
I'm sure the sight of you in that outfit reminded him of exactly what he gave up. I say advantage: you.
Posted by: Elizabeth | August 11, 2006 9:18 AM
How do they ALWAYS KNOW when we're out doing something that will make them snigger? My horror: Getting a haircut (like, fistfuls of hair in combs all over my head, huge ears sticking out, black vinyl robe on and tissue around my neck) and the ex walks in to the salon.
Posted by: Lisa Stone | August 11, 2006 9:32 AM
Ouch! Thanks for sharing though. And belated congratulations on having the courage to leave the relationship!
Posted by: CPA Mom | August 11, 2006 11:11 AM
Oh my word. That had to have been devastating. And yet? Makes for a hilarious story because, my dear, we've all been there!
Posted by: chilihead | August 11, 2006 11:46 AM
That was a great story!! I was on the edge of my rollerskates!
hehe listen you got a great huz so it's great you can laugh about it now.
Posted by: mrs mogul | August 11, 2006 1:50 PM
Oh, I'm sure it was/is painful emotionally, but the image I have of you in that outfit doing a John Ritter pratfall - well it's just priceless. happiness is the best revenge, darling. In the end, that's probably what he knows about you; the fact you took a fall is incidental.
Posted by: Mom101 | August 11, 2006 6:15 PM
Hehehe! Fantastic!
Hey, if nothing else, you got to share that with us, your trusted and loving friends, so that we can forever make fun of you for it. ;)
Posted by: Chase | August 11, 2006 7:25 PM
Awww. Now that's painful. At least your husband had your back... well, no, he didn't. Um, at least he helped you laugh through your tears, then?!
Posted by: mayberry | August 11, 2006 8:15 PM
Ugh, that friggin' sucks. I can't watch humiliating experiences like that in movies because I can relate far too well. Far better if it'd been you witnessing the ass ex wiping out.
Posted by: Karl | August 11, 2006 9:36 PM
I bet he thought you looked adorably tragic in your little braid and scraped heinie. ;-)
Poor you. It makes a good story, though.
Posted by: Kristin | August 11, 2006 10:20 PM
I'm sorry to laugh at your wipeout but I do feel your pain/embarassment though! You were so brave for sharing this.
Posted by: Waya | August 11, 2006 10:29 PM
Izzy, I have a feeling your ex was probably just eating his dumb heart out over how freaking hottt you must have looked, wipe-out or no, in the cute summery outfit and braid. as we all know, dudes are singleminded about the past -- yeah, she was hot. hotter than the girl I'm with now. (which I'm sure was true in your case.)
anyway. I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: deb | August 12, 2006 12:32 AM
...but you LOOKED good!
Very funny, Izzy.
Posted by: Ruth Dynamite | August 12, 2006 6:49 AM
Way to go loser! Ha ha!
Okay kidding. That was funny as hell though! Love ya, bizatch!
Posted by: Karen Rani | August 12, 2006 8:50 AM
Also? Sorry I missed the deadline for "In Praise of IzzyMom." Can I tell ya'll now that she is smokin' hot and really funny in person? She has done alot for the blogging community in terms of banning BlogTopSites (GO IZ!) and starting BloggerChicks, which I adore, cuz I've been finding some great blogs that way! I want to be Izzy when I decide to grow up.
Posted by: Karen Rani | August 12, 2006 8:52 AM
Ah! That is PAINFUL.
Posted by: lena | August 12, 2006 11:19 AM
Oh yes, we WANT the truth, but we want the truth to be "no, I am sure he didn't notice you. Plus, he had a big green wart on his nose and a black eye. And I am pretty sure most of his hair has fallen out. He looked way worse than you."
Posted by: nonlineargirl | August 12, 2006 1:51 PM
This story would make a great short film-- maybe with some music pirated from the Xanadu soundtrack?
Maybe I'm just saying that 'cuz I'd like to see you in a white halter and stretchy shorts...
Posted by: roo | August 12, 2006 2:10 PM
Oh boy...heehee..sorry for laughing. Is that wrong? I didn't mean to, but....that is something that would totally happen to me. At least you never had to see him again!
Posted by: Pattie | August 12, 2006 6:13 PM
yup. you're a dork. ;)
Posted by: cameo | August 12, 2006 9:35 PM
I think it was great that he saw you living your life in an unaffected way. Sure...you fell. But you weren't doing anything for his sake. It just happened. What's important is that he witnessed you getting on with your life.
Posted by: wordgirl | August 13, 2006 12:04 AM
Ouch. But it makes for good blog fodder, no?
Posted by: Much More Than A Mom | August 13, 2006 12:33 AM
Or perhaps he thought you were totally sexy in those rollerblades and became completely jealous seeing you with your husband?? He was probably kicking himself for letting you go!
Posted by: Mommy off the Record | August 13, 2006 12:42 AM
I'll tumble for ya,
I'll tumble for ya,
I'll tumble for ya,
I'll tumble for yoooooo-uuuuu
The closest thing I had to this was when I was in the tiny video store with a terrible cold, red nose, wadded hankies, wearing my ugly ski jacket (the one with the paint on the arm) and sweats, dirty hair...and my ex and his wife came in with their brand new adorable baby. I had to squat down over by the skater videos until everyone in the store had cooed over the cute baby, hoping they wouldn't come around the corner and see me hunched there, trying not to snot on anything...it was a proud and beautiful moment in my life.
Posted by: Suebob | August 13, 2006 3:41 AM
No matter what, you're obviously brave. Brave girls wear white shorts rollerblading.
Posted by: Girl con Queso | August 13, 2006 9:06 AM
lol...I'm so glad I could amuse you all!
But I MUST clarify...my shorts were NOT white. What kind of glutton for laundry owns white shorts?
They were actually those stretchy kind of bike shorts things like you would wear to the gym and they were black with white trim. Very athletic-ish but not particularly sexy, which, in retrospect, was for the best.
Yours in eternal embarrassment :)
Izzy
Posted by: Izzy | August 13, 2006 12:39 PM
Oh Izzy! I love you even more for sharing this!
Posted by: tori | August 13, 2006 4:23 PM