A Frog In My Pants

Fiddledeedee: When I was on a first date, we went to McDonalds with some friends. We were young and foolish, and making loud bird noises. I took a deep breath and let fly my now infamous parrot squawk. And passed wind. Evidentally, on hard plastic seats, the sound carries. A long way. My date married me anyway.
SocalMom: Aside from that bout of uncontrollable farting? Or that time I had to change a diarrhea-y diaper and hadn't packed enough supplies? I can't think of a thing!
Javajabber: Farted in the grocery aisle and left quickly ... come on, like YOU haven't done it?

You can dress 'em up...

Mamacita: When my daughter was nine months old, we were having dinner in a nice restaurant. She was always very well-behaved in public and so it wasn't until I smelled 'something' that I realized she had pooped, explosively and in such quantities that I might not have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes. I looked more closely at the restaurant's high chair and realized, in horror, that it was covered with poop, that poop was cascading down all four legs to the expensive carpet below. I couldn't move the chair, for it would then leave a trail. I'm not sure how I got my baby to the restroom; my mind has mercifully erased that part of this memory. I stripped and bathed her and scrubbed the sink and countertops. I returned to our table and proceeded to scrub down the high chair and the carpet beneath it. My husband was still sitting there like a statue, frozen in horror. He had not lifted a finger to help. He got no sex that night, or the next night. Or the next. My MIL had not moved, either. She did tell me that babies who 'ate right' didn't have volcanic lava for poop. It was a Sunday and the restaurant was packed. We never went back. Somehow, I doubt we were missed. Heck, if I worked there, I wouldn't want us to come back.
Local Girl: Once I was changing my baby's poopy diaper in the back of my SUV at my daughter's preschool. It wasn't until I got the diaper off that I realized I ran out of wipes. I had to use my daughter's extra uniform shirt to clean up the mess. I didn't realize my daughter's teacher had parked next to me and saw the whole thing!
AmandaI walked my daughters to a coffee shop about 2 miles from our home. Standing in line to order I struck up a conversation with another customer. Just then the barrista came to take my order and my 4 month old daughter, strapped to my tank top clad chest in a Baby Bjorn, had a blessedly silent bowel explosion. I cringed and quickly ordered. The person talking to me inexplicably opted not to order anything and moved with me as I tried to maneuver the stroller toward the ladies room. By the time I extricated myself from the small talk and got to the bathroom it was occupied. I was going to wait but my 2 year old was beginning to have kick and whine and my infant was gumming my thumb as a plea for milk. I looked toward the door and felt something hot and wet seep into my armpit. I looked at the closed bathroom door and then at the shop's entrance. What to do? I grabbed a handful of napkins, took a swipe at my armpit and then stuffed the rest in the top of my shirt to prevent further oozing and made my hot, stinky, sticky way home.
Nettie: Grossest thing - I once had to change my daughter Emma's poopy diaper at a outside table at the Cafe Dumond in New Orleans because the bathrooms were clogged up and she had a terrible accident and was screaming and crying so I panicked and just did it right there.

No regrets at all, actually.

Elena: You're going to regret asking, I promise. I told myself I never, ever would but once when I had a horrible cold and absolutely no kleenex in the car, I opened the car door to spit at a stoplight. Totally disgusting I know.

When you've gotta go, you've gotta go.

Robin: The grossest thing I've done in public ... hm, I once peed in a parking garage. In my defense, I had walked a fair distance from a bar after drinking a couple beers, there were no public bathrooms and it was raining out just hard enough to encourage public urination.
Margalit: Oh, there are so many. Hard to choose. Once I had to pee really really badly and there was no public bathroom in a pizza restaurant so I talked the kid behind the counter into using the employee bathroom. It was in the basement and it was locked and I had to pee so badly that I knew I'd never make it upstairs and back down again without peeing my pants, so I peed in a trashcan. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
MissAnnieG: Pooped in a parking lot (don't ask...)
Jessica Knight: Peed my pants. I was pg with number 2, was at the mall, sneezed and well you can guess the rest.
Mamma: Does accidently peeing while standing in a crowded elevator count?

Possible that Johnny Knoxville should be paying royalties over here:

Busy Mom: Whatever happened that night was the result of a bottle of champagne, sunglasses, a shopping cart, and, a low chainlink fence. There was blood and vomit.
Karen Rani: I'm a Queen. We don't DO gross things in public. But once, while at the hospital where I worked, I went out for a cigarette with an employee, and tripped off the tiny decorative fencing, went ass over teakettle and smashed my tailbone - all the while showing my (male) employee my goodies. To top it off, the ER doc (thankfully I WAS at the hospital already) who was GORGEOUS, had to stick his finger in my cornholio to check if my tailbone was broken. I'm such a lady.

Good times.
Kyla: I was drunk, very drunk and I had my period. There was no working toilet at the party and I HAD to do something about my sanitary needs. So, outside squatting/leaning against a tree in full sight of just about everyone I know I changed my tampon.

What to choose?

Tricia: It would have to be a toss up between having to pull over and throw up in the middle of the street (pregnancy induced)OR Peeing in my pants (ok, skirt and nylons)into my shoes while talking to the father of the bride at an outdoor reception (alcohol induced, it was many years ago, and no, I don't think he noticed).
clickmom: Pick my nose and fling it. Or maybe it was the BJ in a cemetary, but I was young, SO young.
Missy: I've done the nose picking, I've done the pantyhose hiking, but I suppose the worst thing I've ever done is peed in a public park.

Good Save!
Rachel: We were in a dark Fado restaurant one night in Portugal when I was a teen. I had eaten some bad clams at lunch, and was feeling ill. The Fado restaurant had music and food, and was a special experience, so no one wanted to stay at the hotel with me feeling sick. A little while into our evening, I felt like I was going to throw up, so my step-dad asked where the bathrooms were - across the restaurant and through the kitchens. My step-dad walked with me and *cupped his hands* in front of my mouth to catch vomit as I barfed my way through a restaurant and kitchens on the way to the bathroom. Ick.
Still Standing: My momma' raised me right: no spitin', no scratchin', no belchin' or fartin', so it's nothing that every mom hasn't done, or want do at some point, but I . . .Saw that particular shade of green crawl over my child’s face. Saw the eyes get that glossy gleam and I started running. Sure enough by the time I reached her she was exploding into my cupped hands. Even after all the vomit handling I’ve done over the years . . .the warmth of the nastiness always surprises me.

When Stomachs Go Bad

Molly AtHome: One summer night, after working late, I rushed down to meet some friends at a local dance club. I hadn't had any dinner, and they were running a special on Long Island iced teas. It was hot and those iced teas tasted so good. My stomach decided to hell with me, enough was enough, right in the middle of the dance floor. I haven't had the nerve to go back there even though it was over 15 years ago.
Eliza: Oh the grossest thing I can think of that I have done in public would have to be two months ago when I was walking out of a restaurant and got sick right outside their doors. I'm currently pregnant so as you can imagine that can happen anywhere, however I'm sure the couple that were approaching the restaurant reconsidered once I did that. Ikk.
Tessa Lemmons: Gawd... I threw up on my boyfriends head at a frat party. LOOOOOOOOOONG story... don't ask. It was just... ::hangs head in shame:: wrong.
Janet: Puked out of the car window while it was going at least 55 MPH on the parkway. Spew going sideways is not pretty.

She set a record for distance, too.

Erika: One gross thing I remember was from about 4th grade. I was in the high school gym and sneezed and a wod of boogers came flying out of my mouth. Shudders, ugh! I just walked away quickly hoping no one saw!

Outta the mouths of Baby Mamas:

Elizabeth from Dink(y): Hi, My name is Elizabeth and I am a burpaholic.
Jack's Raging Mommy: I've done far too many gross things in public, including projectile vomiting through my nose during my college-binge-drinking-era, but I think motherhood takes the cake what with discussing mucous plugs, muconium, plugged ducts, and all other bodily functions most adults avoid in polite company. After motherhood your concept of gross re-sets itself I think :)