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/* no ie mac \*/
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}
« On having three children |
Main
| Momitude »
I remember the night clearly. The boys would not stop fighting. The girl was clinging to me like Saran Wrap. The dog was chewing anything he could get his slobbery teeth on. Dinner burned. The husband was grouchy. I had hit my limit. With a look of desperation mixed with "don't mess with me", I grabbed my car keys and left. Without one word to anyone as to where I was going or how long I would be gone. I just left.
And it felt great.
That night I drove with the windows down feeling the freedom blow through my hair. I listened to the radio as loudly as I wanted to on a station that I enjoyed. As I felt the sensation of being overwhelmed subsiding a bit, I decided to settle on a location to wait out my frustration and give the family some time to regroup and figure out the truth in the saying "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
After I became completely cozied up in a local bookstore complete with attached coffee shop, I sipped my coffee, and looked around me. I watched one mother wrestling her daughter into a stroller. I saw a couple holding hands looking at magazines. And then my eyes met hers. She sat in one of the overstuffed chairs just a section away from where I sat. I didn't know her, but I knew her. That look in her eye said the exact same thing that mine did. "I am overwhelmed and escaped." She must have recognized the look in my eye as well because she raised her cup of coffee to me in solidarity and gave me a weak smile before she returned her attention to the book she held in her other hand.
I am smart enough to know that I am certainly not alone in becoming overwhelmed with motherhood. With life, for that matter. But in that moment, it certainly felt good to see another woman and know that she understood. Sometimes, all we need is to know that we are not in a sinking ship alone. Trust me, Moms. You are not in a sinking ship alone.
I do wonder why I waited until my breaking point to leave that night. I have since learned to step out alone more often and long before I snap and have to leave the house. In fact, I am pondering grabbing my keys as soon as I finish this because I have been interrupted so many times as I post this, I am considering putting in a traffic light to keep the kids from slamming into each other as they race to tell me something that has absolutely nothing to do with anything other than their need to speak. Though, the fact that I am running a fever of 102 and have taken NyQuil, I am guessing my form of escape will be sleep. But can I get a w00t when it comes to an early bedtime when you have three kids?
Just so you know, other mothers are not only feeling overwhelmed, too, some of them even have an escape plan as I do.
On the blog Life As I Know It, one mom searches out the same escapes and peace that I do. That her own mom sought out as well.
In fact, she left several more times during those nine months.
When I was about 20 I found out that she had escaped to the library seeking solace on those nights. The library! Are you kidding me?
I always imagined that, on those nights, she was driving her VW Bug around town in a mad, middle-aged rage stopping only at the mall to max out her Visa card at Lord and Taylor. Or maybe drowning her sorrows in cognac shots in the back of her favorite fabric store. The other quilters gathered around her, sympathetic to life with ungrateful children. Maybe there was a whole underground-stay-at-home-mom-quilters support group. It sounded plausible, no?
But she came to find that her mother was actually on to something wonderful.
I didn't say a word. I watched for awhile. Then I silently, deliberately, got up from the table. I picked up my car keys, and walked out the door.
And I drove.
To the library.
I get it now.
Some days we get overwhelmed. All of us. Every single one of us. Period.
As Suzy from Enjoying the Ride so eloquently wrote:
Struck to the core by this woman's desperation, I assure her that she is NOT alone...that although it may seem like everyone has their act together-everyone but her-it is not true. EVERY mom, every parent needs help, support, tools, and inspiration to get through each day. I tell her how brave she is to just say that she needs help...
Somewhere they picked up the belief that the love a parent has for their children conquers all and that outside help or support is not needed. That reaching out shows your weakness and that is to be avoided at all costs.
Mothering can be a lonely job. But, it doesn't have to be like that. Reach out. There is help.
So if you are a mother who is overwhelmed with motherhood, work or just life, even if you cannot physically escape, please remember that this time of chaos is just for a short season. You are not alone and you can get through it.
I leave with you the words of Jeanne of Mom-a-thon who puts it so perfectly.
So, any young moms who are at times overwhelmed, know that it is truly a season. We do get our alone time back--in spurts. And I wouldn't change a thing. Before I know it, five or six years will have blipped by, and I will have more alone time than I know what to do with!
---
Cross posted on BlogHer
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Comments
I have so been there. I don't get to run away very often. I've left in a rage and driven for 20-30 minutes while I cooled down. But I don't get to go places alone very often except when the kids are all in school and the stars are all lined up just right. And Summers are the worst of all....
Wonderful post. We should all find the time. Sometimes its harder than others though and we just have to work harder to take care of ourselves before we hit that boiling point.
Posted by: Sleeping Mommy | February 11, 2008 8:02 PM
I'm home sick today -- and enjoying the solitude. How sad is that? Maybe it's okay. It's just me, my tissue box, and my bunny.
Posted by: Daisy | February 12, 2008 12:31 PM
I just wrote about this 2 days ago, only I'm a single mom who can't run out the door when I need to escape.
Posted by: April | February 12, 2008 2:52 PM
Jenn, I just wanted to say that I love this piece and your writing. And boy can I relate.
Posted by: laurie | February 15, 2008 9:48 AM
that is so reasurring that i am not alone, im 27, have three children and my boyfriend of twelve years has left me about a week ago now, but when he was here he didnt help much anyway so i am feeling completely overwhelmed now, but reading that i feel much better knowing im not the only one to feel like this, thanks LARNA
Posted by: leyarna louise moffatt | February 16, 2008 6:02 AM