The following essay has been written by our featured blogger of the week, Marsha of Sweatpants Mom.

A few weeks ago I was invited to a breakfast hosted by our local school district. I’m on a committee made up of parents and faculty that regularly meets with our local superintendent, and the breakfast was a way to thank us for our involvement and for giving up that one morning each month. I have to be up and dressed by 8am for these meetings, a remarkable feat for me that truly deserves a reward of free bacon, so I accepted the invitation. Besides, if I didn’t go they would have just spent the money on something frivolous, like a new textbook for a second grader or a door for the teacher’s bathroom.

The breakfast was a casual affair at a local restaurant, but I was glad I had gotten up a whole six minutes earlier than usual to primp since everyone there was dressed in business attire. After we were done eating they moved on to the very official awards ceremony, where they called each of us up individually and handed us a certificate and a small pin. (Does anyone ever wear these pins? I don’t think so. Maybe they should have some sort of national program where everyone sends in their service pins and they’re melted down and made into teeth for old people.)

They took pictures of us getting our awards, too, full-length ones. After that the breakfast was over and after talking to a group of people for awhile I headed out to my car. While I was fumbling with my keys at my door I happened to look down and saw two of the most horrifying, scaly creatures I’d ever seen.

I’m talking of course, about my feet.

Any of you who read my blog have heard this all before. Forgetting to brush my hair, going to a meeting with a cereal bar stuck to my sleeve – nothing new. But what I saw that day was a new low in my personal grooming, which is why I feel the abnormal need to tell you all about it.

I’m not just talking about un-pedicured feet. I’m talking about scaly, dried, cracked horrors that I blindly slipped into sandals that morning and went out in public in. Reptilian hooves that I padded up to the front of the room on, and then stood still while a photographer captured it all on film. During breakfast I think I even remember turning in my chair to talk to someone behind me and as I crossed my legs I brazenly bounced my foot up and down. It’s as if it was boasting, “Look at me! I’m hideous.�

I mentioned the incident to a friend and tried to make myself feel better by saying, “I’m sure no one was looking at my feet.� After she stopped laughing she said, “This is L.A., feet are an accessory.� In fact, she had no sympathy whatsoever and scolded me for not getting a regular mani/pedi, comparing it to not washing down there. Excuse me? I’ll have you know I always wash down there; it’s the region far south of that equator that seems to have suffered a blow.

How did they get that bad? I couldn’t tell you, except that I was right in the middle of a particularly busy time and my lowest priority was painting Cocoa Mist onto my toenails. But when I came home, I repented. I soaked, I buffed, I filed, I polished. I even slathered them with lotion and wore thick socks to bed, which I think Vogue says is something you should never do if you want your husband to find you even remotely attractive. You think that would be the end of it, me and my now-shiny feet padding off into the warm sunset of a thousand pedicures. But no.

Now, I’ve become obsessed with looking at people’s feet. Maybe it’s to find someone else’s unsightly toes that could make me feel better about how mine looked that day. Perhaps it’s like going to a friend’s house and sneaking a peek into her messy closet so that you don’t feel so bad about yours. Not that I’ve ever done that.

But I’m finding that we’re a city filled with beautiful feet. As my friend pointed out, the pedicurally challenged in L.A. are a rare find. I’ve looked at the feet of other moms that I know, of strangers at the mall, of 80-year old grandmothers of friends. Perfectly appointed feet as far as the eye can see. The only pair I found that came close to how mine looked that day belonged to a homeless woman’s at the airport, but even hers had been filed and topped off with a snazzy toe ring.

I’ve even heard of a procedure called a toe-tuck (I’m serious – go ahead and Google it) that claims to improve the appearance of your baby toe. Just in case, you know, it isn’t looking as young and firm as it used to.

But me? I’m afraid I’ve gone back to my old ways. I’ll never let them slide so completely, but they’re far from beautiful. I just looked down at them now and I can’t even figure out what color nail polish I had on last. In fact, is that nail polish or gravy?

I’m debating whether or not to re-join the school committee for the upcoming year. My oldest daughter just started middle school and my mornings seem to be twice as hectic. Before I decide, I really need to find out what happened to those pictures they took at the breakfast that day. I’d hate for the administrators to take a close look at them, notice my scary feet and refuse to give me a pin next year.

Read more by this week's featured guest, Marsha on her blog Sweatpants Mom.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: So, Sweatpants Mom, huh? Tell us about the name of your blog.

Marsha: Okay, let me clear up a misconception. I don’t actually spend all day in my sweatpants. I’ve been known to throw on a pair of jeans and a blouse once in a while. Sometimes they’re even clean. I thought of calling my blog ‘WellGrooomed Mom’ but who needs that pressure. It’s all about lowering expectations. Now when people meet me and I don’t have toothpaste on my chin or I’m not wearing my pajamas they’re thrilled. What was the question again?

Mommybloggers: You crack us up every time we read you - your combination of dry wit and eye for the humor in any given situation makes your blog a joy. Have you always been a writer?

Marsha: Aside from the occasional copy line or witty email, I’ve been a graphic designer in the entertainment industry all my life and never wrote a single thing until around three years ago. Now I primarily write and take on only a few design jobs a year, but for some reason whenever anyone asks me what I do I say, “I’m a designer.� Obviously I don’t feel worthy of calling myself a writer yet. What’s up with that? Help me.

Mommybloggers: As the kicked-back mama of two girls,you often write about your style of parenting, and how it differs from what is expected these days. Do you get any flack from readers?

Marsha: I’ll occasionally get scolded by the righteous mom who thinks I should get off my lazy ass and get my girls into soccer, but otherwise I think most of my readers relate to what I’m saying and are somewhat relieved that they’re not alone. No one wants to be the only mom on the playground who didn’t serve their kid organic muesli for breakfast, or who opted to take everyone to the mall instead of to the noon showing of ‘Storybook King Lear.’ I’m thinking of starting an after-school ‘camp’ for like-minded parents and their kids who want to shun the whole über-parenting trend, but are afraid of becoming social pariahs. We’ll all pretend we’re shuttling the children to softball games or drama lessons but then everyone will just hang out at my house and drink coffee, eat junk food and refuse to talk to our kids about their feelings.

Mommybloggers: We have to ask - are you a "mommyblogger?" What do you think of the term?

Marsha: I am a mommyblogger, damnit! There’s a stigma attached to a lot of terms these days and I just don’t get it. Mommyblogger is a mom who blogs, for chrissake. I think it’s all in the way the term is presented. For instance, someone called me a “lady driver� the other day and the way he said it was so offensive, even though I am in fact, a lady who drives. Of course, I did just back over the guy’s foot but that’s beside the point.

Mommybloggers: We loves us some Prince, too - how is your plan to reform your children's musical tastes going?

Marsha: I’m losing ground fast. The little ingrates asked me to turn down “Purple Rain� the other day because they couldn’t hear their YouTube video of My Chemical Romance. They finally listened to some Janet Jackson recently, though. I found that withholding food for a few days really increases their appreciation of fine music.

Mommybloggers: What gets you really excited?

Marsha: Coffee. You think I’m joking.

Mommybloggers: What could you live your whole life never having to deal with?

Marsha: Cockroaches, junk mail and the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. You see there’s a theme here – none of them have any business being in my house.

Mommybloggers: Tell us something surprising, that your readers don't know about.

Marsha: It took me two months to get back to Mommybloggers with the answers to these questions, and theyre still speaking to me.

Mommybloggers: Your husband and daughters are often the subject of your posts. What do they think about the whole blog thing?

Marsha: My husband often thanks me for making him look so good in my stories, and he should. Because he’s really just a terrible person who usually brews the coffee too strong and makes a lot of noise washing dishes when I’m trying to sleep in.

As for my kids, I’ve actually told them they’re not allowed to read my blog, mainly because of the um, language I often use and the subject matter of some of my posts. When there’s a piece that I’ve written about them that I think is appropriate I print it out and let them read it. But they’re pretty savvy, and as they get older they’re getting suspicious of what I write about them; I think it’s only a matter of time before they go behind my back and read my archives. I’m hoping they’ll spend their computer time more wisely, hacking the school’s files or looking up bad words like normal kids do.

Mommybloggers: What won't you write about?

Marsha: There are certain things that my husband, kids, friends or family members do and then immediately say to me, “Do NOT put this on your blog� and I respect that. Like the time my husband got locked behind the gates of our storage space facility, I had to be sensitive and not write about it. Oh wait - I did. But you know, I got a crapload of hits on that post and a ton of comments so it’s really important to get your priorities straight and seize the moment.

Mommybloggers: So all of a sudden, we're seeing you everywhere. Tell us where we can get more of your writing.

Marsha: I spend an unhealthy amount of time writing about Angelina Jolie’s flat stomach and Britney Spears’ bad weave over on FameCrawler as well as on my two blogs, Sweatpantsmom and Views From The Pants. I also just got my first print byline in Genlux Magazine, where I interviewed Hayden Panetierre from the show Heroes. I have three thousand copies in my van if you’d like one.

Mommybloggers: What do you think about all these multiple-blog-having writers? Is quantity a good thing?

Marsha: Sure, why not? I personally can’t keep up with more than two blogs, but if you want to have sixty and can maintain them while remembering to shower and feed your kids, then I say more power to you. It’s like my motto as I’m going through the aisles of Costco, “Screw quality, go for the quantity.�

Mommybloggers: Where do you think this whole "mommyblogging" thing is heading - for you personally, and for the internet in general?

Marsha: I think the reach of not only mommybloggers but bloggers in general is just going to keep growing – in politics, advertising, and in media. People are starting to take notice of and appreciate the wide diversity of voices out there and the influence they can have. Let’s just remember to use our powers for good and not evil. And by that I mean putting an end to blogs about American Idol and Beanie Baby collections.

Mommybloggers: Aaaaand: Here are the questions we subject all of our victims, er, guests, to:

1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Goodnight.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Catwhen. As in “You promised we could get a cat when can we get one?

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
We don’t really have any ‘substitute’ words we use around them, although we try not to let loose too often. It’s getting harder as they get older and the words have more weight. The other day my husband said ‘fuck’ in the car and you could have heard a pin drop. Finally my 9-year old said, “Dad, I’m SO disappointed in you.�

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
Sadly, the bathroom.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
See #4.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
I’d like to hear her announce that we’re part of that annual show where everyone gets all the free stuff. I could really use a new blender.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

This week on Mommybloggers we are featuring the always fun and very adored Marsha of Sweatpants Mom. We have been fans of hers for a very long time and are thrilled to be able to feature her. With a mixture of humor, snark and always honest with her opinions, Sweatpants Mom has become a favored blogger by many in not only the mom blogging community, but in the blogging world in general. It did not take us long to realize that this is one woman we admire and want to share her greatness with you. Though we could gush with our personal opinions of her, we would rather let you hear from her readers and fans. They are the ones that rock her blog with comments and adoration.

.

Jamie of Blonde Mom had no hesitation in letting us know how hilarious she thinks Marsha is and how much she admires her writing.

Marsha is one of the funniest bloggers out there. As a mom to two daughters, I can relate to so much of what she writes about. She always makes me laugh!

Jodi of Jodi's World was quick to point out her reasons for loving Marsha. (And we know there are many!)

Why do I love Marsha from Sweatpants Mom? Well, that's easy. She rocks. And she almost always makes me laugh. And I really love to laugh. Her writing style is never preachy, she is a Mom, a very funny Mom, who is muddling through early morning wake up calls and school lunches like the rest of us. Blog on Sweatpants Mom! :)

Contrary of the blog (aptly named) Contrary spills the beans on how, though they may be night and day in some areas, that does not stop her from singing the praises of one of her favorite bloggers.

The thing I like best about SPM ( aka Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!) is that even though I suspect she and I are complete opposites in all the most important matters, I know I would still be perfectly happy spending several hours sipping alcoholic beverages and talking about absolutely everything with her. She's hilarious, irreverent, goofy, kinda weird, a tad snarky, and she doesn't bore me half to death talking about her latest shoe purchase. Which makes her worth her weight in donuts. With sprinkles, even.

Early in her mommyblogging addiction, Mary Tsao realized that she found a funny and adorable blogger in Marsha. She tells us all about her admiration and her reasons that Marsha is a go-to blog when Mary needs a giggle in her day.

I found sweatspants mom and her blog Sweatpants Mom very early on in my mommyblogging addiction. That sweatpants mom is one funny lady! Whenever she posts (which isn't often enough... hint hint!) I get a smile on my face. When I'm having a really rough day, I dig through her archives just for a chuckle. Because c'mon, who can't relate to a mom wearing sweatpants?! Thank goodness I now can read sweatpants mom on Babble's FameCrawler blog. Daily, snarky sweatpants mom! Hurray!

Be sure to stay tuned later today for our fun interview with Marsha aka: Sweatpants Mom. You won't want to miss the fun chat we had with her. In the meantime, if you need your fix of her writing, feel free to visit her blog, but definitely come back later today for her interview. You will enjoy it!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 8:47 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)