The following entry was written by Elaine, and is a favorite from the archives of Wannabe Hippie.

Sometimes it’s like this: you wake in the middle of the night to find your nursling nestled asleep in the crook of your arm, warm downy hair pressed against your skin and her little mouth working in sweet little puckers as she dreams of her fabulous num nums. You look over to see your husband dreaming silently, a smile on his lips. Your dog is asleep at the foot of the bed, paw twitching in her own doggy dream world and the kitty purrs happily at your feet. The air is perfect; just cold enough to warrant the light blankets covering you and the smell of rain adding a crispness and promise of fall. On these nights you know that you could do this forever. You know that this moment was made for you to drink in, embrace and cherish. You know that if this is truly what life was, you could sit in this space for the rest of your life and never want for anything.

Sometimes it’s like this: you wake in the middle of the night as you kick the sweat soaked covers off your body and elbow your husband to get him to stop snoring, hoping that as he turns over he’ll somehow get the dog to stop snoring as well. The cat is trying to sleep on your face. The sweet nursling is awake again and is not happy and you know you must resign yourself to no sleep or you will be bitter and unforgiving in the morning. During the day, you want to complete a task but you know there will be countless interruptions and if your husband is home he will likely be napping during one of those times and you will be required to suddenly wake him from his slumber by demanding help. You will feel guilty for asking. You will feel guilty for hating that he is napping. You will feel guilty for wanting a whole day to do as you please. You will feel guilty for not making a perfect meal every night and presenting it to your family on matching plates with perfectly ironed napkins ready to swipe at their perfectly clean faces. You will resent that you have to call a friend in joy when you are out of the house all alone and you will resent that you have to be back at a certain hour, feeling like a child again who must abide by a parents rules. You wonder when your husband will learn to love your body as is and not say things like, “You’re not getting old, honey. You’re just out of shape; what you need to do is…” You realize that he will never learn. He’s a man and this kind of thing is not within his reach. He can tell you what every tool in the garage is called, how it works, what to do with it and what it sounds like when it goes bad; but this he cannot grasp. You know that if life is like this you could easily give it all up and run off to join the circus. Any circus, just as long as they allow you to sleep once in a while and spend a quiet day with a book. For a fleeting moment you even irrationally consider leaving your husband. As though that would somehow make your life easier, but in reality you know it’s just the anger and the resentment and the frustration of having very young children and a strong will of your own. You will feel so guilty for wanting to be away, knowing you will be in love with him again tomorrow. You will feel like a failure and no amount of being told you are not will erase the panic in your heart that you are just doing it all wrong.

Sometimes it’s like this: you realize that you have it good. You also realize that just because others have it worse, it does not diminish your own issues and insecurities. You accept that you are human and fallible and that you don’t have your shit together and likely never will. You hang onto those moments of perfectness and you allow yourself to be pissed off or happy or scared or crazy or silly or awake or selfish or Martha Stewart or whoever you need to be. You cling to the smell of your daughters damp head in the middle of the night and cry a little at how perfect she is and pray that you just don’t screw her up.

Sometimes it’s like this: you write it all down and wonder if you should just delete the whole thing. You think about your children reading this when they are becoming mothers and you realize that they will either be better at this than you or they will feel the same conflicting emotions and burry themselves in guilt and shame. You hope they will read this and think, “hell, if that woman could get through this, then so can I.” You hope they will never have to feel this way, but if they do you hope they will not feel alone. You hope even, for a moment, that they will call you up and pour out their emotion so that you can say, “I know, sweetheart. Hang in there baby, it’ll get better, I promise.”

Posted by mommybloggers at 6:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Mommybloggers: Well, hello there, lovely Elaine! Thanks for participating!

Elaine: Always a pleasure to blabber.

Mommybloggers: We adore your clear, detail-rich writing style. Have you always been a writer?

Elaine:My mom is an amazing writer who always encouraged an imaginative life, supplying us with paints and pallets and clay and anything else we could afford to get our hands on. In high school, I started writing for the school newspaper and quickly made my way to editor-in-chief, enjoying the concise descriptive world five column inches allowed. I have a BA in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing (and a minor in Women's Studies) but college kinda sucked the creative urges out of me for a long time. Seriously, I only read magazines and fluff novels for a couple of years out, I was so burned up by the intensity of that experience. Blogging is finally getting me back to writing.

Mommybloggers: How did you get into blogging? Is it a platform to share your thoughts with others, or a more personal exploration?

Elaine: When my first daughter was born a good friend came to stay with us for a month. She talked about finding the journal her mother kept during her first year of parenting and was so delighted to read about that transition into motherhood. Even when the pages held nothing more than, "You cried all day, you little shit" it made her laugh and feel so much closer to her mom. I wanted that for my kids. I actually started out writing every post directly to my daughter, but found that to be a bit limiting. I also use blogging as a way to process all the emotional crap involved in parenting. So many people seem to think that parenting should be one thing, when your personal experience can be so incredibly different. I end up writing a lot of sappy stuff, but when I'm lucky those girls of mine give me some brilliantly funny material! I guess I do this for my girls and for myself. It's allowed me to return to writing in a really supported way.

Mommybloggers: You chronicled the home birth of your second daughter on your blog, as well as many other family events, both joyous and heartbreaking. How has your family reacted to your blog?

Elaine: Anya's birth was so freaking liberating and fantastic, I kind of felt obligated to preach the brilliance of homebirthing. But then, I'm obnoxious that way and will openly talk about cloth diapers, cosleeping, vaccine choices, breastfeeding and the like. My family is aware of those views and is very supportive. Honestly though, my husband doesn't even read Wannabe Hippie. I think he feels that it's an outlet I need and doesn't want to get in the way. My mom does reads and that has caused a little tension over the years. Mostly though, it's allowed us to have really important conversations and to forgive each other a lot of crap from my less than stunning teen years when I was evil. She has never once asked me to stop writing and for the most part is very proud of what I write there.

Mommybloggers: Talk to us about the name: Wannabe Hippie conjures up different impressions for different people. What does it mean to you?

Elaine: I'm one of the fortunate few reared by half hippies. My mom was into very natural choices in parenting but didn't do any of the irresponsible stuff usually associated with hippies. I take a lot of my cues in parenting from her, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, questioning doctors, creative expression, etc. But I'm a total geek at heart, loving the way technology intertwines with our lives and a little too fond of my TV. I'd love to be someone who gives up her modern vices and lives off the land, but it's so not gonna happen.

Mommybloggers: Creativity and good humor seems to be a central fixture in your home. How do you honor your own creativity?

Elaine: I get really cranky if I don't have some sort of creative outlet. Writing really mellows me out, as does photography. I'm learning to knit and occasionally paint something random. I'm also starting to get into the whole cooking thing, you know, now that I have all these hungry people hanging around my house for which I am somehow responsible. I love creating stuff with my toddler, even if it's just a pile of broken chips she declares is a house she built.

Mommybloggers: You're a founding member of the wonderful group blog Mama Says Om. Tell us how it came about.

Elaine: Krystyn and I were blabbering on about some random thing on the phone one day when we started talking about the idea of a collaborative blog. There was another mama who had brought up the idea to Krystyn and so when I mentioned it, we decided to make it happen. That other mama didn't ultimately chose to be part of Mama Says Om but we pulled in two amazing artists, Christina of My Topography and Kelly of Glimpse from a Bubble . We have a blast together and love looking at the different explorations of a common theme each week. Our contributors are so creative and expressive and share such beautiful and funny moments from their lives; I love going there every day to click through.

Mommybloggers: Your weekly explorations of themes are so inspirational for your readers…what's next for Mama Says Om?

Elaine: The site just went through a major overhaul courtesy of our very own web vixen, Krystyn. She's a stunning web artist and every time she messes with the site, does something that makes all of us go, "ooohhhh! Ahhhhh!" Seriously, she kicks ass. As far as content goes, we're loving the weekly themes and enjoy working on these assignments together. Every time we sit down (virtually) to come up with the next series of ideas, we really have a blast laying in the themes we're excited about and sometimes linking them up to the special events in our own lives. For instance, I'm looking forward to tackling "juicy" on my Anniversary! Overall, we're very much married to the concept of Mama Says Om as a collaborative site and will flow with whatever that means for it's future.

Mommybloggers: You ran an experimental theater group in Southern California before the girls were born. How has your experience with drama prepared you for motherhood? Any plans to return to the theater?

Elaine: I was the Managing Director for an established alternative theatre with a small budget and a huge reputation. When I came on board the Artistic Director had been running the whole show on her own for a while and was just so thankful to have anyone in the office with her! I learned so much from her and from the two years I spent there, I feel really lucky to have had the opportunity. Multitasking, creative money management, artistic exploration, the care and handling of very odd creatures, manipulating politicians… you name it, I learned how to do it. Now that I'm a mom, that think-on-your-feet, improvise-and-adapt mentality has saved my ass on more than one occasion. I'll always be involved in theatre on one level or another, but for now I'm loving the SAHM gig.

Mommybloggers: Your family is very active, and you enjoy traveling with your kids. Balancing the needs of toddlers, babies, dogs and parents is a challenge under the best of circumstances. What's your secret?

Elaine: I'm a Virgo, so I'm a planner. I arm myself with maps, distractions for the kids, lots of plastic bags, over pack a bit and then hope to hell the whole world can keep it together. We also only travel to places we know will be accepting and supportive of who we drag along. We have a book for traveling with your dog that details every hotel, park and restaurant in California known for their dog friendly ways. We stop a lot, plan driving around naps and just hope for the best. Despite the fact that I plan things out, we do like to build in wiggle room so we can let the conditions dictate our path. Seriously, it's an exercise in letting go!

Mommybloggers: We read that you are encouraging your playgroup to join you on family hikes. We love it! Have you got any words of wisdom for moms who are hesitant to take the kids on a trail?

Elaine: The trails we pick are pretty easy going. I usually strap the baby to me in a sling and then let my toddler pick the path. We think of hiking as an opportunity to learn and will stop and watch a caterpillar cross the road for ten minutes or see how rocks, when thrown in a stream, will create ripples. Always bring a snack for the end of the hike. Always.

Mommybloggers: We hope you'll give us a call when you're ready to launch the commune. We'll bring finger-foods and dip!

Elaine: Thanks for having me!

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word? HEY!

2. What is your least favorite parent related word? Poop

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children? Crap… although it's starting to catch on, so I'm going to have to loose it.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all? The shower.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use? Oh god, you mean that can happen? I'm locking the door to the bathroom from now on.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers? Don't worry honey, you didn't screw those kids up too badly.

Come visit us tomorrow as we feature a wonderful essay from Elaine of Wannabe Hippie.

Posted by Jenny Lauck at 1:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Photo © Krystyn Jones

This week, Mommybloggers.com is thrilled to introduce you to one of our favorite writers. Elaine is a Southern California hot mama with a rare talent for capturing those little moments in life with clarity and beauty. Her personal blog - Wannabe Hippie, is an intimate journal, reflecting her journey as a creative, energetic mother of two young daughters. Featuring her expressive writing and beautiful photography, every visit to Wannabe Hippie is noteworthy.

Elaine glows with a positivity and generosity that draws people to her. Her sense of humor sparkles as she recounts the triumphs and disasters that fill her days. She writes with genuine affection and respect for herself and her subjects, while maintaining an edge. Countless readers have fallen in love with Elaine, her husband Mark, and beautiful daughters Lily and Anya. In addition to her offerings at Wannabe Hippie, Elaine also writes for the fantastic group blog Mama Says Om. We just can't get enough Elaine.

There's magic to be found at Wannabe Hippie - but don't take our word for it. We put a call out to some of Elaine's admirers, and we weren't at all surprised at the flood of loving responses we received.

Vanessa Adams was delighted to share her thoughts with us:

Elaine is great! I've been reading her blog for over a year, now, and I'm absolutely in love with her and her family. She has such a zest for life and the most precious way of writing about her life with Mark, Lilly, and Anya. When she gave birth to Anya, at home! in water! and posted the photos from the birth, I felt as if I was being allowed to be part of her family. She is one of my blogger buddies whom I'd love to meet some day. Mommy Bloggers is very lucky to have Elaine writing for them.

I've never met Elaine, but she never ceases to amaze me with stories of humor, silliness and beauty -- okay, and sometimes bodily fluids! She sees kindness and beauty in people and is living the life of a true Wannabe Hippie.

Christina, another Mama Says Om mama, values the wisdom and humor that Elaine brings to her writing:

Elaine is an amazing mama, writer, artist, and all-round wonder-woman with a brilliant sense of humor and an incredibly down to earth and thought provoking way of seeing and writing about her world. She's someone Iturn to for insight, for humor, for wisdom, or just for beautifully constructed sentences.

Krystyn Jones,Co-founder and creator of Mama Says Om, writes eloquently about her relationship with Elaine:

Elaine is my inner peace, my mama instinct, my naughty giggle, my primal scream. I am totally and completely in love with her and I'm not just saying that because I know she'll read this.

Elaine lets her readers glimpse into her life openly without hesitation. From your first visit to Wannabe Hippie you feel like you've known her forever. She manages to write on a level that most people can relate to, all the while making you giggle with her snarkiness, and sometimes even making you teary eyed with her frankness and humility. For this reason, she's not just one of my favorite people in the world, but she's one of my favorite bloggers.

Mama C-ta has been influenced by Elaine's mad parenting skills:

I came across Elaine's site, Wannabe Hippie during my pregnancy. I never knew she would turn out to be such a positive influence on my parenting. Everyday I am impressed by her creativity and the love she has and shows for her family. She has helped me see different options I have when it comes to making some tough parenting decisions. Elaine was a big influence in getting me to make the switch to cloth diapers. She's been an invaluable resource on all kinds of parenting topics and she has been a big supporter in helping me overcome some issues I have after a less than ideal birth. Elaine has really helped me indirectly see things more clear which has made me a better mother. And for that, I am very thankful to have stumbled upon Wannabe Hippie.

Elaine - I know her in person as well as through her blog. She draws me in with her writing and creativity. She is hella funny, yet incredibly deep. We have, in many ways, lived parallel lives this past year or so, but even beyond the surface similarities, she speaks to me when she writes as a mother. Reading Elaine's blog helps me to grow in my own mothering path. Thanks, mama, you're an awesome friend!

We've shared a few of the reasons that we feel Elaine is special. You've heard from some of her many fans. Please check back later this afternoon as we chat with the dynamic Elaine of Wannabe Hippie.

Posted by mommybloggers at 8:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)