Tell Your Daughter I Said So
This post might alienate some people, but that isn't the intention. It's about sex, and since most of us aren't very interested in sex, go ahead and take a nap.
SEX.
First of all, I'm for it.
Secondly, there's a time and a place for everything. Sleeping, eating, rollerblading, driving, leaving home, movies, red wine, golfing, websurfing, and, yes, sex. Try any of these things when you're too young or too old or too tired or at work or at someone else's house or ovulating or angry or with the wrong person or just having an off day, well, let's just say that things won't go as they should, and that's an understatement. And to try and persuade or even, heaven forbid, force, someone to do any of these things when they really don't want to, is to be the opposite of a friend, and worse even than an enemy.
When, then, should these things, and others, be done? They should be done when the time is right, and the place is right, and the people are right. When do we know that? I don't know. We just know. But what if everybody else is doing these things and they're making fun of me because I'm not? Ignore them. They're not you, and they can't make decisions for you. But, but, but, I WANT them to! No, you don't. Not really. But, but, but, people are doing these things everywhere. All the coolest celebrities are doing them and they look awesome.
Uh huh. Is this what it's come down to? Celebrities are our young peoples' mentors now? Actually, as long as parents give in and give in and kowtow, celebrities rule. Fashion, music, behavior. . . . .besides, many kids nowadays see celebrities more frequently than they see their parents. Kids spend long hours home alone in front of the tv, and lifestyle examples are rampant all over the networks. All of them look like more fun than their parents' lifestyles, unless you've got parents who imitate celebrities in their indiscriminate helping themselves to other peoples' spouses, and their utter disregard for the homes they destroy, the people they devastate, and the children they traumatize.
But yeah, young people today think celebrities and other peoples' mothers are awesome!
You know, just like us, when we were their age.
Celebrities are out there everywhere. There are more celebrities than regular people, in some areas. Celebrities, wearing g-strings and two styrofoam egg carton sections, carrying french bread in a mesh bag, talking on a cell phone and frowning at the ten thousand photographers who are following them. Celebrities, making babies and abandoning them like so much dross. Celebrities, walking out on pregnant wives or girlfriends that they might take up with yet another celebrity and impregnate them, too. Studly celebrities with high sperm counts, going from flower to flower like King Mongut. Celebrities, unmarried but reproducing like crazed ferrets, dancing on top of talk-show furniture and spouting philosophy that any sane and educated person would laugh at, but which an un or under-educated person might ostensibly fall for. And it is my firm belief that many of our young people are at the very least, undereducated.
Tom Cruise ROCKS, and Katie is so LUCKY he looked her way, and their baby is AWESOME, and, um, married? No, but it's okay because they're CELEBRITIES. Celebrities DO it, so if I do it, maybe I'll get as lucky as Katie. She's so LUCKY. And I KNOW that Tom will never leave her the way he left two other wives; he's CHANGED. Sure, he was married when she started having sex with him but that's all right because she LOVED him and, well, it's just ALL RIGHT.
It makes me remember Michael Landon, "Mr. Family Values" of the seventies and eighties, and how he made and walked out on several families, all the while wearing his "TV's Perfect Father" crown for some people. (He also helped ruin Laura Ingalls Wilder's beautiful stories, and for that I shall never forgive him.)
A lot of old celebrities are dating young women. Is this cool? Would you really want your daughter to have sex with him? Why is this penchant of so many celebrities - and noncelebrities, for that matter - for young girls played up as "cool?" It's not cool when horny wrinkled old men put their hands all over women who could be their daughters, age-wise! It's NASTY! People like Pitt and Cruise and Landon leave their wives of many years, they leave their children, and shack up with other women, some of whom are young enough to be their daughters. Personally, I think it's a compensatory thing. Why are we so reluctant to call this behavior by its true name: adultery. Adultery is a sin, not something cool to emulate!
With or without a camera aimed in a person's face, people should behave themselves. Period. Is there ever a good, ethical reason for adultery and abandonment? No, there is not.
Where am I going with this ramble? I'm not sure. There are things I'd like to say and I'm not sure I can say them without offending somebody, but then, that's never stopped me before, and if somebody IS offended, maybe he/she/they need to take a good long look at themselves through other peoples' eyes. Harrison certainly has an advocate!
Perhaps one of the points is that there are many aspects of life that are wonderful. Some of them are available for people of any age; several of them are available only for people of a certain age, and several of them are appropriate only for people of a certain age and circumstances. Or should be.
Remember the Seven Deadly Sins? The Seven Virtues? Remember what Mordred thought of the Seven Virtues? Remember what kind of person Mordred was? Does anyone know who Mordred was? Has anyone ever heard of Mordred?
The Seven Deadly Virtues, those ghastly little traps,
Oh no, my liege, they were not meant for me.
Those Seven Deadly Virtues were made for other chaps,
Who love a life of failure and ennui.
Take Courage-now there's a sport
An invitation to the state of rigor mort
And Purity-a noble yen
And very restful every now and then
I find Humility means to be hurt
It's not the earth the meek inherit, it's the dirt
Honesty is fatal, it should be taboo
Diligence-a fate I would hate
If Charity means giving, I give it to you
And Fidelity is only for your mate
You'll never find a virtue unstatusing my quo, or making my Beelzebubble burst;
Let others take the high road, I will take the low;
I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go,
With all those Seven Deadly Virtues free and happy little me has not been cursed!
And the Seven Deadly Sins?
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
Is it just me, or have those Deadly Sins somehow become the typical lifestyle of a lot of people? Is there ever really a good excuse for any of them? I can't think of one.
Ghandi had his own list of sins. Look.
Wealth without Work
Pleasure without Conscience
Science without Humanity
Knowledge without Character
Politics without Principle
Commerce without Morality
Worship without Sacrifice
Now, far be it from me to sermonize. Sermons usually put me to sleep. Sermons often make people get up and go out and do the very thing they were just sermonized against just for spite. (not that I would know.) But I have seen a lot of heartbreak and disillusionment in our young people, because they disregarded certain conventions and 'did their own thing' to the tune of flouting old-fashioned boring things like morality and fidelity and chastity; besides which, such doings often bring yet another innocent being into the world who gets to reap the benefit of being raised by teenagers, fed by government-subsidized programs, educated via free book rental, clothed by the salvation army, and housed by charity. Yes, sometimes it works, but it would have worked better if it had been done later. Have you any idea how many kids in the public schools have parents who have passed the same VD's around from household to household? And you really don't want to get me started on parents who have a winter coat, shoes, and reek of nicotine and recent sex when their children have no socks or coat and their shoes are held together with rubber bands and duct tape, who depend on free lunch for survival. Most of you wouldn't BELIEVE the stories most teachers could tell you. I'd like to have a nickel for every poor little kid I've had in class who never knew from day to day which "Uncle" would be sleeping with Mommy on any given night. Some of these parents have lost their minds, putting themselves first in every aspect of life! First, when they ought to be last and their little children first. . . .
Oh, I'm making lots of friends with this post, aren't I.
It's too late to make a long story short, so I'll end with this. Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Lindsey Lohan, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Jerry Springer and anyone he's ever had on his show, Elizabeth Hurley, and lots of other unwholesome 'celebrities,' are not mentors or icons or role models. They are clowns. Ideally, we go to the circus, point and laugh at clowns, and then leave them behind whilst heaving a sigh of relief that we are not them. Clowns are to be laughed at, not brought home and given the run of the bedroom. We laugh at clowns, we don't let them whisper promises in our ears and pour us one more glass of wine and remove our clothing and impregnate us.
And how do we know a clown when we see one? Oh good grief, people, a clown is the idiot who tries to talk us into anything we don't really want to do, and who makes us feel inferior and behind the times and childish if we protest. If anyone tries to mess with you in any of those ways, PLEASE try to visualize the big red nose, the greasy red lips, the acne underneath the whiteface, and the infected boils under the suspenders. If you're still horny after picturing that, you've got far bigger problems than I could deal with here. In fact, you might even be the clown in the relationship.
If your mind is telling you to 'wait,' then wait. Nobody on this entire planet has the right to make you do 'anything' you don't feel ready to do. The Seven Deadly Sins are gross, disgusting, inferior lifestyles; don't let anyone try to cover them with sparkle-dust and fool you. All the glitter in the world won't cover a pile of shit that big. It might shine, but it will still stink. The Seven Virtues might be difficult at times, but ultimately, they are your best bet for a good life. And Ghandi's list is perfection.
Yes. I am speaking from experience, in many ways. I want everyone to have a better life than I have. I want everyone to be happier than I am. I want everyone to be smarter than I am.
I want everyone to do his/her own thinking, and I want everyone to stop trying to talk kids into things they would be better off not doing. I want these celebrities to stop sugar-coating lifestyles that are really just selfish inability to commit. Adopting orphans from faraway lands does not negate a personal lifestyle that is immoral.
I've always been a little bit afraid of clowns. I think it's because all that paint and nonsense can fool some people into thinking that anything the clown suggests is a really good idea.
Honk honk. Beep beep. Why DON'T you want to, sweetheart, everyone else is doing it. You don't want to be the ONLY ONE who isn't, do you? Come on. Loosen up. Whoops, sorry about the lipstick smears. Beep beep, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. . . . .
And HOLY COW, people who live like this sure hate it when a finger is pointed at them!
"My personal life is nobody else's business!" Why, of COURSE not, dear. You go right ahead and commit adultery if the urges are that strong; never mind all those young people watching your every move.
Parts of this were posted on Scheiss Weekly in February of 2006.
Comments
While I am certainly not a big fan of any of the "stars" you mentioned, and I get what you mean about calling them clowns, but it seems a bit harsh. I put more blame on the media hounds who follow them around and report on the minutiae of their lives and deem it important with a million photographs and magazine covers. We wouldn't know what Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen twins had for breakfast in rehab if the media would shut up and leave them alone. I know, it's the nature of the biz, but if we want famous people to stop being role models I call the media to task first. Not that Britany et al shouldn't be held responsible for their actions... I just wish they could do it in private without the flash of a billion cameras. They're just performers, why must we know what color underwear they buy? Insightful post. (And you didn't offend me in the least ;> .) I'd never read Ghandi's list of sins... wise!
Posted by: katie | February 29, 2008 7:34 AM
I agree with every word you've said here. Those in high or public places need to be careful of the unspoken "advice" they're giving to our kids. Actions speak louder than words!
Posted by: Lynette | March 3, 2008 12:47 PM
First of all: my mum would be very impressed with me if I scored with Harrison Ford. Sure, he's 47 years older than me, so that would never happen, but still. I'm sure you still think that he'd leave Calista for me given the chance, but obviously, you have no idea what you're talking about.
Second of all: what have I learnt from the celebrities that I adore (most of them are actors 50+ of age)? Well, Harrison thaught me most, seeing that he is the person I admire the most. Thanks to him I now know that I am going to work with the environment, trying to save this world, and to be honest I think my mother would be even more proud if I succeeded in that than she would if I had sex with the man. ;P
And Angelina Jolie has made me realize that I will never a kid of my own: I will adopt, helping some poor child instead of destroying this world by contributing to its overpopulation. Would I ever earn a lot of money I would donate lots of it, because that's what she does. She is far from the richest in Hollywood, and still donates 1/3 of everything she earns to charity.
I can see why a person like you don't want me to become like this. God, I would be even morally superior than you are. And that would be horrible, wouldn't it?
Third of all: what the fuck is up with all the "it's a sin"-BS? Honestly, we're all sinners everyday. And if you want to frame celebrities who are bad influence, try getting the real bad guys. Like Tom Cruise, not for abonding his wife or whatever, but for joining the CoS. Or Michael Jackson, for seriously abusing kids (and not, mind you, willingly 40 year old women). Or maybe even Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie, for killing girls younger than me (in case your math is as bad as I thinK: I'm 18) by drinking, driving drunk, or ignoring the signs or anorexia.
And finally: give it a rest. Nobody dies as a virgin, 'cause life fucks us all.
Posted by: Ell | March 4, 2008 12:13 PM
This is wonderful! You've said it better than I've ever heard someone say it before! I would like to copy this and distribute it to everyone I know, including our PTO and the other parents in the after-school program in my town.
Thank you, Mamacita, for having the guts to tell it like it really, truly is.
Posted by: Brenda Murray | March 4, 2008 3:26 PM
Wow, somebody up there has a genuine potty mouth, not to mention some really poor spelling/grammar skills! Does your mother know you talk like that on a public website?
Of course she does! A mom who would be proud of a daughter who slept with someone out of wedlock probably taught her child to say the "f" word.
Your argument merely gives more evidence that truly nice people don't sleep around, or condone it when someone else does, even when that commenter is a celebrity fanatic who can't see the forest for the trees, and feels the need to defend a multi-billionaire who does what he wants no matter what anybody might say. He certainly has that right; nobody is disputing that.
But hon, you might want to consider hiring somebody else to rant for you the next time; perhaps, someone who can spell?
I don't want my daughters, or my son, to think that sex is a casual thing, and that their partners can be used and discarded, EVER.
There are some celebrities, and the guy next door, who model poor behaviors for impressionable kids. Period. I only hope my kids will have the judgment to know the difference between 'what the fuck is up with all the "it's a sin"-BS' and "Respect yourself and those who are watching you."
I'm sorry for you, kiddo. And unlike your mother, I'm not proud of you, either.
This was a timely and excellent post, and I thank the author for having the guts to say what decent parents want our kids to hear, in spite of media hype, fansites where women wax indignant when their heroes are maligned, and immorality masquerading as virtue.
Posted by: W. Prentice | March 4, 2008 6:22 PM
W. Prentice. When you mention a "a multi-billionaire who does what he wants no matter what anybody might say," what exactly are you referring to? What is it that he's doing or done despite "what anybody might say"? What is his "sin"?
Posted by: Trudy | March 5, 2008 12:55 AM
These peoples' "sin," which many people have forgotten IS a sin, is having sex with someone to whom they is not legally married. Yes, it's true that a lot of people have conveniently "forgotten" that civilized people are not supposed to have sex with whoever they feel like 'doing' this week, and that a lot of supposedly intelligent people have flung morality to the wayside and share a bed every night with girlfriends, boyfriends, and other peoples' spouses, but the fact remains that premarital, extra-marital, and any kind of sex is a sin unless the participants are married to each other.
So yes, I will have to agree with Mamacita that there are a lot of people out there today who just do whatever the heck they want, and they don't give a tinker's dam about the examples they are setting for our kids.
Heck, at least half of my students' parents are sleeping with each other and trading spouses like nobody who isn't in the schools regularly would ever believe.
And then we wonder why so many of our teens are allowing themselves to be knocked up so much, and how they don't even think of it as a consequence of sin.
It IS. And no snickering, sniggering, or list of excuses and reasons WHY will make the least difference.
I'm not an old fogie, either. I'm 31 years old, and my parents brought me up to know the difference between right and wrong.
Thank you, MommyBloggers, for allowing this article to be posted. The GOOD parents of the world appreciate it very much.
People who don't believe in self control will probably take offense.
By the way, I think that movie "Juno" is disgusting.
Posted by: MrsMother | March 5, 2008 3:26 PM
I'm closing the comments for this post, for reasons that most of us will understand. This is not a forum for proclaiming that out-of-wedlock sex is a good thing because everybody is doing it, even our favorite movie stars, and y'all would not BELIEVE some of the comments people are making. Email me directly if you still want to fight. :)
Posted by: Mamacita | March 5, 2008 8:23 PM