The following entry has been written for Mommybloggers.com by this week's featured blogger, Mary Tsao.

Earlier this year when my daughter Emily was not yet two and my son Thomas was four months old, I took the two of them to an outing sponsored by my local Mothers Club. I had just gotten the hang of going out with both of them and life had started looking sunny again.

I was chatting with some other moms when I realized that Thomas's crying and squirming indicated he wanted out of the stroller. I stopped to get out my Baby Bjorn, when my friend Anna walked over to me.

"Do you need a hand?" She asked. Anna is an experienced mom of the Super variety. She had organized the event and was there with her three-year-old and her four-year-old.

"Thanks," I said as I peeled off my jacket and slipped on the Baby Bjorn. The thing smelled like stale spit-up and was in desperate need of a washing. Anna handed my son to me and I sighed as I stuffed him into it. "He's happiest when I'm wearing him," I explained.

She shook her head up and down. "I know. I've been there." Her two children were spaced the same as my two--17 months apart. We had already discussed why we had our kids so close together: our own advancing age (mid thirties), the idea that kids close in age grow up close in general, and the reason that mothers only admit to other
mothers they think feel the same.

We wanted to get it over with.

"I hated being pregnant," I told her when she came over to deliver a meal to me after the birth of my second. "I never want to go through that again," she replied, as she blew kisses at my newborn boy. "I've got my girl and my boy; I'm set." "Me, too," I said. At the time we were both certain that neither one of us would be making the other a new mom's dinner again. We were done! Finished!

But here we were four months later and dammit, if it didn't sound as though the woman was having a change of heart...

"I have a lot of friends who are having another one," Anna started. I almost couldn't focus on what she was saying; I hadn't slept a full night since Thomas was born. "Another what? Another Baby?" If the horror wasn't apparent on my face, it certainly showed up in my voice. I interrupted her. "I can barely handle the two I have." I'm not sure how the last statement came out since I was bouncing up and down as I said it. As I chased Emily down the hallway, I shouted over my shoulder, "If what those friends of yours have is contagious, please keep them away from me!"

"Just something to think about," replied Anna as she went off in search of her own kids. And then she hit me with the news. "Three's the new two, you know!"

At the playground later, I pushed Thomas in the baby swing and stared into the distance. I mulled over the conversation I had with Anna and wondered out loud, "Is three really the new two?" Then I looked over at the play structure and saw my firstborn—my girl Emily--climbing up a ladder. I felt a twinge of guilt as I realized that I should be over there spotting her. But with two kids under the age of two, I couldn't be in two places at once and I often had to choose the wheel that was squeaking the loudest. I found myself saying, "In a minute, honey, just let me take care of this other thing," a lot. I felt barely able to handle two kids. How could I ever handle three?

A couple of months after that I read a blog entry written by a mom of three. Her advice to moms of two was to wait until the first two were older before having the third. That way, the first two could be helpers. I liked her advice and I told her so, but after pondering it over a bit more, I realized that she started having kids much earlier than I did, like ten years earlier. If I waited until Emily and Thomas were ten and nine to have another baby, I'd be in my mid forties. Forty five is the year I want to get my sports car, and I'm not positive, but I don't think you can fit a car seat in one of those things.

If I wait until I'm forty five to have my third, I'll be either eggless or too busy punching pedal to metal. Does that mean I should have another baby now? Should I believe Anna when she tells me that everybody's doing it? Am I fool enough to succumb to that kind of peer pressure? And what happens if I have a third, declare my womb closed,
and then find out that four is the new three? Are large families born out of a women's competitive nature and the desire to keep up with the Joneses?

Lest you think I care only about what my friends and neighbors are doing, I should admit that the thought of a third has crossed my mind before I heard it was the new two. For example, the realization that we have two kids--and not three--hit me hard when I was sending out this year's Holiday card. You see, this is the first year our photo
doesn't include a new baby in it. Two years ago Emily was the baby. Last year Thomas was the baby. But this year the photo was of two parents who looked well rested and two toddlers who look silly, but no baby. It almost seemed that something--or somebody--was missing from the photo. Almost.

But even though the photo lacked a newborn, it still looked perfect. Maybe I'm in denial; maybe I know nothing about style or trends; but when I look at our family of four: Mommy, Daddy, Emily, and Thomas, I see a complete picture.

Not that I wouldn't love another one if he/she came along even though we are using three methods of birth control. It definitely would be wild and crazy to have another seven pound swaddled bundle of joy rocking in a swing at my feet, but I'm afraid it would be wild and crazy in a "Kids Gone Wild" and "Mommy's Gone Crazy" kind of way. I have to be honest when I say that this mom has her limits. There's no limit to how many kids I can love with all of my heart, but there is a limit to how many kids I can watch on a playground and there's definitely a limit to how many times I can gain and lose fifty pounds without going completely bonkers.

Unfortunately, there's also a limit to how much peer pressure I can hear before I buckle.

So if you're ever driving around a medium-sized Northern California suburb and you happen to pass a playground, look for me. I'll be the busy mom playing with two small kids, running back and forth between the big slide and the little slide. My hair will be combed and my pants will not have an elastic waist. I will look happy and well rested. You can wave and I'll wave back if I see you, but don't bother to say hi. I won't be able to hear what you're saying.

I'll be wearing ear plugs.

Posted by mommybloggers at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: Hi Mary! We went through your archives from 2002 over at momwrites and had a blast reading about all of your hijinks!

Mary Tsao: Thanks! When I started journaling I didn't include code for comments so the only ones I got were from my mom or mother-in-law. In some ways I miss those days before comments, statistics, Technorati ranking, etc. Although I do think my writing has improved now that I know for sure I have an audience greater than two.

Mommybloggers: Mary, you recently participated in NaNoWriMo. Congratulations on completing the regimen! How in the world did you get all that writing done with two small children?

Mary Tsao: Thanks! It feels pretty good to have finished what I started out to do. I haven't always been such an uber achiever. In fact, I would say that before kids I was more of an underachiever. Having kids has taught me about discipline and routine and that's how I was able to write 50,000 words in 25 days. I wrote 2,000 words a day, every day.

Sometimes the kids were awake (we have a laptop in the kitchen/family room), sometimes the kids were napping, and sometimes they were sleeping. I just made sure that I got in my word count every day without fail. It helped that I "shelved" the idea that my writing had to be good. The point was in the exercise as much as in the result. And it worked!

Mommybloggers: What inspired you to start that project? I mean, really... We're not worthy!

Mary Tsao: I dream of being a career writer of fiction but I had never written fiction in my life. I thought I'd better give it a try to see if I could pull it off or if I should go shopping for a new goal.

Mommybloggers: Mary, so give us the scoop, okay? What inspired the subject matter for the project?

Mary Tsao: The book is about the relationship between a new mother and her older neighbor. I'm a (relatively) new mother and I live next door to an old(er) woman so those facts could constitute my inspiration, but I'm also very interested in the relationships between young and old women in general. With the baby boomers aging and the whole sandwich generation thing, I wonder a lot about how that could (and should) encourage women to bridge the generation gap to learn from each other, to be better friends, etc.

Mommybloggers: There is so much to learn, and there are so many experienced women out there who are willing to share their secrets...what a great idea. What surprised you the most about the project?

Mary Tsao: That would definitely have to be the fact that I did it. Period.

Mommybloggers: No small feat. Do you plan to publish the finished product?

Mary Tsao: I plan on working on the book starting in January (gotta love those New Years resolutions!). It needs mucho editing, re-writes, new writing. After I give it some attention, I'll see if it's worth submitting. Eventually, yes, I would like to see this book (or some book I write) on a bookshelf.

Mommybloggers: Mary, you started your online journal in 2002, which transformed over the years into your site "mom writes". What inspired you to start writing?

Mary Tsao: When I started my journal I had just gotten out of a crappy co-dependent relationship and had moved into my first studio apartment. I was exercising and feeling good both mentally and physically. I finally had the confidence to write and to be happy with what I had written. I chose an online medium because the fact that other people could/would read it was the impetus I needed to keep it up.

Mommybloggers: I linked to your mother-in-law's blog from yours. One of her links is to Pete Townshend's blog. My maiden name is Townsend. I have to ask, is that really Pete Townshend's blog? Is your mom really so cool as to LINK to Pete Townshend's blog?

Mary Tsao: That's my mother in law, and yes, she's super cool. Now, whether or not that blog is the *real* Pete Townshend's blog, I have no idea... Real is a word that has been re-defined by the Interweb.

Mommybloggers: Mary, Based on what I read, I think you also grew up in the Midwest. Tell me a little about your hometown.

Mary Tsao: I grew up in Oak Park, Illinois, which is a tree-lined suburb of Chicago. Oak Park is the home to many Frank Lloyd Wright buildings and was the birthplace of Ernest Hemingway. It was a great place to be a kid, too. I have lots of fond memories of walking to school (we lived 2 blocks from the elementary school); going home for lunch (Campbell's tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich eaten in front of the TV); playing tag, hide-n-seek, and kick the can in the street; hearing my name being called from the back door when it was time to come home; catching fireflies in jars; being allowed to stay out until the streetlights came on, all of my friends living in a one-block radiusm of my house. Unfortunately, we moved to Houston, TX, when I was in third grade. Goodbye fireflies, hello cockroaches!

Mommybloggers:Cockroaches. The lack of cockroaches in Minnesota nearly makes the cruel, heartless winters worthwhile. Blech. What kind of a kid were you?

Mary Tsao: Quiet, introverted, 10 going on 30, bookworm. I'm a twin and my sister Barb was the extroverted one. My first crush was Donny Osmond. I sent him my second grade school picture and he never wrote back. My second crush was Andy Gibb. He died when I was in college from a drug-related heart attack. I'm still trying to get over these two events.

Mommybloggers: Unrequited love. Sigh. Please let us know if we can do anything to help with the healing process. So Mary, The term "mommyblogger". What do you think of it? Love it? Want to drown it in a brick-laden sack in the river?

Mary: I think it's cute. As mommies, we are surrounded by cuteness. It's only natural that we apply cute labels to all aspects of our life. That's why we say "baby dance" when we mean having sex with the intent to procreate. Or why we drive "mini vans," when there's nothing miniature about them.

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

"Mommy"

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

"Poo"

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

"Gosh darnit. (Although that's not too terribly creative, is it? To be honest, when the situation calls for a curse word, I use a curse word. Maybe that will stop when my kids are old enough to repeat what I say...)"

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

"My office, which is on the far end of the house. If I go in there and slam the door shut behind me, my family gets the hint."

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

"Unfortunately, there are no true hiding places in our house. My imaginary dream house of the future definitely has a hiding place--a master bedroom on the opposite end of the house from the kids' bedrooms that contains a whirlpool tub, a walk-in rock shower with dual showerheads, a separate alcove with a big comfy chair and a writing table, and a king-sized bed with a TV that comes down from the ceiling. But it's not like I think about it all the time or anything."

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

"Any sentence that contains the words "my favorite things" and I'll jump up and down and scream just like the people I laugh at now. Also, if I'm the mommyblogger she introduces as an "author" that would be cool, too."

Mary, we have had a blast featuring you, and look forward to posting your essay tomorrow. Thanks for playing with us! You are a treasure, Mary. Thank you.

Posted by mommybloggers at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)