Mommy Bloggers: Content and your child's right to privacy

(This is part V in a series on starting a mom blog. Cross posted on BlogHer.)

Your blog is ready to go. You have your platform. You've named it. You have decided how much personal information to include and what you want to do about pictures. Good job. The basics are done. Now, the hard part starts. Your blog--ANY blog-- is nothing without good content. You knew I was going to get to it eventually. We have to talk about content. Political blogs will mention politics. Food bloggers will talk about food. Mom bloggers will inevitably talk about their children. Let's face it: they are a never-ending source of entertainment. However, before you type one word about them, you should decide what is yours to share and what is theirs to keep private.

This to me if the most essential decision you can make as a blogger. Once your words are out, they are out. A few years back a journalist made a snide comment about how your children's future prom dates will Google them and read every embarrassing story ever written about them.

And?

My dates didn't have Google. They had my Mom. She had enough stories and pictures to keep me humiliated for life. (The only way to hold her off was to marry my high school sweetheart and never have to worry about it again.) My point is that, yes, your words are out there. And, yes, you have a great potential of embarrassing your children. But it is not just about the things that may make them blush. It is about things that they want to remain private--just between them and their mom. It is about respect. Only you and your children can decide where this line is drawn.

A great example of a mom blogger being called out by her teen is Grace Davis. One day while discussing what her daughter could expect in terms of going to BlogHer last year, her daughter said something that halted Grace and completely altered her way of thinking when it came to blogging about her daughter. (Read the whole entry. It is a great lesson in mom blogging and communication.)

Your blog is really funny, Mom. But, you make me and my friends look stupid."
Stupid. I was devastated. I hastily run through blog entries in my mind. Did this make Moll and her friends appear stupid? Or was it this, or this ? Did this offend her?

What do you do once your child is old enough to read what you are writing about them and their lives? They will have an opinion and it won't always be that they adore your every word. You have now jumped into a new world. The world where your children want to have a say in their own privacy.

Grace handled it with the class she handles everything. She gave her daughter the ultimate position for a child of a mom blogger.

I won't take down the posts, but I will take on Molly as the Official State of Grace Editor for Adolescent Affairs. I'll be showing her any blog entries related to her prior to publishing.

But that is not the only way to go when it comes to mom blogging. It is your space to talk about what you feel impacts you and your life. Being a mom, that will include discussing your children. And our children are not always the brightest ray of light in our lives at all times. Sometimes they are difficult and frustrating and downright crazy-making. Bloggers are writers. Writers write. Mothers vent. It is only natural that you will have a tendency to want to vent about those little people that effect so many (if not all) aspects of your life.

Lisa of Niihaus realized her son had objections to some of her more personal posts on her blog that referenced him in a way he did not like. Her response was swift and without censorship.

Then he came at me about my blog. He felt it was against his rights that I blog about him because he had a right to privacy.

This is what I said, “Pfffffffttttt.�? Like, you have got to be kidding me. Right to privacy? That totally went out the door when I had my legs in stirrups, showing my vagina to at least 8 people, farting during all four pushes, and your big ass shoulders tearing my vagina a whole inch.

So there. Neener. Neener. Your wrong, I’m right and f*ck your right to privacy point.

From one end of spectrum to the other. Both doing what is right for themselves and their blogs. Let's face facts, people. There is no set rule for what you can and cannot say about your children on your blog. (We are not getting into libel and such. We are talking about whether or not you can mention a date, a kiss, a party etc. Unless you have small children and then we are talking about writing about issues such as streaking, pooping, potty training and swear words.) When your children are young, it is more an issue of looking forward and trying to predict what could or would hurt or embarrass them down the line. When you children are older, their response can (and usually will be) immediate. (Assuming they know about your blog.)

Kyran of Notes to self commented on this very issue on another entry in this series.

Of far greater importance to me is what I write about them. For me it is very important that I don't trespass on my children's right to privacy. Since they are not old enough advocate for themselves in that regard, it is up to me to respect their boundaries. While their stories flow into and become part of mine, there is a line I will not cross. It's not an arbitrary, concrete one, but I know it whenever I come to it. And I know it when I see other mom bloggers cross it.

I realize that some of the best entries are ones that will probably embarrass your children. But they don't have to be. Or at least not to the point of causing bad vibes and bigger issues between you and your children. I have written posts that embarrass my children but more because it proves their mom is a dork and not because I am outing them for something they did.

The only set advice that I can give and stand behind regardless of your choice is to remember that your children are yours for life. Blogs will come and go. Just do not do something that will hurt your relationship with your children in the long run. Make sure you can all live with your decision. It is just not worth it for a story. Even a really great, really funny and often linked to story.

Speaking of links, next up in the series deals with: Finding your voice, gaining an audience and getting your name out there. And, yes, they do in fact all tie in together.

~Jenn is off to embarrass her children without the use of her blog.~

---

Here are the links to parts One, Two, Three and Four of this series.

image found here

Comments

Hello.....Just wanted to say THANK YOU. I have been reading your blog and have started my own at the URL listed above. Would appreciate your advice on if I am headed in the right direction so far, I sure know it helps clear the mind, and makes me think. Again Thank you and keep writing your interesting blogs, I look forward to reading the rest of the series.

Posted by: Stuffy MacFatten | July 18, 2007 9:57 AM

This is great Jenn. I'm really enjoying this series.

I am always curious whether a memoirist is held to the same set of standards and scrutiny as a momblogger. It's hard when your only tools are your pen and your life.

Posted by: Mom101 | July 18, 2007 12:38 PM

This is a really great post, and the link to Grace's entry really taught me a lesson!

Posted by: dana | July 18, 2007 1:36 PM

My daughter has been known to leave a comment in response to my blog when she doesn't agree with something I've posted. She's 20, though; she's older than most mommybloggers' kids.

Posted by: Daisy | July 18, 2007 2:12 PM

Wow, Jenn--great post.

Posted by: Rocks In My Dryer | July 18, 2007 9:34 PM

You make some really great points. Thanks for bringing this up!

Posted by: Amy Grant | July 19, 2007 1:13 PM

Children need a constant gentle reminder about privacy, and how much of it isn't in the world. To encourage them to behave correctly even when they think eye's aren't are seeing them... there is always a universal awareness. Good behavior is strong behavior.

Your Friend Always,
dove

Posted by: dove | July 19, 2007 4:52 PM

This is such a great series! Thank you for posting it!

Posted by: Mommy's Getaway (Tam P) | July 24, 2007 6:01 PM

I have just discovered your blog and am very excited to explore it further. As a new mommy blogger I have searching for sites that will help me develop my own. My readership will probably enjoy the info you provide as well, so I decided to introduce you to them via a meme. You have been tagged - I hope that you will participate. :)

Posted by: Neena | August 3, 2007 11:16 AM

Thank you for this wonderful post. I'm working on an article about this topic, and I absolutely love what you said about respect.

As a mom, I respect my children's right to privacy -- and I want them to be able to trust me.

Posted by: Heather | August 15, 2007 8:56 PM

It's an interesting dilemma, isn't it. I personally don't use my kids' names at all (they're numbered) and my last name doesn't link anywhere to my blog, so I don't think anyone could Google them. I do that for their safety, not their embarrassment level, though. I cannot tell you how many times a hungry baby has exposed a breast of mine in public. Turn about? Fair play. But my husband, who had never read my blog before, stumbled across in while we were in the middle of a trial separation and he hit the roof. I really tried to be as neutral as possible and not talk about what he was doing, only my responses to those things, but in the end he still ended up feeling bitterly betrayed and hurt and angry. It's a fine line we walk, as Mommy Bloggers, sharing our very personal journeys through motherhood, and trying to provide a balance between those things that are at the core of our being and respecting the privacy of those very people that fuel our stories.
Thanks for your post. I really enjoyed reading it.

Posted by: Mr Lady | September 10, 2007 5:09 PM

Content and your child's right to privacy

TrackBack

Comments

Post a comment