Our featured blogger this week is Mir of Woulda Coulda Shoulda. Grab a beverage of choice and enjoy our interview as we talk candidly with Mir.
Mommybloggers: Mir, we are so excited to have you join the Mommybloggers as our featured blogger this week. Let’s not waste time here. I need to get one thing clear before we go any further. M-I-R. You must correct me on how you pronounce that. Mir as in Mirror, Mire, or Mercy?
(Sidenote: Do you know how hard it is to ask that question on the phone without mispronouncing the name you are trying to pronounce? I’m just saying.)
Mir: Mir as in the Mir space station.
Mommmybloggers: Ahhhh, so you are comparable to a celestial being? Cool!
*crickets chirping*
Mommybloggers: Do people in your "real life" know about and read your blog? Has it caused problems? Do they fear the Wrath of the Blog?
Mir: Some do and some don't. I have friends who know about it and choose not to read it. I have others who use it to keep up with me. On the whole I'd say the reaction has been very favorable, with a few notable exceptions. My ex has grumbled more than once about what he feels is my misrepresentation of him on my blog. (To which I lovingly replied, "Oh well!")
Look, I never claimed to be writing the God's honest truth as set in stone. What I AM writing is my perception of things. Generally speaking, I try to tread carefully and not upset anyone.
I get a chuckle out of the fact that in 100% of cases where people felt the need to give me crap about what I'd written, they were all folks who'd formerly congratulated me on my honesty. Apparently sometimes the truth does hurt.
Mommybloggers: You have a big fan base. One of the reasons we at mommybloggers love you is that you are not afraid to laugh at yourself or the things in your life that may seem embarrassing. You don’t seem to pull back when it comes to doing that. Are you like that in person or is it a blog thing?
Mir: It is who I am. As for the blog, if I make the first strike, it takes away the power of those who want to beat me to it.
Mommybloggers: What are the ages of your children? Where do you fall in the birth order of your own family? Do you relate to the child that has the same order in your family as you held in yours growing up?
Mir: My daughter is 7.5 and my son will be 6 in a few months. I am the youngest of 2 children (I have a brother who is 3 years older than I am).
I often find Monkey easier to just flat-out love on, but I think that's a combination of 1) his being the youngest, 2) his being a boy, and 3) his (very demonstrative) personality. I identify much more readily with Chickadee, who is so like me that I'm already planning on the Witness Protection Program for myself when she becomes a teen.
Mommybloggers: You and I both know the term “mommyblogger” has cause riots, floods and famine across the globe. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but some people don't like the term and yet some embrace it. What do you personally think about the term 'mommyblogger'?
Mir: I don't have a problem with the term as long as it's not being used as a definitive categorization. I'm a mom. I blog. That makes me a mommyblogger. But I blog about more than just my kids, and I think that's true of 95% of the so-called mommybloggers out there.
But for women who rail against the mommyblogger term... I dunno. For one thing, I don't see a huge point in battling semantics. For another, I'm very proud to be a mom. Why would I fight people labeling me that way?
Mommybloggers: So, from reading your blog and talking to you, I have learned that you-- how do I put this delicately-- do not have the most laid back mothering style. In fact, someone close to you--you, as a matter of fact-- said you were a mini-drill sargeant. Is that different from how you were raised?
Mir: I said mini drill sargeant? Uh oh.... Hmmm, let's see. I was raised by one very strict parent and one very laid-back parent. I think ideally you go with something more in the middle. I strive for balance, but my Type-A personality definitely prefers more order to less. I do tend to be quite strict. But I also love to be silly with my kids, when the stuff that I have to crack down on is out of the way.
Mommybloggers:Do you feel you are more rigid because you are a single mom or because that is just who you are as a person?
Mir: Some of that comes from being a single mom, I'm sure, but a lot of that is just the way I am.
Mommybloggers: Will I go to timeout for getting this interview off to a late start?
Mir: You can avoid a time out by handing over the chocolate.
Mommyblogger: You are great about updating your own blog daily. You're a professional freelance writer and a copy editor. AND you blog professionally. Not to mention you are also a single mom. Have you been able to find more than 24 housr in one day that the rest of us don't know about? Care to share your secret?
Mir: My only secret is that I don't exercise enough and/or have enough other hobbies. I'm sure I should be spending some of my blogging/writing time doing something else. But there are so few activities I love this much that allow me to snack and watch TV at the same time....
Ooops, I've said too much! I mean, YES, I never sleep, my house is spotless, I work out 7 days a week, and pay no attention to how long my nose has grown during this last sentence.
Mommyblogger: Tell us about online friends. We know you have become very close to some friends online. What would you tell people just starting out blogging or are new to the Internet? I mean, it can get ugly out there!
Mir: Heh. Yeah, I've certainly tasted both the good and the bad. I've made some wonderful connections where I fully expect the friendships to last, and I suppose it's just like face-to-face friendships: you discover you have common interests and outlooks, and the relationship grows from there. It's no secret that I've forged love affairs with Joshilyn and Kira, two wonderful women I never would've met without blogging. Both of them have not only proven wonderful support on a personal, let-me-weep-on-your-shoulder sort of way, but they both inspire me (and occasionally push me!) to write. Where could I have met two such amazing authors in my little podunk town? At Dunkin Donuts?
I don't know that I have advice for anyone beyond what you'd heed in "regular" life. There are jerks on the internet just like there are jerks at the supermarket. The trick is in figuring it out.
Mommybloggers: Writing online not only puts you out there in terms of vulnerability, but puts your kids out there. Do you worry about saying things that are funny now, but will humiliate your kids later? Where do you draw the line about how much you share on your blog about your children?
Mir: I'm pretty sure I humiliate my kids on a daily basis. I consider it a right of parenting.
I do share quite a bit about my kids, but I stick to a few rules which I'm hoping will keep them from killing me in my sleep: 1) I don't post their pictures, which is a decision I made from the start (and while I certainly LOVE seeing other folks' pictures and acknowledge my choice is not necessarily the right one for everyone, it works for me), 2) I use pseudonyms for them, and 3) if I think it's something which would truly embarrass them, I refrain.
As with anything else, there's plenty that doesn't get posted. Of the stuff that does, I hope that even in my most frustrated moments it's clear to my kids at every moment that I love them. If it's not, I'm doing something wrong.
Mommybloggers: What is one myth about mommyblogging that you would like to dispel right now?
Mir: I think that when men bitch about fatherhood people think it's funny, and when women bitch about motherhood people evenly split into two camps of either cheering "TELL IT, GIRLFRIEND!" or "You horrible woman! You don't deserve to have children!"
Look, parenting is hard. I am a huge lover of honesty. I adore the blogs where fellow moms acknowledge that--cheesy army-themed music aside--it's the toughest job you'll ever love. My kids drive me crazy. And they are everything to me. They drive me crazy BECAUSE they are everything to me! But the so-called mommy blogs that are 100% "I hate this, it's too hard, I'm lousy at it, I miss my life" make me cringe. There's a balance to be struck, otherwise you're just King Midas whining that you want more gold.
Mommybloggers: I know you wanted to be an actress. You may still be discovered one day, but if that is delayed and your life is made into a movie, what actress would play you in the movie of your life? What man would come sweep you off your feet and become your leading man? And you cannot have Matthew McConaughey. He belongs to Jenn!
Mir: Wait, I thought part of this deal was that you were sending an agent over to my house...?
Oh, the movie of my life... that'll be interesting. Let's see. If we're going for the older me, like, the future me, we'll have to cast Sigourney Weaver. For the young me... hmmm... you know, I think we'd have to do a special casting call to find an unknown. I wouldn't want a "name" to do it.
My leading man? How about Viggo Mortensen? Nah, that's too predictable. Wait, you know who I really want? Mark Dacascos. (Here is where I both enlighten you and shame myself: He is the Chairman for the American version of Iron Chef. Yum, on several levels.)
Mommybloggers: You have no problem talking about your vagina, so let's not be shy here. If you were asked to be in the Vagina Monologues, would you do that?
Mir: Lord, my poor father.
Mommybloggers: Where shall I send the sedation medication to your parents since i asked that question?
Mir: I would be in the Vagina Monologues in a heartbeat.
Mommybloggers: In an episode of Sex & the City, Charlotte had a depressed vagina. Have you experienced a depressed vagina, Mir?
Mir: I'm pretty sure my vagina--despite its many trials and travails--has never actually been depressed. It does experience periodic bouts of social anxiety, however. (Please send the smelling salts to my dad.)
Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to: (*With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actor's Studio)
1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Snacks. It makes every mom an instant hero.
2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Whiiiiiiiiiining. As in, PLEASE STOP BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES.
3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
I don't actually have one. Either I slip up and (loudly) take the Lord's name in vain (and, occasionally, on a popsicle stick!), or I just sputter wordlessly while the children admire the wisps of smoke curling out of my ears.
4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
My favorite place to unwind when the kids are asleep is in a hot bath, but that's impractical for during the day; both because I'd turn into a shrivelled prune and because I'd be too easy to find. If I'm really losing it, I go out to "get the mail." My driveway is just long enough that I can simmer down but can remain reasonably confident that everyone will still be alive when I get back.
5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
The basement. I used to go down there, but the door has a little cat-flap door thing (previous owners) and now if I go downstairs they know it and there are suddenly arms and legs waving through the cat door.
6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
"I realize now how pointless and self-absorbed my life is without children. You've opened my eyes." (Bwahahahaha... right after she says that, Xenu lands there in the studio, by the way.)
Mommybloggers: Mir, you rock our world. Thanks for being here with us and sharing yourself so openly. Please apologize to you father for us. We will gladly accept the bill for his smelling salts and/or sedation medication.
