The following essay is a favorite from the archives of sweetney.com, chosen by tracey for Mommybloggers.com.

my dear friend angela came over last night for some beer and sympathy, and we waxed unpoetic for many hours on the human condition and all of its manifestations (the internet, the economy -slash- capitalism, the political landscape, the environment, and so forth); needless to say, this was not a gleeful conversation. so humor me for a few minutes and let me get all chicken little on your ass, because in all honesty i'm not merely discouraged about the present state of things, but borderline terrified.

some of what i talked about here yesterday regarding people and their behavior on the internet seems to me a small symptom of a larger societal sickness, namely a magnification of the importance of the self, the individual, to the exclusion of all else, including but not limited to basic civility born of an intrinsic sense of the interconnectedness between all people. it appears that, in an elemental way, empathy is waning, being extinguished through the alienation inherent in late capitalism; unlike in past ages, we no longer have a direct connection to so many of the people who make our lives possible on a basic level -- those who produce our food, our clothing, the homes we live in and the cars we now drive -- which ultimately leads to a pervasive, overriding sense that its every man for himself. that we're not all in this together, working in an interdependent way to survive and prosper and raise families and such, but that we're each islands competing with one another for resources to do those things -- a perspective that necessitates an inflated sense of self-importance, an egocentrism that is corrosive to that sense of kindredness and compassion that has long been essential to the health and advancement of individual communities and thus society generally. but, under the present system, having a strong sense of empathy and feeling of fellowship for others could in fact be considered counterproductive to individual prosperity and health: if i truly see YOU as myself, and recognize the full value of your humanity as equal to mine, then how can i proceed in participating in a system that requires your subjugation? for example, how do i continue to function knowing that the clerk at the market who bags my groceries is making $5.15 an hour, living in squalor and selling plasma to supplement her income to merely survive? how do i buy those groceries, knowing that so many of those who participated in the harvesting and processing of most of the foodstuffs i buy and consume are in some way or other being horribly exploited in the process? and, in a broader sense, how do i continue to live not being constantly plagued by the inescapable knowledge of others suffering terribly all around me -- living in wage slavery, in sub-standard housing, in the addiction and abuse that is so pervasive among an underclass that has resigned itself to these things because truly there is no way out of them. in this light, do we wonder at the fact that a full 50% of the american population can be categorized as mentally ill under DSM-V criteria? i have felt this attendant depression and anxiety, this all-too-pressing knowledge of the wrongness of the world and the suffering in it closing in, and i'm sure many of you have as well. but those of us who think and feel these things are in the minority, and we are most certainly not the fittest among those in this prescribed “survival of the fittest.” because of the very structure of the system we all live in (loosely, late capitalism), we -- the empathetic, the humanistic, pick your term -- are the vestiges of a dead age, antique humans ill-equipped to thrive in this contemporary environment. those who can unflinchingly raise themselves above others, who value the accumulation of capital over the accumulation of (heh) karma, and who are willing and able to participate fully and self-servingly in all that the system demands are now and will continue to be in the future those in power and those who lead. knowing this, i struggle with the awareness that i am trying to raise mina as thoughtful, empathetic, and with a strong sense of social justice. in other words -- in light of what i've said above -- i'm raising her to be a good, wise, but probably not terribly happy person (just like her mom! ha!). as the cliche goes, most parents -- myself included -- would agree that we want, above all else, for our children to be happy. but increasingly i feel sure i am raising mina in a way that is probably detrimental to her in terms of her overall success in this life (again, as determined under the present system... and no, i don't believe the revolution is gonna come in our lifetime, so that's really all we have to work with), and most certainly to her future contentment and sense of security.

as if this weren't depressing enough, i feel fairly certain that there is a great deal of additional badness coming down the track, and more and more i fail to see how disaster can be averted. so much of the way things are now seems truly untenable, unsustainable in the long run, including the above described societal dysfunction (which i don't think will culminate in the revolution coming, sadly, but rather in something akin to institutionalized and internalized libertarianism -- the ultimate dysfunction!). clearly, our economic system is on the verge of calamity. strap yourselves in folks, for this horseman of the apocalypse is rapidly beating a path to your door; in the next 6 months to a year i'd anticipate a catastrophic collapse of some kind, possibly resulting in a depression. we live presently in a country (i'd say “world”, but i know that's slightly overstating....but only slightly) led by persons (bush being merely a figurehead) lawless and destructive, willing to do whatever necessary to restrict social liberty and obtain resources. our global environment is quite literally on the verge of complete destruction -- in terms of global warming it seems increasingly likely that we've reached that point-of-no-return where even if we were to drastically limit CO2 emissions (which -- c'mon let's be honest here -- we're clearly NOT going to do, especially under this administration), we'd merely be delaying what is now inevitable. please note: i am not saying anything that isn't explicitly spelled out in innumerable well-respected scientific, economic and political reports. this is not news to any of you all, i'm sure. but we refuse (collectively) to really hear this, to truly listen and absorb the dire reality of our situation. why? because it isn't profitable? because it does not relate to our individual prosperity, at least in an immediate sense? because we have on some level just given up?

as i said, i am genuinely terrified by all of this. and though i feel less and less hope, i also want so very badly for someone articulate, sane and insightful to explain to me how in all of these things there *is* hope. i want to be convinced otherwise, yet it seems like an almost impossible task in the face of the real. i want not a best-case-scenario, because the best case never comes to fruition; i want a realistic, likely scenario under which we can collectively weather all of this and emerge intact. but i got nuthin'.

anyone?

Originally posted on sweetney.com on June 23, 2005

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Mommybloggers:Tracey, your posts range from the rare autobiographical post (we personally love those) to links to sites that reveal a remarkably wacky sense of humor and a love of wit and irony. Is there a reason you tend to link to other sites more than you write about yourself?

tracey: i tend to think of sweetney as more conversational than writerly, but i also see its content as being very personal and autobiographical, though perhaps not in a conventional sense. while many of my posts aren't recording the typical happenings of day-to-day life, they do document more immaterial -- yet, i think, still very personal -- aspects of my life and who i am. on sweetney i record the compulsory amusing anecdotes of daily life as a SAHM to be sure, but also the ephemeral amusements, thoughts, ideas, opinions, works of art, and odd nuggets of popular culture that occupy large portions of my brain's real estate during my waking hours, wherever i am and whatever i'm doing. its analogous to making a mixtape – pulling together disparate bits and pieces of material that for whatever reason speak to me on some level into this singular amalgam that, taken altogether, says a whole lot about me and who i am. and, in any case, i’m not going for inclusion in the genre of memoir, nor am i hoping to parlay sweetney into a book deal (though more power to those who do); the web is the medium here, and so i’m just using all the tools of the web at my disposal to make this crazy little thing called sweetney.

besides, i don't think i was put here on earth to share with all of you only the exquisite joys of wiping someone else's butt all day (though, my god, it IS ecstasy); others have that market cornered and do a much better job at it than i could or would. i didn't start off trying to do something different, but its become what it is, and i enjoy it.

Mommybloggers:Your links are freaking hilarious. They range from bizarre to side-splittingly funny. How do you find this stuff?

tracey:i've been on the web since the early 90s -- i was on Prodigy in DOS, man! -- and so over the years i've managed to mine out a vast array of sources. there’s really no secret – all of my sources are out there for anyone to find. its just a matter of having the time and energy to dig em’ up. i also benefit from having a husband in the web dev business and a lot of very cool web-addicted friends who send me material.

but if you were expecting me to cough up specific URLs or something, you’re sadly mistaken, ladies. i worked for those, man, and you’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.

Mommybloggers:What do you feel molded that spectacular sense of humor of yours? Because Tracey, you are funny. Damn. You are funny.

tracey:well, umm, thanks! but the unfunny answer to this question (sorry, dudes) is that i think the development of my sense of humor probably connects strongly with having a really hard time socially as a pre-teen and teenager. my folks moved around a lot during those years and i was kind of a misfit-type, and as a result of those two things had a hard time fitting in during that stage of life when fitting in is paramount. as i see it, there are two way to respond to social ostracism of the sort i experienced in those years: 1) withdraw from the social system and become angry and bitter (and later maybe, oh i don't know, blow up your high school or something), or 2) renounce the system and become funny in spite of it. i chose the latter path, and remained nearly sane by honing my ability to find humor in what would otherwise be really painful, soul-crushing situations and experiences.

obsessive consumption of Monty Python's Flying Circus in the late 70s (yes i'm old. shut up.) and a powerful Steve Martin fixation during my pre-teen years probably didn't hurt, either.

so, to sum up: childhood trauma and resultant defense mechanisms? a laff riot!!

Mommybloggers:Baltimore seems like a great place to let your freak flag fly. As a published poet and riot grrl, do you find that your environment adds to your creativity? Besides sweetney.com, what other projects are you working on?

tracey:i honestly can't say enough good things about Baltimore. its strange, but it really is a city of outcasts and weirdos, though i've yet to determine whether the city actively inspires weirdness or just attracts it (or both, i suppose). and so, yes, i feel very much at home here. i love Baltimore’s battered-underdog-roughness, and strongly identify with its defiant spirit (which i rhapsodized about here); its very, well, punk rock, i guess.

as for other projects, i’ve just signed on to be a blogher contributing editor, so that’ll give me a nice little platform for talking shit about all those pathetic mommybloggers (oh wait, I’m one of those!); i’m also working on getting a website together for our artist friend, seth, trying to get back into writing poetry, and waiting on my fancy pants new camera, so that i can assail blogdom with a deluge of purty pitchers. then of course there’s rock-n-romp, which will soon be sucking up a great deal of my time and life-energy, as i battle the forces of band scheduling evil (which will require the application of all my superpowers) to bring the rock to the peoples.

the life, she is hard. sniff.

Mommybloggers:Motherhood = punk rock. True or false?

tracey: hmm. that depends on the mother in question. “punk” to me implies, at its core, anti-establishment tendencies, and i think there are most definitely aspects of being a parent and raising a child that can be “punk rock.” for example, not being brainwashed by Our Great And Powerful Parenting Overlords into believing that you must do things a certain way on a specific timetable with all kinds of equipment and manuals and shit is a start. to be frank, i’m deeply disturbed by the current baby-genius-making culture of parenting presently in vogue, as it manages to somehow convince otherwise reasonable human beings that they need to send their 9-month-olds to baby ‘classes,’ organize developmentally appropriate learning activities, and orchestrate artificial teachable moments (honestly, just typing out that last sentence made me more than a little queasy). is it not apparent that all of this is crazy talk? aren’t parents under enough pressure already? let kids play! let kids be kids! let them learn in the ways they learn best – by naturally exploring and interacting with their normal, uncontrived environment. so please, please, calm the fuck down everybody! don’t drink the koolaid, parents! DO NOT DRINK THE KOOLAID!!

i’m sorry… uhh, what was the question?

Mommybloggers:So, Tracey, it seems we opened up a pandora's box when we asked for praise from your readers. There was a mixed response to the term "mommyblogger" and whether or not it applied to you. Some people felt the term should not be used in relation to you, because you write about things that are intelligent and funny and relevant, as opposed to the fluffy, feel-good stories about baby puke that mommybloggers are known for.

The term seemed to raise hackles on all sides. Has "mommyblogger" become a bad word? If so, why? Why should we even care about the label?

tracey: i think its fair to say that the term is often used in a derogatory, dismissive sense to evoke a stereotype, namely: mothers with depthless blogs who prattle on endlessly about superficial minutiae related to childrearing. but all blogs are self-indulgent – swap baby puke stories for i got so wasted i puked stories and you have the worst of 20-something bloggers, and so on. these are just stereotypes -- massive generalizations that are both inappropriate and incorrect when applied to masses of blogs. in every corner of blogging there are inept and boring writers, without a doubt, but what i find interesting is how the term “mommyblogger” has come to more broadly be used to simply signify bad writing. i’ve lately seen the term thrown out as a kind of comprehensive put-down, aimed at blogs not even vaguely about parenting or children, written by people who don’t even have kids. obviously the singling-out of “mommybloggers” as a catch-all condemnation has a lot to do with the status of women in society and, more specifically, societal attitudes about motherhood (SAHMs in particular)… and all of this of course just makes my blood boil, but its reality, and we need to confront that if we want to fight to change it.

Mommybloggers:Is it fair to say that we are "reclaiming" the label?

tracey: i hope so. and, well, i for one am down with actively trying to reclaim the label. heads up: it doesn’t appear to be going away any time soon and we’re likely stuck with it. so i do hope that, in service of the greater mommyblogging good, sweetney can serve as one example (among many) of a mommyblog that refuses to be typecast.

ladies, lest we forget: something like 55% of the world is women. if we collectively decide to imbue the label with power, it will redefine itself.

alternately, we could all just start calling ourselves “da muthabloggas” (number one in the hood, y’all!) – as i’ve suggested previously – and wash our hands of the whole thing.

its a thought. [cough]

Mommybloggers:Tracey, we loved meeting you at BlogHer. You seemed to make a point of getting out and meeting new people. We feel it is important to keep the conversation going, and to constantly expand our genre. How do you think we can create a sense of community with other bloggers?

tracey: well i don’t know about you guys, but gifts of large sums of cash and pretty shiny things have always helped me to create a sense of, ahem, community with others. heh.

actually i think we just need to focus on supporting each other right now, on building a strong community from within. not to get all women together, loving one another sappy or anything, but i think before we conquer the world we have to conquer ourselves, know what i mean? SEE: squash cattiness and gossip; be good to one another; minimize shit-talking; heap praise on those worthy of the praise-heaping; assume the best not the worst of each other; be supportive not competitive; link, blogroll, read, comment, etcetera… lather, rinse, repeat.

if the community of women bloggers comes together – truly together – without the clawing and the pulling of hair and the breaking of nails, seriously guys, there’s nothing that can fucking stop us.

except maybe a sale at Bloomingdales.

oh, i kid! i kid because i love!

And here are the questions we ask all our featured guests:

1. What is your favorite parent related word? right now?

preschool. ah, the sweet, sweet release of preschool…

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
whining. nuff said.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
dangnabbit. because it immediately makes me feel like Yosemite Sam, and thus cracks my shit right up.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
i pretty much retreat to the bedroom when things get a little too hairy… though what i really wanted to say here was “why, i retire to my super-secret underground relaxation bunker.” why don’t i have a super-secret underground relaxation bunker, dangnabbit?!? so unfair.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
the bathroom. solitary use of that in any fashion was pretty much over once mina realized she had the power to open doors. the day she added that knowledge to her little toddler swiss-army-knife-like skillset was a sad, sad day in sweetneyland, indeed.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers? “sweetney…. I’M GIVING YOU A BRAND NEW CAR!!!” [insert wild applause]

Be sure to check back tomorrow, as tracey graces us with some muthabloggin' freestyle in her guest entry here on Mommybloggers.

Posted by mommybloggers at 12:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

This week's featured guest is known for her quick wit and knack for providing links to sites that are funny, thought-provoking, rage-inspiring or simply bizarre. We are happy to introduce you to a self-proclaimed muthablogga, tracey of sweetney.com. We love tracey's unique view on the world. Outspoken, intelligent, yet charmingly self-effacing, tracey's writing appeals to a wide audience. Through sweetney.com, tracey sends readers on a hilarious treasure hunt. Tracey is an accomplished writer, former university professor, and a published poet. In addition to her fantastic links, sweetney.com also offers thought-provoking essays and rants, and shares glimpses into her life as a 'never lost it' cool mom.

Baltimore is home turf for tracey and her family. Once frustrated by the limited social opportunities for parents who still like to rock, tracey took matters into her own hands. She books local bands and hosts RockNRomp Baltimore, a monthly concert series for parents and kids, in her big backyard.

We admire tracey's style and irreverance as she navigates the wilds of parenting. We know you will love her, too. But don't just take our word for it. We asked some of her friends and readers to share their thoughts on the woman behind sweetney.com. Tracey's fans didn't disappoint.

Styro Kitty took issue with the "mommyblogger" label, but readily acknowledged tracey's transcendent level of coolness.

Tracey is too damn awesome to be considered just a "mommyblogger." The term "mommyblogger" makes me want to puke, however. You should make up a new word for Tracey and it should be something like Awesometastic-kickassticblogger or Blondiewilldestroyyablogger or omgwtfbbqblogger.

Hey, you asked.

Jess shares why sweetney.com is a must-read:

I love sweetney.com because it’s different and exciting and, most importantly, cool. Visiting there, listening in, and occasionally participating in the comments makes me feel like i’m hangin with the cool kids. The links she gives almost daily are always new to me and illuminate my day in some way. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, sometimes informational – always interesting.

Patrick sums up tracey's appeal in a single word:

you know, i keep trying to think of something substantial to say, but i don't have anything. tracey's cool, that's all. i'm surprised she's so nice to a hood like me. but i'm glad.

Debbie, founder of the RockNRomp concept in DC, is full of praise for her friend:

hmmm. this is difficult! i know tracey from before the sweetney days, so my praise is a little biased. tracey is awesome because she's ridiculously smart and well-read, but is not above appreciating the lowbrow. i love reading sweetney because a lot of the time it feels like we share a brain. tracey writes about things that interest me, things that i want to know more about, things that make me laugh and think, " i totally feel the same way!" so, even if we weren't friends, i'm pretty sure that i'd be a loyal sweetney reader. though i must admit, tracey is the person who turned me onto the whole world of blogging in the first place! huh. so, actually, if we weren't friends i'd probably be totally unaware there was a sweetney.com, but i'd be lucky to find it. such is the awesomeness of tracey's blog, sweetney.com.

Supa, another of our favorite cool Baltimore moms, welcomes the escape from Sesame Street:

Tracey has a real talent for finding the bizarre, the interesting, the brilliant, and the obscure, and she's not stingy in sharing it with us. Her blog should be required reading for parents who yearn to think about something -- anything! -- other than diaper rash and Elmo.

Kate tells us more about tracey's connection with her readers:

Sweetney is on my daily must-read list because of her unique style. She blends funny, concise writing about life in general with fantastic links that are always right up my alley. I love her taste in music as well. She made a compilation CD for anyone who wanted one, and I still listen to it in it's entirety in my car several times per week. Sweetney rocks!

Well I've only been reading Sweetney for a short time - a matter of months. She consistantly brings interesting links and tidbits of things to her readers, and her content certainly isn't geared towards a certain target audience.
She's brought us art, music, comedy links, nerd info, and much more, all delivered in such a way that us geeks get it. Why do I keep coming back? Original, thought-provoking content and links I wouldn't normally stumble across, but I enjoy the majority of them.

Danielle points out that although tracey is a mother, she doesn't fit the mother stereotype.

While I know she is amazing with her daughter, I never think of Tracey as 'just a mother'. She is sarcastic, witty, informed, passionate, and incredibly intelligent - that's what keeps me coming back for more.

We first met tracey at BlogHer2005, and we were impressed with her strong advocacy for mothers who blog. When we put out our request for praise, we were truly overwhelmed with the response. We received so much praise for tracey that we couldn't possibly include it all. You've heard our take. You've heard from her friends and fans. Check back later this afternoon when we put muthablogga tracey of sweetney.com in the hot seat.

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