I have a lot to learn about this teen parenting thing.

My first lesson is that it suddenly got really hard to figure out what is going on in her world.

I began monitoring her computer use, with her knowledge to make sure there were no hugely inappropriate things going on in her world.

I rehearsed the next level of the drinking/drugs/smoking/sex talks and filed them away, ready to bring them out should anything I read anywhere raise my suspicions.

But, not to my great surprise, I'm not finding any of these scenarios.

I fully realize that most anything can be deleted, or moved to the phone via text messages, I'm fairly confident that things in these areas are OK for now.

What I really didn't think about though, was reading about things that are obviously important to her that she doesn't talk to me about much.

I'm still learning about what things are manufactured drama for the sake of drama and which things are truly upsetting.

I've been pondering a quote I read last week about raising teens: "Where is the line between (teaching) independence and neglect?"

Of course, that doesn't usually mean criminal or egregious neglect, but it's really been on my mind as I navigate this new territory.

While she's still pretty young and not driving or going many places without an adult (curse this going to the movies thing, still, though) this idea mainly applies to me in the area of friends, family and school.

So right now, the question I ask myself is, "What is the line between things I should talk to her about and what is none of my business?"

I very rarely ask her about things I've read, I want to save my inquiries for things that truly matter.

But, for example, when I read something that indicates a good friend of hers has mistreated her, I want to stand up and say, "Friends don't do that!"

Another part of me realizes that it's something she should handle on her own.

Then the first part that won't easily be silenced (she shows up the most often, go figure) steps up and shouts that I should keep the lines of communication open while she's young, that's what a good teen parent does.

However, she is very wise and if I said something generic like, "You can talk to me anytime about anything, you know", she'd say, "Alrighty, I'll get right on that", so I probably need to be specific when bringing up stuff that matters.

Please note that both parts of me can be silenced with a good steak, or nachos on occasion, and she'll be on her own during that time either way.

I suppose the answer is that I will just have to take things as they come, people have been doing this for years, I just want to get it right the first time.

(cross posted from Busymom.net)