G.B.J.D.
The following entry is one of Erin's favorites from the archives of Queen of Spain:
I vote we all start calling Father’s Day what it really is: Guaranteed Blow Job Day.
Don’t act all coy. Or shocked. You know you either got one or gave one. It’s just some unwritten rule. Father’s Day. Birthday. Way to Get a Raise Day-Equals guaranteed Blow Job.
There are rules to the guaranteed blow job. You must initiate. You must think of it as ALL about him, expecting nothing in return. And you only get to take off your pants too if he makes it clear this isn’t a one-way encounter.
So while your husband ate his kid-made toast and opened up another popsicle stick birdhouse (or in our case a homemade stool and beer coolies) he knew, that you knew, that he knew, that you knew that he was getting a BJ later.
Who started this and why isn’t there a female equivalent? I mean, I know there is a female equivalent, but what I’m saying is…is there a guaranteed —fill in the blank—Day for wives?
On your birthday, do you know there is something you will get? More than 10 minutes to shower without a screaming child outside the door? Sleeping in? Meals cooked that you don’t have to clean up? While I can say those things happen on Mother’s Day or my birthday…I can’t say they are guaranteed.
Before you start yelling about me about how I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, let me stop you. I want to give him a blow job. It’s his special day and I know it’s what he wants. Trust me, he wants that more than a tie. Maybe less than a new iPod, but more than a tie. But maybe more than an iPod. Anyway, I don’t see it as my “duty” or anything. I enjoy making him happy. I enjoy giving him what he wants. But when did it go from unexpected to a maybe, to a “yeah, it’s Father’s Day, it’s totally going to happen”?
AND, at what point in our marriages did we all just realize this was the way it went? Because let’s face it…you can laugh and shake your head at me all you want-But I know, that you know, that I know, that you know, that I know you did it too.
Comments
The post that made my husband fall in lust with the Queen....
Good times....hehehe
Posted by: Dana | April 25, 2007 11:13 AM
Uhhh. No. At our house all sex is always voluntary and consensual. Nobody "gets" something because it's a certain day. We have lots and lots of great sex because of this rule.
I think the Queen has been told some made up "old husbands tale." I asked a couple of other married friends this morning and neither one of them do this or have heard of it and frankly it pissed them off.
Just because someone tells you it's common, a. that doesn't make it so and b. that doesn't mean you have to do it.
Nobody started it. You are choosing to do it. Take responsibility for your own choice. It ain't nobody's myth but your own.
Posted by: Uhh | April 27, 2007 1:01 PM
This is why I love you, lady.
And, 'Uhh'? Chill out.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | April 29, 2007 6:44 PM
"AND, at what point in our marriages did we all just realize this was the way it went? "
NEVER. I've never heard of a Guaranteed Blow Job Day and I've been married for 5 years. I think this post is just sad.
Posted by: MarriedMary | May 23, 2007 1:01 AM