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He looks like me

We would like to introduce you to another of our new contributing authors. Laurie Kingston whose blog, Not Just About Cancer, is a great read. We are thrilled to have her join our ranks.

Here is a little bit about Laurie so you can get to know her better.

I am the mother of two beautiful boys, aged four and nine, who are a source of endless joy and amusement. They are also very different from each other and provide great blog fodder. My spouse and I have been together for 16 years. I adore him. In January, 2006 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, I finished treatment and returned to work. Within two months, I discovered that the cancer had spread to my liver. I have been in remission since July 2007. I continue with treatment, parenthood, writing and living a very full life.You can find my blog at Not Just About Cancer.

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The following essay was written by our new contributing author, Laurie Kingston.

I was reminded recently of a conversation I had when my youngest son
(now four) was still a toddler. Someone commented on how much he looks
like me, to which I replied, “He looks like me so that I don’t kill him.”

Daniel and I are both incredibly headstrong and it is not uncommon for
us to lock horns. But when I look in his little face and see myself
reflected there, I often feel the anger dissipate.

My second-born is a supremely confident child. He goes through life
secure in the knowledge that he is interesting, charming and beautiful.
People respond to him in kind.

When he was a baby, I would often carry him in a back pack as I did
errands. Every time, I would see even the most preoccupied strangers'
faces break into smiles, reacting to my engaging child.

Daniel loves to play dress up, picks out his own clothes and cares
whether his socks match his shirt (a concept that is foreign to his
father and brother). Yesterday, he asked if I would buy him a tie. My
husband didn’t wear a tie to our wedding.

His first complete sentence was, "I'm Daniel and I'm cute."

I have never, ever thought of myself as beautiful. But Daniel looks a
lot like me. And Daniel knows he is beautiful. And, so, gradually, he
has taught me to see myself as beautiful, too.

Cancer has irrevocably changed me. Surgery and chemotherapy have taken
their toll on my body. But if I look carefully, I can see the beauty
there. There is a sparkle in my eyes and warmth in my smile. I still
have my dimple and the laugh lines around my eyes.

I may never enjoy dancing naked in front of our full length mirror (one
of Daniel's favourite pastimes). My son has taught me, however, that I
have a choice in how I see myself. And I choose to be beautiful.

I also have Stage IV breast cancer. I am currently in remission but I
live with the fact that my life will end long before I am ready. I am
doing my best to defy the statistics, and I do feel healthy and hopeful.
But I worry that Daniel, who is so very young, will not remember his mother.

But Daniel looks like me. And he will always be able look in the mirror
and see a little of me, reflected there.

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Comments

Years ago, I read a novel called "The Annunciation". The one passage I remember to this day was of the protagonist looking into the eyes of her child and seeing her past, present and future. It was so profound.

Wow! What a beautiful post! I too have never felt 'beautiful' but plan on trying to see myself through my kids' eyes a little more often.

I will be praying for you and your family. Here's to defying the odds!

What a blessing your son is to you and thanks for sharing. I struggle with depression and chronic pain, and when I look into the eyes of my own, engaged, beautiful, loving boy, I feel life again.

Mommy Bloggers, you've made an excellent choice adding Laurie to your ranks. She's awesome...and spunky...and pissed off...and cool...and I hope to know her when she's welcoming her grandchildren home from the hospital. She'll be a grandma, I'll be an old married homosexual Canadian, and all will be right with the world. We'll meet for Timbits and toast to the internet & NaBloPoMo with our double-doubles.

Hi!

Can I be a mommy blogger here too? If so, how? THANKS!

Beautiful post, truly beautiful.

Sympathise with you, I really hope that everything in your life would be all right. Strive as you've benn doing and you'll win!

Sympathise with you, I really hope that everything in your life would be all right. Strive as you've benn doing and you'll win!

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