Mommybloggers: So, Sweatpants Mom, huh? Tell us about the name of your blog.

Marsha: Okay, let me clear up a misconception. I don’t actually spend all day in my sweatpants. I’ve been known to throw on a pair of jeans and a blouse once in a while. Sometimes they’re even clean. I thought of calling my blog ‘WellGrooomed Mom’ but who needs that pressure. It’s all about lowering expectations. Now when people meet me and I don’t have toothpaste on my chin or I’m not wearing my pajamas they’re thrilled. What was the question again?

Mommybloggers: You crack us up every time we read you - your combination of dry wit and eye for the humor in any given situation makes your blog a joy. Have you always been a writer?

Marsha: Aside from the occasional copy line or witty email, I’ve been a graphic designer in the entertainment industry all my life and never wrote a single thing until around three years ago. Now I primarily write and take on only a few design jobs a year, but for some reason whenever anyone asks me what I do I say, “I’m a designer.� Obviously I don’t feel worthy of calling myself a writer yet. What’s up with that? Help me.

Mommybloggers: As the kicked-back mama of two girls,you often write about your style of parenting, and how it differs from what is expected these days. Do you get any flack from readers?

Marsha: I’ll occasionally get scolded by the righteous mom who thinks I should get off my lazy ass and get my girls into soccer, but otherwise I think most of my readers relate to what I’m saying and are somewhat relieved that they’re not alone. No one wants to be the only mom on the playground who didn’t serve their kid organic muesli for breakfast, or who opted to take everyone to the mall instead of to the noon showing of ‘Storybook King Lear.’ I’m thinking of starting an after-school ‘camp’ for like-minded parents and their kids who want to shun the whole über-parenting trend, but are afraid of becoming social pariahs. We’ll all pretend we’re shuttling the children to softball games or drama lessons but then everyone will just hang out at my house and drink coffee, eat junk food and refuse to talk to our kids about their feelings.

Mommybloggers: We have to ask - are you a "mommyblogger?" What do you think of the term?

Marsha: I am a mommyblogger, damnit! There’s a stigma attached to a lot of terms these days and I just don’t get it. Mommyblogger is a mom who blogs, for chrissake. I think it’s all in the way the term is presented. For instance, someone called me a “lady driver� the other day and the way he said it was so offensive, even though I am in fact, a lady who drives. Of course, I did just back over the guy’s foot but that’s beside the point.

Mommybloggers: We loves us some Prince, too - how is your plan to reform your children's musical tastes going?

Marsha: I’m losing ground fast. The little ingrates asked me to turn down “Purple Rain� the other day because they couldn’t hear their YouTube video of My Chemical Romance. They finally listened to some Janet Jackson recently, though. I found that withholding food for a few days really increases their appreciation of fine music.

Mommybloggers: What gets you really excited?

Marsha: Coffee. You think I’m joking.

Mommybloggers: What could you live your whole life never having to deal with?

Marsha: Cockroaches, junk mail and the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. You see there’s a theme here – none of them have any business being in my house.

Mommybloggers: Tell us something surprising, that your readers don't know about.

Marsha: It took me two months to get back to Mommybloggers with the answers to these questions, and theyre still speaking to me.

Mommybloggers: Your husband and daughters are often the subject of your posts. What do they think about the whole blog thing?

Marsha: My husband often thanks me for making him look so good in my stories, and he should. Because he’s really just a terrible person who usually brews the coffee too strong and makes a lot of noise washing dishes when I’m trying to sleep in.

As for my kids, I’ve actually told them they’re not allowed to read my blog, mainly because of the um, language I often use and the subject matter of some of my posts. When there’s a piece that I’ve written about them that I think is appropriate I print it out and let them read it. But they’re pretty savvy, and as they get older they’re getting suspicious of what I write about them; I think it’s only a matter of time before they go behind my back and read my archives. I’m hoping they’ll spend their computer time more wisely, hacking the school’s files or looking up bad words like normal kids do.

Mommybloggers: What won't you write about?

Marsha: There are certain things that my husband, kids, friends or family members do and then immediately say to me, “Do NOT put this on your blog� and I respect that. Like the time my husband got locked behind the gates of our storage space facility, I had to be sensitive and not write about it. Oh wait - I did. But you know, I got a crapload of hits on that post and a ton of comments so it’s really important to get your priorities straight and seize the moment.

Mommybloggers: So all of a sudden, we're seeing you everywhere. Tell us where we can get more of your writing.

Marsha: I spend an unhealthy amount of time writing about Angelina Jolie’s flat stomach and Britney Spears’ bad weave over on FameCrawler as well as on my two blogs, Sweatpantsmom and Views From The Pants. I also just got my first print byline in Genlux Magazine, where I interviewed Hayden Panetierre from the show Heroes. I have three thousand copies in my van if you’d like one.

Mommybloggers: What do you think about all these multiple-blog-having writers? Is quantity a good thing?

Marsha: Sure, why not? I personally can’t keep up with more than two blogs, but if you want to have sixty and can maintain them while remembering to shower and feed your kids, then I say more power to you. It’s like my motto as I’m going through the aisles of Costco, “Screw quality, go for the quantity.�

Mommybloggers: Where do you think this whole "mommyblogging" thing is heading - for you personally, and for the internet in general?

Marsha: I think the reach of not only mommybloggers but bloggers in general is just going to keep growing – in politics, advertising, and in media. People are starting to take notice of and appreciate the wide diversity of voices out there and the influence they can have. Let’s just remember to use our powers for good and not evil. And by that I mean putting an end to blogs about American Idol and Beanie Baby collections.

Mommybloggers: Aaaaand: Here are the questions we subject all of our victims, er, guests, to:

1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Goodnight.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Catwhen. As in “You promised we could get a cat when can we get one?

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
We don’t really have any ‘substitute’ words we use around them, although we try not to let loose too often. It’s getting harder as they get older and the words have more weight. The other day my husband said ‘fuck’ in the car and you could have heard a pin drop. Finally my 9-year old said, “Dad, I’m SO disappointed in you.�

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
Sadly, the bathroom.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
See #4.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
I’d like to hear her announce that we’re part of that annual show where everyone gets all the free stuff. I could really use a new blender.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

The following entry was written for Mommybloggers by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor. It has been a joy to pass over the reigns to her today.

My daughter is much cooler than me and she’s two. Yesterday she wore cammo pants with a red tutu – and she pulled it off! People stopped to take her picture. Believe me I had been worried about her future because her mother is a failure in that department. No one’s ever stopped to take a picture of me in my banana clip.

You may not know at first glance that I’m not hip. I mean, I’m wearing my “vintage� shirt, but, unfortunately for me I didn’t pay 35 cents for it at a thrift store or 3,500 at Fred Segal. No, sadly, I got it at Wet Seal, the store that caters to the 11 to maybe 18 set. I’m 40. I actually do a lot of shopping there. I know. it’s true. I’m a member of a club that would never admit it’s own existence. But, I’m coming out of the closet. I’m one of them. The tragically unhip. I’m not nor have I ever been uncool enough to bring it full circle and be geeky in a hipster way. I’ve slipped through the cracks.

And I’m not one of those people who cool doesn’t matter to. You know, a Wall Street type who’s mad for Dave Matthews and knows the world is on his side on this one or someone who calls Dr. Laura introducing themselves as “Hi Dr. Laura, I’m My Kid’s Mom� or uses the phrase “Ah ha moment� with serious purpose. No. I’m not oblivious to my unhipness. I wish I was. What I am is so much worse. I’m a dreaded wannabe.

It started in early grade school. In our studio apartment, my mother collected green stamps like it was her job and my clothes were ordered for me from the Sears catalog. But here’s the catch, I liked it. Yeah, I didn’t groan like a future Janeane Garafolo, I looked forward to the delivery of my purple polyesther pants suit with white fringe and the daintiest 100% plastic flowers surrounding the turtleneck white collar with glee. Oh yeah, I used words like glee.

In sixth grade I made an early attempt at hip. I begged and begged to get a “real� professional haircut by a real professional hair dresser. Up until that point, my mother thought it was perfectly fine and a great money saver to pull out the old Singer sewing scissors and chop away until I had a straight wall of bangs well above my eyebrows. Finally my mother relented. Only, it wasn’t at a “salon� it was a friend’s mom who cut hair out of her house on the cheap while enjoying a few gin and grapefruit juices – but hey, I thought, at least it wasn’t MY MOM. The hairstyle I wanted, naturally, was the infamous Dorothy Hamill - the haircut of the pre-pubescent ice skating, gymnastic, freshly ear pierced set. But the “hairstylist� may have been more familiar with the work of Olga Korbut. The result didn’t look cute and girly on me, hitting my jawline just so and flipping up delicately. No, I just looked like a boy. Possibly a cute boy. But a boy. I didn’t become aquainted with layers until my twenties.

After that, there were Toni home perms that went awry (are there any other kind?), Sun-In, self tanning lotions that made me look jaundiced at best and other misfired attempts at hip. It seemed to always be my fault too, seeing as the other girls in class managed to pull it off. And, I swear over twenty years have gone by and the self-tanners still turn my skin colors not found in nature. But I’m still trying.

Shorty after the perm incident that went awry, I was invited to a friend’s birthday party. Okay, not exactly a friend. More like a girl’s whose mother made her extend an invite to all her 6th grade classmates. I obsessed on what to get her for her present and decided on a record, not just any record but my favorite record. Janis Ian. Even my mother thought it might not be a great idea but I loved Janis Ian. Not just the song “At Seventeen� but all the poignant, angst filled songs that I cried and sang along to in my room wishing I was a folky, 20-something, unruly haired singer who could literally make people’s hearts ache with a specific chord change. And pull off a beret.

At the birthday party, I presented my gift with bated breath waiting to finally be accepted, perhaps even celebrated. My heart swelled with pride while she unwrapped it. But the recipient, Debbie Shindower, gave me a look of pity I’ll never forget. I’d gotten it so wrong and they all knew it. Smirks gave way to laughter and exclamations of “Who the fuck is Janis Ian?� Debbie went on to open Shaun Cassidy, The Bee Gees, Olivia Newton John and other far less navel gazing lesbians, apparently more appropriate for a 10- year-old girl.

In another misguided attempt to fit in with the cool kids in my semi-tough neighborhood, I played along with some clumsy sexual games in the alley behind my house. A few of the girls had gathered and were daring each other to rub up against the 5th grade boy who lived across the street from me. Not wanting to do it and not wanting to refuse, I participated. This escalated to making him pull his pants down and one of the girls suggesting we touch his flaccid penis with a leaf. Then we were dared by our leader to “touch it� which I did for a millisecond (it felt like sand paper). So, years later I found out that the boy had been mildly retarded. So if semi-molesting a mentally challenged 5th grader made me cool then score one for the home team!

Continue reading "Tragically Unhip" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 9:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

The following essay was written especially for Mommybloggers by our featured blogger, Sarah.

Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows that I am a huge
football fan. The Super Bowl is my Easter. I love football, I love
food, I love beer, I love tv, what more could I ask for? So in honor
of it being Super Bowl week, I have decided to tell you a story about
how I watched the entire Super Bowl one year and missed the one part
that everyone talked about the next day.

I don't know. Maybe this is actually more of a non-story.
Whatever, I'm going to tell you anyway because I still can't believe
this happened.

Let me set the stage, Super Bowl XXXVIII, February 1st - I know it
must have been 2004 because I was 100% sober during the big game.
This obviously means I was pregnant. It was the New England Patriots
versus the Carolina Panthers and it was a really good game. It is
half time, and there are four people in my living room. We are
talking and watching the half time show. I see Janet Jackson
and Justin Timberlake. Four of us are watching this stupid half time
show (I'm still not sure why we hadn't changed the channel) and not
one of us noticed the infamous "wardrobe malfunction"
.
I HAD TIVO! WE WERE RECORDING THE GAME! We could have rewound (and
you call it rewinding if it's digital?) it and watched it if only one
of the four of us had noticed something funny. Two of us were not
even drinking. How did we miss it? I still don't know. One of the
most famous of all Super Bowl non-football related moments and I
completely missed it. It was worse than the time we turned off the
Jets game right before a drunk Joe Namath told Suzy
Kolber that he wanted to kiss her. (How did I function before You
Tube?)

To recap: I was watching, I had TiVo, I was sober, and yet not one
of the four of us (and the other three were all straight men) saw
Janet Jackson's boob until the next day.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to tell all of you this, but I do
feel better getting it off of my chest (get it? Sorry, that was a
crappy joke) and it seemed appropriate to talk about it this week as
a tribute to the NFL's biggest game of the year.

I also want to thank Jenn and the other Mommybloggers for being so
great and featuring me this week. Thanks ladies, I love what you do.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

For more of Sarah's writing, go visit her at her blog Sarah and the Goon Squad!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 8:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The following entry was written by our featured blogger, Kelly. It is one of her favorites that she wanted to share with Mommybloggers.

Special… having my own bathroom.

Not so special… having people need me only when I’m in the shower and try to talk through the door that’s 5 feet away when there’s water rushing through my ears.

Special… having friends ride the bike trails with me now that they know I ride with some frequency.

Not so special… having people stare at me when I’m riding like I look like some sort of prize in my bike helmet and tank and shorts (Oh, note to the Bubba who spoke to me through his pickup truck window: No, thanks. Not ever. No. No. No.)

Special… having my husband agree to make dinner even though he works full-time.

Not so special… just having a bowl of cereal while he spends time wondering what to make for dinner.

Special… having Morgan wake up early to make me muffins because he loves me.

Not so special… having Morgan eat all the chocolate chip muffins and leave the lemon poppyseed ones for me.

Special… getting a free lip gloss mailer from Bath and Body Works.

Not so special… having to spend $10 just to get the free lip gloss.

Special… listening to my husband tell me how proud he is that I just rode my bike 25 miles.

Not so special… listening to my husband say, “Wooooo… you stink!� after riding 25 miles.

Special… working up a sweat, even if it’s not an appreciable quality for those who have to smell me.

Not so special… boob sweat. What’s up with that?

Special… reading a comment on my blog from my friend Joe-in-the-Netherlands.

Not so special… reading a comment about missing my Date in Delft with him online because of my shit Monday. I’ll make it up to you.

Special… getting the low down on where Mallory is all the time even though she’s 20 years old and doesn’t have to tell me.

Not so special… wondering if “Going fishing� or “Playing ultimate frisbee� is a euphamism for “Getting drunk.�

Special… having my family do all the laundry since Mommy is so busy with reading and writing and taking class.

Not so special… having my family ruin my expensive Victoria’s Secret bras by putting them in the dryer.

This essay was originally published on Mocha Momma on June 27, 2006. If you want to read more by our incredible guest blogger, Kelly, visit her personal blog, Mocha Momma.

Posted by mommybloggers at 7:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: We loved meeting you are BlogHer. You are a hoot! Are you naturally outgoing or is it something that is dependent on your surroundings. Because, honey, we have pictures that say you are certainly not shy!

Karen: Most of the time, I'm outgoing. On the inside, I'm a complete MESS. Seriously: nervous, jittery, drooling mess. As a child I was always shy, probably because I was ugly as sin and kids called me things like Chicken Legs and Bucky The Wonder Horse. I was built like a rake - not one of those $9.99 models either. Dude, a premium rake that could kick leaves and take names. As a result, once I had my braces off and my curves had arrived, I was PRETTY. Dammit, I wanted everyone to know it. Then I had kids and the body went to shit, but I realized that people liked me for my personality. So they say.

Mommybloggers: You have said more than once that you had a rotten childhood. In a few entries you talk about it. How has that impacting your mothering and your view on motherhood?

Karen: If I find myself yelling, I stop myself. I raise my kids with healthy doses of love, listening and sarcasm. 2 out of 3 ain't bad. I don't spank. I don't believe in spanking. No animal, child or person should ever be hit. Except in football. Go Cowboys!

Sometimes I find myself comparing my mannerisms to my mothers, and I have to really stop and think about whether it is a good one or one I don't want my kids around. I bounce alot of stuff off my husband. He is an amazing father and was raised by normal, loving parents. So if I'm stuck, I have them to turn to as well. They are as much family to me as my own extended family. (My parents are not a part of my life at all.)

Mommybloggers: What kind of kid were you growing up? Do you see those same traits coming out in your own children?

Karen: Well besides being butt-ugly, I was an introvert. I was really good in school and only once did I defy authority. I told a supply teacher she was ugly, on a dare. I turned 100 shades of red as she made me apologize, in front of everyone.

I was afraid to break a rule. To a point, I still am. I think it's the constant brow-beating I got from my mother that puts the fear of God into me. Weird how someone so pathetic has shaped me into this rule-fearing person.

I don't see these traits coming out in my kids. I purposely give them choices, rather than telling them what to do. I try very hard to foster whatever loves they have: with Dylan, it's reading, and with Thomas, well, it's chocolate milk. And his trike. I don't ever want to squash them as I was squashed.

Mommybloggers: Tell us a secret.

Karen: I honestly believe I will feel nothing when my parents die. I am emotionally bankrupt when it comes to them. I have no regrets. I do, however, feel guilty for not loving them anymore. I'm pretty confused about all that. Obviously.

Mommybloggers: Describe yourself to our readers using just 7 adjectives.

Karen:

Unique
Happy
Loving
Proud
Quirky
Moody
Funny

Mommybloggers: The Mommybloggers are dropping in. How will you entertain us?

Karen: Well there's always the crab dance. (*Editor's note: If you have not wet your pants laughing with Karen, this should do the trick!) Though I don't actually own that trampoline, so we'll have to improvise. We could make some coffee, throw some Bailey's in it and hang out on my back deck where we'd laugh until one of us peed ourself. Ahem....Jenn.

Mommybloggers: Since you brought it up, there seems to be a rumor that you had this issue at BlogHer of laughing until you peed your pants. Care to confirm or deny this rumor?

Karen: Deny, deny, deny!

Mommybloggers Have you had any bad experiences with blogging?

Karen: Not really bad. There were a couple of comments I had to delete - one of which I suspected was my own father, but I can't be sure.

The weirdest thing was being recognized at a local diner. The waitress recognized Thomas and I. Freaky.

Mommybloggers: So you proposed to your husband, down on one knee. Tell us about
his reaction and how that came about.

Karen: Well....I was naked. So his reaction to that is always favourable. Even
since I had the kids and my body changed, he's always been a fan of the nakedness. Crazy bugger.

You have to know this about me: if I have a gift for you, I cannot keep a secret. I will literally feel as though I may implode if I cannot share this with you. So for me to go out and buy this amazing man an engagement
ring (THAT MORNING - SEE? NO patience!), then spend all afternoon with him, probably acting like a Mexican Jumping Bean - well that is huge.

We got into bed that night, and I was SO excited. I couldn't wait. He KNEW something was up. I couldn't wait. I jumped out of bed, and he asked where I was going. I yelled something like, "Be right back!" and
grabbed the ring, in it's little box, sticking it behind my back.

I crouched down beside his side of the bed and he and he propped himself up on one elbow and asked me what I was doing. I told him I loved him, and that I would love him forever, and how special he was to me, and asked him to grow old and wrinkly with me.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he said yes. He grabbed me tight and we stayed like that for a very long time. Nowadays my knee would be screaming at me, but then, I was all of 118 pounds and my knees were in
fine shape.

We've been married 8 years now and it's still as wonderful as it was that day. Better, even. Sometimes we look at each other and say, "Is it really that hard for some people?" and "We are so lucky." And we are. Neither one of us take that for granted.

Mommybloggers: You told a story about jumping from the front of the van to the back to slam the hatch that you noticed was not closed all the way while in a carwash in order to save the beer (not the van) was hysterical. Always save the beer. (It did make us love you just a tad more after reading that!) Now, had you ruined the van, would it have been worth it to save the beer and ruin the van?

Karen: Well, it was Cindy's van. Cindy is a dear friend of mine. Had I ruined her van, she might have thanked me. Had I known the outcome of such an insurance claim, I might have chanced it. For her. And for the beer.

Mommybloggers: If we tell you how much we love you, will you make us some nipple cookies? Explain nipple cookies for those who are not aware.

Karen: I love love love marachino cherries. When I was little, my Granny used to make these Christmas cookies with cherries in them. I know I should have just called her for the recipe, but that one looked so easy on the internet. Damn internet. Once the cookies were baked, there was nothing to do but blog the shit outta them!

Mommybloggers: Lately we have seen many blogs being designed by the amazing Troll Baby Graphics. What got you started in blog design? Is it something you do because you can or is it a passion of yours to find the right graphic to fit the right blog?

Karen: I got started by playing around in Paint Shop Pro, years ago, making little graphics for online friends on message boards. Once I started blogging, one of the first things I did was stare at my old Blogger template for hours, figuring out how it all worked. I bought books on eBay and taught myself. I'm still teaching myself.

I am passionate about my work. I love meeting new people and making their personal space, their very own. I was close to quitting before BlogHer, but was inspired by many of the women I had designed for, and decided to
keep it up. I'm glad I spoke out about my concerns, because everyone was very supportive toward my little piece of the web.

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (*With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

Bedtime - not because the kids go to bed, but because it is the source of
some very tender moments for us: kisses, hugs, talks and snuggles. My
favorite time of day.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Milestones - only because so many competi-parents rely on them, and
"experts" judge us on when they are reached. Parents are experts, and I
wish more parents would take that term for themselves.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around
children?

Fartsucker. I use it instead of "Oh shit," or worse.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

The back deck. I just quit smoking again, but I step out with the dog when I need 5 minutes. Honestly though, that isn't as often anymore now that Thomas is older. The first year of his life? I was on the back deck.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The bathroom. Thomas finds me in there, and exclaims, "Boys have penises
and girls have Vaginasaurs!

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

Um. Duh. Oprah DOES exist. Did you not know that? I totally want to meet her. When I was a little girl, I wanted her to be my mother. She taught me alot about right and wrong from about age 9 upwards. Thank God. If I had listened to my own mother, I'd be an alcoholic, abusive, screaming banshee.

Be sure to check in with us tomorrow when we turn over Mommybloggers.com to the always entertaining Karen Rani.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

The following essay was written especially for Mommybloggers by Kris of WonderMom.

My oldest child, Ben, turns 6 years old in two weeks. Six! I can't believe how big he's gotten, and how smart. He knows, for instance, that girls wear lipstick but boys don't (usually), the best guns shoot blades (sharp ones), and if he climbs up the shelves to steal candy one more time today, mommy's head will pop off (he's seen it happen).

So what have I learned in the past six years? I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. My youngest, Ava, is 10 month old, so I've got at least 17 more years of hardcore parental schooling ahead of me to figure it all out. For now, though, just as Ben's still a small boy, in many ways, I'm still a green mom.

Except with the baby. This is my third time mothering a baby and I have to say, I have changed a lot in six years. I may not be smarter but, in many situations, I seem to have gained some perspective.

Situation: Sun shines in the baby's face.

Then: Panic. Immediately do anything necessary to stop said sun from accosting my baby's eyeballs further, including throwing myself on top of her; covering her stroller in a large blanket turning it into a traveling, sweltering tent; or pinning blankets over the car windows.

Now: See that she has tightly closed her eyes and feel proud that she's learned to work her eyelids.

Situation: Nap time.

Then: Become a Nap Nazi, ensuring total silence throughout the house and, in fact, the neighborhood. Refuse to close kitchen cabinets, hurl myself on the ringing telephone, contact the neighbor to request that her son not play basketball between 1 and 4 pm, and knock on the window of any parked car playing loud music within 200 yards of my house. (One woman was so mortified that she brought me flowers the next day.)

Now: Find myself putting her clothes away while she sleeps two feet away in her crib. Forget where I am and yell to the boys while still in her room, so that she startles awake and emits screams of sheer terror.

Situation: Fussy baby.

Then: Carry him all over the house, in the sling, on my hip, in the Baby Bjorn, even if that means the laundry doesn't get done and dinner doesn't get cooked.

Now: Well, I still do that. Although I put her down long enough to make PB&Js for the boys and wash a load of urine-soaked bed sheets.

Situation: I'm in the bathroom, and the baby starts crying in the other room.

Then: Wipe as fast as I can and run to her, buttoning my pants on the way.

Now: Finish up, wash my hands, dry them, check myself in the mirror, pull squash out of my eyebrow. Go see why she's crying.

Situation: Mealtime.

Then: Steam and mill each entree by hand. At least three times a day, get down on my hands and knees to clean every crumb off the floor and wipe every speck of sludge off the high chair.

Now: Clean the floor once a day. However, sometimes I forget and realize I could feed a small village, or an army of 12 billion ants, with the contents of my dining room floor. The high chair? When we took it out of the basement for baby No. 3, it had food on it from baby No. 2. What does that tell you about how it looks right this minute?

Situation: Separation anxiety.

Then: Feel happy that my baby loves me the best. Buy into the Dr. Sears' claims and carry him everywhere, leaving him when necessary with my mother. When Brian and I go to the movies, have palpable anxiety over his well-being and struggle to not call my mother for the eighth time in two hours.

Now: Feel a twinge of fear when I see that my baby loves me best. Remember how Dr. Sears' betrayed my trust. Leave the baby with trusted friends and family at every opportunity. Realize six hours into a date with my husband that I forgot to leave any expressed milk behind. Oops!

Situation: Brian and I relax while watching some prime time television. The baby's shrieks come piercing through the monitor.

Then: Feel my blood pressure rise as I climb the stairs. Pick the baby up and pace the floor, singing, rocking and eventually, always, nursing.

Now: Brian's blood pressure rises as he runs upstairs. I get myself a beer and sprawl out on the couch with the newspaper or Tivo remote. Reaching my arm over to the coffee table, I nudge the volume down on the monitor.

Posted by mommybloggers at 12:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

Today at Mommybloggers, we are thrilled to bring you the amazing WonderMom. Kris is one of those bloggers you come across and you feel as if you have met a true friend. She is open and honest as she shares her stories in a way that her readers feel as if they are sitting down with her sharing a cup of coffee and listening to a good friend tell them about her life. We love the way Kris has of taking anything life hands her and showing the positve side of it. She writes the type of blog that is uplifting simply because of the amazing personality of its author. Kris is the real deal and one of the many reasons we love reading her. (Not to mention her generosity in her giveaways!)

It was no surprise to us that her readers had no problem coming to us with praise for this wonderful blogger, WonderMom.

Devra Renner, of Parentopia and Co-author "Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most and Raise Happier Kids" was more than thrilled to share with us why she is so enamored of Kris:

What we love about Kris's blog is her positive attitude about life. Even when she is talking about stuff that is upsetting or annoying, she still gives her blog a positive, but not Pollyanna, voice. I read her blog and want to support it because Kris personifies the many of the principles of the Mommy Guilt-free philosophy! Yay Kris!

Julie of Mothergoosemouse was thrilled to share with us why she adores Kris so much. Even as a newer reader to Kris' blog, you can see why her admiration is building:

I'm one of Kris's newest readers, and I'm kicking myself for having not found her sooner. She's an honest, straightforward writer who also sings the praises of others. She's helping create a true community in the blogosphere.

Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil, never at a loss for words, sums up eagerly why she so enjoys the writings that Kris has on her blog and was more than happy to share with us why she is a loyal reader of Kris' (even if she is envious of the free loot she receives):

Kris's writing voice is like the calm in the mommyblogging storm. She has a peace about her that really shines through in her writing- and I can't believe she has anything resembling peace with three young children to care for! Kris also impresses me with her knowledge of current events and her ability to get free stuff. I am green with Kris-envy!

Stacy Quarty totally admires Kris and her ability to keep it real and let us know we are not alone out there. She was thrilled to share a few words of praise with us about the amazing WonderMom:

You’d think to read one person’s minute-by-minute journal of a day would be quite tedious and boring. Not with Kris. This Wonder Mom’s A Day in My Life post is vivid, quirky and humorous. But most of all, it’s a candid slice of life that most of us (semi-sane) Moms can relate to. Kris, in this and all of her writing, let us know that we’re not alone; we are a kinship of modern moms and we will survive.

Check back later today and read our interview with the incredible Kris of WonderMom!

Posted by mommybloggers at 8:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: Thank you for joining us, Lucinda! Tell us, how did you become a blogger?

Lucinda: I actually started my blog without knowing anything that a mommy blogging community existed. About a year ago, I decided to start using the baby's nap time to work on my writing. I liked the idea of an online journal that anyone could read and comment on, so I created a Blogger account, thought up the name "Suburban Turmoil," and started posting.

For the first three months, I didn't tell anyone in my real life about my blog and had only about five loyal readers. Very slowly, I started discovering other bloggers and gaining a small readership myself. Eventually, I had to tell my husband about the blog because I wanted to hire a blog designer. He was pretty shocked that I had been blogging for months without his knowledge.

Mommybloggers: You write under the assumed name Lucinda Ferrara, which we just love. You also don't reveal your family's names, preferring to use nicknames. Does this allow you to discuss subjects that you would otherwise avoid? How much of yourself do you put out there?

Lucinda: This is an interesting issue for me right now, because I'm working out the details of a project that would require me to use my real name on my blog. In the beginning, the idea would have horrified me- I was convinced that if the other moms in town knew about the "real" me, they would show up at my house in a mob with clubs and pitchforks.

I've had such overwhelming support from moms online, though, that I've slowly been telling more and more "real life" people about my blog and so far, I haven't lost any friends over it. I'm finding that there's an enormous freedom in "exposing" my blog to people I know. I'm sure I will get some criticism from the community if I use my real name, but then again, why would I want to spend time and energy on people who wouldn't like me if they really knew what I was thinking, anyway?

My close friends would tell you that my blog is all me. I am in real life who I am on my blog- "Only you're funnier on your blog," my husband would probably say! However, I'm careful not to write anything that would hurt my daughters or my husband. I don't really believe in airing my dirty laundry online; I save that for e-mails!

Mommybloggers: As a full-time stepmom to two teenaged girls and mom to a toddler, you find time to juggle your writing with the kids' schedules, and manage to have dates with your spouse. What's your secret for keeping your sense of humor?

Lucinda: I am very lucky because my daughter still sleeps 2-3 hours every day while my stepdaughters are at school and that is my writing time. Period. If people call me during that time, I tell them I'm writing and hang up!

I am also very lucky that my stepdaughters are of babysitting age and constantly in need of money. My husband and I get in a date night about once a week. We also go on a weeklong honeymoon once a year when the girls visit their mom. We take the baby to stay with my parents. It has been wonderful for my marriage.

As for my sense of humor, I quickly discovered that writing funny posts makes me feel better about my life in general. Through blogging, I've begun looking for funny and quirky things about my everyday life, rather than slogging along like so many others in a gray, suburban existence. My outlook has vastly improved.

Mommybloggers: Your writing can be found all over the web - at DotMoms, Mamazine.com , The Whole Mom, Mothers Movement Online and you've graced Mommybloggers.com with your hilarious story "Star Cross'd" - is there an art to getting your work out there?

Lucinda: Well, before I started my blog, I was submitting my writing to publications and getting rejection letter after rejection letter. My blog has been my golden ticket to getting published. I guess editors look at it and think, "Well, somebody's reading her, so I guess I'll give her a try..."

Mommybloggers: You're an Emmy Award-winning former television journalist - any regrets about walking away from your star-studded career?

Lucinda: No, no no no no no! Celebrity is not all it's cracked up to be. Anchoring the news got mind-numbingly dull and as a reporter, I never knew when I'd be assigned to go knock on the door of someone who'd lost a husband/child in a tragic accident/murder and ask "How are you feeling right now?" and "Would you talk to me about it on camera?" I had enormous ethical dilemmas about that kind of thing. Beyond that, I felt I had proven myself in TV news and was very happy to leave that career behind.

Mommybloggers: Dish with us - celebrities, rock stars...you've had the opportunity to meet a lot of famous people. What has been your favorite encounter?

Lucinda: I live in Nashville, so I've interviewed nearly every country music singer out there. I know things that would make your hair curl...

The people who were nicest aren't necessarily the most famous- the author Nicholas Sparks, Dolly Parton and singer/songwriter Rodney Crowell stand out. And I love interviewing country singer Blake Shelton- He just cracks me up. Most of you probably don't even know who he is.

The most difficult interview? I spent five hours grilling Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn about every detail of their lives for a biography program. Five hours, people. And some of the stuff was really uncomfortable to talk about. After that interview, I figured I could do anything!

Mommybloggers: You mention in your 100 things that you've sang on British Radio, and at Westminster Abbey, and yet you haven't graced the public with your dulcet voice since your 23rd birthday. What the heck happened at that party? Did you get injured crowd surfing?

Lucinda: Ha ha! No! I just went in a different direction and now, I'm so rusty, I'd be embarrassed to sing in front of anyone but my daughter. My last public performance occured when I took the microphone from the singer of a small jazz ensemble at a ritzy nightclub and performed for the crowd. My girlfriends had taken me out for a night on the town and I was showing off. I'm a closet Cole Porter junkie- I know the words to most of his songs.

Mommybloggers: We saw your three-way with upcoming Mommybloggers featured guests Susie Sunshine and Lisa of Niihaus. How has the internet affected your social circle?

Lucinda: Until I met Busy Mom in person (she lives about five minutes away), I worried about meeting bloggers or talking to them on the phone. But when Busy Mom and I get together, we never run out of things to talk about. It's been the same way on the phone. I think I could've easily pulled an all-nighter with Susie Sunshine and Lisa if I hadn't had to put the baby to bed. Tuesday night, I talked to MommaK for an hour and it was just wonderful. She's a fellow stepmom/mom and she totally gets it.

I have a good amount of friends here in town (most of whom don't know about the blog) and more friends I keep up with in my hometown (who do know about the blog). My blogging girlfriends are becoming another cool social circle for me. I'd really love to get together with them one weekend for a girls' trip. We'd have a blast!

Mommybloggers: We're still hoping to talk you all into joining us at BlogHer this year. It's not like it's a cult or anything.

Lucinda: Oh yeah, I know. I would be there in a heartbeat if I had the cash. I should hold a carwash or something!

Mommybloggers: Tell us about this Brady Bunch fixation you have.

Lucinda: Man, you really did your research!

I've always had a thing for the Bradys. When I was in high school, a crazy friend and I would call each other on the phone after school when The Brady Bunch came on and watch it together, discussing each scene and laughing hysterically. It's funny- I haven't seen my friend in years, but he reads my blog and is probably reading this right now.

Mommybloggers: We've howled our way through your hilarious posts about potty training. We've been there, or we'll be there soon. How's that potty doll working out for you?

Lucinda: Little Miss Piss? Oh, she's doing very well, thanks for asking. Only now, Baby has graduated to watching me pee. She stands right in front of me when I'm in the bathroom, points, laughs and says "I likes! I likes!" Another thing they never told me about being a mother...

Mommybloggers: Along with MommaK, you've founded a monthly award called "The Perfect Post" - given by bloggers to bloggers. What was your inspiration? Can anyone participate?

Lucinda: I had been thinking about the concept for a long time- I've always thought that amazing posts deserved some kind of award or extra recognition. I mentioned it to MommaK and we worked out the details. She makes a button each month that winners can put on their site and a few days before the awards, we e-mail it to all the awarders to give to whomever they choose and we link the awarders and awardees on our sites.

It has really taken off and I just love doing it. Everybody feels good, anybody can participate, and I have been introduced to so many great writers as a result.

So if you're reading this and you want to give out a Perfect Post Award next month, e-mail me at lucindathemom@yahoo.com and I'll add you to the mailing list.

Mommybloggers: What else is in the works for you? Movies? Meet-ups with celebrities?

Lucinda: Well, there's the aforementioned Big Project that will probably change my life if it all works out (and not so much in a win-the-lottery way as in a no-turning-back-you're-a-kinda-snarky-writer-and-now-everyone-on-your-street-knows-it way). So keep your fingers crossed.

And I'm also working on a little somethin' with Susie Sunshine, Lisa of Niihaus, MommaK and a few other lovely ladies. That's going to start up soon if all goes well.

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

Mommy. I love hearing my daughter say "Mommy." Unless it's attached to "I have a poo poo."

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Poo poo (see above).

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

I'm not very good at the censorship thing. But I'm getting there, so curse words are turning into whatever I can come up with at the last minute.

Fu-ddy duddy!
Bi-scuit eater!
Shi-boygan!

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

There isn't one. My husband comes and finds me no matter what. I've told him a few times that I really wish I still had my own bedroom- just to have a place to go and be alone during the day and look at my Ricky Schroeder posters on the ceiling...

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The liquor cabinet? Just kidding!

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

Lucinda, I laughed my ass off reading your blog! Can I link to you?

We hope you've enjoyed our chat with Lucinda - be sure to check back tomorrow as we feature a guest entry by the hilarious Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil.

Posted by Jenny Lauck at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Every once in a while you stumble across a blogger that makes you sit up and pay attention. When we first found Suburban Turmoil, we ended up spitting our coffee at the monitor as we laughed at her wit. We love Lucinda's ability to take the mundane and present it with panache. Day after day, Lucinda brings well-written stories to her fans, making Suburban Turmoil a daily must-read.

We put out a call to some of her readers, and we weren't surprised by the flood of humorous praise we received. Lucinda is one admired writer - take a look:

Susie Sunshine, who knows a little something about fantastic writing herself, had this little tidbit to share:

Here's a little secret about Lucinda -she's not real.
She's actually a computer program created from a partnership between Martha Stewart and the Comedy Channel trying to break into the world of mommy bloggers.

Seriously, do you know any other blogger who reads and comments on so many blogs daily, prepares lovely dinners (with an attached blog of recipes! Martha didn't even TRY to cover her tracks with that one!), all while making with the funny from daily drudgery (forgotten bottles in a diaper bag, bikini waxes, carpool duties)?! This data is entered into a special program and perfect posts pop out like a turkey timer every day.

Gorgeous "Baby" is actually a photo-shopped composite of infant features voted "most adorable" by readers of People magazine. Realizing the spending power of blended families, two step-daughters were added. Celebrity functions and an Emmy were inserted to give housewives backstage passes to the entertainment world, while the lovely "Perfect Post" award was created to highlight other bloggers (sharing the spotlight, a trick Martha learned while incarcerated).

It took a computer program to do it, but they finally managed to turn Martha Stewart into a humorous, enjoyable human being. I'd have drinks with "Lucinda" any time!

Chris was won over, despite her loss:

Oh what to say about Lucinda. I have loved her ever since she said I had stripper sized boobs. Because no one has ever said that about me before.

I first discovered her blog when we were both nominated for the BOB award for mommy blog and she stole it out from under me won it. Not that I am bitter or anything. (I am joking by the way, she deserved the win)

I immediately fell in love with her sarcasm and sense of humor. I admire the way that she writes about her older step daughters, keeping it real, but not crossing that privacy line. It's a tough one I think.

When I click over to her blog I never know what she will be writing about. I do know, however that it will be good. She is an incredible writer who moves effortlessly between writing stories about her kids, husband, and personal hair removal to posts which are original and creative, like Wednesday's post which was supposed to be an internal memo about changes to the book What to Expect Toddler Years.

Anyone who isn't reading her, should run over there and read, right now.

Co-conspirator MommaK had this to say about the lovely Lucinda:

If I could describe who Lucinda is to me, I'd have to say that she's like the sorority sister I never had. Actually we are sisters - blog bitch sisters (but that's a story I'll never tell). Along with being my co-host for the monthly Perfect Post Awards, she is a brilliant writer, excellent chef, wonderful mother & wife and a very good friend. She is a rising star in this here blogosphere and with all that talent, she's headed to the top of the heap.

One day Lucinda and I will party like rock stars, stumble around in heels too high and glasses too full - and hopefully take lots of pictures. However, we will not get sick in the limo (hear that L??). Until then we'll just blog our butts off and then some.

Lucinda is awesome - just awesome. What else can I say?

Kristen Chase gets right to the eyebrows:

I'm pretty sure everyone is going to say how great a writer Lucinda is, or how funny and witty her posts are, or how she is, as I coined, the Queen Dialogga-Blogga, so I'm going to be totally superficial and gush about her perfect eyebrows. They are amazing.

But seriously, her writing style and unique viewpoint as a new mom/stepmom attracts a variety of readers, moms and not-so-moms alike. And for good reason. She's versatile, intriguing, and eloquent. And as a new blogger and writer, she has been genorous and supportive.

Now back to plucking...

Karen Rani of Troll Baby was happy to share the love:

Lucinda's blog is on my daily reads. She is insightful, hilarious and I love the interesting stories she tells. Her creativity is unique and I really enjoy every single post. The Perfect Post awards that she does with Momm K of Petroville has brought new blogs to my favorites and was one more of her fantastic ideas. I know Lucinda will go places with her writing. Talent city.

Check back later today to read our interview with the amazing Lucinda of Suburban Turmoil!

Posted by Jenny Lauck at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

The following essay has been written especially for Mommybloggers by our featured guest, Kristen Chase.

I never thought that I was the mothering type. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I loved kids. But so does everyone when you can return them back to their parents before all hell breaks loose. I’m not sure if it was the fear that I’d turn out like my parents, or because I thought that maybe I wasn’t cut out for what I imagined mothering would be. But either way, I had determined that my caretaking skills were put to their best use with my two rotten puppies, and I was fine.

Then I got pregnant.

I was fairly certain that I was probably going to be the most ill prepared mother. I had never ever held a newborn baby or even seen one outside of “A Baby Story,� and I was quite (and perhaps oddly) attached to my low cut jeans and high heels. But, I did what all mothers do, and I worried more about pooping on the delivery table and how to politely tell the doctor not to slice my perineum than I did about the actual mothering part.

So, when my daughter appeared in my arms, I felt a sense of accomplishment, as not only had I birthed a beautiful baby girl, but I had avoided the dreaded poop and snip. However, that’s about ALL that I had avoided. I realized all too quickly that my silly worries about enemas and shaves were the least of my concerns. Prayers to the sleep gods? Scabby Nipples? Green sludgelike Poop? Feeling older than Joan Rivers really is? No one prepared me for this.

But, as it turns out, I was wrong. It’s funny how the world has a way of enlightening you in the most mysterious of ways. See. I was a college music professor. And I soon realized that all the baby books in the world could not have prepared me better than my first college music class.

I’m pretty sure that listening to 15 presentations on “Why Rascal Flatts is the coolest band ever like because they are so rocking and like so cute and really cool� will prepare anyone for the sleepless nights with a screaming baby. In fact, I’d probably take the screaming baby because at least I can stick my boob in his mouth to get him to stop.

I hate to compare breastfeeding poop with bad writing, mainly because I don’t want to insult the poop, however, after reading some of the worst writing about “that Mozart dude� and “the coolest deaf guy who wrote songs,� I’m thinking that closely examining my daughter’s poop was nothing.

And scabby nipples are easy compared to the pain I experienced teaching voice class to a group of non-music majors. Not only do I never want to hear “Yesterday� ever again, but I’ve decided that listening to a recording of my class would be way better prep for the pain of breastfeeding than the “toughening of the nipples� rituals that some mothers endure.

But I think the worst thing is how having a child has aged me. I look back at pictures from just three years ago and I’m pretty sure I could pass for my own aunt right now. However, my rapidly wrinkling mug is no comparison to having an entire class of students tell me they have never heard of Billy Joel. Not.one.Ever.

So, I guess I was cut out for motherhood. Sure I struggled, stressed, and cried. But I have also laughed, rejoiced, and smiled more than in the past two years than in my whole entire life. However, now that I’ve taken on a new career of writing and blogging, I’m afraid to think about what the world is preparing me for as my daughter gets older. Maybe the spammers and trolls are getting me ready for the teenage years. I guess when I hear “You suck� or “I hate you,� I can tell her “Well, honey, it’s not like I haven’t heard that before.�

For more writing by Kristen, be sure to visit her at her personal blog Motherhood Uncensored and the fun Cool Mom Picks.

Posted by mommybloggers at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

The following essay was written by Julie (a.k.a. everyday Supergoddess) of wanna-cookie.blogspot.com:

As both of my daughters (the “Demigoddesses,� for those of you who may not already know) have transitioned from grade school to junior high, their interests have migrated away from their old playroom to the rooms where the computer and the TV and the telephone reside. Earrings and lip gloss and portable CD players have become more interesting to them than Legos and Beanie Babies, so their old play area doesn’t see much action any more. But knowing we’d need some extra floor space to accommodate Demigoddess the Younger’s upcoming sleepover birthday party, time seemed right to do some tidying in there.

I had placed Demi the Younger in charge of cleaning up before her party, but after spending a hour a day for a week and a half working on it, she hadn't made much progress. I knew that if it was going to get done, I was going to have to step in. Assuming that the job would take me all of a weekend, and probably part of a second one as well, one Saturday morning I got up early and dug in. After a little while, Demigoddess the Younger joined me, and Demigoddess the Elder followed a little while after that.

Cleaning and organizing that playroom is a task I have performed hundreds, if not thousands, of times in the past. Over and over, again and again, I sorted the same toys into the same buckets and plastic bins, only to find the room, within a day or two, returned to post-nuclear-explosion chaos, six inches deep from wall to wall. This time through, though, as I picked through the Barbie shoes and the Polly Pocket clothes, separating the Betty Spaghetti pieces from the PowerPuff Girls accessories, it occurred to me that it could very well be for the last time.

Together, the three of us filled garbage bag after garbage bag with old school papers, Happy Meal toys and dried out markers. I threw out little hair clips and plastic necklaces, two broken Barbie cars (one of which no longer had wheels), and the remnants of countless half-finished craft projects (the beads… my God the BEADS).

Our chore became a bittersweet archeological expedition, as I unearthed a little pair of battered Reeboks, white with purple trim, that still showed evidence of having been chewed by our first puppy. I think Demigoddess the Younger wore them in the first grade. We found a photo of Demigoddess the Elder posed with her kindergarten teacher, and we found the doll she took with her to the hospital when she was three. Even though the doll’s hair is now a ratted mess, and her dress and cloth body are stained beyond help, I couldn’t bring myself to throw that one out.

In the past, the younger Demi would weep and wail and gnash her teeth over every item I put into the trash. But on this day, she cheerfully tossed out her old playthings, or volunteered to set them aside for Maggie, my niece. The elder Demi, who could previously be counted on to become distracted and start playing with every third item she touched, moved efficiently through her side of the room, putting things on shelves and filling her own garbage bag. There was no yelling. There was no drama. For the millionth time, I realized wistfully that the children who had once treasured this voluminous accumulation of stuff no longer live in my house. Somehow, they disappeared right out from under my nose.

We had already cleared a large portion of the room when I came across a little pair of satiny pink dolly underpants.

“Look,� I said, holding them up. “Somebody’s dolly has lost her undies.�

“Not mine,� answered Demigoddess the Younger. “My dolly doesn’t wear undies.�

“Well,� I said, “Your dolly is a ho.�

Demigoddess the Elder added, “Yeah, your dolly doesn’t even know who her baby daddy is.�

It’s been a long time since anybody made me laugh to the point of tears. As I sat surrounded by their old playthings, wiping my eyes and trying to breathe, it occurred to me that back in the days when I cleaned this room on a more regular basis, those are words I never would have imagined I’d hear coming out of my daughter’s mouth. It also occurred to me that I need to do a better job of monitoring what they’re watching on TV.

Together we plowed through the clutter in record time. By late Saturday afternoon, we had cleared ample space for the sleepover. We’d still need to vacuum the carpet and clean the adjacent bathroom before the party, but we had done enough for one day. As a reward for all their hard work, I treated the Demigoddesses to a PG-13 movie and dinner at Chipotle.

I’ll always miss my messy little girls. I’ll even miss their piles of childhood crap. But these two young women I live with now, they get more perplexing and challenging and funny, more amazingly marvelous, every day.

For any of you parents of young children, my best bit of parenting advice?

Don't blink.

Posted by Meghan Townsend at 11:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: Hi Julie, the mommybloggers love your site wanna-cookie.blogspot.com. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us! Tell us about how long you have been writing and where the name of your blog came from.

Julie: I’ve been writing all my life. I journaled like a maniac from junior high through college. I never considered blogging until last summer, but it has proved to be a medium that works really well for me.

“I Want A Cookie� is the name of a song by a band called Evolution Control Committee. Basically it’s an audio sample from an anger management seminar set to very loud techno music, with a screaming voice in the background. The first words of the song are a woman’s voice asking, “Do you ever feel angry? Are you paralyzed by your anger?� At the time, my friend Liz, a.k.a. CombatGirl, and I were both dealing with troubled marriages. She played it for me because she knew I’d immediately understand why she found it so hilarious. She was right.

The original idea behind the blog was that she and I would do it together, as a back-and-forth sort of forum to vent about the insanity of dealing with our respective (by that time) ex-husbands. The title from that song seemed like the perfect name. For a variety of reasons, I ended up doing most of the posting, and now she’s in the process of developing her own blog. We’re totally still friends, though.

Mommybloggers:Julie, tell us a little bit about yourself. What kind of a kid were you? We mean, besides the kind of kid that cut off your sister Meghan’s Barbie-doll’s hair and then told her it would grow back? And we will definitely not talk about the time you rubbed her face into the sidewalk while she cried and cried. Or took all the cool stuff to collect (like horses) leaving Meghan with the lamest seashell collection imaginable. Those tidbits will DEFINITELY remain between us and you.

Julie: Well, I’ll tell you. I was the oldest of four girls in our family, and having to share a bedroom (and pretty much everything else) with a number two child who was very loud, very messy, and who demanded the majority of our harried parents’ attention, was often very, very lonely. Especially when that number two child was the sort of child would rip all the pages out of her older sister’s journals, and would allow her friend Janna to eat all of the Valentine’s Day candy that her elder sister had received as a gift from her boyfriend.

It was very trying, and I still have a few self esteem and rage issues to work out, but I think I’ve overcome a lot to become the highly-evolved human being I am today.

Mommybloggers:Thanks for the warning. The Mommybloggers will be sure to hide their candy from their fellow mommyblogger Meghan. And we will give her a very stern talking-to. Sheesh.
You are a single mother, and you handle single motherhood with grace, dignity, aplomb, and the occasional justified rant. What do you see as the biggest challenges of single parenthood today?

Julie: I think my kids would have something to say about whether or not I’ve handled anything with “grace,� “dignity� and “aplomb.�

But managing all the details is probably the biggest challenge right now. My kids are at an age when they’re involved in a lot of activities, and their social lives are becoming busier and more important to them. Trying to remember who needs to be where and when, and making sure everything happens on schedule, can be really overwhelming for a single parent.

Mommybloggers:What are the biggest rewards?

Julie: Just last night all three of us were in my bed, saying goodnight before the DemiGoddesses went to their own beds. My younger daughter (Demigoddess the Younger) said something like, “isn’t it cool that we’re friends?� And it’s really true. There have been times when it’s felt like the three of us against the world, and although there have been some real struggles, we have a bond now that I don’t think would have happened otherwise.

Mommybloggers:Your daughters are fantastic and wonderfully talented and well-adjusted. And smart and funny and beautiful. How did their Aunt Meghan have such a powerful impact on them?

Julie: Their who now?

All three of my sisters have been fantastic influences on my girls. They’re all incredibly smart, funny, independent women, each with her own unique sense of style and on her own path in life. I’m so proud that the DemiGoddesses have such solid role models.

Even though I am, technically speaking, a single parent, I always know that my sisters have my back. I’ve told my daughters on more than one occasion that if there is ever anything they need help with, but for whatever reason they don’t want to talk to me about it, they can go to any one of their aunts in confidence. And my sisters know they have my permission to not to tell me.

Mommybloggers:But seriously though, your daughters are phenomenal. What is your secret?

Julie: I don’t have a secret. Someone who didn’t have a lot of experience with kids once asked me for advice on how to interact with children. I said, “Listen when they talk. Look them in the eye when you talk to them. Be willing to act silly. Don’t make them do tricks or otherwise treat them like pets.� That’s pretty much been my parenting philosophy, and it seems to be working out so far.

Mommybloggers:Your writing is often very personal, and also very moving which we love. What kinds of things inspire you to write?

Julie: Usually it starts with a feeling. Something will impact me emotionally—by making me laugh, or pissing me off, or, sometimes, by making me cry. It might be something huge, but more often, it’s some little everyday thing that just hits me. I’ve learned that, when those things happen, it’s important to take a minute to enjoy the experience, and then to think about why that particular thing struck me the way it did. Most of my writing evolves out of those moments.

Mommybloggers:What is next for Julie the writer?

Who knows. For now, I’ll be happy if I can think of something halfway interesting to blog about tomorrow.

Mommybloggers:Back to the family. Julie, you have three sisters. Which one is your favorite and why?

Julie: Hah. Nice try, Meghan.

Mommybloggers:Julie, your daughters are in the teen and pre-teen years. How do you decide how much to reveal about them on your blog? How much say do they have in what gets published? Do the demigoddesses read your blog?

Julie: They do read it. I try to be respectful about what I put out there about them, and about the people they care about, too. But there have been times when they’ve been upset by things I’ve written. They’re not afraid to speak up when they think I’ve written something inappropriate, and we’ve talked about the things that upset them.

Lately when she’s done something that she thinks may have particularly annoyed me, DemiGoddess the younger has become fond of saying, “Blog about THAT!� To which I usually reply, “I already DID!� Sometimes it’s true.

I remember hearing Nora Ephron once talk about what a torment her writer parents were, because everything she said or did growing up became their material. So I try not to write anything that will be really embarrassing for them. But some things are just too good not to share.

Mommybloggers:Do you consider yourself a mommyblogger? What is your take on the term?

Julie: I myself went from being “Mommy� to “Mom� a while ago now. As I said before on my blog, I feel more like a “HeyMomINeedSomeMoneyAndI’mLateForGirlScoutsAndOhByTheWayIHave HeadliceBlogger.�

As far as the term itself, I don’t know. I think it’s very easy to pigeonhole a whole group of people by putting that kind of label on them. In reality, the “mommybloggers� I know of are a very diverse array of individuals, with widely differing writing styles and points of view. I guess my first instinct is to resist lumping them all into a single category, simply because they happen to have children AND sometimes write about them.

Mommybloggers:How has writing changed your life and the way you interact with the world?

Julie: Writing has always been a very important tool for me to work through things. The process of putting events and thoughts and feelings into words really forces me to look at them from all angles, which usually leads to a level of understanding that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

But it’s never easy. And trying to blog every day is a constant challenge. Every time I manage to put together something that I like, right after I hit that “publish post� button, I think, “Hah! Fooled ‘em again! But that is the absolute end of my abilities, and I will never have another interesting thing to say, ever again.�

Blogging has forced me to keep my eyes constantly open for those little moments to write about, which means I pay a lot more attention to everything now than I used to. And really, that is such a gift.

Mommybloggers: Julie, thank you for talking with us, and thank you for continuing to put out writing that moves us and makes us think and also makes us laugh.

Mommybloggers:And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Bedtime
2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Headlice
3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
Wait, you’re not supposed to curse in front of the children? Oh. Fuck.
4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
I don’t really have to hide any more. They’ve been well trained to know that, when I’m in my bedroom and the door is closed, they risk life and limb if they come within three feet of that door.
5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
In the basement, folding laundry.
6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
Enjoy your FREE CAR! WOOHOO!
Thanks Oprah!

Posted by mommybloggers at 10:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

We all like to think we have a little Every day Supergoddess in us, but this week's featured blogger is the original. The mommybloggers are pleased to present to you Julie, otherwise known as Everyday Supergoddess from the Blog wanna-cookie.

Julie personifies what an everyday supergoddess is all about. She is a phenomenal writer. She works full time. She is a homeowner. She is a single mother to two spectacularly intelligent and precocious pre-teen and teen young women. She has courageously battled head lice, divorce, home repairs, and financial strife. Oh, and did I mention dating? How about Baseball? Because this supergoddess KNOWS baseball. She fights the good fight every day with grace, sensitivity, introspection and humor. Fortunately for us, she shares her highs and lows with her readers. Beautifully. She is truly a goddess.

Here is what a few of Julie's readers have to say about her:

Madge has this to say about Julie:

The way Julie writes about her daughters is what keeps me coming back. She treats them with the perfect mix of respect and admiration. It's clear that, in spite of the raw deal they were dealt in a father, Julie is helping these girls become amazing young women.

That and her crazy baseball fanaticism. Sorry, TWINS! baseball fanatics

Dawn is similarly impressed with Julie's abilities:

Any woman who can handle head lice and not lose her mind has my undying affection and admiration!

Julie sings the praises of her name-sake:

I found Julie through Meghan, and Julie is one more reason why I want to be an adopted sister of theirs. I'd even change my name. Julie truly is a super goddess and a role model for her demigoddesses.

Mary loves both the every day and the supergoddess:

"Julie's screen name "EverydaySuperGoddess" pretty much sums up what this wonderful woman is all about. She works. She loves her kids. She knows how to wield a head lice comb. She has a house that sometimes needs fixing. She understands the joy of finding an underground parking space at the mall. She's normal. And she's extraordinary. Just like the rest of us.

And I don't care where you live, if you aren't loving baseball and rooting for the Twins after reading her blog, you've got no heart."

We are honored to feature Julie this week at Mommybloggers. Stay tuned for our interview with Everyday Supergoddess later today. And be sure to check back tomorrow as we turn over Mommybloggers to the fantastic Julie!

Posted by mommybloggers at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: Donna, you have been in the creative field, specifically writing, pretty much from the time you were a child. Did you always know you wanted to write? How did you start out writing?

Donna: I began writing little plays in grade school and directed my friends in them during recess. I probably did this because I sucked at sports, so that was a lot more fun for me than sitting on the sidelines because I was the first person out in Dodgeball or something.

But writing was just one of the things I used to do for fun – and it’s always been the way I best expressed myself. I don’t think I consciously thought, “Oh, I’m going to grow up and be a writer.� But I guess it was a foregone conclusion for everyone else, beginning with my second grade teacher, who wrote in my autograph book that she hoped to see my plays on Broadway some day.

The turning point was in college, when I had an instructor who gave us a choice of multiple choice or essay questions on mid-terms. It didn’t take me long to realize that I could bullshit my way to an A with an essay way just by writing A LOT about what I did know while avoiding the topics I was fuzzy about. I concluded that writing would be an easy way to earn a living. (Ha ha.)

Mommybloggers: You also write for Dot Moms. Regarding motherhood, what issues do you find yourself drawn to write about?

Donna: That’s a good question. I’m one of their newer contributors and have not yet established a pattern. I started out just riffing about how it feels to be 10 or 20 years older than the other moms I meet, but that got kind of depressing and Julie at DotMoms wants the posts to be upbeat. So then I got into the whole sports mom thing (my daughter is a competitive gymnast), but that’s kind of a narrow topic.

The posts I’ve liked best have come out of random thoughts I’ve had while just going about my day – like the time I brought my daughter to a swimming party and discovered that no adults were actively watching the kids. Or how much I hate housework. Or what I think about when standing in the checkout line at the supermarket.

Mommybloggers: The term "mommyblogger". Empowering, or hand me a trash bin, the word makes me queasy?

Donna: I personally like the term and enjoy reading the blogs of people who see the humor in raising a family in the 21st century.

Mommybloggers: Tell us a little bit about where you grew up, and what you were like as a kid.

Donna: I was born in Los Angeles in 1956 and have lived in the San Fernando Valley (“America’s Suburb�) pretty much continuously since 1963.

I was something of a know-it-all and was miserable for most of my childhood because I hadn’t any friends. So by the time I was in high school, I was the geek of all geeks.

I think this is why I devote so much of my time to being my daughter’s social director, driving her from one after-school activity to another. (Less of that since she made her gymnastics team – now it’s mostly just driving her to the gym where she works out for 16 hours a week.)

Mommybloggers: You spent some time writing about music and interviewing musicians in the rock/pop industry. What is that like? Was it as wild as we imagine it would be?

Donna: I was a writer for “The Weekly Top 30,� a three-hour radio show that was syndicated nationally to 300 stations as well as on Armed Forces Radio. I went on to produce a show that was almost exactly like it, but with a different host and specifically for the RKO Radio Network.

It was my first full time job out of college. It wasn’t glamorous (our offices were above a Chinese restaurant in Canoga Park) and paid next to nothing, but had fabulous perks like free records and concert tickets, plus the opportunity to meet some very interesting people.

This was in the early 80’s, so I missed the truly wild times of the 1970’s. I’m not saying shit didn’t happen – but I hadn’t changed all that much from the geek I was in high school, so I wasn’t someone who got to see much of that side of it. I was also pretty naïve – there were guys who did try to hit on me during an interview and most of the time, I didn’t realize it until I thought about it later.

Mommybloggers: Give us some juicy tidbits about some people you interviewed! What would surprise us?

I’m wracking my brain trying to think of something “juicy� or surprising – but coming up blank. Part of the problem is that I got that job 25 years ago and a lot of the people I remember might not be remembered by anyone else. Besides, it’s all a little hazy to me, too!

Feel free to pick and choose from the following:

I mainly remember snippets – that Ringo Starr, Gladys Knight and Bill Wyman were nice. That John Entwistle and Jermaine Jackson were shy and didn’t say much – until I’d the interview was over and the tape recorder was turned off, and that’s when they felt comfortable enough to talk. (What amazed me was that little ol’ geeky ME could make a big rock star nervous, just by the power of holding the mic).

The interview I did with Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue was unusable because they were sitting on a leather couch – so the friction of every movement they made with their leather pants caused an audible squeak on the tape (remember, this was for radio).

The session with the band War (“Lowrider,� “The Cisco Kid�) started out badly. They had been drinking wine all day and by the time I made it to my late afternoon appointment, they were plastered. Their manager was passed out on the couch and their publicist had to back out of the room to avoid having them grab her butt – which scared me because that left me alone with them. But they managed to get their act together well enough to answer my interview questions.

I remember being angry with Stevie Nicks for keeping me waiting 60 minutes after work for a phone interview – but when she finally did call, she was so charming I couldn’t stay mad at her. And I pissed off Lindsey Buckingham (not the same interview) when I made a remark about the Kingston Trio which I’d hoped would be funny but didn’t come out that way (he was a big fan of the folk group – which I knew – and didn’t appreciate what I’d said). That interview went all downhill from there.

Mommybloggers: Okay, thank you for indulging us. We're done now. we promise.
You worked as a writer's assistant on the "Tonight Show". How did you get into television?

Donna: Production jobs are not advertised – producers like to staff their shows with people they know. You find out about job openings through word of mouth – you need to have a network in place.

I did not have that, so after the radio job ended, I signed up with a temp agency that advertised in the back pages of Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. They sent me to studios and production companies and I gradually built up a resume (which included stints on pilots as well as a two-week gig as production assistant on a Playboy home video) and a network of friends – one of whom left her job as writers’ assistant on the Tonight Show to take a gig as production coordinator on a new show called “Roseanne.� She recommended me to the head writer for her job, and I was hired on her word. Oh yeah – they did ask me to come in first and take a “typing test� (I was given something to type and after the first paragraph, they said “Yeah, you can type.� No verification to see how accurate or how many words per minute.)

Mommybloggers: How has the television Sit-com industry changed in the last few years?

Donna: I would not know. My last sitcom job was in 1991. I think the biggest change in television production is the consolidation of our mass media. The networks have all been swallowed up by large media conglomerates, which also own studios. So they purchase almost everything in-house. Small production companies could not survive in this environment, and that’s led to an even bigger lack of diversity than the one that existed when I was in the business. This makes it all the more difficult to get something new or different on the air.

Mommybloggers: With all this reality television, will there be a sit-com comeback?

Donna: Television is cyclical – always has been. It wasn’t that long ago that everyone said that hour-long TV drama was dead. Then came CSI, Lost, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy… Dramas are hot.

The same thing happened a few years ago with game shows. “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire� was a hit on ABC. So NBC brought “The Weakest Link� on the air. And then ABC overscheduled “Millionaire� so that the public got sick of it and now you don’t see so many game shows in prime time.

And I personally think that “reality� television has started a decline. The networks still love them because they are cheaper to produce than scripted shows. But the ratings have been diminishing. And when the WGA succeeds in covering reality shows in their contract (because, believe it or not, there’s not all that much “reality� in them – there are people behind the scenes who manipulate the situation and might qualify as “writers� and are probably ticked off that they are not paid as much as they could be), the costs will go up.

Don’t forget that sitcoms were declared dead in the early 80’s, too. Then a little program called The Cosby Show became a sensation. And its popularity boosted all the other shows on NBC’s Thursday night lineup: Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court, Hill Street Blues. Must See TV was born.

I think it will happen again. Keep your eye on My Name is Earl and Scrubs. The Office is the first American translation of a British show that’s gotten it right since All in the Family. I’ve got my fingers crossed that someone at some network will pick up Arrested Development from Fox.

Mommybloggers: It seems like we are starved for good TV but the best shows seem to get cancelled.

Donna: It’s always been this way. While no one deliberately sets out to make a piece of shit show, the system ensures that 90% of what actually gets on the air is crap. It’s a little miracle when something good makes it on the air. It takes about six episodes before the production staff and the cast and crew all gel – and these days, if the show isn’t an immediate hit, networks will cancel them by about the sixth episode. And if what they are doing is even a little bit different, the audience might have some trouble “getting� it. I’m always amazed and gratified when something good gets picked up for a second season.

Mommybloggers: Have audiences been "dumbed down?"

One of my favorite quotes: Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. H.L. Mencken said it in the 1920’s.

There was a lot of dumb TV when I was a kid in the 1960’s. Father Knows Best, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriett, My Three Sons, Gilligan’s Island, I Dream of Jeannie, The Brady Bunch. I mean, we all look at that stuff with the nostalgia of something we loved when we were kids, but have you watched these shows lately? They are not exactly challenging.

Mommybloggers: How do you see the demand for good television transforming? What do you think audiences really want? What kind of market is developing out there?

Donna: Another of my favorite quotes, from screenwriter William Goldman (best known for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid): Nobody Knows Anything. It’s why the networks market test everything to death and why shows that tested badly become breakout hits and vice versa.

Mommybloggers: Do you want to take another crack at it? You have written that after the age of 35, you kind of have to hang up your dreams of writing for television. Is that REALLY true? It surely USED to be true, but seeing as 50 is the new 30…… Anything up your sleeve in that industry?

Donna: I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, especially as it’s the only thing I ever wanted to do and since leaving, I’ve had a hard time figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. But even if there were opportunities for people my age (and yes, it is REALLY true – in Hollywood, 50 is the same as being 80), the nature of the business would prevent me from going for them. I don’t WANT to put in 80-hour weeks any more, or deal with the monomaniacal crazies who tend to be your boss. There’s a very good reason so many Hollywood marriages don’t last – it’s not a family friendly business. And I love my family too much to try to make a “comeback.�

Mommybloggers: Donna, your passion for writing is evident in the essays you write on your blog and on Dotmoms. It seems you were born to write. What lies ahead for you?

Donna: Well, this week I am being featured in Mommybloggers. Beyond that – who knows?

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word? right now? a.
Poop. Because that word never fails to make my daughter laugh.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Disciplinarian. Because that role isn’t any fun.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
Fudge. Not all that creative, but easy.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all? c.
My house is too small. There’s no place to hide.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use? d.
See above.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers? e.
I’m afraid I will be such a nervous wreck that I won’t hear a word that comes out of her mouth.

Posted by mommybloggers at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers:Tracey, your posts range from the rare autobiographical post (we personally love those) to links to sites that reveal a remarkably wacky sense of humor and a love of wit and irony. Is there a reason you tend to link to other sites more than you write about yourself?

tracey: i tend to think of sweetney as more conversational than writerly, but i also see its content as being very personal and autobiographical, though perhaps not in a conventional sense. while many of my posts aren't recording the typical happenings of day-to-day life, they do document more immaterial -- yet, i think, still very personal -- aspects of my life and who i am. on sweetney i record the compulsory amusing anecdotes of daily life as a SAHM to be sure, but also the ephemeral amusements, thoughts, ideas, opinions, works of art, and odd nuggets of popular culture that occupy large portions of my brain's real estate during my waking hours, wherever i am and whatever i'm doing. its analogous to making a mixtape – pulling together disparate bits and pieces of material that for whatever reason speak to me on some level into this singular amalgam that, taken altogether, says a whole lot about me and who i am. and, in any case, i’m not going for inclusion in the genre of memoir, nor am i hoping to parlay sweetney into a book deal (though more power to those who do); the web is the medium here, and so i’m just using all the tools of the web at my disposal to make this crazy little thing called sweetney.

besides, i don't think i was put here on earth to share with all of you only the exquisite joys of wiping someone else's butt all day (though, my god, it IS ecstasy); others have that market cornered and do a much better job at it than i could or would. i didn't start off trying to do something different, but its become what it is, and i enjoy it.

Mommybloggers:Your links are freaking hilarious. They range from bizarre to side-splittingly funny. How do you find this stuff?

tracey:i've been on the web since the early 90s -- i was on Prodigy in DOS, man! -- and so over the years i've managed to mine out a vast array of sources. there’s really no secret – all of my sources are out there for anyone to find. its just a matter of having the time and energy to dig em’ up. i also benefit from having a husband in the web dev business and a lot of very cool web-addicted friends who send me material.

but if you were expecting me to cough up specific URLs or something, you’re sadly mistaken, ladies. i worked for those, man, and you’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.

Mommybloggers:What do you feel molded that spectacular sense of humor of yours? Because Tracey, you are funny. Damn. You are funny.

tracey:well, umm, thanks! but the unfunny answer to this question (sorry, dudes) is that i think the development of my sense of humor probably connects strongly with having a really hard time socially as a pre-teen and teenager. my folks moved around a lot during those years and i was kind of a misfit-type, and as a result of those two things had a hard time fitting in during that stage of life when fitting in is paramount. as i see it, there are two way to respond to social ostracism of the sort i experienced in those years: 1) withdraw from the social system and become angry and bitter (and later maybe, oh i don't know, blow up your high school or something), or 2) renounce the system and become funny in spite of it. i chose the latter path, and remained nearly sane by honing my ability to find humor in what would otherwise be really painful, soul-crushing situations and experiences.

obsessive consumption of Monty Python's Flying Circus in the late 70s (yes i'm old. shut up.) and a powerful Steve Martin fixation during my pre-teen years probably didn't hurt, either.

so, to sum up: childhood trauma and resultant defense mechanisms? a laff riot!!

Mommybloggers:Baltimore seems like a great place to let your freak flag fly. As a published poet and riot grrl, do you find that your environment adds to your creativity? Besides sweetney.com, what other projects are you working on?

tracey:i honestly can't say enough good things about Baltimore. its strange, but it really is a city of outcasts and weirdos, though i've yet to determine whether the city actively inspires weirdness or just attracts it (or both, i suppose). and so, yes, i feel very much at home here. i love Baltimore’s battered-underdog-roughness, and strongly identify with its defiant spirit (which i rhapsodized about here); its very, well, punk rock, i guess.

as for other projects, i’ve just signed on to be a blogher contributing editor, so that’ll give me a nice little platform for talking shit about all those pathetic mommybloggers (oh wait, I’m one of those!); i’m also working on getting a website together for our artist friend, seth, trying to get back into writing poetry, and waiting on my fancy pants new camera, so that i can assail blogdom with a deluge of purty pitchers. then of course there’s rock-n-romp, which will soon be sucking up a great deal of my time and life-energy, as i battle the forces of band scheduling evil (which will require the application of all my superpowers) to bring the rock to the peoples.

the life, she is hard. sniff.

Mommybloggers:Motherhood = punk rock. True or false?

tracey: hmm. that depends on the mother in question. “punk� to me implies, at its core, anti-establishment tendencies, and i think there are most definitely aspects of being a parent and raising a child that can be “punk rock.� for example, not being brainwashed by Our Great And Powerful Parenting Overlords into believing that you must do things a certain way on a specific timetable with all kinds of equipment and manuals and shit is a start. to be frank, i’m deeply disturbed by the current baby-genius-making culture of parenting presently in vogue, as it manages to somehow convince otherwise reasonable human beings that they need to send their 9-month-olds to baby ‘classes,’ organize developmentally appropriate learning activities, and orchestrate artificial teachable moments (honestly, just typing out that last sentence made me more than a little queasy). is it not apparent that all of this is crazy talk? aren’t parents under enough pressure already? let kids play! let kids be kids! let them learn in the ways they learn best – by naturally exploring and interacting with their normal, uncontrived environment. so please, please, calm the fuck down everybody! don’t drink the koolaid, parents! DO NOT DRINK THE KOOLAID!!

i’m sorry… uhh, what was the question?

Mommybloggers:So, Tracey, it seems we opened up a pandora's box when we asked for praise from your readers. There was a mixed response to the term "mommyblogger" and whether or not it applied to you. Some people felt the term should not be used in relation to you, because you write about things that are intelligent and funny and relevant, as opposed to the fluffy, feel-good stories about baby puke that mommybloggers are known for.

The term seemed to raise hackles on all sides. Has "mommyblogger" become a bad word? If so, why? Why should we even care about the label?

tracey: i think its fair to say that the term is often used in a derogatory, dismissive sense to evoke a stereotype, namely: mothers with depthless blogs who prattle on endlessly about superficial minutiae related to childrearing. but all blogs are self-indulgent – swap baby puke stories for i got so wasted i puked stories and you have the worst of 20-something bloggers, and so on. these are just stereotypes -- massive generalizations that are both inappropriate and incorrect when applied to masses of blogs. in every corner of blogging there are inept and boring writers, without a doubt, but what i find interesting is how the term “mommyblogger� has come to more broadly be used to simply signify bad writing. i’ve lately seen the term thrown out as a kind of comprehensive put-down, aimed at blogs not even vaguely about parenting or children, written by people who don’t even have kids. obviously the singling-out of “mommybloggers� as a catch-all condemnation has a lot to do with the status of women in society and, more specifically, societal attitudes about motherhood (SAHMs in particular)… and all of this of course just makes my blood boil, but its reality, and we need to confront that if we want to fight to change it.

Mommybloggers:Is it fair to say that we are "reclaiming" the label?

tracey: i hope so. and, well, i for one am down with actively trying to reclaim the label. heads up: it doesn’t appear to be going away any time soon and we’re likely stuck with it. so i do hope that, in service of the greater mommyblogging good, sweetney can serve as one example (among many) of a mommyblog that refuses to be typecast.

ladies, lest we forget: something like 55% of the world is women. if we collectively decide to imbue the label with power, it will redefine itself.

alternately, we could all just start calling ourselves “da muthabloggas� (number one in the hood, y’all!) – as i’ve suggested previously – and wash our hands of the whole thing.

its a thought. [cough]

Mommybloggers:Tracey, we loved meeting you at BlogHer. You seemed to make a point of getting out and meeting new people. We feel it is important to keep the conversation going, and to constantly expand our genre. How do you think we can create a sense of community with other bloggers?

tracey: well i don’t know about you guys, but gifts of large sums of cash and pretty shiny things have always helped me to create a sense of, ahem, community with others. heh.

actually i think we just need to focus on supporting each other right now, on building a strong community from within. not to get all women together, loving one another sappy or anything, but i think before we conquer the world we have to conquer ourselves, know what i mean? SEE: squash cattiness and gossip; be good to one another; minimize shit-talking; heap praise on those worthy of the praise-heaping; assume the best not the worst of each other; be supportive not competitive; link, blogroll, read, comment, etcetera… lather, rinse, repeat.

if the community of women bloggers comes together – truly together – without the clawing and the pulling of hair and the breaking of nails, seriously guys, there’s nothing that can fucking stop us.

except maybe a sale at Bloomingdales.

oh, i kid! i kid because i love!

And here are the questions we ask all our featured guests:

1. What is your favorite parent related word? right now?

preschool. ah, the sweet, sweet release of preschool…

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
whining. nuff said.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
dangnabbit. because it immediately makes me feel like Yosemite Sam, and thus cracks my shit right up.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
i pretty much retreat to the bedroom when things get a little too hairy… though what i really wanted to say here was “why, i retire to my super-secret underground relaxation bunker.� why don’t i have a super-secret underground relaxation bunker, dangnabbit?!? so unfair.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
the bathroom. solitary use of that in any fashion was pretty much over once mina realized she had the power to open doors. the day she added that knowledge to her little toddler swiss-army-knife-like skillset was a sad, sad day in sweetneyland, indeed.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers? “sweetney…. I’M GIVING YOU A BRAND NEW CAR!!!� [insert wild applause]

Be sure to check back tomorrow, as tracey graces us with some muthabloggin' freestyle in her guest entry here on Mommybloggers.

Posted by mommybloggers at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The Mommybloggers proudly present a brilliant post from Beth and Chris . They are our very first guest blogging couple, and we have been pleased as punch to feature them. Thanks again to Chris and Beth for sharing their talents with the mommyblogging audience.

And without further ado: Tada!:

Well golly, we meant to write this really brilliant, erudite, inspired joint post about parenting, or something, but we’ve looked everywhere (including the fridge and the diaper pail) and apparently we didn’t do it. We have a really good excuse though. In fact, we have several good excuses:

1. Our heads, already on the slightly large side, inflated to epic proportions following the praise lavished upon us yesterday. They became so huge, in fact, neither of us were able to make it through the doorways of our home. Thus, we weren't able to get anywhere close to a computer to type what would have been, we're sure, a wonderful contribution to such a fine site.

2. We got wrapped up playing another round of the Passive-Aggressive Infant Wardrobe Challenge. Not familiar with the game? If you're the father, carefully remove several articles of your child's clothing and exchange them for obviously clashing articles. See how long it takes your wife to notice. If you're the mother, express your shock and awe at the discovery of your child wearing pink pants, a green onesie and blue socks. Change the child immediately into a matching onesie, pants, sweater, socks, shoes, hat, bib and blanket. Repeat as needed.

3. This really, really big dog stole our post. Or was it a cat? We're not sure. It's all a blur. But it was freakin' huge. And had big teeth. Yeah. Big teeth. That's it.

4. We're so drunk.

5. It was Chris' birthday and there was celebrating to do. You don't think the strippers are just going to wait around do you? And those midgets aren't going to toss themselves.

6. Beth thought Chris was going to think of an idea for the post and Chris thought Beth was going to think of an idea for the post and by the time we finished arguing about who was supposed to think of the idea for the post it was 9:00 and time to go to bed. What? The baby gets up at 4. Shut up.

7. We devoted all our creative writing efforts to composing the “quotes� about us posted on this site yesterday. (Confidential to those who were quoted: the checks are in the mail.)

8. Baby vomit. Nuf said.

9. We had to hock the computers to get money to pay the baby to go to sleep. Tomorrow we are selling our china and silver because we never use it anyway and because it is totally, totally worth it.

10. We were too busy having wild crazy monkey sex all over the house. (Every parent reading this just started laughing hysterically.)

Seriously, we're parents. Planning is so yesterday. The best laid plans are, well, totally unrealistic ones, for the most part. Naps don't happen, errands don't get run, dinner doesn't get cooked. But these are the sacrifices you make to have a child. Life changes - drastically - but definitely for the better.

Read more by Beth on her blog So the Fish Said and more by Chris at his blog Rude Cactus.

Posted by mommybloggers at 8:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (52) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: First off, Busy Mom. Shall we call you Busy Mom, Mrs Busy or have we known each other long enough that we can just go on a first name basis and call you Busy.

Busy Mom: Oh, goodness, no need to be formal. "Busy" is just fine. Some people are even more casual and call me, "BM". But, well, that can be awkward sometimes.

Mommyblogggers: Do your children get picked on in school for having such vague and unusual names as Busy Boy, Busy Girl and The Preschooler formerly known as Busy Baby? (And really, how mean is that to make him learn how to spell all of that out!)

Busy Mom: Their true friends will accept their names, it builds character. As for "The Preschooler Formerly Known as Busy Baby", I hear you get at least 2 points for writing your name on an AP exam, so I figured his name would be good for at least 3 points and, thus, college credit while still in high school.

Mommybloggers: Have you thought about trademarking the name Busy Mom? Because we have seriously heard people on the streets talk about being a Busy Mom and then we have to get all up in their grill telling them they are SO not Busy Mom!

Busy Mom: Actually, I usually don't give it much thought until the random reader takes it as some sort of statement and reminds me that "ALL moms are busy". I do, however, want to talk to the lady driving around town with the "Busymom" vanity car license plate. Apparently, she's not much of a driver and local readers keep asking if that's me. I may have to take legal action.

Mommybloggers: We happen to know you have a set of drums. (And we know you sing along to the radio) Are there plans in the works to start up a Busy Band?

Busy Mom: Hmmm, "Busy Mom and the Bloggers". It does kind of have a ring to it, no? (Note to self: secure place for auditions).

Mommybloggers: Can the mommybloggers go on your next annual girls trip? We'll behave. (Well, we probably won't, but that makes it more fun!)

Busy Mom: Sure, we'd have a blast! However just one caveat: Don't be annoying. It doesn't matter if the cost of the toilet paper we bought gets split 9 equal ways. Somone may actually get hurt on this upcoming trip if they don't figure that out soon.

Mommybloggers: Not at all a problem. We have a plethora of toilet paper. Long story. Kind of traumatic. Not sure we can legally talk about yet.

Mommybloggers: So, we all know you are a soccer mom. In fact, you are pretty much the poster mom for soccer moms. Have you ever played soccer? And tell the truth, do you even enjoy soccer or do you rank it around you football feelings?

Busy Mom: Yes, actually, I have played soccer. I played in grade school, but there wasn't much high school soccer the area until I was a senior, so I didn't play then. Before kids, I played on an adult recreational team. Both"adult" and "recreational" were misnomers. I love to watch soccer. I don't follow any pro teams or anything, but I enjoy my kids' games and high school games as well.

Mommybloggers: Do people in your everyday "real life" know about your blog?

Busy Mom: Oh, goodness, a very few do *waves hello to real life friends*. For the longest time, no one did, but I told a couple of people and then I was exposed when I was sloppy with the bookmarks on my laptop and Google outed me a couple of times. I was a bit uncomfortable with people knowing, not because I wanted to write stuff about them, it's just that I didn't want them to think I was a bigger geek than they already did. They do, however, need to speak up more. Would it kill ya to comment?

Mommybloggers: What topics (if any) are off limits to you when it comes to what you will share online?

Busy Mom: Though Busy Dad reads only occasionally, I don't make a habit of talking about serious stuff between us, and I try to limit specific information about my children. I don't talk about politics because it bores me senseless, but I would post something about it if I felt the urge. I also try not to link my real name to my blog, but I haven't been all that successful (see above). While it's somewhat about Internet safety, it's more that I get embarassed when someone I know sees the waste of bandwidth I can perpetuate.

I have no need to speak badly of another blogger outright or through veiled hints. If there's something that I don't like, I can either enter the conversation like an adult or choose not to read. I know there are "Internet fights" out there, I stumble onto them occasionally, but half the time I have no idea what they are about, but I can't imagine a scenario where I'd need to get involved.

Mommybloggers: You have a pretty broad range of readers. You attract men, women, children, parents, nonparents and we hear a primate or two enjoy you as well. What do you feel is the secret to gaining and maintaining your reader base?

Busy Mom: I think you scared the monkey off (things that sound dirty, but aren't). [Editorial note: Jenn did scare the whole Ask the Monkey thing right off the blog. That thing scared the beejeezus out of her. Sock monkeys are just wrong! Having them give advice? Horrific!] I am grateful to everyone who reads what I write, they are a varied lot, that's for sure. I just write whatever bubbles up from my brain and sometimes people read and sometimes they don't. I do try to post regularly, but mostly because I enjoy doing it. Every now and then, someone will ask for advice, and I tell them that I think it's important to participate, visit and comment on blogs you like. I don't think I have a secret. Well, not that kind of secret and I'm not going to tell you the others. Then they wouldn't be secret anymore.

Mommybloggers: What do you think about comments on blogs? Seriously, you can write that your Diet Coke made you burp and will probably receive more than a dozen comments on that. Yet, we have yet to see any flames be spewed upon your blog. What is your secret?

Busy Mom: Dang, you heard me? I said, "excuse me" when that happened. I think that comments are the very essence of blogging. It's not really about how many comments a post might (or might not) have, it's about the potential for interaction, people can jump in the conversation if they choose. I suppose I don't have much flaming because I really don't write about anything of much consequence. When I get trollish comments, though, they are pretty good ones.

Mommybloggers: You dare to use the word "mom" in blog url. Of course, it is not mommy, so you have redeemed yourself a bit. We ask all of our featured bloggers this question: What do you think of the term mommybloggers?

Busy Mom: That does seem to be a hot topic out there. I almost hate to admit it, but my blog name arose only because I couldn't find a name at Blogspot, lo those many years ago, that wasn't already taken. I was kind of annoyed when I typed that in, but it was available and it just kind of stuck.

I don't really get all the "mommyblogger" hate. Either read someone's blog if you like it, or don't read if you don't enjoy it. A blog solely about parenting and children is not any different from a blog solely about marketing or about computer programming. The writer is writing about what they know and enjoy. I may not be in marketing, but I might enjoy reading something in someone's marketing blog, anyway. I wouldn't necessarily dismiss it because the word "marketing" is in it. Conversely, if there's a blog that is about lots of different things that happens to be written by someone who is farsighted, that doesn't make them a "Presbyopia Blogger". I'm not offended by the term "mommyblogger" when it is directed at me, unless someone is using it to dismiss me without knowing what I write. I'm proud to be a mother and if my writing's not someone cup of tea, that's OK.

Mommybloggers: We know you have sold your soul to Starbucks. On a typical day at a typical coffee shop, what do you order? What do you think of the people who stand in line in front of you and order things like a "triple, grande, half-caf low fat no foam extra hot latte with whip"? Have you ever smacked one of them? You can tell us. We won't tell.

Busy Mom: As much as I've blathered on about the specialty drinks (my recent pumpkin spice latte jag), I usually get a tall, mild drip coffee with room for cream, because coffee is a vehicle for my beloved half-and-half. However, since I only drink coffee first thing in the morning, I have a secondary habit of their Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade. I am very scared it will leave the menu for the winter.

As for these people and their fancy pants drinks, I mentally mock them, but my desire to smack someone is usually reserved for the people fixing the drinks, especially when they are not as efficient as the ones at my "main" Starbucks. Damn, did I just admit I have a "main" Starbucks?

Mommybloggers: Let's get serious with you for a minute. You have shared with your readers about your mom's lung cancer diagnosis. It's been touching, heartwrenching and has given a lot of your readers a glimpse into the world of the Sandwich Generation. Has it been helpful to you to write about it?

Busy Mom: Oh, absolutely. People have been wonderful and they really care. I am also profoundly grateful that I have, in a small way, been able to help others out there who are going through something similar.

Mommybloggers: How have your readers helped you through this? Any regrets about talking about it?

Busy Mom: No regrets at all about writing about it, I'm so glad I have people out there supporting me. When my mother was first diagnosed, a total stranger (not someone with whom I regularly interacted with on a blog) e-mailed me from out of the blue and let me unload on her. And, boy did I. She happened to be some sort of therapist and, though I don't remember who she is, I will always be grateful. Even though I haven't written anything about her in a while, people will e-mail me asking about her. There are so many thoughtful people out there.

Mommybloggers: Now, more play time.

And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

"Goodnight"

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

"Uh-oh"

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

What is this "censored" of which you speak? Kidding, kidding (mostly). It's not terribly creative, but, "gawd-doggit" can usually be substituted in time.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

The living room

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The bathroom

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

"Welcome to my 'Favorite Things' show. We'll start with the entire Coach collection."

Mommybloggers: Busy Mom, we at Mommybloggers are thrilled to have had this chance to sit down and chat with you. You make reading about motherhood more fun and relatable. We look forward to reading whatever thrilled and awe-inspiring thing you have to say to us tomorrow. (Did we mention you get to write tomorrow? Ooops. Our bad)! Seriously, we adore you. Thanks for playing along with us!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Our featured blogger this week is Mir of Woulda Coulda Shoulda. Grab a beverage of choice and enjoy our interview as we talk candidly with Mir.

Mommybloggers: Mir, we are so excited to have you join the Mommybloggers as our featured blogger this week. Let’s not waste time here. I need to get one thing clear before we go any further. M-I-R. You must correct me on how you pronounce that. Mir as in Mirror, Mire, or Mercy?
(Sidenote: Do you know how hard it is to ask that question on the phone without mispronouncing the name you are trying to pronounce? I’m just saying.)

Mir: Mir as in the Mir space station.

Mommmybloggers: Ahhhh, so you are comparable to a celestial being? Cool!

*crickets chirping*

Mommybloggers: Do people in your "real life" know about and read your blog? Has it caused problems? Do they fear the Wrath of the Blog?

Mir: Some do and some don't. I have friends who know about it and choose not to read it. I have others who use it to keep up with me. On the whole I'd say the reaction has been very favorable, with a few notable exceptions. My ex has grumbled more than once about what he feels is my misrepresentation of him on my blog. (To which I lovingly replied, "Oh well!")

Look, I never claimed to be writing the God's honest truth as set in stone. What I AM writing is my perception of things. Generally speaking, I try to tread carefully and not upset anyone.

I get a chuckle out of the fact that in 100% of cases where people felt the need to give me crap about what I'd written, they were all folks who'd formerly congratulated me on my honesty. Apparently sometimes the truth does hurt.

Mommybloggers: You have a big fan base. One of the reasons we at mommybloggers love you is that you are not afraid to laugh at yourself or the things in your life that may seem embarrassing. You don’t seem to pull back when it comes to doing that. Are you like that in person or is it a blog thing?

Mir: It is who I am. As for the blog, if I make the first strike, it takes away the power of those who want to beat me to it.

Mommybloggers: What are the ages of your children? Where do you fall in the birth order of your own family? Do you relate to the child that has the same order in your family as you held in yours growing up?

Mir: My daughter is 7.5 and my son will be 6 in a few months. I am the youngest of 2 children (I have a brother who is 3 years older than I am).

I often find Monkey easier to just flat-out love on, but I think that's a combination of 1) his being the youngest, 2) his being a boy, and 3) his (very demonstrative) personality. I identify much more readily with Chickadee, who is so like me that I'm already planning on the Witness Protection Program for myself when she becomes a teen.

Mommybloggers: You and I both know the term “mommyblogger� has cause riots, floods and famine across the globe. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but some people don't like the term and yet some embrace it. What do you personally think about the term 'mommyblogger'?

Mir: I don't have a problem with the term as long as it's not being used as a definitive categorization. I'm a mom. I blog. That makes me a mommyblogger. But I blog about more than just my kids, and I think that's true of 95% of the so-called mommybloggers out there.

But for women who rail against the mommyblogger term... I dunno. For one thing, I don't see a huge point in battling semantics. For another, I'm very proud to be a mom. Why would I fight people labeling me that way?

Mommybloggers: So, from reading your blog and talking to you, I have learned that you-- how do I put this delicately-- do not have the most laid back mothering style. In fact, someone close to you--you, as a matter of fact-- said you were a mini-drill sargeant. Is that different from how you were raised?

Mir: I said mini drill sargeant? Uh oh.... Hmmm, let's see. I was raised by one very strict parent and one very laid-back parent. I think ideally you go with something more in the middle. I strive for balance, but my Type-A personality definitely prefers more order to less. I do tend to be quite strict. But I also love to be silly with my kids, when the stuff that I have to crack down on is out of the way.

Mommybloggers:Do you feel you are more rigid because you are a single mom or because that is just who you are as a person?

Mir: Some of that comes from being a single mom, I'm sure, but a lot of that is just the way I am.

Mommybloggers: Will I go to timeout for getting this interview off to a late start?

Mir: You can avoid a time out by handing over the chocolate.

Mommyblogger: You are great about updating your own blog daily. You're a professional freelance writer and a copy editor. AND you blog professionally. Not to mention you are also a single mom. Have you been able to find more than 24 housr in one day that the rest of us don't know about? Care to share your secret?

Mir: My only secret is that I don't exercise enough and/or have enough other hobbies. I'm sure I should be spending some of my blogging/writing time doing something else. But there are so few activities I love this much that allow me to snack and watch TV at the same time....

Ooops, I've said too much! I mean, YES, I never sleep, my house is spotless, I work out 7 days a week, and pay no attention to how long my nose has grown during this last sentence.

Mommyblogger: Tell us about online friends. We know you have become very close to some friends online. What would you tell people just starting out blogging or are new to the Internet? I mean, it can get ugly out there!

Mir: Heh. Yeah, I've certainly tasted both the good and the bad. I've made some wonderful connections where I fully expect the friendships to last, and I suppose it's just like face-to-face friendships: you discover you have common interests and outlooks, and the relationship grows from there. It's no secret that I've forged love affairs with Joshilyn and Kira, two wonderful women I never would've met without blogging. Both of them have not only proven wonderful support on a personal, let-me-weep-on-your-shoulder sort of way, but they both inspire me (and occasionally push me!) to write. Where could I have met two such amazing authors in my little podunk town? At Dunkin Donuts?

I don't know that I have advice for anyone beyond what you'd heed in "regular" life. There are jerks on the internet just like there are jerks at the supermarket. The trick is in figuring it out.

Mommybloggers: Writing online not only puts you out there in terms of vulnerability, but puts your kids out there. Do you worry about saying things that are funny now, but will humiliate your kids later? Where do you draw the line about how much you share on your blog about your children?

Mir: I'm pretty sure I humiliate my kids on a daily basis. I consider it a right of parenting.

I do share quite a bit about my kids, but I stick to a few rules which I'm hoping will keep them from killing me in my sleep: 1) I don't post their pictures, which is a decision I made from the start (and while I certainly LOVE seeing other folks' pictures and acknowledge my choice is not necessarily the right one for everyone, it works for me), 2) I use pseudonyms for them, and 3) if I think it's something which would truly embarrass them, I refrain.

As with anything else, there's plenty that doesn't get posted. Of the stuff that does, I hope that even in my most frustrated moments it's clear to my kids at every moment that I love them. If it's not, I'm doing something wrong.

Mommybloggers: What is one myth about mommyblogging that you would like to dispel right now?

Mir: I think that when men bitch about fatherhood people think it's funny, and when women bitch about motherhood people evenly split into two camps of either cheering "TELL IT, GIRLFRIEND!" or "You horrible woman! You don't deserve to have children!"

Look, parenting is hard. I am a huge lover of honesty. I adore the blogs where fellow moms acknowledge that--cheesy army-themed music aside--it's the toughest job you'll ever love. My kids drive me crazy. And they are everything to me. They drive me crazy BECAUSE they are everything to me! But the so-called mommy blogs that are 100% "I hate this, it's too hard, I'm lousy at it, I miss my life" make me cringe. There's a balance to be struck, otherwise you're just King Midas whining that you want more gold.

Mommybloggers: I know you wanted to be an actress. You may still be discovered one day, but if that is delayed and your life is made into a movie, what actress would play you in the movie of your life? What man would come sweep you off your feet and become your leading man? And you cannot have Matthew McConaughey. He belongs to Jenn!

Mir: Wait, I thought part of this deal was that you were sending an agent over to my house...?

Oh, the movie of my life... that'll be interesting. Let's see. If we're going for the older me, like, the future me, we'll have to cast Sigourney Weaver. For the young me... hmmm... you know, I think we'd have to do a special casting call to find an unknown. I wouldn't want a "name" to do it.

My leading man? How about Viggo Mortensen? Nah, that's too predictable. Wait, you know who I really want? Mark Dacascos. (Here is where I both enlighten you and shame myself: He is the Chairman for the American version of Iron Chef. Yum, on several levels.)

Mommybloggers: You have no problem talking about your vagina, so let's not be shy here. If you were asked to be in the Vagina Monologues, would you do that?

Mir: Lord, my poor father.

Mommybloggers: Where shall I send the sedation medication to your parents since i asked that question?

Mir: I would be in the Vagina Monologues in a heartbeat.

Mommybloggers: In an episode of Sex & the City, Charlotte had a depressed vagina. Have you experienced a depressed vagina, Mir?

Mir: I'm pretty sure my vagina--despite its many trials and travails--has never actually been depressed. It does experience periodic bouts of social anxiety, however. (Please send the smelling salts to my dad.)

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to: (*With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actor's Studio)

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

Snacks. It makes every mom an instant hero.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Whiiiiiiiiiining. As in, PLEASE STOP BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

I don't actually have one. Either I slip up and (loudly) take the Lord's name in vain (and, occasionally, on a popsicle stick!), or I just sputter wordlessly while the children admire the wisps of smoke curling out of my ears.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

My favorite place to unwind when the kids are asleep is in a hot bath, but that's impractical for during the day; both because I'd turn into a shrivelled prune and because I'd be too easy to find. If I'm really losing it, I go out to "get the mail." My driveway is just long enough that I can simmer down but can remain reasonably confident that everyone will still be alive when I get back.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The basement. I used to go down there, but the door has a little cat-flap door thing (previous owners) and now if I go downstairs they know it and there are suddenly arms and legs waving through the cat door.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

"I realize now how pointless and self-absorbed my life is without children. You've opened my eyes." (Bwahahahaha... right after she says that, Xenu lands there in the studio, by the way.)

Mommybloggers: Mir, you rock our world. Thanks for being here with us and sharing yourself so openly. Please apologize to you father for us. We will gladly accept the bill for his smelling salts and/or sedation medication.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (1)

Mommybloggers: Grace, Thank you for being our first very first guest blogger! We met you at the BlogHer conference, and have held you in highest regard ever since. You are funny, snarky and sharp. You are a compassionate humanitarian. Now answer our questions young lady, or you're grounded.

Grace, have you always been as irreverent, witty, sassy and funny as you are today? In other words, have you always had your voice? Did you spend some time looking for it? If so, how did you find it (your voice, that is)? Because Grace, you have a voice. WHOO-EEE, do you have a voice.

Grace: When you’re one of six kids from a working class, industrial strength Catholic family, somewhere along the line you must develop a keen sense of snark. It’s a survival tool and a preventive measure, useful in keeping one from a slow death by boredom or turning into one of those stoned teenagers slamming against the high school corridor walls.

I can hardly compare myself with the genius of David Sedaris and the deadpan humor of Bill Murray, but they hail from backgrounds similar to mine. Like them, I am spellbound by the absurdities of every day life and can’t resist hauling the weirdness out of the closet to ask whoever is interested, “What the fuck is with the FLOWBEE, people?�

Indeed, I’ve always been a smartass, and I think that’s what you mean by ‘voice’.

Just for the record, the kid says I’m “hella� more sarcastic than all of her friends combined, and they’re fourteen. I like to think of this as a compliment.

Mommybloggers: Yeah, we did mean smart-ass, but we made you say it! What are the ages of your kids?

Grace: "Molly is 14 and I have five grown step kids, ages 34, 33, 31, 30 and 24."

Mommybloggers: So Ms. Grace Davis, we hear you are Dr. Laura's worst nightmare. And we believe that. We don't want to mess with you, but we do want to know more about you. Tell us a little about yourself. Where did you grow up, and how did your childhood experiences shape who you are today?

Grace: "I grew up in the bleak sameness of suburban Northern California. My hometown of Fremont was, in the late 1950s and through the 60s, severely white bread, car oriented, and consumerist in the extreme. It was also an incubator for the 60s drug culture, producing bored teenagers slamming against the school lockers high on hash, and, when we were feeling ambitious, zipping down the corridors on revved up on speed.

Mommybloggers: So Grace, you are from the 'burbs! The burbs of California no less! A budding suburban rebel from Fremont. Tell us more about the community that shaped the enigma otherwise known as Grace.

Grace: "I cannot say enough about the delusion of safety in the suburbs. My parents, bless their yearning, immigrant hearts, were thrilled to have a piece of the rock in the form of our modest tract home. Like everyone else, they wanted to spare their children the ravages of inner city life. They saw the solution was in planned communities, with shopping malls serving as contrived city centers. Everything perfect, everything in its place.

My response to all of this was to hide and read. I’m second of six kids and hiding in our household was no mean feat. But I nestled in little corners read everything I could get my grimy mitts on. I think if I were a teenager today, I would be a goth bookworm, spending my allowance on Doc Marten lace ups and obscure fiction at used book stores."

Mommybloggers: Two of the three mommybloggers are middle children. We feel your pain. Really we do. We are a special breed, middle kids. Batteries and neuroses included!

Grace: "To this day, I continue nurturing my inner goth bookworm, always choosing alternative pathways to mainstream culture. I will forever be drawn to the unique, the weird, and the quirky. I’m certain I’m not the only one raised in the suburbs who has devoted their life to exorcising its demons. In fact, I would bet serious money that the entire population at Burning Man share this world view."

Mommybloggers: So tell us Grace, truthfully. If you had Dr. Laura alone in a room, what would you say to her?

Grace: "Hopefully, the spirit of Mother Teresa would take over my body, compelling me to extend sweetness, pink light and compassion towards Dr. Laura Schlessinger. However, I have a feeling that the wise and righteous Mother Teresa would want to totally kick Dr. Laura’s ass. So, no matter what, Dr. Laura would go down, either by getting her butt walloped or getting killed by liberal kindness. And I’ll just bet she’d prefer the ass kicking."

Mommybloggers: I think you're right. I bet Dr. Laura loves nothing more than a good whupping. A real sick puppy, that one.

Grace, you have been blogging for a couple of years now. What inspired you to start blogging?

Grace: "Actually, I’ve only been blogging for a year as of September 23. That’s all. And now I’m uneasy and paranoid as your assumption that I’ve been blogging for longer has triggered a wave of insecurity and self doubt - “Hmmm, Meghan, Jenn and Jenny are thinking ‘a few years’? Does that mean I come off as jaded and world weary? No longer fresh? Should I do more memes? Post more pictures of my dog?�

Mommybloggers: Yes Grace, we want more pictures of the dog, and we want more fresh-e-fresh. Like, enough of this making the world a better place through grassroots philanthropy. That might get you an interview with the New York Times and all, but you could really liven things up with a new twist. Like limericks. You should definitely add limericks to your blog format.

Grace: "Yeah, I'll get right on that. All of my many neuroses aside, I deployed a blog for two reasons. The first is that personal websites are part of a big conversation I was eager to join. I caught the bug in the late 90s as an ardent fan of webjournals, particularly Steve Amaya’s Evaporation , Beth Reinstein Atkins’ Stitches in Time and Chuck Atkins’ ChuckStake. Compelling stuff these webjournals, personal memoirs of every day life published on the World Wide Web for all to see. Imagine that!

Webjournals and the blogosphere was seductive on many levels.

Mommybloggers: Seductive! Sounds scandalous. Do tell!

Grace: "It’s part peasant revolution, whereupon a non-techy, soccer mom like me can access and participate in a fat media venue. It’s part village square, though on a global basis, across geopolitical and cultural boundaries. And, of course, it’s part therapeutic. We may reveal our heart, soul and psyche in this public milieu and, with interactive features of blog tools, we are rewarded with feedback and genuine support from like minds."

Mommybloggers: You are possibly the worlds coolest soccer mom. You took your 14 year old daughter and her friends to Hawaii for spring break for crying out loud. Is 33 years too old to be adopted? Grace, will you adopt me? All of us? Please?

Grace: "Sure! Can you cook? Really though, Maybe you could just work things out with your mom and dad, okay? Back to the blog. The other reason why I hurled my laptop into the blogosphere is that group emails I used to send to my friends were not unlike busy blog posts. As my friends began to fear my spam (Egads! Another three part email from Grace!), I thought I should consign my pithy observations, political rants and petty thoughts about celebrities on to a blog. Then, friends could elect to click onto my blog for my current dark musings on Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld. Once I unfurled my words via the miracle of TypePad, I was delighted to find that others outside my circle of pals were interested in discussing the Cheney/Rumsfeld cabal.

So, everybody wins – my friends are spared Grace Spam, I created my own bully pulpit of a blog, complete with pics of my kiddo Molly and my Jack Russell Terrier, Malcolm, and I became friends with a bunch of smart, witty, tender, kindly bloggers and readers."

Mommyblogggers: Grace, Have you always written? What did you do with your snark before the blog? Did you write recreationally or professionally before you became a blogger?

Grace: "My endeavors in creative writing were limited to the aforementioned lengthy, spammy emails to friends. I did write several short stories when I was younger and really full of myself. Such is the hubris of the English Literature major, and I was a particularly insufferable one at that.

Professionally, I was a scientific/medical editor earlier in my career. I believe one can hunt down my stuff on Medline but it would be a hell of a scavenger hunt as the editors are usually sixth in a line-up of seven authors.

Yes, I suppose I sound a little bitter about that."

Mommybloggers: You have really changed lives with the hurricane relief blog. You are our idol. Did you ever dream the philanthropic blog you started would be as sucessful as it has been?

Grace: "Certainly not! I thought I would simply rally my blogroll and folks who read our posts about the blog on Craigslist. However, I’m ecstatic we have been able to help in such a significant way. Though the Hurricane Katrina Direct Relief and Family to Family blogs sprang out of pure serendipity, I also think our appearance was timely. People were disturbed and furious with our government’s ineffective responses to Katrina victims. Thus, our humble sites were well received as sincere, grassroots efforts. We were perceived as more trustworthy than the traditional resources for relief."

Mommybloggers: Have you thought about promoting a Grace Davis bobblehead doll?

Grace: "....Yeah. Ummm.. No....Maybe?"

Mommybloggers: You have poured blood sweat and tears into the hurricaine relief blog. You even worked through the night and showed up for a television interview with (gasp) UNWASHED HAIR!!! Your dedication is admirable. You might even spark the newest look in hair! Forget "the Rachel"! This year it's "The Grace"! But Seriously, What can average Joes like us do to help people at this stage of the hurricane recovery?

Grace: The Katrina disaster continues to dominate the lives of folks on the Gulf Coast. Donations of food, supplies and equipment have decreased significantly now that ‘compassion fatigue’ has taken over the national consciousness. As far as the mainstream media is concerned, we have met the end of the Katrina ‘story arc’. We’re not seeing coverage on CNN and Fox of the communities continuing to live in suboptimal conditions, with whole families in tents and dining in soup kitchens. This is abysmal. This is the bad news.

The good news is that more and more families have moved out of the evacuee shelters and have been provided with modest apartments, small houses and mobile homes. However, as these families lost everything in the hurricane, they’re moving into empty living rooms, bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchens.

So, we’re looking to meet the basic needs – non-perishable food, underwear, hooded sweatshirts, baby items - for the struggling communities and ‘housewarming gifts’ for families moving into their new homes.

Obviously, this is the part where the overeager, do-gooder, disaster relief blogger urges everyone to take a look at the posts on her Hurricane Katrina relief blogs and see what you can do to help our friends!"

Mommybloggers: It's to be expected! You are passsionate about helping the people who need it. We encourage everyone to take a look at the relief site and do what they can to help.

Grace, What do you REALLY think of the term "mommyblogger"?

Grace: I think it sounds upbeat and cheerful. ‘Mommy’ softens the mucosal sounding ‘blogger’. It describes exactly what we do - getting the mommy story out into the blogosphere. I identify with the term completely and claim my blog accordingly, though my version includes menopausal symptoms, left of center politics and the occasional fantasy of George Clooney in bondage.

Mommybloggers: Who doesn't like the thought of George in bondage? Bondage at his Italian Villa no less!
Grace, What do you see as the socio-cultural impact of the mommyblog now and in the future? Where do you think this is all headed?

Grace: Any phenomenon or movement involving truth telling by women will blow the lid off the culture. Myth busting is what we’re talking about here and the best mommy blogs are all over this. You have to admire the sheer chutzpah of those mommy bloggers who toss sentimentality out the window and fearlessly give us the real deal on cradle cap (gross!), projectile vomiting (The kid hurled all over me!), and needing to get laid, (my GOD, when will it HAPPEN?).

We must also honor those mommy bloggers who reveal their pain and helplessness. It’s an act of courage for mothers to portray anything other than noble, selfless parenting. It’s a service to all mothers when we announce we’re not longer buying into the great palace lie that all is gingham and teddy bears with our children and homes. Caring for kids, particularly infants and young children, can be dangerously draining. When we say or write – This is hard! This is nuts! I’m completely lost! – we affirm ourselves and others and this allows us to take the necessary steps to regaining our sanity and wholeness. If we don’t, we continue to lie to ourselves, and the cost of that is huge.

In the future we will see the emergence of 12 Step groups for adult children whose mothers were mommybloggers. In case I’m not around to witness this, I’ve been putting aside a small nest egg for my kid’s shrink fund. In either case, consider yourselves warned.

Mommybloggers: We shudder to think of the psychological repercussions. Start saving for therapy now, mommybloggers.
So, forget the kids! What about blogs in general?

Grace: Now that we have the tools to wield our very own media outlets, there’s no going back. Blogs are here to stay and will evolve with the technology. I want to play with all of the new fancy stuff – the video blogs, the podcasting - but I’ll be thinking twice when the smell-a-blog appears on the scene. You simply don’t want a whiff of a blogger like me who spends way too much time pounding away on the laptop in old sweats, breathing out deadly coffee breath and is in desperate need of a shower.

Mommybloggers: And now for our gratuitous ripoff of the questions form "Inside the Actors Studio", Bloggy style! * (With apologies to the great Bernard Pivot)

What is your favorite parent related word?

"Sippy cup. Makes me grin from ear to ear. Happy, happy sippy cup!"

What is your least favorite parent related word?

Ferberizing. I know that’s all about getting your kid to sleep on their own, but it sounds like a dry cleaning process, not unlike 'Martinizing'.

What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

"'Cabron!' which means male goat in Spanish. Especially effective when you roll the 'r' in that second syllable.

What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

I use the kitchen table. Nobody messes with me at the kitchen table. after all, I'm just a lunge away from grabbing one of the carving knives.

Second is my bed, but I have to duke it out with the dog to get a prime place there. My own bed! Where's the justice?

What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The bed. The last sanctuary. Gone! Oh, the inhumanity!

If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Show when she features the Mommybloggers?

"Today we're going to take the Mommybloggers out for make overs!"

Sigh, such music to my ears. Besides a new do and a nifty wardrobe, I could go for a medically administered chemical peel. But please, no botox. I like my frown lines, thank you very much. Besides, these creases are essential for my patented Look of DoomTM, a powerful parenting tool I have honed to perfection over the years. Take that away, and it would be pure anarchy at my house.

By the way, Oprah exists. That girlfriend ain’t no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. Don’t mess wid me on dat.

Mommybloggers: Oh. Don't worry Grace. We won't. We love you, but we are a sometimes a little scared of you at the same time! Believe us. We will not mess wid you.

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