Carmen of Mom to the Screaming Masses recently posted some quotes. One of them in particular stood out for me.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Now, as an adult I have learned this lesson well and often. It doesn't always matter what lip service someone gives you. Whether or not they tell you that they admire you, respect you or want the best for you, do their actions show it? Because those particular words will probably fade from your memory. If they offered you something 'out of the goodness of their heart' but it later backfired, you may not remember the circumstances around the event in the same way later, but you will remember how someone made you feel. Good or bad.

No matter what is said or done for you, it is how someone makes you feel that will stay with you for a much longer time. Words and actions are important, but the way they make someone feel is an altogether different story, it has an impact that lasts a much longer time.

This is especially true for our children.

How do you make your children feel? Do you tell them that they are responsible and trust worthy yet not give them any responsibility around the house or not trust them in the most basic of ways? How do you think it will make them feel? Will the words matter or the feelings created be what shapes them.

Or on the flip side, when you child has done something praise worthy, do you remember to tell them how proud you are? When you catch them in some random act of kindness, do you remember to praise them for their actions? It isn't in the words. It isn't in the rewards. It is in the way your actions and words make your children feel.

As an adult I have learned how important it is to ensure your words and actions are not hollow.

As a parent I realized that it is not only important, but vital to your child's emotional and behavioral health.

I will admit there are days when my kids make me nuts. I can scream. I can rant. But when it moves to a level where I make them feel badly about themselves separate from an action, then I have some real work to do with them.

Our words. Our actions. They impact our children. How we make them feel about themselves is one of our top jobs as parents. So, next time that snarky comment or unwarranted insult is about to pop, stop and think. Even after an apology, how will they feel? If you are not okay with it, re-examine your communication.

Just this week I watched as my three children played nicely and respectfully together. I watched and smiled and then went back to what I was doing. I almost missed the chance to tell them how it warmed my heart to see it. So, I stopped, went back and let them know how special it was for me to watch them and that I was proud of them. Each one of them (even the teen) smiled. It made them feel good to know they were doing something positive together. Maybe the next time one of them wants to play with the other two, they will stop and remember how good it felt to get along and see Mom so proud.

Or not.

Ten minutes later they were fighting.

In any case, remember how powerful you are to your children. How they feel makes all the difference in who they are and who they become.