Have I been demoted or promoted?
Today is the first day I have had all 3 of my children in school. All. Day. For 14 years, I have been a stay at home mom. There has always been a child home with me. Today, they are all in school. From kindergarten to 7th grade. I managed drop off rather well. Until I got to the car. Then I began to sob. In all the brilliance of a teen, my son looked at me and said, "You are just crying because now you have to work all day." (Wonder where he got that smartass attitude?)
So now, I suppose my "official" title is a work at home mom. Does that label matter? Well, yes. And no. Can you tell I am having a bit of an identity crisis? I am a writer. I have a book. I have online sites that I am getting paid for. That is now my job. A work at home mom.
Can I just tell you how uncomfortable that title change makes me feel. How do you go from a job you have had for 14 years to one that signifies so many other things? You know that people will ask, "What do you do?"
I stammer and stumble and mumble something like, "Oh, I write online and stuff." Which usually gets the response, "And you get paid to do that? That is a job?" Well, yes.
How long does it take to "fit" into that new title? How long will it be before I can answer without sounding apologetic or defensive that I am indeed a WORK at home mom? Have I graduated to the "big girl" league of working women? Or have I lost the one job I have always loved and been good at?
Demoted or promoted?
Now, before anyone says that I am still a mom to my kids even if they are in school, or that by not going into an office, I can still classify myself as a stay at home mom, I understand that. It just feels different. It feels awkward. I am having a really hard time fitting into my own skin now because I am not sure what I am now.
I am not big on labels. Not for others. But for me, I like an identity. Especially knowing that is one of the first questions asked when meeting people. "What do you do?"
Ummmm, well, I don't know yet. I write from 8:00am-3:00pm and mother from 3:00pm until the next morning when it starts all over again.
Have I been demoted or promoted? Have you been in this position? How do you feel about it?
Comments
Ah yes. I know of what you speak.
Although my youngest is going to be a Junior this year (how can that BE?) I remember the eerie feeling of the time first time all three of them were away at school. Every little sound you hear has you perking up and looking towards their rooms. You only make one sandwich at lunchtime. No one cries for Sesame Street. (You may watch it anyway - I did for years - LOL)
You ARE still a mother, that's a lifetime label. You are a writer (darned good writer!) You are...who you decide to be. Life is change, and your identity will change. It may not be up or down, (demoted or promoted) but drifting, yet stable, like a buoy in the ocean of life. So long as you stay above water, things will be OK! LOL
Best wishes to you on this leg of the journey!
Posted by: Marti | August 9, 2006 12:01 PM
What I really think is...You deserve a break. Finally. Take one after all those years. If I were you, I'd go get a mani/pedi...And eat some chocolate...As a matter of fact. I don't need a break, but I think I'll do that anyway!
'Enjoy the silence' for a second or two. It might help you relax.
Posted by: Janet | August 9, 2006 1:14 PM
Congrats Jenn! Oh the joy (and the pain) of having them all in school (which by the way? I should move to Texas, because back to school in August? My kids don't go back until after labour day). As for a formal title:
Blog at Home Mom (BAHM)
Stay at Home Writer (SAHW)
Mom of All Trades (MOAT)
or...tell them what you really are, cause it sounds professional and cool and all:
"Hello, I'm a WRITER" (famous even!)
Posted by: Vicky | August 9, 2006 1:58 PM
As the youngest of six kids, I clearly remember when my own mother went through this ( I haven't yet- I have one toddler). Lets just say the house was sparkling clean from 8-3. And she didn't have a career (other than Mom) to fall back on. She is managing nicely, though. She deserves the free time after that many kids!
Oh, and Vicky, you sooo do not want to move to Texas! We haven't even begun to hit the hottest part of the year yet, and most kids are just about to go back to school. Imagine 60 kids in a hot bus with no airconditioning! Ya- most moms carpool atleast in the beginning of the school year, when its the middle of freakin' summer!
Posted by: Charli | August 9, 2006 3:27 PM
Demoted or promoted? I'd say it's a lateral move. You've just adjusted to fit with the season of life you and your kids are in.
And how long until you "fit"? I would say that depends on how long it took for you to fit into your role as SAHM. The feelings you describe I think every mom feels, whether she's working or at home (or...somewhere in between). I think as women we just never feel like we're doing it right--we always think we should be doing something differently. I think the answer is not so much in what you are doing as it is, "Can you accept yourself?"
I think you were right--you're still a SAHM and you are a working mom. A writer. So I say...not everyone needs to hear everything you do. Pick the label you're comfortable with and wear it with pride.
Posted by: jeana | August 9, 2006 4:47 PM
I will be there with you next week. I will have two children in school five days a week for the first time in 6 years.
I keep thinking, promoted - that is, promoted to some free time. But oh, I also have a part time job that actually pays me.... so I guess it is a semi promotion...
Enjoy!
Posted by: Jill Asher | August 9, 2006 8:47 PM
Believe me, you have the same job -- the hours have just changed. Enjoy your block of childless time for however long it lasts... there is always something that comes along to suck it away (think you'll be able to get more writing done more efficiently? Good luck! :)
Posted by: Donna | August 10, 2006 2:54 PM
I wish I could leave a comment; I must have done something wrong.
Anyway, I loved this post. Thanks for writing it. My kids will all be in school after Labor Day for the first time in 16 years. I sympathise with what you're feeling.
Posted by: Missy | August 10, 2006 6:55 PM
I had a bit of a similar situation when my youngest son went to kindergarten several years ago. Though I was and still am a stay at home mom, it was a huge change, from being needed all of the day to only being needed part of the day. My job description and how I saw myself suddenly changed! It took a while-a couple of years-for me to really realize and feel comfortable with the fact that I'm still an at-all-times mom, though my children aren't with me at all times. I'm certain you'll fall into your new skin quicker than that, though.
Posted by: Mary | August 11, 2006 3:54 PM