Flu babbling with a secret from Jenn Satterwhite on Vimeo.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:55 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Gabriella,

I cannot believe you are 7 years old today. You, my miracle baby that was a surprise and blessing to all of us. You were such a little fighter in the womb. They told us to prepare to lose you when you stopped growing for over a month. But you had a mind of your own and knew that you had a place in this world. You fought. You began to grow and you came to us three weeks early. You were such a gentle birth. (And you even forgave me for finishing watching the Dallas Stars game after your entered the world.) You just snuggled in with your grandparents, aunt and brothers as if you had always been a part of us.

The weekend I was in the hospital with you was the weekend I was supposed to be picking up my one year chip for staying clean. I think you were the better prize that day.

You are the dream daughter I never thought I would have. You're the continuation of generations of women who love to live, laugh and love. You may be Daddy's little girl, but you and I have a bond that is unbreakable and unshakable. When you look into my eyes I wonder how in the world one person can love and trust me so much. I want to be the Mom you see when you look at me that way. In you I see my future and my past. I see all the wonderful things ahead of you. In our relationship, I see the full circle love that I had with my own Mom and it makes me eternally grateful that you are my daughter. My girl.

I have watched you grow from a colicky baby to a fun loving toddler to the amazing first grader you are today. Every step of the way I have cherished you and your life. The gift that you are to this entire family. You rescued me from myself. I know you were sent here to do so many things in this world. Rescuing me was one of your greatest. And you are only seven!

With you, I learned how to slow down and enjoy motherhood with more ease. I learned to worry less about "should do's" and live more in the moment. With you, I learned how that ice cream for dinner every now and then is good for the soul. With you, I realized I want to be the person you see when you look into my eyes.

Today, as you turn seven, I wouldn't be anywhere else in the world...except with you.

I love you more than you know. And remember our pinky promise: Best friends-- even when you are a teenager. (I am holding you to that.)

Happy Birthday, my sweet, sweet girl.

Love,

Mom

Cross posted on Mommy Needs Coffee

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I remember the night clearly. The boys would not stop fighting. The girl was clinging to me like Saran Wrap. The dog was chewing anything he could get his slobbery teeth on. Dinner burned. The husband was grouchy. I had hit my limit. With a look of desperation mixed with "don't mess with me", I grabbed my car keys and left. Without one word to anyone as to where I was going or how long I would be gone. I just left.

And it felt great.

That night I drove with the windows down feeling the freedom blow through my hair. I listened to the radio as loudly as I wanted to on a station that I enjoyed. As I felt the sensation of being overwhelmed subsiding a bit, I decided to settle on a location to wait out my frustration and give the family some time to regroup and figure out the truth in the saying "When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

After I became completely cozied up in a local bookstore complete with attached coffee shop, I sipped my coffee, and looked around me. I watched one mother wrestling her daughter into a stroller. I saw a couple holding hands looking at magazines. And then my eyes met hers. She sat in one of the overstuffed chairs just a section away from where I sat. I didn't know her, but I knew her. That look in her eye said the exact same thing that mine did. "I am overwhelmed and escaped." She must have recognized the look in my eye as well because she raised her cup of coffee to me in solidarity and gave me a weak smile before she returned her attention to the book she held in her other hand.

I am smart enough to know that I am certainly not alone in becoming overwhelmed with motherhood. With life, for that matter. But in that moment, it certainly felt good to see another woman and know that she understood. Sometimes, all we need is to know that we are not in a sinking ship alone. Trust me, Moms. You are not in a sinking ship alone.

I do wonder why I waited until my breaking point to leave that night. I have since learned to step out alone more often and long before I snap and have to leave the house. In fact, I am pondering grabbing my keys as soon as I finish this because I have been interrupted so many times as I post this, I am considering putting in a traffic light to keep the kids from slamming into each other as they race to tell me something that has absolutely nothing to do with anything other than their need to speak. Though, the fact that I am running a fever of 102 and have taken NyQuil, I am guessing my form of escape will be sleep. But can I get a w00t when it comes to an early bedtime when you have three kids?

Just so you know, other mothers are not only feeling overwhelmed, too, some of them even have an escape plan as I do.

Continue reading "You are not in a sinking ship alone. Or the bookstore. Or the library." »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

One of the primary jobs as a parent is to help your children navigate the tough waters of growing up. Sometimes you can teach them from the mistakes you have made. But other times, they just have to learn these lessons on their own. Those can be the most painful for a parent to get through. We fight the urge to help them through painful situations that we see coming around the bend, yet we know they have to experience them to grow up and mature.

Take for instance my 6 year old daughter. Last week she had a friend at school pull the ever-too-common "you are not my friend anymore" without reason or explanation. It broke her heart. I wanted to teach her about Mean Girls and that it is a part of life. But how could I? How could I tell her that in too many cases these mean girls get older but never grow up? I couldn't. I comforted her and did my best to help her through it knowing all the while that this would not be the last time a "friend" broke her heart. And helping guide the way for my teenage boys? Teen boys were alien creatures to me when I was a teen (though not as alien as teenage girls) and I am supposed to help my own navigate these teen years with enough interference to keep them safe, but enough distance to let them grow. It is a tough balancing act.

As I watch my kids grow up, I want to capture these years. I want to let them know who they were at certain ages and what they were most concerned with and worried about. I started a tradition a while back where I write a letter to my children on their birthday and recap the year they just went through along with my wishes for them for the next year. I don't publish these on my blog, but many bloggers use the Open Letter as ways to communicate with their children at any given age.

Take for instance Vivian who writes at Danieldoo who wrote a beautiful open letter to her daughter for her sixteenth birthday.

You and I have been through so much. There was a time that it was just the two of us making our way in the world. Those days were tough but I look back on them with pride. You taught me about real, no games, no strings, no boundaries kind of love. You have been special since the moment I found out you existed. You were not planned and the marriage you came from did not last but you were meant to be and you have had purpose since day one. No child has ever been loved and wanted more than you.

...

This is a milestone birthday. Many new freedoms and responsibilities come with this age. Before you embark into new adventures, like your first real job, driving and officially dating, there are a few things I want you to remember and hold in your heart. We love and believe in you more than you know. We do remember how it feels to be your age. You are going to discover that you still need our counsel, and that does not mean you are weak.

Beautiful, honest words from a mother to her daughter. Words that I am sure they will both cherish for years to come. I love the idea of writing letters to our children as they age. Letters that may or may not touch them at the moment, but will be cherished years from now. I have letters like that from my own mother that mean the world to me today.

Then I came across another birthday open letter that may never be read by the daughter it was written for. However, the candor and rawness of it was so touching I saw the power that an open letter can hold for it's writer as well as the intended recipient. Jennifer who writes a blog titled It's All About Me wrote a letter to her biological daughter that she put up for adoption. She writes to her daughter about how she is feeling as her daughter's birthday approaches.

Here is just snippet, but the entire letter is poignant. I wonder if the biological parents of my brother or sister would open up like this. If they, too, would want to share their feelings with them. I wish in my heart that somehow Jennifer's daughter would see this, too.

Seventeen years ago on January 30, I gave birth to a little girl who God intended for another family. I was in no position to raise a child, and He knew the best life for her was with adoptive parents.

I am at peace with the choices I made, but it doesn’t mean I stop thinking of you, my darling daughter. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, as are your parents. I thank God that he was able to provide a family for you, and hope that you have brought them great joy.

...

And of course, I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if your parents have shared the knowledge of your adoption with you, making sure you know how much they love you, that they chose you to complete their family. I wonder if you appreciate their love as much as I do.

Continue reading "If I could write a letter..." »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:45 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

I believe we all have days when we feel we are overwhelmed. We have moments that grab us by the throat and threaten to choke out our strength to endure one more callous word, one more pile of dirty laundry or break up one more fight between our kids. And then? Then we are shown what it is like to really have a fight on our hands and our laundry woes seem so petty.

This week I have been so proud to be a part of the mommyblogging community as I have seen how these moms have rallied around one of our own. (Just look at the member of the Team Why Mommy roundup! And those are only the ones who signed up there and does not take into consideration the many, many other who are are Team Why Mommy's side.)

Some of you know a fellow mom blogger by the name Susan. Others know her as Why Mommy of Toddler Planet. Most of us know her as the mom who stood up and educated us on Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She didn't choose to become the face of this disease. This disease cruelly chose her. Susan is a mom with two young children. She blogs and revels in their life together.

From the moment she shared with her readers her diagnoses, people rallied around her giving her any support she needed--whether she asked for it or not. Susan shares with us what it is like to be a mom and have IBC. Her strength, courage and openness in talking about it has been touching and heart-breaking. To read her is to love her.

This past week she underwent surgery. A double mastectomy. Though considered radical because her cancer is only in one breast, Susan felt this was the best way for her to go.

Even though the cancer is only in one breast, I have elected to have a double mastectomy instead of a single, for several reasons. The first is that we can’t be sure that there are no cancer cells in the left breast. Since I was nursing when diagnosed, the MRI was somewhat ambiguous to the first reader. The oncologist believes there was no cancer in the left breast, that it was simply increased uptake due to the active ducts, but I’ll feel better just in case. The second reason is that because of my back pain, it wouldn’t be good for me to have one large-ish breast and one flat side. It would torque my spine and be uncomfortable, particularly as time goes on. And I’d always have to wear a prosthetic breast to make them “match.� The third reason is the most important — a double mastectomy will reduce my risk of breast cancer recurrance by 15%. Now, that may be a small figure in most circumstances, but to me it’s huge. Since the risk of recurrance for inflammatory breast cancer patients is 90%, a reduction of 15% leaves me somewhere in the neighborhood of 75% recurrence risk. Much better!

I am comfortable with my decision to have a double mastectomy. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is the right thing to do, and the right timing to do it. I’ve had 6 months of chemo to rid the rest of my body of cancer cells and reduce the tumor burden to make the surgery possible. I have looked forward to this for so long….

As news of her surgery began to spread around the Internet, moms and other bloggers began to rally behind her in a show of support. Each time I would stumble across another blog bearing the "Bring It On" button that showed that Susan was in that blogger's thoughts, my heart was warmed. Too often we forget that there are real people behind the blogs we read. Real people with real feelings and real problems that need and appreciate our support when life gets tough.

Here are just a few of the amazing posts I came across that touched me and made me proud to see bloggers support each other in this sometimes cruel environment.

Grrrlfriend Jess at Sassafras writes:

I won't ask you to get on board with all of today's to-dos. They are my own personal missions in honor of WhyMommy and in gratitude for the life I have right now, in this moment, at this time, today. But please do join me (and many others) in sending a prayer, a comment, a blessing, a bit of the love you have to give WhyMommy's way as she undergoes a double mastectomy and as she looks toward many tomorrows.

I pray that God holds WhyMommy in the palm of her hand and that all of the goodness sent her way will lift up this amazing writer, mother, wife, woman and give her peace.

The GoodyBlog interviewed Why Mommy back in September of 2007. (You can find that interview here on the GoodyBlog.) As the surgery approached, they posted these words of encouragement--along with the "Bring It On" button.

WhyMommy is going to have a double mastectomy and we to ask all of you to join us in sending our love, positive thoughts and prayers her way. WhyMommy go kick cancer's butt!

Mamma Loves summed it up beautifully. This community of mom bloggers that do what they can to take care of their own.

The biggest surprise about blogging has been the incredible community that exists to laugh together, cry together, mock each other and when necessary bolster each other in times of need.
...
[She] has shared with us her deepest fears, her physical pain and the emotional turbulence of living with cancer. She also treated us to her moments of joy and the triumphs of perseverance.

She's given us so much through her words, and never once has she asked for anything in return except for our positive energy to support her battle with cancer.
...
So today is the day that we might return just a smidgen of what she's given to us.

Sometimes we need to put things in perspective when we are overwhelmed and feeling like it is all too much. Susan is a great example of that.

Continue reading "When life gets tough, the mom bloggers online rally" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

...Well, one of the "we's" of the original triad of Mommybloggers.com founders had a baby.

One of our original Mommybloggers, Meghan, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. We couldn't be any happier for her than we are right now. (And not just because she is sleep deprived and we are not. We love our Meghan.) She is one of us. A part of our family. We are tickled pink blue to have an addition to that family.

Benjamin James arrived on September 21st, very very early in the morning. He's a big boy, weighing in at 9 pounds 7 ounces at birth, and is now past a whopping 10 pounds. No wonder I was so tired all the time. Lugging this kid around! Now if only we can get him to sleep for 3 consecutive hours with some regularity...

We are thrilled as we can be for Meghan and her family. Please go over there and wish this gorgeous and sleep deprived mama congrats on this adorable little man!

We love you, Meghan!

Wanna see a sneak peek? Picture after the jump!

Continue reading "We had a baby! Sort of." »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Today is the birthday of the ever popular and much loved JENNY!

Now, I know you all love Jenny. What's not to love? She is funny and fun. Loyal and good. A hard worker and trusted business partner. So why aren't you showering her with praise? Come on! Let's hear it for our very own Jenny.

She listens and is always there. Just like the monkey-faced partner that she is.

Share the love here and/or on her blog. I mean, she is 35 today which is half of 70 which is really getting old. (I can say that. I am older than she is so I can mock her age at any given time that I want. Even on her birthday.)

And Jenny...for you:

Continue reading "Happy Birthday to the Co-Monkey Face Founder" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: So, Sweatpants Mom, huh? Tell us about the name of your blog.

Marsha: Okay, let me clear up a misconception. I don’t actually spend all day in my sweatpants. I’ve been known to throw on a pair of jeans and a blouse once in a while. Sometimes they’re even clean. I thought of calling my blog ‘WellGrooomed Mom’ but who needs that pressure. It’s all about lowering expectations. Now when people meet me and I don’t have toothpaste on my chin or I’m not wearing my pajamas they’re thrilled. What was the question again?

Mommybloggers: You crack us up every time we read you - your combination of dry wit and eye for the humor in any given situation makes your blog a joy. Have you always been a writer?

Marsha: Aside from the occasional copy line or witty email, I’ve been a graphic designer in the entertainment industry all my life and never wrote a single thing until around three years ago. Now I primarily write and take on only a few design jobs a year, but for some reason whenever anyone asks me what I do I say, “I’m a designer.� Obviously I don’t feel worthy of calling myself a writer yet. What’s up with that? Help me.

Mommybloggers: As the kicked-back mama of two girls,you often write about your style of parenting, and how it differs from what is expected these days. Do you get any flack from readers?

Marsha: I’ll occasionally get scolded by the righteous mom who thinks I should get off my lazy ass and get my girls into soccer, but otherwise I think most of my readers relate to what I’m saying and are somewhat relieved that they’re not alone. No one wants to be the only mom on the playground who didn’t serve their kid organic muesli for breakfast, or who opted to take everyone to the mall instead of to the noon showing of ‘Storybook King Lear.’ I’m thinking of starting an after-school ‘camp’ for like-minded parents and their kids who want to shun the whole über-parenting trend, but are afraid of becoming social pariahs. We’ll all pretend we’re shuttling the children to softball games or drama lessons but then everyone will just hang out at my house and drink coffee, eat junk food and refuse to talk to our kids about their feelings.

Mommybloggers: We have to ask - are you a "mommyblogger?" What do you think of the term?

Marsha: I am a mommyblogger, damnit! There’s a stigma attached to a lot of terms these days and I just don’t get it. Mommyblogger is a mom who blogs, for chrissake. I think it’s all in the way the term is presented. For instance, someone called me a “lady driver� the other day and the way he said it was so offensive, even though I am in fact, a lady who drives. Of course, I did just back over the guy’s foot but that’s beside the point.

Mommybloggers: We loves us some Prince, too - how is your plan to reform your children's musical tastes going?

Marsha: I’m losing ground fast. The little ingrates asked me to turn down “Purple Rain� the other day because they couldn’t hear their YouTube video of My Chemical Romance. They finally listened to some Janet Jackson recently, though. I found that withholding food for a few days really increases their appreciation of fine music.

Mommybloggers: What gets you really excited?

Marsha: Coffee. You think I’m joking.

Mommybloggers: What could you live your whole life never having to deal with?

Marsha: Cockroaches, junk mail and the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. You see there’s a theme here – none of them have any business being in my house.

Mommybloggers: Tell us something surprising, that your readers don't know about.

Marsha: It took me two months to get back to Mommybloggers with the answers to these questions, and theyre still speaking to me.

Mommybloggers: Your husband and daughters are often the subject of your posts. What do they think about the whole blog thing?

Marsha: My husband often thanks me for making him look so good in my stories, and he should. Because he’s really just a terrible person who usually brews the coffee too strong and makes a lot of noise washing dishes when I’m trying to sleep in.

As for my kids, I’ve actually told them they’re not allowed to read my blog, mainly because of the um, language I often use and the subject matter of some of my posts. When there’s a piece that I’ve written about them that I think is appropriate I print it out and let them read it. But they’re pretty savvy, and as they get older they’re getting suspicious of what I write about them; I think it’s only a matter of time before they go behind my back and read my archives. I’m hoping they’ll spend their computer time more wisely, hacking the school’s files or looking up bad words like normal kids do.

Mommybloggers: What won't you write about?

Marsha: There are certain things that my husband, kids, friends or family members do and then immediately say to me, “Do NOT put this on your blog� and I respect that. Like the time my husband got locked behind the gates of our storage space facility, I had to be sensitive and not write about it. Oh wait - I did. But you know, I got a crapload of hits on that post and a ton of comments so it’s really important to get your priorities straight and seize the moment.

Mommybloggers: So all of a sudden, we're seeing you everywhere. Tell us where we can get more of your writing.

Marsha: I spend an unhealthy amount of time writing about Angelina Jolie’s flat stomach and Britney Spears’ bad weave over on FameCrawler as well as on my two blogs, Sweatpantsmom and Views From The Pants. I also just got my first print byline in Genlux Magazine, where I interviewed Hayden Panetierre from the show Heroes. I have three thousand copies in my van if you’d like one.

Mommybloggers: What do you think about all these multiple-blog-having writers? Is quantity a good thing?

Marsha: Sure, why not? I personally can’t keep up with more than two blogs, but if you want to have sixty and can maintain them while remembering to shower and feed your kids, then I say more power to you. It’s like my motto as I’m going through the aisles of Costco, “Screw quality, go for the quantity.�

Mommybloggers: Where do you think this whole "mommyblogging" thing is heading - for you personally, and for the internet in general?

Marsha: I think the reach of not only mommybloggers but bloggers in general is just going to keep growing – in politics, advertising, and in media. People are starting to take notice of and appreciate the wide diversity of voices out there and the influence they can have. Let’s just remember to use our powers for good and not evil. And by that I mean putting an end to blogs about American Idol and Beanie Baby collections.

Mommybloggers: Aaaaand: Here are the questions we subject all of our victims, er, guests, to:

1. What is your favorite parent related word?
Goodnight.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?
Catwhen. As in “You promised we could get a cat when can we get one?

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?
We don’t really have any ‘substitute’ words we use around them, although we try not to let loose too often. It’s getting harder as they get older and the words have more weight. The other day my husband said ‘fuck’ in the car and you could have heard a pin drop. Finally my 9-year old said, “Dad, I’m SO disappointed in you.�

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?
Sadly, the bathroom.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?
See #4.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?
I’d like to hear her announce that we’re part of that annual show where everyone gets all the free stuff. I could really use a new blender.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

This week on Mommybloggers we are featuring the always fun and very adored Marsha of Sweatpants Mom. We have been fans of hers for a very long time and are thrilled to be able to feature her. With a mixture of humor, snark and always honest with her opinions, Sweatpants Mom has become a favored blogger by many in not only the mom blogging community, but in the blogging world in general. It did not take us long to realize that this is one woman we admire and want to share her greatness with you. Though we could gush with our personal opinions of her, we would rather let you hear from her readers and fans. They are the ones that rock her blog with comments and adoration.

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Jamie of Blonde Mom had no hesitation in letting us know how hilarious she thinks Marsha is and how much she admires her writing.

Marsha is one of the funniest bloggers out there. As a mom to two daughters, I can relate to so much of what she writes about. She always makes me laugh!

Jodi of Jodi's World was quick to point out her reasons for loving Marsha. (And we know there are many!)

Why do I love Marsha from Sweatpants Mom? Well, that's easy. She rocks. And she almost always makes me laugh. And I really love to laugh. Her writing style is never preachy, she is a Mom, a very funny Mom, who is muddling through early morning wake up calls and school lunches like the rest of us. Blog on Sweatpants Mom! :)

Contrary of the blog (aptly named) Contrary spills the beans on how, though they may be night and day in some areas, that does not stop her from singing the praises of one of her favorite bloggers.

The thing I like best about SPM ( aka Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!) is that even though I suspect she and I are complete opposites in all the most important matters, I know I would still be perfectly happy spending several hours sipping alcoholic beverages and talking about absolutely everything with her. She's hilarious, irreverent, goofy, kinda weird, a tad snarky, and she doesn't bore me half to death talking about her latest shoe purchase. Which makes her worth her weight in donuts. With sprinkles, even.

Early in her mommyblogging addiction, Mary Tsao realized that she found a funny and adorable blogger in Marsha. She tells us all about her admiration and her reasons that Marsha is a go-to blog when Mary needs a giggle in her day.

I found sweatspants mom and her blog Sweatpants Mom very early on in my mommyblogging addiction. That sweatpants mom is one funny lady! Whenever she posts (which isn't often enough... hint hint!) I get a smile on my face. When I'm having a really rough day, I dig through her archives just for a chuckle. Because c'mon, who can't relate to a mom wearing sweatpants?! Thank goodness I now can read sweatpants mom on Babble's FameCrawler blog. Daily, snarky sweatpants mom! Hurray!

Be sure to stay tuned later today for our fun interview with Marsha aka: Sweatpants Mom. You won't want to miss the fun chat we had with her. In the meantime, if you need your fix of her writing, feel free to visit her blog, but definitely come back later today for her interview. You will enjoy it!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 8:47 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

I admit it. I am a pack rat, much to the dismay of my husband. Honestly, it is usually the sentimentality of the objects that has me holding on tightly to them. Last year when I began to become overrun with papers and art projects and drawings, I got 3 containers. One for each of my children. I could only keep what would fit into those containers. Once they became full, I had to go through the many papers and get rid of some of those cherished (at least at some point) notes and drawings. My favorites? The letters! Those little notes that our kids write to us. To the Tooth Fairy. To Santa. Even to each other. I have finally been convinced rather than get rid of those cherished items when my container overflows, I need to scan them. That way I get to keep a record of things that I may have thrown away in years past.

Apparently, I am not alone in loving these kind of letters. Prompted by a post by Sheila it was evident that there was a wonderful post to be written that would be full of these types of memories. Searching through the vastness of Mommy & Family blogs, I have been led to some of the most precious letters out there. I wanted to share a few of them with you all. (Hey, sometimes we just need those warm, fuzzy posts. I am gifting you with that joy now.) FYI: Clicking on the image will take you to the actual site where these letters are posted. To truly grasp the content, you should go visit these sites and learn more about the kids behind these adorable letters of love.

First we have a letter from a girl named Ava to a friend in her class, Rachel.

Ava has a friend in her class, named Rachel. This is a letter she wrote to her, which I find adorable. She got Rachel's look just right, glasses and all.

Such simplicity. Don't you remember when you would write a note to your best friend just because. No reason. Just because you wanted to draw a picture and say hi? I miss those days.

Continue reading "Kids write the darndest things!" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

School has just begun and the kids are whining about homework. I had some sympathy but not too much. I mean, I have been there and done that. And it is still minor homework. Until? Until they assigned me homework. I was supposed to write an essay about my older son in a million words or less for his English teacher. I am sure I made the English teacher weep a bit with my style of writing. But? Don't care. He can't fail me. (I don't think.) So I thought I would share it with you.

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An Essay About My Son by Epstein's Mother*

This is quite an assignment. Trying to tell you about my son in less than a million words will be a challenge. Seeing as I am a writer, I will do my best to keep it closer to 995,000. (But we all know how wordy we writers can be.)

I know that I am biased, but I have to tell you that son is one of the funniest people I know. Even though I am his mother and have no choice in whether or not he is in my life, I would still choose to be his friend. That boy? He just has the funny!

He is an observer. An observer of life, of people and of situations around him. He does not jump right into the unknown without first taking in the situation. Not to say he cannot be just as impulsive as the next teen. He certainly has that down. (Just ask him to clean his room and you will see his immediate need to jump out of his seat and be occupied by the nearest situation not involving room cleaning.) However, those times when you think he has pulled away or not paying attention, most likely he is assessing the situation around him. He can tell you a lot about the people around him whether or not you were even aware that he was paying attention.

He does tend to keep emotions locked inside at times, but he is good at eventually coming around and opening up and talking. In January 2006 his grandmother passed away. He was as strong as a kid his age could be who had to go through this, but it did take him a while to work it all out. If there was any worry I had about him, it would be that he tends to keep too much inside. I am, however, so thankful that as he is getting older, he is becoming more open and willing to talk freely to me. (We must not speak of this lest it curses the process and we lose the magical “teen who talks to his parent� ritual.)

Continue reading "Second week of school and they gave ME homework!" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 8:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

When it comes to being a mommyblogger, there is one question that continually comes up. I heard it when I was on the first mommyblogging panel at the first BlogHer. It came up again the next year. And, yes, it was mentioned again this past year. In fact, I have heard it in several forums. What question is that?

If I am labeled a "mommyblogger" will that take away my credibility as a writer? (You can interchange the word credibility with respectability, authenticity etc. The gist stays the same.)

This is a no-brainer. The answer is a resounding NO.

I heard one woman stand up and say that although she has a blog that falls under the mommyblogger umbrella, she does not want to mention it or the blog when it comes to her book proposal as she fears she won't be taken seriously as a writer. Whereas I respect the woman, the premise is crap.

There is one thing and one thing only that will cause you to lose your credibility as a "real" writer.

Your writing.

I understand that many women do not like the label mommyblogger. Admittedly, blogs that fall under that label have been written off as fluff at times or consider a sub-species of blogging, but that does not effect your writing ability or your talent as an author.

I am associated with 3 blogs with the title Mommy in them and one with the word Mom. Obviously, I do not have a problem with the term. Neither did my agent. How did she find me? Through my personal blog, Mommy Needs Coffee.

Yes. A mommyblog WITH the name mommy in the title. Did it scare her off? Not at all. You see, she did not become horrified by the title. She did not run away in fear over a label. She stuck around. She read my writing. She talked to me. She saw the writer in me. Not the label of my blog. And now, through hard work and writing my heart out, we are working together to get my book published.

You see, it is not the type of blog you have that will make you less appealing as a writer. It will be your writing. If you are a good writer and you have a good story to tell, do it. Write it. Tell it. Your blog label won't stop a professional agent or editor from seeing your talent.

I know I can get sensitive about this issue. Mainly because I think that it is a cop out to say you cannot be taken seriously as a writer if you are labeled a mommyblogger. That is just not true. Do you know what will keep you from being taken seriously? Bad writing.

What is my point? Do not let a label, title, genre or category of your blog stop you from pursuing your writing career if you want one. If your dream is to be a writer, then bust your ass, write your heart out and let your passion and talent shine through.

Trust me. Any agent worthy of working with will see through any of the superficial crap such as the word "mommyblogger" and know when there is a good story to be told.

Write quality pieces and get quality respect. Write drivel and stay obscure. But please, do not hide behind the mommyblogger label. There are too many of us out there busting the myth that we cannot be "real writers." Join us. Or move aside. Either way, realize that one simple word that you hate will NOT keep you from success. Only you and your writing will do that.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I started having contractions three months before she was due. After realizing these contractions were not Braxton Hicks, but actual "these will bring the baby" contractions, we got my butt to the hospital. Already on bed rest and high risk, we knew better than to take any chances with this pregnancy. I feared the worst. I have had a stillborn and was terrified we were going to have to endure losing another baby. Little did I know that earlier that day, my best friend's ex-husband and his new wife gave birth to their premature baby at that very hospital. In that very room. She was due within days of me. It started them on their journey of being parents to a premature baby. I was lucky that day. They were able to stop my labor and I went on to have my little girl only 3 weeks early.

But what about those families who do have premature babies? Many of us followed Julie of the blog A Little Pregnant as she went through her IVF treatments, following her through her pregnancy and then the shock of her giving birth to her son at 30 weeks gestation. She shares her feelings two weeks later at how exhausting it already had become. Many of us wept with her when she was overwhelmed and cheered along with her with every victory. Throughout all of it (and throughout any situation like that) there was the ever present question: What can I do?

Last week I received an email from fellow BlogHer, Kristy Sammis telling me about her very close friends, Missy and Dan, who recently gave birth to a sweet baby boy. Fifteen (15!) weeks early. Follow the link and see how tiny that little baby was when he was born. She wanted to share with me their story and what they did to help their son. What you can do to help other premature babies. (She gave me permission to share this with you.)

He's been taken very good care of and is quite a fighter, but the ward is in need of some love from the outside world in the form of tiny and soft blankets for its other preemies. The hospital-issued blankets have been washed so many times that the blankets are harsh and scratchy, and preemies need and respond (and develop) better with super-soft materials.

I know there are many crafty women on this site who are more than capable of whipping out a fresh new, super-soft blanket in the time it takes me to choose what shirt I should wear with what pants on any given day that requires me encountering anyone beyond my family.

Continue reading "Premature babies---How you can help!" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 9:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Before I do a final wrap-up of starting your mom blog, I think it is important to go where many bloggers eventually find themselves. Do you put ads on your blog or not? There have been some amazing discussions about this over the past week and again at BlogHer. So, let's hit this one head on and talk about it.

Last week MetroDad started a discussion on what he felt was a "throw away post" on ads on blogs that began to take on a life of its own. He didn't expect it to become an issue that would have other people put him up as the "anti-ad" blogger. (For the record, he is not anti-ad.) In his original post he writes about it.

But you know the omnipresence of advertising in our daily lives is getting out of hand when parents start auctioning off naming rights for their unborn babies and college girls start tattooing corporate logos on their breasts.

As usual, I'm not passing judgment on any personal bloggers who feel the need to post ads on their site. Advertising is a biological impulse found throughout the natural world. Peacocks attract the attention of a mate through a multicolored feather display. Baboons signal their sexual readiness with a pair of red, swollen buttocks.

This all came about from a post by mimi smartypants in which she stated shock at seeing a huge blinking ad on the site of one of her favorite bloggers. And did not like it.

My point is more that, through my lame, idealistic, aging-punk, Diaryland-colored glasses, I have a hard time seeing personal web pages as a business. There is something so cool about getting to read the thoughts of people I have never met, and then over there in the sidebar is this big honking ad for a multi-billion-dollar corporation, and that punctures the pleasure balloon somewhat. Ads are fucking everywhere. It would be nice to see just a sliver of handcrafted, non-commercial, free-to-all, personal-expression space in the world, even if just on the internet.

Let me be perfectly clear, though, that both of these bloggers have come out and said that it is their opinion and they don't care what people do on their own sites, but that they do not want it on their own. MetroDad states:

Not sure how the previous throwaway post morphed into me being against people having ads on their own blogs. As befitting my long-standing philosophy of "live and let live," I really couldn't give a shit what other people do with their own sites.

And mimi smartypants said:

It probably doesn't make me like the writing any less, assuming I liked it in the first place... but it somehow disappoints...I have a family to support too, by the way. And I'm not all pissed off about the ads on blogs, I clearly said that if it floats your boat, then fine. I am, however, very tired of advertising.

As I said, it can get quite heated. However, as anything, there are two sides to every story.

When Liz of Mom 101 asked about ads, she received plenty of positive feedback in her comments. (I cannot link to the authors because they led to dead links, but I encourage you to go to Liz's site and read all of them for yourself.)

Amanda wrote:

I adore blog ads. They pay us for doing what we love and it just doesn't get any better than that. Maybe I'm a naive little capitalist, but isn't that what the free market is all about? People who do what they do well should be rewarded for it.

David wrote:

It's your blog, do what you want. If someone doesn't want to read your blog because of ads, that's fine too. I think this stuff has a way of working itself out.

Continue reading "Monetizing your mom blog" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Moms. One way or another we became Moms when children entered our world. Many of us through our own pregnancies. A lot of talk came up this past weekend at BlogHer about body image. Y of Joy Unexpected spoke of her "shame" over her stretch marks on her belly and how when she spoke of it women began to send her pictures of their own stomachs. I sat there and literally cried. Those stretch marks are badges of honor and we live in a world where because our bodies are not longer perfect after carrying our children, we can feel shame. That makes me sad. I love Y and would no matter what marks her body bears. But, moms, those marks are not something to ever be ashamed of.

Y's words really hit home with me. I have felt them. I still feel them at times.

You gave me my beautiful children, my three beautiful children. It should be easy to love you for that reason alone. I do love you for that. I do.

But, my God, I hate you too.

I hate you because I am a slave to you. I hate you because there are so many things in life I've not been able to do because of the fears and insecurities I have about you.

Your sagging breasts embarrass me.

Your gaping hole of a belly button repulses me.

Your stretch marks humiliate me.

Your loose, hanging skin infuriates me.

Just as a pregnant woman should never feel she looks "too huge" or "ugly" as she carries her baby. I found an amazing link of beautiful pregnant women. (Aren't they all, though?) You must go see this site. It is amazing.

And breastfeeding? Normal. Natural. Not somethingto be hidden or shoved to the side. (I was thrilled to see so many nursing moms at BlogHer not even blinking an eye at the fact that they were feeding their children just as no one seemed to even give it a second look. (Okay, when I asked Kristen Chase if I could kiss her baby's head and she said yes, I was a bit surprised to see that her baby was nursing at the time. Not horrified. Just surprised to get to know Kristen so well.) Erin of Queen of Spain has taken on the "hiding breastfeeding" issue herself with her tit brigade.

What is my point? Moms, you are beautiful. When you have stretch marks. When you are pregnant. When you are breastfeeding. You are beautiful. So, no more shame. Whether you are size 2 or size 22. You are loved by little people who think you are the world. You are their hero. Trust me when I say, the don't care about the things you are not happy with. They just love their Mom. And so do I.

So be proud of yourselves, Moms. You are beautiful.

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~Jenn is going to go forgive her hips now.~

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Cross posted on BlogHer.org
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You can also find my writing at Mommy Needs Coffee, Mommybloggers and Work It, Mom!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

How could I not cover the panel on the state of the Momosphere? Of course I will recap. The panelists were an amazing group of women that I deeply respect. Chris Jordan, Catherine Conners and Lena Lotsey with moderator Jory Des Jardins. (We deeply missed Mommy & Family's own editor Nordette, but she was in our thoughts.) It was a standing room only crowd. (Go, Momosphere!)

The discussion came up that at times the momosphere can seem like high school and seem political in nature. Allison of Lemonade Life live-blogged the session. In her coverage she noted this part of the conversation:

For the first part of the conversation, the panelists (Catherine Connors, Lena Lotsey and Chris Jordan) discussed relationships between the newbies and the veteran mommybloggers and the mommybloggers with babies and the mommybloggers with elementary-age and older children. They discussed whether the momosphere was political, and Catherine argued that while it might seem political - or like high school which was the recurring analogy - that the momosphere (and I think the O.C. as well) is more like a party or a salon.

“You make friends, you move, there are bigger groups, they shift and change. But that’s not political, that’s social,� Catherine explained.

Very good points. I think a deeper discussion about what does happen when a mom who has been blogging about her young children grows out of that phase. There are a lot of us out there and we enjoy the social atmosphere and the camaraderie as much as the mothers of young children. We just are facing different issues. There is definitely room for all of us. In my opinion we just need to get the parenting sites to realize that our children do grow up beyond the age of six. They really do!

And what about blogrolls?

Chris Jordan posed the question, “How do you manage a blogroll? How do you do it withoutmaking anyone feel left out?�

There was a bit of discussion on that and when asked who actually dropped their blogrolls, many hands went up. Are blogrolls on their way out and linking within your entries to other bloggers the new way to go? I would love to hear what you think.

Robyn on Silicon Valley Moms Blog wrote about the issue of the commercialization of the momosphere.

There was a civil discussion about the commercialization of the momosphere. Women that spoke about not allowing for a monetization of blogging. Reasons varied from protecting children to it as hobby to trying ads and then removing them later. Opposing agurments were that monetization that it brought validity to her blog. Another stated that she shouldn't be ashamed to receive money from her blog just because she writes about motherhood. The feminist in me totally agrees. We shouldn't be shamed into accepting ads and we shouldn't be shamed from choosing to not have them. Just as our content is personal, this is a personal choice too.

I loved the final sentence there. Just as our content is personal, this is a personal choice too. Have ads. Don't have ads. You have to do what works for you without guilt or feeling like you are corrupting what you are doing. It is personal. I couldn't agree more!

Finally, in a discussion I want to see go well beyond this session and straight to the ears/eyes of marketers:

How can corporate marketers do a better job in marketing to the momosphere? Why are they eliminating moms of color? Where is the diversity?

This issue must be discussed. And discussed. And discussed until it is no longer and issue.

As for the initial topic: The State of the Momosphere: I think this panel did an excellent job of telling where they felt it was and letting the audience tell where they felt it was now and where it may or should go.

Here are a few links I have found of people who either live-blogged it or wrote about it:
Miss Priss.org
Silicon Valley Moms Blog
Lemonade Life

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Cross posted on BlogHer
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~Jenn is off to try to figure out the state of her momosphere here at home.~

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You can find more of my writing at Mommy Needs Coffee, Mommybloggers and Work It, Mom!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

(This is part V in a series on starting a mom blog. Cross posted on BlogHer.)

Your blog is ready to go. You have your platform. You've named it. You have decided how much personal information to include and what you want to do about pictures. Good job. The basics are done. Now, the hard part starts. Your blog--ANY blog-- is nothing without good content. You knew I was going to get to it eventually. We have to talk about content. Political blogs will mention politics. Food bloggers will talk about food. Mom bloggers will inevitably talk about their children. Let's face it: they are a never-ending source of entertainment. However, before you type one word about them, you should decide what is yours to share and what is theirs to keep private.

This to me if the most essential decision you can make as a blogger. Once your words are out, they are out. A few years back a journalist made a snide comment about how your children's future prom dates will Google them and read every embarrassing story ever written about them.

And?

My dates didn't have Google. They had my Mom. She had enough stories and pictures to keep me humiliated for life. (The only way to hold her off was to marry my high school sweetheart and never have to worry about it again.) My point is that, yes, your words are out there. And, yes, you have a great potential of embarrassing your children. But it is not just about the things that may make them blush. It is about things that they want to remain private--just between them and their mom. It is about respect. Only you and your children can decide where this line is drawn.

A great example of a mom blogger being called out by her teen is Grace Davis. One day while discussing what her daughter could expect in terms of going to BlogHer last year, her daughter said something that halted Grace and completely altered her way of thinking when it came to blogging about her daughter. (Read the whole entry. It is a great lesson in mom blogging and communication.)

Your blog is really funny, Mom. But, you make me and my friends look stupid."

Stupid. I was devastated. I hastily run through blog entries in my mind. Did this make Moll and her friends appear stupid? Or was it this, or this ? Did this offend her?

What do you do once your child is old enough to read what you are writing about them and their lives? They will have an opinion and it won't always be that they adore your every word. You have now jumped into a new world. The world where your children want to have a say in their own privacy.

Grace handled it with the class she handles everything. She gave her daughter the ultimate position for a child of a mom blogger.

I won't take down the posts, but I will take on Molly as the Official State of Grace Editor for Adolescent Affairs. I'll be showing her any blog entries related to her prior to publishing.

But that is not the only way to go when it comes to mom blogging. It is your space to talk about what you feel impacts you and your life. Being a mom, that will include discussing your children. And our children are not always the brightest ray of light in our lives at all times. Sometimes they are difficult and frustrating and downright crazy-making. Bloggers are writers. Writers write. Mothers vent. It is only natural that you will have a tendency to want to vent about those little people that effect so many (if not all) aspects of your life.

Continue reading "Content and your child's right to privacy" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

Originally the topic of this part of the series was going to just focus on posting images on your mom blog. I was going to cover just the basics of "do you" or "don't you" include pictures, but from the comments I have received, I feel it is important to cover the "why's" and "why not's" of posting images of your children and/or your family. It is not just a matter of who sees your pictures. You should also think about how to protect your images as well.

One of the most common questions after whether or not to use real names is whether or not to post images of your children. As with every other aspect of your blog, this is going to have to fall into doing what you feel works best for you and your family. However, there are some issues I will bring up that you should think about. First, when your school (if you have school age children) ask if you give permission for them to use your child's image or likeness for publicity or promotion, do you think about it before agreeing? They may use your child's photo on a website, newspaper or national publication. Yes, blogging is an entirely different game, but you have to remember that your child is not living in a bubble. There are many bloggers who choose to completely leave images of their family off of their blog. Karen of the blog A Deaf Mom Shares Her World chooses to limit images by using back shots or far way images. It is where her current comfort level lies. Then we have bloggers like Liz of This Full House has no hesitation in posting family pictures.

Something important to remember about posting images is that whether or not to post is not just an issue of security. As more than one mom blogger found out the hard way, some people will take images of your children off of your site to use in ways that can be offensive, inappropriate or just in ways that they are not intended to be used. Tracey of Sweetney went through this and let me tell you, it was a hellish experience for her and her family. Hellish because she felt violated by having someone use images of her child on another site without her permission or approval.

Continue reading "Picture this!-- Part IV of the mom blog series" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 1:32 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

We've covered platforms (and you taught me a thing or two as well) and we have covered naming your blog. Now we come to one of the most important decisions you will make as a mom blogger. To name or not to name. Meaning, to use your real name and the real names of your children or to stay as anonymous as possible. This is an important decision for any blogger, but if you are going to be blogging about your children, this is one decision you really need to ponder. You must decide what is right for you and for your family. For as many women who are mom bloggers there are that many different opinions and reasons as to whether or not to use real names.

When I originally started my blog, I had cute names for the kids. As my freelance career started to move forward, my name was getting out there, I lost my own anonymity. And to be perfectly honest, I had a hard time remembering which child was called what. It took a certain authenticity out of my writing. So, I started to use the real names of my children.

Some mom bloggers don't think twice about using the real name of their child. Take Heather Armstrong of Dooce for instance. Not only does she use her daughter's name, Leta, she publishes monthly letters to her and talks freely about her life as a mom and her child's life. Another great example of a mom blogger using real names is Liz of Mom 101. She even petitioned the Internet to help her name her new baby. (To the best of my knowledge, they did not go with anyone's suggestion. Which, in actuality is fine because we all know eventually most moms end up calling their kids by their dog's name anyway.)

We have some moms who choose not to use their own names or the names of their family members. They come up with amazingly creative ways to refer to their offspring. Which leads to the question, "How long will you be able to stick with nicknames if you choose them?" If you start with a nickname, you should either stick with it or come up with a creative way to change it. Some mom bloggers do this with humor and grace. I have used her as an example before, but it makes me laugh. Busy Mom refers to her three children as (wait for it...) Busy Girl, Busy Boy and --my favorite-- the Not Yet Kindergartener Formerly Known as the Preschooler Formerly Known as Busy Baby. I cannot wait for that baby to hit high school. His name will be a blog entry in and of itself.

Some women choose to blog using their own first name but choose to keep the names of their children out of it. Rather than trying to come up with a cute nickname or a name they will forget, they make up the names of their children and use those instead. Sort of like a chance to rename all of your children if you had to do it all over again. A blog that admits to this is Rocks In My Dryer.

I'm a 30-something stay-at-home mom to four kids: Adam (age 9), Stephen (age 8), Joseph (age 6) and Corrie (age 2). Those aren't their real names, and yes, as a matter of fact, I HAVE mistakenly called them by their "blog names" before.

I know of several bloggers who do this, but if they don't admit to it, I am not going to call them out here. I just want you to know that it is an option to just make up names for your children. If it makes you feel better keeping their anonymity, I recommend this route. Let's face it, little "Cutie-Pie-Baby" won't be a baby forever. One day (and trust me on this because I have one in my house) they become teenagers. They do get mad being referred to as "Cutie-Pie-Baby." (They are not too fond of "Surly Teen With An Attitude" either.) If you have always called your child Fred, he can remain Fred regardless of age or personality. If their blog name changes with each age, it may get confusing for not only your readers, but for you as well.

Continue reading "Your new mom blog (Part III): Let's get personal (or not!)" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

So, I am going to assume that you have chosen your blogging platform and you awakened from that possibly technically boring entry in Part I. Welcome back. Get some coffee! Let's talk names. First up, what do you want to name your blog? This is probably one of the most important decisions you will make. People may not judge a book by its cover, but trust me, they will judge a blog by its name. What message do you want to send? Do you want to declare yourself a mom blogger in the title? How much information do you want in your name?

How about a few examples. Let's take Busy Mom. Her title is brilliant and tells you what you are getting right up front. You will be hearing about life from a busy mom. You can safely guess she is a mom blogger. Now, let's look at Mir's Woulda Coulda Shoulda. Her name does not shout mom blog. It intrigues and makes you want to know what she "would, coulda or shoulda" done or not done differently, right? And then there is the middle of the road that hints at being about motherhood but just might simply be about life in the suburbs. Suburban Oblivion is a great example of just such a name.

Now, I know that people change their blog names. I did. I was once Java Diva and then switched to Mommy Needs Coffee. You will still find Java Diva in a lot of blog rolls after several years. Now, changing names is possible, but sometimes it takes a while for readers to get used to it. Take BlogHer's own Chris Jordan. Once know as The Big Yellow House, she is now the ever popular Notes From the Trenches. Still the same great writing on the same great blog. Just the name changed. (And the url, but that is for later.) She was good about talking her readers through it. Before you know it, people will move on and almost forget your old blog name. But let me warn you ahead of time, it is not without it's own share of headaches. I suppose what I am telling you is this: Choose your name carefully, as you did the names of your own children. You can certainly change it later, but it confuses people and there will be a lot of pouting along the way.

Continue reading "Starting your mom blog (Part II)- What's in a name?" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 1:29 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Today I am starting a month long series on starting a mom blog. I have had many requests on some of the ins and outs, do's and do not's as well as a few basic ways to move forward once you have a blog. Today we will focus on your blog platform. Now, I know that this particular segment may bore the snot out of many of you, but we have to start at the beginning. (A very good place to start...sing with me!) Anyway, we need to learn about what kind of platform you want to use. Basically, how to do you choose where to start your blog? Which blog platform is right for you? I am not going to tell you which to choose because it really is personal and each platform has both its own pros and cons. I will just list some of the popular ones and some mom bloggers who use them.

Some of the things you need to consider are your budget, how much of a commitment are you planning on putting into your blog? How personalized do you want it to become? Do you want your own domain name or are you fine with a tag-on platform name? Let's start with a few of the basic platforms.

One of the easiest platforms that many bloggers start with is Blogger. Blogger hosts your site and let's you choose from many different templates. It is free to use, the templates are easy to use and the speed of use is relatively quick. The storage space is 300MB. (Pretty great!) Many bloggers start with blogger and enjoy it so much they stay with it. A good example of mom bloggers who use blogger are Baby on Bored and Suburban Turmoil. Both quality and well designed blogs. Both hosted on Blogger. It is the platform I stared with when I first launched my blog.

Another site that can host your blog is Wordpress. Wordpress is free and has the option of using Wordpress hosting or hosting your site elsewhere. Wordpress has some great pre-made templates. It also is one of the most configurable platforms out there. Wordpress can grow with your needs as your blog grows. Karen Rani of Vodkarella uses (and designs blogs for) Wordpress. My own personal blog is also using Wordpress. These are two examples of using a platform with our personalized domain name. A few that use the Wordpress url tag-on include Fracas and Dixon Seven Family Blog.

Now then, a choice if you want to pay for hosting is Typepad by Six Apart. Typepad has amazing features and is very easy to use. Storage space on Typepad is 100MB. TypePad's clean design makes it easy to work with, but its it limits its usefulness with it's inability to create static pages. Pricing on Typepad varies according to your personal blogging needs such as how many authors and how much storage and bandwidth you need. From Typepad's own page is states:

TypePad is the premier blogging service for professionals, hosting many of the world’s most popular blogs and small business websites. TypePad’s ease of use enables you to create a blog in minutes.

Continue reading "So you want to start a Mom Blog- The Series" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 1:27 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Carmen of Mom to the Screaming Masses recently posted some quotes. One of them in particular stood out for me.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Now, as an adult I have learned this lesson well and often. It doesn't always matter what lip service someone gives you. Whether or not they tell you that they admire you, respect you or want the best for you, do their actions show it? Because those particular words will probably fade from your memory. If they offered you something 'out of the goodness of their heart' but it later backfired, you may not remember the circumstances around the event in the same way later, but you will remember how someone made you feel. Good or bad.

No matter what is said or done for you, it is how someone makes you feel that will stay with you for a much longer time. Words and actions are important, but the way they make someone feel is an altogether different story, it has an impact that lasts a much longer time.

This is especially true for our children.

How do you make your children feel? Do you tell them that they are responsible and trust worthy yet not give them any responsibility around the house or not trust them in the most basic of ways? How do you think it will make them feel? Will the words matter or the feelings created be what shapes them.

Or on the flip side, when you child has done something praise worthy, do you remember to tell them how proud you are? When you catch them in some random act of kindness, do you remember to praise them for their actions? It isn't in the words. It isn't in the rewards. It is in the way your actions and words make your children feel.

As an adult I have learned how important it is to ensure your words and actions are not hollow.

As a parent I realized that it is not only important, but vital to your child's emotional and behavioral health.

I will admit there are days when my kids make me nuts. I can scream. I can rant. But when it moves to a level where I make them feel badly about themselves separate from an action, then I have some real work to do with them.

Our words. Our actions. They impact our children. How we make them feel about themselves is one of our top jobs as parents. So, next time that snarky comment or unwarranted insult is about to pop, stop and think. Even after an apology, how will they feel? If you are not okay with it, re-examine your communication.

Just this week I watched as my three children played nicely and respectfully together. I watched and smiled and then went back to what I was doing. I almost missed the chance to tell them how it warmed my heart to see it. So, I stopped, went back and let them know how special it was for me to watch them and that I was proud of them. Each one of them (even the teen) smiled. It made them feel good to know they were doing something positive together. Maybe the next time one of them wants to play with the other two, they will stop and remember how good it felt to get along and see Mom so proud.

Or not.

Ten minutes later they were fighting.

In any case, remember how powerful you are to your children. How they feel makes all the difference in who they are and who they become.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

[Here at Mommybloggers, we try to be sensitive to women who are infertile. We have asked many times to call us on it when we are not. One of our goals is to help shed light for women who have not been through infertility to better understand what these women go through. Recently I was contacted by Pamela at Coming2Terms if I could share with you an experiment she is trying. A way to walk in each other's shoes, or reproductive cycles. This is the story. Semi-cross posted at BlogHer.]

My first pregnancy ended with a stillborn baby boy 6 1/2 months into my pregnancy. The baby was healthy. The problem was with me. With my body. At that time, the doctors questioned my ability to ever have children. For those few months of tests, I feared I would receive the worst possible news I could receive: that I would never give birth to my own children. Since that time, I have had medical help and after 3 very high risk pregnancies, I have three healthy children. But what if...

What if the world somehow turned around and those of us who have been able to conceive children were switched with women who were infertile and struggled to become pregnant (even with intervention) and have babies? Suddenly you find yourself childless and infertile whereas all of your friends who have struggled with infertility are amazingly pregnant. Pamela at Coming2Terms asked just that question in a social experiment that asks you how you would handle this experience as you are plopped down at a baby shower for these newly pregnant women? How do you think the conversation would go?

Everyone who is fighting with infertility, you are now able to conceive -- the NATURAL way.

Those of you with children, those who conceived without a thought as to ovulation cycles, FSH or sperm counts, you are now mysteriously unable to bear children. The littles you once nursed, cuddled and bragged on at social gatherings, they no longer exist. The realization of childlessness is frightening, devastating because the once fertile now find themselves in an empty nursery, the house is suddenly silent -- no more giggles or playful chatter or background noise courtesy of Dora the Explorer or Sesame Street.

Those who were once infertile are equally in disbelief. They've just had a loving and spontaneous romp. Two weeks later two pink lines magically appear on an at home pregnancy kit. The newly pregnant can't quite wrap their heads around the idea that no external intervention was required...not a pill, not a shot, not even a visit to a doctor's office.

A chance to walk in another woman's shoes. Or live with her reproductive life.

Continue reading "What once was... is no longer. Walk in HER shoes." »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Sleep. In our house it is something to be treasured. Something to be fought for. Something that you would move heaven and earth for just a little bit more of. Oh sure, I am not completely sleep deprived like say a friend with a newborn is, but I am tired. I mean, at least women with newborns have a good reason for it. They have little adorable babies. Nevertheless, their sleep deprivation makes mine look completely insignificant. I admit that much. However, I am so tired it makes me crazy.

The last time I got a good (and I really mean good) night's sleep was back in 1992. I wasn't pregnant and had no children. We all know that pregnancy sleeping isn't real sleeping. If you aren't awakened by having to pee every other hour, then your belly is in the way or your heartburn keeps you awake. You pray for the day that baby is out because you just want to lie on your stomach and sleep. Get real! You will never sleep again!

After your children are born, forget sleep. I mean it. Forget sleep like you have ever known it before. You will never, ever sleep like that again. Oh sure, the babies grow up and start sleeping through the night. You think "Aha! I have it made." Sure, in comparison you do. Compared to the newborn phase, yes, you will "sleep". However, the days of just closing your eyes and falling flat out into deep, coma-like, slobber-sleeping are over. You've just moved up the sleep ladder a rung to "sleeping with children in the house". You will forever have a subconscious ear listening for children to cry out, puke or begin wandering around a dark house. Even though you appear to be sleeping, you are not completely sleeping.

"But what about when the kids are older and sleep away from the house?" Don't bother dreaming. Even when that happens you are stuck with one of two scenarios: Either they have siblings thus eliminating the "child-free" home or you have that ear listening for the phone to ring in the middle of the night "just in case".

So you can see why I am tired. I haven't had a good night's sleep since 1992. That is a helluva long time to be tired.

Which is why sleeping in, naps and going to bed early are things that we will fight for. We use it as a bargaining tool.

"If I let you sleep in today, then tomorrow you have to get up and deal with the kids."

or

"I am going to take a nap now. Yes, I know you have to go work, but you did sleep in an hour and a half later than I did, so added up over the past 3 days, I am entitled to 4 1/2 hours of sleep. I have it banked. I am cashing in 3 of them."

Then of course there is the favorite:

"Well, okay, I'll do that, but I am going to note the time I lost in sleep and tack it on to tomorrow morning and you have to get up when the alarm goes off."

You'd think we were talking about money or something. But no. Anyone can get money. People with kids know that sleep is a rare, rare thing.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

This past weekend I began to notice the tell tale signs that my 5-year old daughter might have a bladder infection. So, I did what any net savvy Mom would do. I logged onto the Internet and began to search her symptoms, causes and a possible diagnosis. It took about 30 minutes before I was completely freaked out. By 7:00am Monday morning I was emailing other Moms asking for advice about everything from what kind of doctor to call to their own personal experiences. What I needed was not several random sites to freak me out, but one central place I could go to get advice, talk to other Moms who may have advice or talk to a nurse before trying to decide what to do.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was honored to be one of the women on a call with Steve Case. (You know Steve Case? The co-founder of AOL, who led the charge to make the Internet an essential part of everyday life. Yes, that Steve Case!) The call was set up by the amazing and always supportive Cynthia. She arranged this call with Steve for me and a few other Moms. ( Sarah from Sarah and the Goon Squad, Kelly of Mocha Mama, and Jenny of Three Kid Circus-- and of course here!. Sadly, we missed our good friends and fellow Mommy bloggers Mary Tsao and Grace Davis who were supposed to be on the call but had schedule conflicts. They would have added even more to this amazing phone call.)

So how do these things tie in? Yesterday Steve launched RevolutionHealth.comâ„¢ which is a free online service which will help families take action to manage their health care and achieve their healthy living goals. In addition Revolution Healthâ„¢ membership gives members "access to premium health services now only enjoyed by a few." You can read all about it in the press release here.

Continue reading "Steve Case launches Revolution Health just in time for this mommyblogger" »

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Here at Mommybloggers we know what we have coming up for 2007. We know what our plans are for the upcoming year. (Well, as much as we can know and plan for. You know how it goes!) And this past year, well...let's be honest, it had some rather hellacious moments for many of us. I for one am happy to see 2006 to get the heck outta dodge. Bring on 2007.

But this isn't just about our plans. It's about yours.

We want to hear about your New Year's Resolutions/Plans/Hopes/Dreams for this new year.

What are you planning? Are they the same as last year? How far have you come this year?

Today (New Year's Eve) is a time for many to look back and reflect on where you have been and then look ahead to what they want to accomplish. Share those things with us. Who knows? We may have a pop quiz, put you on the spot and ask you later if you stuck to it. (Ohhhhh! Pop quizzes!)

On behalf of Jenny, Meghan and myself, we all want to wish you the happiest of New Years. A year where you are blessed. A time where your dreams come true. And of course, a year that brings you health and happiness beyond measure. We love you, people!

Continue reading "New Calendar! New goals! Share with us!" »

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I have a baby book for each of my children. Of course, they are all filled out in different degrees of completion, but they all have a book to record the moments of their childhood. Page after page is filled with "firsts." The first time they: sat, rolled over, said "mama", and slept through the night (oh praise be the gods of infant sleeping). It has a place for first steps, first foods and the first day of school. Each with a spot for the date and thoughts about the event. I confess not all of them are filled out even though the tasks have been accomplished. However, each one of them is permanently embedded in my brain. I remember these firsts. For each child.

Last night my teenager came in the room and sat down on the couch beside me. He was all limbs...long legs and arms. Awkward, yet in that stage where he is between a boy and a young man. How is this my baby? As I stared at him I began to think. Obsess, really. When was the last time I picked him up?

I mean, he is now a good inch taller than I am and weighs what a 5'8" male should weigh. There is no more picking him up. But when did I last pick him up? Was he crying? Was he just tired of walking? Did he need just a bit of comfort or snuggling? Was I tired and frustrated that I had to pick him up and didn't cherish the moment? I wish I could remember when it was. I am sure, as it had happened a thousand times before, for whatever reason I had for picking him up eventually passed and I put him down. Never to pick him up again. I had my "Last time that I..." moment and never even knew it. And cannot even recall it now.

When was the last time I sat up in the middle of the night with my tween and rocked him to sleep after a bottle? Did I stay alert and stare into his eyes, memorizing the way he looked in that moment? Did I caress his baby cheek and love how soft and smooth it was? Or was I too tired and rushed the moment praying he would fall asleep quickly? After I rocked him to sleep and placed him in his crib, did any bit of nostalgia hit me? Probably not because I had no idea that would be our last middle of the night date with just the two of us, the rocking chair and soft music.

I thought I would never forget the last time I changed my last diaper of one of my children, but I have. With my daughter being the end of the diaper line in our family, you would think there would have been a parade to celebrate, but there wasn't. I wiped, changed and sent her on her way like I had done with my children thousands (or it feels like millions) of times before. That day she took off her diaper, went into her drawer for "big girl" underwear and we never went back to diapers again. I never knew it would be the last diaper I would change of one of my own children. Another last forgotten.

Continue reading "Do you remember the last time you did it?" »

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I’m not always a good sleeper. Actually, I am a great sleeper when I can actually get to sleep. It is the getting there that I struggle with the most. More nights than I care to recall have been spent watching the clock. Minutes slowly changing into hours until I am convinced my clock must be broken for time to be moving so slowly. Surely, sixty seconds cannot last that long.

So I lay there and toss and turn unable to get comfortable. I kick off the covers for about five minutes until my feet get cold then I pull them back up and try to snuggle into them only to repeat the process moments later.

Tonight as I tossed and turned and kicked at the covers and sighed at the obviously broken clock, I realized I probably couldn’t sleep because I was so overdressed. I had not taken off my many outfits from the day. You know the ones we as women wear that overlap in so many layers that we become a fashion “Don’t.� One outfit on top of the other which layers on top of even more because in one day we need each ot them all at one time or another. Therefore, we have to wear each of them. Sometimes at the same time. Every day.

The play clothes of the mommy that have a smell somewhere between Play Dough and spit-up. The outfit that most certainly has finger paint stains left behind from the loving hands of one of our children.

The business suit we don complete with strangling pantyhose and high heeled shoes that are meant to merely torture us. The uniform we wear when we must dress for success to be seen as the competent and confident business women we must become from nine to five.

The outfit of the friend who hangs out with you and laughs with you over a cup of coffee or just shares the latest news in her life. Those comfortable sweats we throw on that say “I am here for you, so be free to be yourself.� . This outfit says it is okay to cry on my shoulder or laugh until we wet our pants.

And we shouldn’t forget the professional yet reassuring outfit of the local psychologist that we play to our family, friends and that woman in the grocery store who actually thought about buying the gossip magazine that claims Aliens have Elvis living among them.

Then there is the lingerie for the sex kitten we once remember being for our spouses so long ago. Sometimes-- to be perfectly honest with you-- that “outfit� doesn’t come out of the back of the dresser drawer for days or even weeks at a time. That is just as well, though. Naked serves the same purpose and is more comfortable.

Oh, and of course we must not forget the casual Capri’s and button down shirt that says “Put together Mom who volunteers at the school and could not possible make a mistake in the raising of her children.� (Complete with sensible, yet fashionable shoes.)

Then –much to my exhaustion-- there is the maid uniform. It’s nothing sexy or worth fantasizing about. It smells like bleach and pine. It has many pockets usually stuffed with cleaning supplies or a stray Lego or Matchbox car. It is the ugliest outfit of them all, but the one we put on every day more times than I want to count.

Continue reading "Too many outfits, not enough sleep" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Have you ever heard or read something and thought, "I wish I had said that! That is so what I have been trying to say!"? I have recently been reading...actually devouring... Arianna Huffington's book On Becoming Fearless. In one of the first chapters she quotes actress Rosanna Arquette in what I think is one of the most brilliant statements I have read in a while. After reaching out to other during the process of producing a film called Searching for Debra Winger, she states (and here is where it gets good):

"It set me on my path to stay positive...to connect with other women, my tribe. We have to cut out competition, because we are all on the same path of fearlessness, to be truly who we are, and this is our birthright! It's time we support and love each other in what we want to do in life so we can look at each other and know we are safe. Let's celebrate each other's individuality, blessings--and cellulite."

Yes! Exactly! Now, in the book she was being quoted in a chapter on Fear About the Body, but is that not exactly what we all would love to happen. Especially with people shoving the Mommy Wars down our throat?

Continue reading "Ladies, welcome to your tribe" »

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I cannot even begin to tell you about the amazing things that blogging has brought my way. Friends. Life lessons. Support. Encouragement. Jobs. Agents. Old college roommates. The list goes on and on. The doors that have been opened to me by being a mommy blogger have astounded me. I have been given opportunities that I never would have dreamed of a few years ago. One of the greatest doors that has been opened is this site and the women I have met through it.

Mommybloggers.com has been so blessed to have been able to interview many amazing women. Each of them with stories to tell. Each of them sharing some things in common, yet enough variation that we all learn from each other. The time may never come when we all meet face to face and drink coffee as we share our stories of motherhood. But through this site, in a way, we have been able to do just that through the cyber world.

If you are new to the site, I recommend you read through our guests and their interviews and essays. They each have had amazing things to say. Each of them inspirational, encouraging and beautiful.

Here are just a few of the faces of mommybloggers. We are diverse. We are powerful. And we are a community that can give not only to each other, but to the world.

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This week's interview is going to start a bit differently than most. Before we get into our "hard hitting, ground breaking" questions, we wanted to hand the blog over to one person who has known her the longest and has a very special relationship with our good friend, Kelly. So, without further ado from us, in the words of her very own daughter, here is Mallory telling us more about her amazing Mom.

"Kelly, Mocha, Mrs. W" to her friends and her students, "Mommy" to only 3 very special, and all alliteral M-named, kids. Sharing my mother has never been easy for me; seeing her be changed from my mommy to a wife was a hard change and then you add on two more to the family, plus a dog, a mortgage, hundreds of students, masters' classes and a handful of ever-expanding friends and a lot of "Mommy" time is gone. But we have a secret, my mother and I do. Mom comes home almost religiously every day to a nap. Once some time has set in, where she's rather groggy and half-way to her REM sleep, I sneak into the room, very carefully arrange a pillow, and silently lisen to mom sleep. Those times are some of the most memorable, most connective moments that I've ever had with her. Sure, we are great with exchanging words, whether in laughter or in anger as we both have a great pair of lungs, but being able to connect on a level most people will never know with a woman most people will never forget is something I'll never lose sight of. A great momala, a fantastic teacher, an understanding friend, and one hell of a blogger, my mother couldn't be replaced by anyone and I am proud to be her daughter.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.- Maya Angelou

And that's my mom.

Mallory Lynnae

We could so end this right here because that says more about Kelly than any interview we could do. However, we did put her through the work of answering questions, so now we will here from Kelly herself.

--------

Mommybloggers: One of the reasons we love your blog so much is because you have the ability to make us wipe tears of laughter away one minute and tears of empathy the next. You are an amazing writer and we appreciate you doing this interview with us. Ready? We'll start small. Feel free to be as honest as you need to be about this. What do you think of the fact that they are no longer considering Pluto a planet?

Kelly: Seriously, I’m a little concerned. First, we have Mickey Mouse who owns a dog. I mean, really. A mouse who owns a dog? And then the dog doesn’t even talk, but the mouse does? That reminds me…what’s up with Goofy? What is he? Is it a he? Oh, pardon me. My kids just told me you were talking about the planets. I was all confused. That’s easily done.

Mommybloggers: You became a Mom a month after you turned 15. Obviously it impacted everything about your life. But the fact that you stood strong and made yourself the best Mom you can be and the best person you can be is an amazing testament to who you are. (I mean, you were crowned Homecoming Queen when she was just 2 years old.) How do you feel being a teen Mom impacts your relationship with your daughter as she was growing up and now that she is older?

Kelly: The fact that we grew up together isn’t at all lost on me. I made no pretenses about the fact that I did NOT know what the hell I was doing and was parenting by the seat of my pants. Of course, now I realize that every mother does that. It taught me a lot of humility and made me somehow more ‘real’ to her as a person, not just a mom. The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to have fun being a mother and my kids have a great sense of humor. This house is full of laughter.

Mommybloggers: How do you feel it affected your relationship with your sons when they were born since you had both age and experience under your maternal belt?

Kelly: I still realized that I knew nothing, but I was smart enough to know that these were entirely different beings so it was as if I had to start all over again. And then again with my last son, too. There are days when I look at all of them and wonder, “Who are these creatures I’ve created and cared for? Why am I so lucky with them?� Then, I ram my head into a hard cabinet until that feeling goes away and I remember just how difficult this mothering thing is.

Mommybloggers: We have to tell you that we have great admiration and respect for you. A single mom at 15, you graduated respected among your peers, went to college, met an amazing man and are a successful, happy woman currently going for her Masters. Where do you think that inner strength you have comes from?

Kelly: I am the most stubborn and irritating kind of person. Normally, it’s a bad quality, but I used my powers for good. Yoda would have been proud of how I used the Force. In truth, I only went to college because everyone said I’d be a failure and end up on welfare. Nothing made me happier than proving them wrong. Also, I come from good German stock.

Mommybloggers: With all that you have been through in your life, what do you see has been your biggest challenge or hurdle in life?

Kelly: I have had a hard time forgiving Richard Cranium. It’s not that I don’t want to, because this is an awful burden to carry around, but I want to do it for Mallory and for myself. He’s just so damn stupid. It’s hard to forgive the stupid.

Mommybloggers: You are quoted as saying: "I didn't get caught up in the mommyblogger-vs.-everyone-else-drama because let's face it: I have enough drama to deal with in my real life that I don't need to take on virtual ones." If you could just make one statement that would shut up this controversy, what would it be?

Kelly: Women need to stop being so hard on other women.

Mommybloggers: Is there anything you won't write about on your blog? Anything off limits or not "for blog consideration"?

Kelly: For the most part, I don’t talk about things that my children experience because those are for them. They don’t live to provide me with blog fodder, but I want them live in such a way as not to fear reading about it on the internet or that I’m writing it down instantly. I’ve kept journals for years and years and those are for them. I also stay away from religion and politics. That is for when I’ve had a few beers and can wrestle you if I can’t win the argument. Since my children can all read (and occasionally read my blog) I try not to talk about sex. When I do, I warn them just to see their faces screw up and hear them say, “Eeeeewwww, Mommmmm.�

Mommybloggers: Describe yourself in 7 words that would have our readers able to walk away feeling as if they know who you are.

Kelly: Verbose, determined, funny, intuitive, compassionate, fragile, open-minded (do you know how hard it is for a verbose person to limit it to seven words?)

Mommybloggers : Tell us a secret that no one knows.

Kelly: On the day that the newest The Gilmore Girls DVD comes out I go to Best Buy as soon as they open so I can buy it. I have taken a morning off of work for this.

Mommybloggers: Okay, it has to be brought up. There was a little rumor about a bit of a cat fight between you and "another blogger" over the whole mocha momma vs. javadiva thing and a challenged was issued to see who can out coffee the other. Care to confirm or deny this?

Kelly: I can only say this: my espresso intake has quadrupled since this “challenge� was issued and I believe I experienced a small stroke this afternoon. Also, I think I may have said something like, “I can drink you under the table in all things caffeinated!� Let’s just say I’m in training, ok?

Mommybloggers: Your daughter just got inked with the most awesome tat ever. (The back story on that can be found here on Kelly's blog.) What was your initial reaction when you saw it?

Kelly: My very first reaction was tears because I was so touched by the thought. I immediately bent down and kissed her foot.

Mommybloggers: And because you are so cool, you, too are inked. Care to share with us what and where it is?

Kelly: I have an ankh on my right shoulder blade. It’s an ancient Egyptian symbol meaning “life, soul�.

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (*With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1.What is your favorite parent related word?

Cuddle

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Wipe

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

Nucking futs. They gasp when I say it anyway.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

I hide in the cleaning supplies closet. No one EVER looks in there but me.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

In bed with Jayne (my laptop, for those who don’t know I name inanimate objects) watching a DVD. Everyone comes in bed and tries to crowd around a 15� screen until I end up taking it out and moving the DVD to the family room tv.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

I think you’ve got something there with that Allen Series. How about a paid sabbatical from teaching to finish writing that book?

We have loved the chance to get to know Kelly better and hope you have too. Be sure to come back tomorrow when we turn Mommybloggers.com over to Kelly as she shares one of her own essays with you.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

Today we are so excited to feature our good friend, Kelly also known among the Internet as Mocha Momma. When we first started reading Kelly's blog, her strength of character and her humor caused us to immediately develop little blog crushes. After meeting her in July, we realized that the level of blog crush was inadequate when it comes to this incredible woman. She is not only smart and funny, she is a woman of strength, character and hilarious stories of life and motherhood. As much as we love her, we would rather you read praise from her fans. They are the ones who want to tell you more about Kelly.

Karen Rani of Troll-Baby sent us praise for Kelly the moment we casually mentioned the amazing Mocha Momma was going to be featured. This fan couldn't even wait to be contacted! When it comes to Kelly, she gushed (and proposed):

Kelly is always interesting, always fun, and can often make me laugh out loud, or tear up. Her daughter's recent move had me crying. Kelly has this way of taking my cold, black heart and twisting it into a pink puffy one. I was lucky enough to meet Kelly at BlogHer and party in her very cool hotel room. She has a way of making the people around her feel important and loved. If anything ever happens to Daren, I am SO MARRYING KELLY. Congrats on your Mommybloggers interview Kelly! Love Karen xo

Heather B. of No Pasa Nada had an amazing gem of praise for our fantastic Kelly as she pontificated on Kelly's awesomeness:

The first time I met the lovely Kelly, we were poolside in San Jose when she called me a 'zygote' in reference to my age. Most people would be put off by such a thing. I smiled and the next day attempted to read as much of her archives as possible. Not only is she absolutely stunning on the outside but as I've learned, she's a beautiful and thoughtful person on the inside as well. Now I want to wrap my arms around her and hug her every time I read something she's written. She's just that freaking awesome.

Sarah of the great blog Sarah and the Goon Squad kept it simple and sweet as to why she adores Kelly when she shared this with us:

Kelly is as cool in real life as she is online. She is such a real person. I aspire to have the same kind of relationship with my daughter that she has with Mallory.

Belinda of Ninja Poodles was more than eager to express her love and support of Kelly with prasie that was unabashed and sincere with honesty that makes you understand why Kelly is so adored:

While I love and support Kelly's blog and its overt fabulosity, even from way back when I was cussing MySpace every time I tried to leave a comment, the things I admire most about her are things that may not be immediately evident from reading MochaMomma. Kelly is real, and she cares, maybe to a fault, about everyone whose life touches hers, and very very many who she will never even meet. She is charming and outgoing, and pours on the schmooze and the flirt, but get her in a one-on-one situation just once, and your wwill quickly learn that Kelly is living proof that it's not ONLY "still" waters that run deep. That's Kelly to me: a deep, powerful, fast-moving, noise-making, life-affirming river. Give her enough time, and she'll carve a Grand Canyon of compassion...with or without anyone's help.

Izzymom gave her adoration of Kelly straight up and honestly. Simply put:

Kelly is a very warm and beautiful lady, inside and out. She deserves to be recognized an outstanding member of the blogworld!

Liz of Mom-101 had the funniest praise we have received for an interviewee before and must be included:

Kelly is smart, she is soulful, she is funny, she is kind, she is wise. The only thing I don't adore about her are her eyes, because they're just the kind of eyes that your college boyfriend lay in bed dreaming about instead of your own. The bastard.

We could keep these praises going for a while seeing as our inbox is still getting the praises for our good friend, Kelly. However, we would rather save the space for you to be able to read the incredible interview we have coming up with her later today.

So, be sure to come back later on this afternoon to grab a cup of mocha java mocha and enjoy a fantastic interview with a wonderful woman, Kelly of Mocha Momma.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Today is the first day I have had all 3 of my children in school. All. Day. For 14 years, I have been a stay at home mom. There has always been a child home with me. Today, they are all in school. From kindergarten to 7th grade. I managed drop off rather well. Until I got to the car. Then I began to sob. In all the brilliance of a teen, my son looked at me and said, "You are just crying because now you have to work all day." (Wonder where he got that smartass attitude?)

So now, I suppose my "official" title is a work at home mom. Does that label matter? Well, yes. And no. Can you tell I am having a bit of an identity crisis? I am a writer. I have a book. I have online sites that I am getting paid for. That is now my job. A work at home mom.

Can I just tell you how uncomfortable that title change makes me feel. How do you go from a job you have had for 14 years to one that signifies so many other things? You know that people will ask, "What do you do?"

I stammer and stumble and mumble something like, "Oh, I write online and stuff." Which usually gets the response, "And you get paid to do that? That is a job?" Well, yes.

How long does it take to "fit" into that new title? How long will it be before I can answer without sounding apologetic or defensive that I am indeed a WORK at home mom? Have I graduated to the "big girl" league of working women? Or have I lost the one job I have always loved and been good at?

Demoted or promoted?

Continue reading "Have I been demoted or promoted?" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

When did you start blogging and why?

I started my blog Mommy Needs Coffee in July of 2003. I would love to have some brilliantly inspirational reason that began me down this path, but the truth is, people in my real life got tired of me always talking and talking and sharing stories that were--face it--all about me. What better way to handle that than to start a blog where I can talk about whatever I wanted to. Of course, as a Mom, the obvious choice was to call out my children. Oh sure, I claim it is to keep a record of their childhood. And it is. But mainly, I love to write. I love to talk. This fit the bill!

Then I was hooked. Together with Jenny and Meghan we started Mommybloggers after the amazing Mommyblogging panel at BlogHer '05. That panel showed us the good and the bad that people felt about Mommybloggers, so we ran with it and have shown people that it is pretty darn good to be considered a Mommyblogger. I am proud to be a big part of that! From there I went professional with my ClubMom blog Hip Mom and Trendy Tweens. But could I stop? Nooooo! (Remember? I like to talk/write!) Recently launched--go look-- is my newest venue in Mommyblogging. Mommyblogging meets Gaming with Aggroqueen. (Lord help us all!) Seriously. All about me and the TALKING!

How do you use blogging to build friendships?

I am as open as I can be. I comment. I email. I send money. (Okay, not money, but promises of money!) I have said it before and I will repeat it...if I adore you, I adore you with all of my heart. Anyone I haven't met yet is just a friend waiting to become a better friend!

How would you describe your writing style?

Like a child racing towards an ice cream truck. Free, happy with no hold barred just doing what he does best...running with not a care in the world. Perhaps it would better be called free style. But I like being the kid with arms flailing and legs pumping wildly.

How do you feel about meeting bloggers in real life? Are you nervous? Will you have great expectations? What do you home to take away from the BlogHer experience?

CANNOT WAIT! I love meeting new people. I love reconnecting with old friends. I love to TALK and share and get to know everyone I can. Make me laugh and we are friends for life. I want to take more real friends home from BlogHer. (Better look into a bigger suitcase.)

Have you written anything controversial?

The closest I came was writing honestly that motherhood is hard and some days I just don't want to be a Mom. I got flamed by one woman. She is probably highly sedated by now seeing as her children were never a bother before they are probably in prison now. Otherwise, I leave the controversy to those better suited to it--and who want to go that way.

Are you and your blogging persona the same person?

Honey, as scary as it is, what you see is what you get. Wait! Where are you going? I don't bite (that hard)!

If you had a super power, what would it be?

Turn water into coffee. Then wine. But first coffee.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The hardest part of motherhood for me--excluding the physical toll on my body-- is the emotional weight being a parent carries with it. Whenever my kids hurt, I hurt. Suddenly, my heart needs to have the capacity to hurt and rejoice for not only my own life, but for the lives of each of my children. As much as I have tried to tell myself that they have to live their own lives and own their own hurts, I can't help but hurt with them when something goes wrong. By the same token, I also have the ability to love in capacities I never knew existed before having children. With each child I wondered how I could ever love another child as much as the next. Then when child number two was born I realized the ability for my heart to love expanded beyond anything I had known. After 5 years of just having two children, I knew that my heart could not possibly be able to expand even more to fully love a third child. Yet, my heart fooled me and expanded to fill with unlimited amounts of devotion and love once again.

But the hardest part of motherhood for me has been knowing when to let my children own their own hurt and when to try to protect them. I learned this lesson the hard way. It was a complete trial by fire when my own Mom became sick and then later passed away. I wanted to do everything to keep them from the intense pain of that loss. I didn't want their safe world to no longer feel safe. But honesty had to win out. And then, though my heart was broken, I found a way to take on as much as their pain as I could. I reassured as much as I could. I gave them as much comfort as I had within me. And it was hard. I was empty and yet I had to find a way to give support and love and comfort to my children.

We got through it. In the 6 months since my mother passed away, we have found ourselves in a new groove and it is working.

And then another phone call came that again has rocked our world.

And I am torn. Torn between being totally upfront. Torn between half truths or full disclosure. Torn between letting them in on scary realities or soft spoken reassurances. Again, my heart has to find a new way around possbile life changing events. Frankly, I don't know how to do it. I immediately called one of my closest friends and did the initial freaking out. I cried, "I just got my feet back on solid ground only to find out it might be ice!"

What do you do as the emotional support to so many when you feel your own stability slipping from your grip? I don't really have the answer, but I can say that I am holding on tight and praying that I know what to say, what to do and how to handle it in the best possible way.

The hardest part of becoming a mother for me has been the emotional part that is required and that we are blessed with as parents. A heart meant for one that has become a heart that feels for four. It has been the most challenging yet rewarding parts of motherhood. And yet, I still struggle with it. Daily. Especially when I feel the ground beneath me rumble once again.

What about you? What has been the hardest part of motherhood for you?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

When first meeting someone, what is the first thing they say to you? (Unless of course your fly is undone or you have a trail of toilet paper stuck to your shoe!) Usually they say something along the lines of "Tell me about yourself."

Quick. Don't think. Answer that. Tell me who you are.

I could answer that in my sleep. Me? Oh, I am a wife of 16 years to Clint and have been a homemaker and stay-at-home to my three kids for 13 years.

Bam! Four labels in one sentence. And I am the one who answered.

1) Wife
2) Homemaker
3) Mom
4) Stay at home mom (non-career woman)

What do you know about me that you wouldn't know about a thousand other women? Nothing. Now what if I said, "Tell me about yourself and don't use labels but descriptive words."

I could answer: "I am a passionate person who throws herself into things she believes in and can be a bit obsessive about it, but that comes with the passion! I love being a writer and being with my children and husband."

Have you learned more about me? Do you feel you know me better? And no labels!

This time you learned I am:

1) A writer
2) A wife
3) A mom
4) Passionate
5) Can be obsessive
6) Happy with my family

Which answer do you prefer? Which type of answer would you prefer people give to you when you ask to tell you about themselves? What happens when our "labels" change and we find it awkward to use them to describe ourselves? Should it really be that hard to describe ourselves to others?

Take for instance my initial answer. I am technically a work at home mother. If you add up the total time I spend on the blogs I am paid to write and the total time I spend on the other blogs that are also bringing in an income, plus other writing gigs I have that are paid, they all average out to be about five 8-hour days a week. That is a full time job. At home. So, technically, I am a woman who works full time at home. I am also a mom who is at home with her 3 children. Hmmm, stay at home mom? Work at home mom? Oh the horror of not knowing the CORRECT LABEL!

I for one would love to meet people and have them tell me WHO they are not the LABEL that has been slapped on their forehead by either others or themselves. So tell me. Tell me here or tell me on you blog and link back to this post so that we can REALLY meet you.

Because honestly, I want to get to know you. Not a label maker.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 9:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBacks (0)

I've learned a lot about motherhood in the past year. It seems as if I have mothering from prior to when my Mom got sick and mothering after. Trust me on this one. It changed. It had to. My eyes were opened to so many things that-- like it or not-- I cannot protect, fix or change for my children. Big things happen in their lives that as their mother, I am helpless to shield them from. Life changing things.

You see your family going down a road. You think you know where it is going. Everything fits as it should and everyone has their niche. I will admit, while we were no Leave it to Beaver family, we had a good groove going. Then the unthinkable happened.

Mom got sick. So sick that suddenly I became torn between the intense and primal need to be with my Mom and the instinctual need to take care of my children. As my mother became sicker, the need to be with her began to over shadow my instincts to protect my children. To be there for every little thing. Sadly, I must admit, I was not much of a mother to them in the 6 months that my mother was in such critical condition. I knew more about the lives and the comings and goings of her ICU nurses than I did my own children. Those times I made it back to my own home, I was confused as to the simpliest things such as "what exactly are our local radio stations and tv channels?" Everything was upside down and inside out. Home was now where ever my Mom was. The house was where my kids and husband were. And trust me, there were many times I would wake up so very confused as to where I was that morning.

That to say, I wasn't the most attentive of mothers. Things slipped by me unnoticed. My children suffered in ways I never saw. School events that would have seen me there every time came and went without my being there. Whether I was in Houston with Mom or at home trying to sleep or catch up on life, I just wasn't where I would have normally been. Involved with my children.

The last day of school I clung to my younger son's teacher and wept. I thanked her. Surely I never would have been able to make it through the year without her help.

When Mom died, a part of me did as well. I was in a fog. Lost. Unable to figure out who I was. Being a mother felt so hard and so time consuming and so HARD! I didn't have the desire to be the Mom. All I wanted was to be the kid again. With my own Mom still alive. Needless to say, there has not been anyone knocking on my door offering me my Mother Of The Year Award.

And slowly, I am learning to forgive myself.

In the last couple of weeks I finally saw through my fog and was able to see the wreckage that was all around me. And I realized that now is not the time for super mom. Now is not the time to feel guilty for the time I had not spent with my kids. Now was certainly not the time to wonder where I could've made things better for them. Now is the time to let go of trying to be the perfect parent and just hold on as tight as I can to be the good-enough Mom. Being an available Mom.

I am starting to see the effects the past year has had on my children. One of them is having super intense anxiety issues. Intense as in life threatening. One is acting out with an attitude that makes Simon Cowell on a bad day look like Mary Poppins at her sugary best. An attitude that I know is covering up pain and insecurity. And finally, one who is regressing and wants no one but her mommy all day, every day.

I see irrational fears. I see acting out for attention. I have seen the worst that stress and anguish can do to a person. And I have seen it in my babies. That hurts. Knowing that perhaps I might've made things different is a question I am forced to push aside on a daily basis as it taunts me.

We are picking up the pieces. We are out of school and praying for a summer that is relaxing and one that can heal us. I am doing all I can to be the Mom they have missed the passed year while still trying to heal myself. But I have learned. Oh, how I have learned.

1- You cannot shield your children from the harshest realities of life. One day, death will touch them and sting their souls. The best you can hope for is that you are there to help heal the wounds.

2- You cannot always make it better. Sometimes, it just sucks. Period.

3- There is no right or wrong way to parent. There is just one way. The way that works best for you and your kids.

4- Moms are human. (I am still working on letting myself be okay with that.) Moms hurt. Moms grieve. Moms can cry at night, scared of the dark because of the images that loom in the night.

5- Kids are stronger than you may give them credit for....

6- Kids need to know it is okay to be weaker than they may think you expect them to be.

7- Sometimes, you just have to navigate the toughest of waters in motherhood without a map. This is where you have to learn to trust YOUR instinct. Your gut. And your intuition.

8- Finally, it is okay to screw up. Did you hear that, Moms? It is OKAY to screw up now and then. Do you know what that makes us? Human. Get used to it.

Face, it Moms, we don't really have the answers. And let me bust this myth right out of the water as well: Neither do the "experts" because in the case of Motherhood, you really do know best.

So, if you ask me, the best we can all hope for is to get through this the best we can and help each other along the way. Then, and only then, will we be able to do this mothering more successfully and with less guilt. Just doing the best we can.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 11:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

With Mother's Day coming up this weekend, we have a something special going on this weekend for you lovely readers. So, today I am giving you early Mother's Day wishes. (Now, if you are just now remembering it is Mother's Day here in American this Sunday, I am doing you a favor by giving you time to do something special for a Mother you love.)

Here are my Mother's Day wishes for you:

For those of you who are Moms, I wish you a happy day. I hope you get the adoration you deserve. The solitude you probably crave. The love returned that you so selflessly give to your family.

For those of you who are not yet Moms but hope to be, I wish you luck in your quest to become a Mom. I hope you get that baby you so desperately want. The sleep you will so desperately need. The fertility you are probably praying for.

For those of you who are not Moms and cannot become Moms, I wish you peace. I hope that you have happiness and joy that you cannot even imagine. Laughter that fills the room. Love that will fill your hearts to overflowing.

For those of you who are not Moms and do not want to be Moms, I wish you nights filled with fun and sleep. Friends that are more like family. Fun times that keep you sane. Love that keeps you happy.

For those of you who love a Mom, I wish you understanding in how much she does for you. Compassion in your heart for her when she is worn out. Gratitude for the little things she does that you probably don’t even think twice about.

For those of you who are Moms, but have lost your own Mom, you have a special place in my heart this year as it will be my first year without my own Mom. I wish you peace to get through the day with as few tears as possible. Memories to make you smile. And love from family, friends and children to help you get through this day.

Mostly, I wish all of you women a Happy Mother’s Day. Whether you are a Mom or not, I guarantee there is at least one woman in your life who is like a Mom to you. If not, maybe you are that woman to someone else.

Go tell a Mom you love her. Show her now. You just never know who needs to hear it this year.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Mommybloggers: Your blog is named Wonder Mom. It conjures up images of a Mom with a big red cape with WM on it flying valiantly behind her as she has a toddler on one hip and the car keys in the other with the power of more than 100 PTA presidents. Are we close? So how did you come up with the title Wonder Mom?

Kris: Yes, you're close. But forget the cape and add a Golden Lasso of Truth along with super vision and hearing -- all of which come in handy with kids, as you can guess. Sometimes I wear the golden braziere and tiara, too, depending on my mood. All I'm missing is an invisible airplane so I can high-tail it out of here once in a while. Just an hour to myself, that's all I need!

In summer 2004, when my boys were four and two, I read Dooce obsessively (didn't everyone?). One day she visited Mighty Girl, and I thought the superhero concept applied nicely to motherhood. So when I found myself at the "create blog" prompt at Blogger, "Wonder Mom" sprang to mind.

I like "wonder" because it implies more than just having super powers. For me it bring up that sense of awe we all feel when we look at our kids, and that sense of uncertainty. Half the time as a mom, I wonder if my kids will turn out OK. I wonder what the heck I'm doing. I wonder what I can pull out my hat for dinner. It's the most seat-of-the-pants thing I've ever done. So, when I chose Wonder Mom, it was a nod to all the superpowers that motherhood requires, but also to the fact that, as a mom, I don't know everything. The quote on my site, "All wonder is the effect of novelty on ignorance," sums it up pretty well.

Mommybloggers: You've mentioned you were the world's worst telemarketer. How so?

Kris: Let's see, I used to hang up on people when they answered so I wouldn't have to say the same sorry spiel for the 743rd time that night. That's pretty bad, right? I worked for a frozen meat company, and I don't think it's a coincidence that I experimented with veganism soon after I left that job. In three months I made one sale, if that. Seriously. They tried to make me a supervisor just to get me off the phone.

Mommybloggers: So about the fact that you enjoyed working in editing. Ummm, does that mean you are going to edit this interview and sent it back corrected and publishable? Because I am pretty sure you will have a big job ahead of you if you try.

Kris: I wouldn't dream of tinkering with a master Mommyblogger's prose! Well, I did make one little change, but I changed it back.

Mommybloggers: Rumor has it you had a massive crush on Scott Baio and then betrayed the Baio for Michael Jackson. Would this fall under one your early life regrets now?

Kris: I don't regret dissing Scott, at all. But Michael? I just feel dirty.

Mommybloggers: You used hypno-birthing for your babies. Explain to our readers what that is and why you chose to use that method when delivering your children.

Kris: Childbirth scared the hell out of me. I always said I'd sue my OB if I didn't remain numb from the chest down throughout the entire ordeal. When I got pregnant, my friend recorded an episode of Dateline about women using hypnosis to have pain-free births. I was so impressed, I would have flown to Florida to see the doctor they featured! But luckily, Marie Mongon, the founder of Hypnobirthing, is located about an hour from me, in New Hampshire. So, I found a local class.

I chose hypnobirthing because it talked about a comfortable birth experience where the mom could be in control at all times. Hypnobirthing classes remind women that our bodies are designed to give birth, that women have been doing so for thousands of years, and the concept of horrificand painful childbirth is one part history and another part cultural stigma. The idea is that women experience heightened pain in childbirth in part because of fear and stress. As the contractions intensify, stress levels go up, muscles tighten, and pain increases in a vicious cycle. In hypnobirthing, instead of getting scared, you relax more deeply as the contractions get stronger.

My births weren't all pain-free bliss, but they were awesome. I'd like to see a version of Hypnobirthing replace the childbirth classes found in most hospitals today. Even for women who plan to get an epidural or C-section, the relaxation techniques can help so much.

Mommybloggers: You mentioned that you have suffered from low self-esteem off and on, but that pretty much resolved itself after you had children because you were "too tired to care." Can we just give you a huge high 5 at that statement! As a mom to 3 young children, does low self esteem even enter into the equation anymore?

Kris: Well, not in the same way. Whereas before kids I wondered if I was interesting or funny enough to hang with certain people, now I worry that they will see the snot on my shirt or be able to tell I haven't washed my hair in four days.

I'd be lying to say that I'm ultra-confident now. I still have my insecurities. For example, when Mommybloggers asked to feature me, I was convinced it was all a mistake! Also, I think the self-doubt I've experienced as a mom is worse than any other kind. I mean, I'm creating humans here! Messing myself up is one thing, but what about hese helpless innocents? Who will protect them from my shortcomings?

On the other hand, though, motherhood has shown me how strong and resilient I can be. These kids! They are so relentless with their needs and their testing of my patience! But I can't throw my hands up, say "I suck at this," and walk away, because they need me, and because I love them. And because I'm pretty sure someone would call child protective services. My oldest son, Ben, has told me, "You're fired," several times. Perhaps he's channeling The Donald.

Mommybloggers: You are also a contributing writer at DotMoms. How long have you been writing there?

Kris: Since November 2004. Actually, I started Wonder Mom in hopes of impressing DotMoms founder and editor Julie Moos. I feel honored to be a part of that group.

Mommybloggers: You've written about having a major case of MomBrain. How is that going for you now?

Kris: I've since read that "mom brain" is a myth and that women become smarter when they become mothers. So perhaps I'm misinterpreting my absentmindedness and inability to think three related thoughts in a row as a weakness. Maybe it's really a strength. Or, maybe when Ava starts sleeping through the night things will improve. Or, maybe ... umm, what was the question again?

Mommybloggers: Tell us a secret. One thing your readers may not know about you.

Kris: My readers know quite a bit, now that I think about it. They know, for example, that I applied for one of those slick, payrolled mom-blogger positions over at ClubMom, but I didn't get hired. What they don't know, and I can announce it here, is that my network-savvy husband and I have hatched a diabolical plan to redirect all ClubMom blogs to Wonder Mom. Mwahahahhaa! ClubMom blogdom will be mine!

Mommybloggers: What is your favorite part about blogging?

Kris: Making connections with so many people, knowing I'm not alone in this sometimes isolating SAHM gig, having readers respond to what I write, and having the oddball business opportunity or freebie thrown my way. I have to say, though, being featured on Mommybloggers is the highlight to date!

Mommybloggers: We ask this of the moms we interview: What do you think of the term "mommybloggers"?

Kris: I knew the moment I typed in "Wonder Mom" that I would write mostly about motherhood, so I have nothing against being in that group. In college, I remember reading Living Out Loud by Anna Quindlin and thinking, "Once I have kids, I'll have sooo much to write about." And I do. Kids provide endless fodder, most of it hilarious and poignant and heartwrenchingly representative of the human condition. It's no wonder moms find they have so much to say.

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

It's a toss-up between "hugs" and "good-night!"

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Stomach flu. I tried to think of something more original, but so far, nothing strikes fear in my heart quite like a barfing toddler.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

I don't have any, although I should probably come up with some. Now and then I'll say "poop," but only because it makes the boys fall down laughing, which gives me the opening to escape to ...

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

... the storage room in the basement. It has a deadbolt and a door to the back yard, if necessary.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The bathroom. They damned near knock the door down.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features all of our featured Mommybloggers?

"You've heard me say that mothers have the hardest job on the planet. [applause] The hardest job! [applause] So today, everyone in the audience is a mom, and today, EVERYONE WILL GO HOME WITH ALL OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!!!!!!" [applause, fainting, screaming, applause] And, featured Mommybloggers, you each get a book deal!"

We hope you have enjoyed our chat with Kris. Be sure to check in with us tomorrow when we will feature an essay written by WonderMom, herself. In the meantime, to read more from Kris, visit her personal blog WonderMom.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I admit it. With all that has gone on in my life in the past 9 or so months, I have been less involved with my kids than I have been in the past. I am not as active in their schools, their hobbies and in general, their lives. Oh, sure, I ask how it is going. I check homework when they ask me to. I go to sporting events and cheer them on. But mentally, I have not been there in the ways they have been accustomed to prior to this school year. I suppose I have known that (how could I not), but I didn't see how much it was effecting them until recently.

We are entering the last few weeks of school and suddenly my oldest son's teachers are coming at me with "issues" that need to be addressed. What? Now? You come to me now? Where were you when you first noticed that my child was not meeting his full potential? Where were you when his work was not being turned in and you knew he was going to get Incompletes on his report card? Why are you waiting until there is so little time left? Of course, those are my initial questions. Then the deeper, harder questions arose that caused me to pummel myself.

How could I have not known that my son was struggling? Why have I not asked more questions about school and followed through? How could I not know that he has been struggling and not doing his work on time? Am I not talking to him enough? I boiled it all down to: I am failing my son.

On the other hand we have my younger son.

I have known he has been struggling this entire year. I have watched him and helplessly given what I can. But at times it is hard to pull from an empty well. I have been an empty well trying to fill everyone else up. But I thought it was just his emotions out of control. He fell behind in work. He missed school due to illness. He has been overly emotional. I chalked it up to "just who he is" and did not do much other than work with his teacher and watch all of us become more frustrated. Finally, at the suggestion of a friend who recognized the symptoms, agreed to get him tested for ADD/ADHD. After very intensive testing, the doctors agreed that he did indeed fall into the "Inattentive ADHD" category. We then went on to learn of all the things that I have seen as him not caring or areas where I felt he was dropping the ball were actually things he could not help.Things that were out of his control. Nevertheless, they were things that I have pushed him to do. Getting frustrated and telling him to FOCUS when he was focusing with all his power. Insisting that he could do things faster when in fact he could not. He has been struggling so much this year with emotional problems and now we find out that his brain is just wired differently. And with just a few weeks left, we just find out. I question myself again. I failed my son. Again.

Guilt.

Guilt.

Mommy Guilt.

I know that we all make mistakes. I know there is no such thing as a "perfect parent" and to try to become one is pointless. But, oh the guilt! I blame myself for not being there enough. Not listening enough. Not questioning enough. Just not being enough.

Television is big on advertising cures for everything from bad breath to heart disease. When will someone come up with a cure for Mommy Guilt?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (15) | TrackBacks (0)

As many of you know the three of us-- Jenn, Jenny and Meghan-- met up at BlogHer '05. The entire conference meant so much to each one of us. After talking about it, we decided we wanted to send a blogger to BlogHer '06 who otherwise might not be able to attend. Now is the time to let us know if you are interested in giving it a shot.

As part of our love and appreciation for BlogHer, we at Mommybloggers will be covering the registration costs of one lucky blogger for the BlogHer '06 conference on July 28th and 29th, 2006 at the Hyatt San Jose in San Jose, CA. Mommybloggers will be covering your cost of registration (we won’t, unfortunately, be able to cover travel expenses).

This is open to any blogger who wants to go to BlogHer '06. Not just mommybloggers. Anyone who really wants to be a part of BlogHer '06.

All entries need to be received by May 10th, 2006. The entire process is simple and shouldn't be too time consuming for a blogger. This is what we need from you:

Your name:

Your email address:

Your URL:

A brief (500 words or less) essay telling us why you want to go and/or what you hope to get out of the conference. This year's conference theme is "How is your blog changing your world?" You, of course, don't have to write about that, but it would be interesting to hear how your blog HAS changed your world. We are basing this on why you want to go not on why you cannot go. We just want to hear from you about why you want to be a part of BlogHer this year. Pretty easy, huh!

Send your entries to blogherscholarship@gmail.com

If you have any questions, feel free to comment or to email us at mommybloggers@gmail.com

Good luck! We are eager to give one of you the chance to have your conference fees paid for.

Continue reading "Send a Blogger to BlogHer" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I admit it. I am not the most conventional mom out there. Stories such as this and this will prove that if there is any doubt. I love my children more than anything in this world, but I have no problem messing with their minds every now and then. (Don’t judge. We all need our forms of entertainment!) But here is one for you where I can guarantee I am not alone.

My boys—especially on the weekends—are like little badgers or raccoons. I usually hit the bed earlier than they do on the weekend, so they have time to forage in our kitchen. I am never surprised when I wake up in the morning to see traces of my little badgers’ night-time scavenging for food in the kitchen. Wrappers here. Crumbs there. Tell tale signs of chocolate on their adorable (ahem) mouths. I know when they have found the mother-load by the lack of treats left the next morning. If they have taken the trash out, I don’t even want to know what they consumed.

So I had to resort to drastic measures.

Just last Saturday night I thought I was alone in the kitchen and reached for a box of Cheerios.

“Mom, can I have some of those?� asked my 12 year old.

“No. These are mine. You cannot have them. Go have some of that sugary cereal over there.�

“But I am in the mood for Cheerios, Mom.�

“Ummmm, well….you can’t have them.� I stammered. “Seriously, look at all of that sugary goodness in that pantry! Yummmm,� I said licking my lips and rubbing my stomach. "That should keep you wired all night. Besides, I don't eat that other stuff. You kids do."

"Yes you do! You totally do, Mom!�

"Well, tonight Mom wants and needs her Cheerios. Choose the sugary goodness, son, or nothing at all."

Confused, my son left the kitchen without a snack probably wondering why his mother was pushing sugar on him rather than a healthier alternative.

Let me let you in on a secret. That box no more had Cheerios in it than I am the Queen of the PTA. Stashed inside that box were my Girl Scout cookies. Thin Mints to be exact. AND a box in Pepperidge Farm Milanos. (Indulgence in a bag!)

Yes, I hide the good stuff in the healthy food boxes knowing there is no way my children would forage for such a healthy snack without the watchful eyes of Mom on them. In fact, that box of Oatmeal front and center on the second shelf? Nope. My favorite chips. The flour container? Please. As if I back from scratch. That has the bite size Snickers in it. But wait, let’s move to the freezer. Right there in plain site is the store brand ice cream. Whatever flavor they want. But see that bag of frozen vegetables? Totally not veggies. Ben & Jerry’s Everything But The… pint sized is stuffed in there. (This rocks until I go to cook dinner and really NEED vegetables. But I get over it fast when I realize I get Ben & Jerry’s after the kids go to bed during the week.)

And let me just tell you about the guilt.

There is none.

The way I see it, those little buggers will snag up anything they can get their hands on after hours when Mom is in bed or when Mom is out running errands.

I am considering moving the Thin Mints, though. He was too curious about my intense need for Cheerios. I am thinking a box of Shredded Wheat should do it. Neither one of them would go near that unless forced to or paid to do so.

So call me selfish or call me a hoarder, just don’t call me when I am reaching for the veggies, because chances are I will be hiding in my closet devouring their forbidden fruit!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

I have so many memories of being a little girl and doing things with my Mom when my older brother and sister were in school. We went to the library. We "did lunch." We went shopping. I had the sole privilege of being the last one home to enjoy Mom on a one on one basis.

Gabriella is in that position now. She is younger than her brothers by 5 and 7 years. In my mind I thought I had all the time in the world to enjoy these one on one times with her. But suddenly last week the elementary school had a huge sign on their marquee stating "Kindergarten Roundup and Packet Pick-up This Week". What? THIS week? It is way too soon. Where did the time go? What about all of the Mommy and Me classes I never signed us up for? What about all of the story-times we never went to? What about the lunches where we snuck off just the two of us and played grown up that haven't happened?

Somehow, the fact that she is going to be in kindergarten next year snuck up on me. And I am not enjoying the idea very much. I am suddenly very selfish of my time alone with her. I know that once school is out for the year, it will be all three kids home with me. No more one on one with just me and my baby girl.

Right now Gabrie goes to school 3 days a week. Of course, that is when I decide to send her. Take this past week for instance. My sister came to town and brought her children with her, so I kept Gabrie home with us. We all had so much fun! I admit I am very flexible with whether or not I make her go to school.

I have a confession to make. One that will make many moms gasp in horror and others shake their head not being able to begin to comprehend what I am saying. I would rather take her out of school for the rest of the year so that I can enjoy these last glorious months with her rather than send her to school when it is optional.

Is this my own selfish grief talking? Is it my own desire to try to recapture the time I had and miss with my own Mom? She likes school. I know she does. But I know our time is so short. Will I regret rushing her into a program where she is gone most of the school week when she doesn't have to be? I know it is selfish to want to keep her with me. Or is it?

As I said, I am still in such a state of grief that nothing makes sense. Decisions that should be a piece of cake baffle me because I am still in such a fog of grief. But the thought of her going off to kindergarten and the fact that I will never again have the chance to have those story-times and Mommy & Me classes and days alone with her, well, it breaks my heart.

Is this normal Last Child Syndrome? Is this grief? Is this just plain insanity? All I know is that the days when I keep her home and it is just the two of us, I enjoy it. Even when I don't.

Tell me what you think. I want to hear what you would do. I want to know how you see it. Because honestly, I haven't made a clear-thinking decision on my own in months. Moms? Talk to me.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 7:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

We've all been in the position. You're in your car. You forget that your windows are not actual shields from the outside world. You get lost in the realm of your own little reality.

And you begin to sing. Out loud. Very loudly.

Now, very few people can pull this off and look good doing it. Most of us look like we are just contorting our faces in time to the music. Others look as if they are escapees from Bellevue. Granted, there may be one or more people out there who can pull it off. (No, not you. Don't even think it could be you. You know better.)

So, here is my evening. I finally escaped the quarantine of my home to go get medicine. (Oh yeah, my big night out is filled with excitement and adventure.) I am scanning the radio stations. I am alone in the car (a rarity in itself), so I turn the volume up way high. (You know you do it, too. Don't judge me.)

Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you I had some really great song on or that I was listening to something that would not totally embarrass me. (Nope, no Toadies here. Nope.) I stopped at "You're So Vain". And started to sing.

Now, I don't care who you are, unless you are Carly Simon in concert, you're not going to look cool singing this song out loud at the top of your lungs. (No. Not even you.)

Yeah, you know where this is going.

So, I look over to the car beside me. They look back.

This is what they see: A worn out thirtysomething mom in her sweats with her hair pulled back, no make-up. Car seat in the back seat. PTA lanyard (complete with PTA badge attached to it) hanging from my rearview mirror. (No. I don't think that is cool. I am just such a scatter-brain, I forget to grab it when I go to the school. And they are very serious about you wearing your badge anytime you are in the school. It is to save myself trips home, people. I know it is dorkish and rather pathetic. We don't really need to discuss it, do we? I didn't think so.) You know it baby... they see the total embodiment of coolness. Oh, did I mention that my window was halfway down, too.

This is what I saw: Two studly twentysomething guys in their sports car staring back in wonderment and shock. (And maybe fear. I can't be sure. It was dark out and all.)

I have several options here.

I can pretend I wasn't singing and looking like all that. But, really, is that an option? We all know that I was busted.

I can laugh it off and shrug. Admitting I was caught in a most embarrassing situation. Roll up my window and pray to myself that the light changes very quickly.

Or I can do what a mom cooped up in a house too long with sick kids and who is not thinking clearly would do.

Oh yeah, I looked over at them. Winked. And said, "Hey baby. How you doin'?" In my best cheesy pick-up line way. Then gave then one of those completely pathetic, air-kisses.

I wish I had a picture of their faces. Was it fear? Was it shock? Was it dismay? I am not sure, but it was pretty damn funny!

I think they may have left skid marks on the pavement when the light changed green.

Me? I laughed so hard I almost couldn't drive!

I am all that!

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (35) | TrackBacks (1)

Just over a year ago while BlogHer '05 was being planned by the amazing trio of Lisa Stone, Jory Des Jardins, and Elisa Camahort, there were three strangers watching the planning and trying to make a decision to go. Each of us in different places in our blogging lives and our personal lives. Then an amazing thing happened. BlogHer announced it would be a conference where the attendees would be able to create their own sessions. Imagine that! The next thing I knew there was a Room of Your Own (ROYO, because that is much more fun to say!) about Mommyblogging. Mommyblogging? Who the hell would go to that? Oh sure, we may talk about our kids, but we are not mommybloggers. Didn't you see that article slamming us in the NYT? Did you not hear that our blogs were referred to as "an online shrine to parental self-absorption"? No thanks.

But the three of us, strangers at the time, thought it would be the perfect time and place to discuss that very issue. And so many more. Jenny, Meghan and I were unsure if anyone would show and if they did, would they be open or hostile about it? We pushed on and took that ROYO (still fun to say). And let me tell you, the people who came made it one of the breakout sessions of BlogHer '05. It was lively and engaging and thought provoking. (In fact, the topic and discussions about mommyblogging was such a hit because of the passion of the people who took part in the session and opened up about how they feel about mommyblogging, this year they are having a session on "Mommyblogging as a radical act" as one of the first sessions on day two! Check out this amazing panel who will be helping lead the discussion on Mommyblogging this year.)

Anyway, the conversations didn't stop after BlogHer. The term mommyblogger continued to be debated. The issue of our children's privacy continued to be debated. In short, the discussion continued. And thus a site was born and now you find yourself here at Mommybloggers where we continue to introduce you to new mommybloggers each week and let the discussion go on.

I shouldn't speak for Jenny and Meghan, but I will. BlogHer '05 had a huge impact on us. It changed us. Not only did it bring us together, it brought this site together and brought many women out of the woodwork as mommybloggers who, although many still shudder at the term, are proud to be mommybloggers. BlogHer made a difference to us.

I cannot imagine what would happen if I had not gone last year. Here is a quote I made shortly after returning from the conference last year:

As I write this, I struggle to find the right words. Words that let them know (and let you know) how much I appreciate them. I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I think of how I arrived a broken and rather shattered woman and left with a soul that had been healed. I needed to be there. I needed to meet every woman I met. They each gave me something I can hold onto forever. I found sisterhood, friendship and warmth in so many of them.

It wasn't just the panel. It wasn't just the sessions. It was the people I met that changed me. Jenny, Meghan and I have all talked about this. We know that there are women out there who read about BlogHer and want to be a part of it. Women who would go if they could, but they just cannot not swing the conference fee. I know there are more than a few women who were only able to go to BlogHer '05 because of the kindness of virtual strangers. People who saw how badly someone wanted to experience this but they just could not do it on their own, so they stepped up and donated to help out. That is part of the spirit of BlogHer. Getting women there who really want to be there.

We know that with the conference becoming a 2-day event and many more activities being added, it could place a blogger in a financial hardship to try to go. Which is why we here at Mommybloggers.com are going to sponsor a blogger to go to BlogHer '06. We are raising money to purchase a full 2-day pass for the conference. (As much as we would love to throw in airfare and hotels, we are new and we are limited and can just swing the conference. Unless of course you people go nuts with your donations and we are overloaded with money.)

If you will notice to the left we have a link to t-shirts we are selling. (That is only one design. We will rotate through them, but if you go to the shop, you can see them all.) All of the proceeds are going to the Mommbloggers Send a Blogger to BlogHer fund. In addition, both Jenny and I have BlogAds on our personal sites. All proceeds from those ads from now until BlogHer will be going to this fund as well. We are passionate about BlogHer and we do not want to see someone who wants to be there be forced to stay at home because they cannot afford the conference.

So, why don't you go on over to our shirt shop and pick yourself one to proudly flaunt. All the while knowing that you are helping another blogger (or maybe even yourself) be a part of the amazing BlogHer '06!

Continue reading "We want YOU to go to BlogHer '06!" »

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (22) | TrackBacks (0)

When I became a first time mom, I'll admit it, I devoured the parenting how-to books. I am pretty sure I had all of the most popular titles as well as quite a few of the lesser known as well. I read whenever I could. While I was pregnant, I went to Childbirth Education Classes and a How to Breastfeed Class every week for about 6 weeks. I surrounded myself with the tools and advice of the self-proclaimed experts. I wanted to make sure I did this "mothering" thing well. I looked to the experts and those who had gone before me to reassure me that I was capable of raising this little person without causing too much harm to his psyche. I bought the latest in nursery decorations that were sure to stimulate my baby's brain. I listened to classical music as I read to my baby in utero. I researched all of the "right" ways to burp, change and rock a baby. I was ready. I was armed with knowledge. I am mother hear me roar!

When I became pregnant with my second son, I bypassed the Childbirth Classes and the Breastfeeding Classes. I settled for a 1 hour seminar on sibling rivalry and how to best handle it. I was down to buying just two books that basically covered how to prepare your child for their new sibling. I think I got through the introduction and skimmed the rest before actually having my son. (Besides, who had time to read anymore? I had a 2 year old and a newborn to deal with. Read? I wish! I was just hoping to take a shower before they went off to kindergarten.) I didn't worry about how to burp, change or rock a baby this time around. I knew that he would burp when he needed to (usually in a crowded room when it was quiet) and changing diapers was not rocket science. As for rocking a baby? Please! Everyone knows that the very instant you sit down with a drowsy or sleeping baby, they will wake up with a start as if you laid them down on a bed of nails. The real skill is in knowing when they have hit the point in their sleep when the "bed of nails" phenomenon is no longer a threat. I had been here before. I was ready. I am mother hear me meow!

By the time I became pregnant with my daughter, I was so over the experts and the advice of the pros. The real pros are the moms that I met at the playground, on the soccer field and in the McD's playplace. As I reached the final week of my pregnancy, I glanced at the titles of the books in the parenting section of my favorite bookstore. I laughed. They really should divide the parenting section into subcategories.

--First Time Parents.
--Having Another?
--Been There, Done That Again!
--Are You Kidding Me??

You see, that time around I wanted a book that dealt with a completely different set of issues than the ones the first time moms deal with. I wanted a book that dealt with the things that a mom of 2+ deals with. I needed chapter titles that read something like:

--Successful Strategies for Breastfeeding Your Newborn While Playing Soccer
--How to Find Something To Entertain 3 Children Ranging in Age From 2-10 That They All Will Enjoy
--Sleeping With Your Eyes Open For Beginners
--Have a 'Pre-pregnancy Jeans Burning Party' Without The Tears
--10 Surefire Ways to Call Your Child By His Correct Name Every time
--How to Convince Your Youngest Child That Hand-Me-Downs Are Cool
--How To Embrace Those Last 10 Pounds That You Will Never Lose And Make Others Envy You For It
--5 Ways to Convince Your Husband That The Vasectomy Was His Idea
--Going to the Store Alone--A Dream You Too Can Achieve
--Drinking-It's Not Just For Happy Hour Anymore

I mean, seriously, this has Bestseller written all over it! You tell me if you wouldn't snag that book up after you've already been through the parenthood thing more than once. See my point? I know that I am a good mother when it comes to the basics. I have been down this road more than once. I know how to do the mechanics of childrearing. I needed something different the third time around. I was ready! I am mother, hear me snore!

In fact, the more I think about this real life parenting book, the more I like it! Who wants to sign up for advanced copies?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (13) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was 5 years old, I threatened to run away. Some horrific injustice had been done to me and I just could not stand for it a moment longer. It was my duty as a child to fix this by running away. That would teach my parents the ultimate lesson: Mess with me and I am so out of here! (Thinking back, I am pretty sure this "grave injustice" involved cowboy boots, a mini-skirt with fringe, a tube top and 30 degree weather. See?! They were just wrong to not let me go to school in that.)

I packed my bag with essentials. My teddy bear, my favorite shoes, a box of cookies, my Donny and Marie album, and lots and lots of clean underwear. (Because really, do you want to be in an accident and NOT have on clean underwear? By 5 I knew this lesson well.) I was ready to hit the road. Get the heck out of Dodge. Damn the man.

I wrote a note that was both eloquent and precise. It went something along the lines of "You are mean. I am running away. You are so mean. You will learn not to be so very mean!" (You can totally see the inner future writer coming out in me!)

I left. Defiant and determined. (I am sure not only were my parents watching from a window, but every parent along the street we lived on was sneaking peeks at this little runaway.) I walked down the driveway onto the sidewalk. I walked until I hit a stop sign. I had 2 choices. Go around the block or stand there. I was not allowed to cross the street alone yet. I chose walking around the block. Before I knew it, I was back at my own driveway. Frustrated. My box of cookies gone and the underwear and Donny and Marie doing me no good whatsoever. I decided to try again. When I reached the stop sign one more time, I stood there and wondered if I should tempt fate and cross the forbidden zone. Dare to go where I knew I should not go. Where I knew it was not safe.

I chose one more trip around the block. By this time the suitcase was annoying. The teddy bear was out and no longer feeling so comforting and Donny and Marie with their sick smiles were just bugging me. When I reached my driveway I marched up defiantly to my Mom standing there smiling.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Mommy. Have you learned your lesson?"

She smiled and bent down to hug me. "I certainly have."

"Good. Then I am going to come home now. But, seriously, Mom, let's think these things through in the future."

She supressed a laugh and took me and my things inside to a warm home with no judgment on my Big Adventure.

I am 36 years old with 3 kids. If you think there are days that I am not in the mood to run away, you are crazy! Especially now. I would love to run away to the comfort and non-judgment of my Dad's home where Mom's love is still everywhere and teach the big bad world a lesson in hurting me.

But I find myself in the same predicament. There is a huge stop sign and I know better than to cross the street alone. The stop sign in this case would be my family here. My babies. My husband. I could break the rules and run away. But it wouldn't work. So, I will just take my teddy bear and my many pairs of clean underwear and walk around the block a few times until the world learns its lesson. And one day, I will walk up the driveway to my waiting Mom who will have missed me and welcome me Home with open arms.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was first asked to join the Mommybloggers at BlogHer ’05, I never thought about the name “mommyblogger.� I was a mom. I blog. It never occurred to me that I should ponder and think hard on the name. It was just the session name. And, really, what power does a name have until you give it power?

As a young girl around 5 or 6 years old, I was a huge fan of Little House on the Prairie. (What? It was way cool back then!) I remember so vividly standing before my parents one night after getting my hour fill of life in Walnut Grove. “From now on, I am going to call you Ma and Pa,� I declared defiantly. I struck the perfect pose: hands on my hips, little chin stuck proudly in the air, swiftly blowing the hair from my eyes that had fallen out of my crooked ponytail.

“You are?� Mom asked. “How long are we doing this?�

“Until forever. Or until I forget.� (I think it lasted about a week. At most.)

I was probably 8 or 9 when I realized that I was a big girl and that big girls say “Mom� and not “Mommy�. I broke it to her as gently as I could one morning on the way to school.

“I think I should call you Mom now. I mean, I am almost 10. And that is practically a teenager. So, I just wanted to tell you that. Umm, okay, so…uhhh..it’s ‘Mom’ now.�

Mom smiled at me and leaned over a little bit to whisper to me. “But maybe, if we are all alone, you could sometimes call me Mommy?�

After thinking on it, I agreed that only if we were alone.

With teen years came hormones and angst (as most teen years are apt to bring with them). And of course, another name change. Mommy/Ma/Mom became “Mothhheerrrrrrrrr!� [Insert same pose as the 5 year old with hands defiantly on hips and chin stuck in the air.] It really is only effective coming from the grating voice of an angst-y teen, but you get the idea. And honestly, I had so much fun with my Mom that she did not often get “Motthhhhherrrrrrrr.� It was usually only when she disagreed with what was so obviously my correct opinion on something (as opposed to her so obviously incorrect opinion.) She was just Mom.

As I grew older and life became harder, I will admit to the occasional slip back to “Mommy.� In fact, she was the first person I called when I found out Jacob had died and I didn’t miss a beat. The instant I heard her voice, I burst into tears and cried out “Mommy, I need you.� Twenty-one years old and I never gave it a second thought. I needed her just as much as that little girl who first called her “Mommy� did.

In my Mom’s last days, a name didn’t matter. The power that was behind it is what mattered. When we were alone I stayed true to my promise from all those years ago. As I laid my head beside hers on her pillow or when I held her hand and pressed it to my face, it was not the name “Mommy� that made us both cry. It was the power behind it. The power I gave it. The power she received from it.

Don’t think for an instance when the grief I feel now overwhelms me that I am wishing for my Mom or my Ma or my Motthhhheerrrrr. I want my Mommy. And all that it entails.

So really, what is in a name? Nothing. Until you give it power and meaning. Only then will it make a difference.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

Since today is "my" day here at Mommybloggers, I am double posting. (Power rocks!)

I want to thank all of you who were so kind to me and supportive of me as my Mom was dying. And to tell you how overwhelming it was to me to see so many messages of condolences and peace when I got back home after she passed away. I wish I could reach out to each and every one of you and hug you tight to let you know how much it has helped me. These past several months have been heartbreaking and agonizingly painful. Each time one of you would reach out with a sweet email or prayers or thoughts of peace, it truly did help me.

I just want to thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You have helped and are still helping me get through this most difficult time. Thank you.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

We were all very excited here at Mommybloggers to interview Lisa Stone. Our only problem would be to keep the interview short enough that it could be read in under two hours. Thankfully, Jenn got a bad case of laryngitis and lost her voice, rendering her unable to continue the week-long interview process. (Sometimes we need these little helpers to keep her line and on task.) Without further ado, we give you the incomparable Lisa Stone.

Mommybloggers: Lisa, some readers may be confused as to the reason we are featuring a blogger that is not known as a mommyblogger because the blogs you are known for (BlogHer and Legal Blog Watch) are not blogs that would be typically found under the mommyblogger umbrella; however, you are a mom who blogs. Here, that qualifies you! But, I do have to ask, do you ever want to just bust out on one of your other blogs and get personal? Talk snot, preteen angst and fatigue? (Feel free to bust out here! We are all about that!)

Lisa: This is going to sound like a complete cop-out, but I worked so hard as a journalist to compartmentalize my personal life and my professional life that busting out for me is blogging that I even have kids! And the post where I admitted that my partner, Chris Carfi, and I had a tense moment over the last of the apple butter? Ooo, now that's practically opening up a vein.

Mommybloggers: What would you name your mommy blog if you had you started one?

Lisa: Lego stigmata. Since my son was two, he has been obsessed with Legos. Ob-sessed. Loves them. Now he's nine, his five-year-old stepbrother is five, and our home is regularly covered with the things. Let's just say I've stepped on a few.

Mommybloggers: The mommyblogger panel at BlogHer came together rather randomly. At the time that it was set up, did you foresee that it would grow as it did?

Lisa: I hoped it would. You all just took it and ran with it. What a discussion! Thank you again. The quality and the passion of that session shouldn't surprise anyone who's ever spoken with a mother. Motherhood has always been a flash point for women. I'm sure there are cave drawings somewhere by a woman who was trying to pottytrain a toddler and get laid in the same week. Give us a village well, a back fence, a kitchen counter or a rolled-down car window, and we will talk about our kids. The joy of having our own printing presses (which is what blogs really are), is that now we can tell it like it really is.

Mommybloggers: Are you willing to take the blame for getting the three of us together? I mean, seeing as if someone decides to sue for mental anguish that we have caused, we need to point the finger somewhere.

Lisa: Absolutely! As long as you point your finger at my BlogHer co-founders, Elisa Camahort and Jory Des Jardins too. They're further proof that you don't have to be a mom yourself to care about women and their children.

Mommybloggers: Were you surprised at the venom towards mommyblogging as a genre? What about the distain towards the term mommyblogger? What do you personally think of the term mommyblogger?

Lisa: Sadly, no, I was not surprised. Because I was the target of plenty of venom and disdain myself when I had the audacity to suggest a conference for women bloggers. Perhaps this disdain toward the word "mommy" is why so many women I know struggle ferociously with their identities when they become mothers. I mean, what kind of a reward is this -- we struggle through a pregnancy, survive birth (moment of silence please), embrace motherhood, which is the scariest and mind-blowing thing I've ever done, and we get put down for it? That's the root issue -- ambivalence over what "mommy" represents. Well, I love "mommy." Because to me it isn't a disembodied word anymore. It's who I am. It's carved in my heart. And in my stretchmarks. I just wish I could convince my nine-year-old to be less cool and call me "mommy" again every once in awhile...

Mommybloggers: Lately, the business world is sitting up and taking notice of moms who blog - marketing to moms isn't new, but is using mommybloggers to get the word out seems to be big right now. Do you see that as the new way to go in marketing or just fad? Do you think our opinions really influence?

Lisa: Yes ma'am! Mommybloggers are weaving some of the Web's best stories by and about women -- women who, let's not forget, control 80 percent of household spending. That's right, from the family car to the computer (you geeks, you) to the Legos (sigh) to the Pampers.

Let's look at another medium as an example: Right now, the top revenue-generating news and entertainment shows on television are by moms for moms. Look at NBC's The Today Show starring Katie Couric: By a mom for moms, and the top-rated morning news show for ten straight years. How about Oprah, a daily conversation by the-mother-of-us-all for moms. There's ABC's The View, which is a coffee klatch of moms, mugs included. Don't forget ABC's Desperate Housewives, the made-up moms (take that any way you like). Hell, ABC's World News Tonight just put an anchormom, Elizabeth Vargas, in Peter Jennings' old chair, for heaven's sake!

This is great news for mommybloggers because all these famous shows are in a money-making medium (television) where the numbers are dropping. Their problem is that us viewers now use the Internet more than we watch TV or read magazines. Instead of watching other people talk, we're getting our own word out. That used to mean message boards, the best place to hold online conversations. But now that we have our own personal printing presses -- blogs! -- better watch out. And the world is watching. This is why I've often thought that Dooce is more than a brilliant blogger. She's a metaphor for what's happening to the media and the value of what mommybloggers are writing--to advertisers as well as to readers. She's the Saturday keynote speaker at the SXSW conference. That says a great deal.

Mommybloggers: Can we talk BlogHer for a minute? Wow. I mean, really. Wow. When you envisioned BlogHer, did you have any idea it would become as big, as influencial or as groundbreaking as it has become? Why do you think it was embraced and celebrated as it was?

Lisa: I think BlogHer worked for three reasons.

First, I think our timing was right. There was a huge groundswell of frustration last winter, after national thought leaders and the mainstream media (of which I am an active part) hit a particularly low point in their discussion of women. By low point, I'm referring to Harvard president Lawrence Summers' comments on the female brain, to Kevin Drumm's column in The Washington Monthly , asking where all the women bloggers are, to Susan Estrich's flame of Michael Kinsley, editorial page editor of the Los Angeles Times, about how few women write for that page. And the day to day coverage of the blogging phenom was even worse. If your name wasn't Wonkette, you didn't exist as a woman blogger, despite the fact that a Pew Internet survey ( 1.05) reported that 43 percent of bloggers are women.

Second, the women bloggers in question showed up at BlogHer. We showed up and walked our talk. We didn't sit at home and whine that we weren't being allowed to play. We did something about it--and for us mommies, that something included getting the kids taken care of, too. And you, Jenny and Meghan not only showed up, you lead a panel! Elisa Camahort gave a great interview to the San Francisco Chronicle that ran the day of the conference, in which she said, "This is a conference the community built." Brilliant woman.

Third, the conference was designed to celebrate the participants -- not the organizers or celebrity speakers or the sponsors. Most conferences I've attended exist to make money or celebrate a few people. This conference was designed to give the community the reins and that infused everything, from the way the sessions were conducted (many by attendees) to how we approached sponsors. We are looking forward to doing more of that at BlogHer '06.

Now, I'd also like to add what I think BlogHer has to improve: First, don't get me started on the wireless last year. We're fixing it. !#%! And I promise never, ever again to agree to play someone else's music videos at the beginning of the day. Oh, the number of complaints about Shania Twain!

Even more seriously, our biggest next steps with BlogHer '06 will be developing a framework for this amazing group of women to do what they want to do next year: More of everything. Women asked for a two day conference, so we're developing a curriculum of classes on day one of the conference and recruiting the best possible discussion leaders and noted participants as possible for day two. We're launching a Web site where all of this can begin asap, not to mention creating a safe space for rideshares, roomshares and karaoke night. Consider yourselves warned!

Mommybloggers: Tell us about law blogging--blawging. It is obviously a very different world than the world of mommyblogging. What draws you to it? What is the biggest downside to it? Who would you like to see guest post on law.com?

Lisa: I am fascinated by our system of government, that's why I became a reporter. And the brain in that system is the law. Until you or someone who love has had their lives changed by a legal conundrum, it's hard to appreciate how it molds our everyday lives. Which is why my only disappointment with the experience is with myself: I don't have a law degree. But I do so enjoy writing about people who do. And I think there's value in a consumer and political perspective on the law. There are tons of women I'd like to see guest post on Law.com -- too long to list here! But if there's a mommy blawgger who's reading this post and is interested, I'd love to hear from you!

Mommybloggers: One of the things that draws people to you is your openness and warmth. I happen to know that when you heard the story of one woman who was going through a bad time and felt that she just couldn't face attending BlogHer, you personally called her to reassure her that if nothing else, you would be there and would embrace her attendance. Have you always embraced the idea of women supporting women or have you seen the need arise more often lately and have just stepped up to fill that gap?

Lisa: What a compliment! Thank you. I blame my younger sisters and mother, our ringleader. It's all their fault. I think I've been focused on conversations with women since I was eighteen months old and my first sister was born. We moved nine times through five states by the time I was nine years old. By that time they were my best and only friends, and I've never given them up. Their brilliance, and the support of my father and brother, is what gave me the boost I needed in 1997 to turn my back on mainstream media (for the first time) and go to Women.com as the senior producer of Women's Wire, one of the first Web sites for women online. At that time, early geek pundits were saying women would never go online. Horseshit, I thought. At the time, my marriage had just ended, I was single-parenting a one-year-old baby and I lived for my stolen minutes online. Pushed me right over the edge into content not just about women, but by women, for women. As we know, there's a huge difference.

Mommybloggers: You are high profile and have the ear of many bloggers covering all genres.That being said, do you ever just want to throw off your diplomatic hat and scream when you see venom spewed online or between different blogging genres?

Lisa: Oh, sure. Sometimes I do! But it's amazing how, when I cool off and surf around, I find that the object of my concern has hoisted themselves by their own petard. That's the value of a community conversation. That means when and if I need to stomp onto a soapbox, I--and BlogHer--have a much better chance of being taken seriously. I just wish I had more time to blog on BlogHer and on Surfette. That's a major goal for 2006.

Mommybloggers: You have been a single mom. What is the biggest challenge you've faced as a single mom?

Lisa: Yes, I was on my own for eight years, from the time my son was one until this spring, when we moved in with my beau and his kids, Brady-bunch style. My biggest challenge as a single parent? Loneliness. Specifically, the loneliness and guilt of parenting without a partner. That's so much worse than okay-it's-my-200th-Saturday-without-a-date-loneliness, which I also had at that time! It's amazing how much the triangle of two parents and child supports the parent as well as the child. I experience that every night now. Alone, I worried every time I had to discipline my son or help him, teach him something or ask a friend to watch him during a work dinner. I was pulled, hard, between the massive number of hours I needed to work to support my son in the San Francisco Bay Area, and my precious boy who was so small, and then not so small, and trying to figure out his relationship with his father. No matter how much love and family and friends you surround your child with, if Mommy is weepy inside, the world is never completely right.

Mommybloggers: We happen to know that you are in a terrific relationship now with an amazing man . If we asked him what your biggest pet peeve is, what would he say? Your biggest joy in life? Your worst habit?

Lisa: Yes I am! My biggest pet peeve? Clean socks. Dang things multiply in the drier. I hate to match them. Hate it. I'd rather pull a Marie Antoinette, throw them away and buy new ones. Of course, that would involve getting off the couch...

My biggest joy in life? My family.

My worst habit? Getting mushy about my family. I could drop and give you 20 snotty tissues with runny mascara right now.

Mommybloggers: SURPRISE, Lisa. We actually went to Chris to ask him how he would answer these questions. We thought it would be fun to see what he said. After getting his brilliant responses, we have to confess that we just may have a crush on him, too. And we demand you bring him to BlogHer '06. (We're just saying.) This is how he responded to us:

Pet peeve: Well, it may be more of a, hmmm, let's call it an "ongoing negotiation," but would have to say our Sisyphean effort to find a mutally-acceptable volume for music in the house and car.

Defaults:

Lisa...Rational volume

Chris...Let's see if I can make my eardrums bleed! That'd be cool!!!

Biggest joy: The kids

Worst habit: This has to be the worst habit. Ever. :-)

Mommybloggers: What is one thing you would want mommybloggers and those who read Mommybloggers to know about you that they may not know? You have their ear (so to speak).

Lisa: I think my comment above about loving the word mommy and it being carved on my heart and stretchmarks is the one. That, and a huge high-five to all of the daddies who made it possible for so many mommies to attend BlogHer' 05. Please do it again in BlogHer '06!

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to (With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actors Studio):

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

Mommy

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Significant other

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

F-word

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

My car.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

My bed.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

Today, "Mommyblogging as a Radical Act"! Hear from these (fill in the blank) women on how they are changing the world -- of their homes and maybe even yours -- when they turn on their computers every day!

Mommybloggers: Lisa, we cannot tell you enough how much we appreciate all you (and BlogHer) have done for us. You are an inspiration to women who want to take things to the next level. Thank you for being a part of this and letting us feature you here at Mommybloggers.com! We adore you and it has been our honor to feature you.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 2:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

There was a time I believed that parents had pet names for their children as a sign of affection. A term of endearment. I thought it was sweet and strengthened that parental bond. I have since learned that is not always the case.

It is because parents cannot actually remember their child’s name. Now don’t look at me like I am horrible. I happen to know for a fact that I am not the only mom to do this. My own parents were guilty of it. They still are! I grew up known as Michelle-Chris-Jennifer or some variation of that. I would answer to all three names or any combination of them, usually offering a correction as to my real identity if I was so inclined. Unless of course there was trouble. Then I kept silent and let the wrong name sink into my parents’ subconscious hoping that it would give my brother or sister a karmic demerit somehow and earn me a free ticket when I most needed it. The truth is, it all evened out in the end.

Even today, I am occasionally referred to by my sister’s name. As a defense mechanism, my sister and I have added 5 grandchildren to the list of names my parent’s can choose from when talking to us. I am quite confident that within a few years I will just been known as The Youngest Daughter with the Most Kids. (I plan to sign things simply: Younger. It is kind of catchy.)

Now that I have three children of my own, I find myself getting their names mixed up. (Though I swore I would never do that. Just like I swore I would never hide the good cookies while giving the kids the multi-pack of the cheap brand. And like I swore I would never tell my children that when I was their age, I would never have [fill in the blank].) I, too, have resorted to giving my children cute pet names. Out of affection? Sure. But mainly because I just really can’t remember their names at the drop of a hat. I tried to come up with nicknames that might trigger my brain into remembering who they are before anyone catches on that their real names have escaped me. When I look at them, I can see their nickname. Let me just tell you, it has saved me more than once when I draw a blank. In a fit of frustration or when put on the spot, I cannot be expected to know their names. It just isn’t possible when I have things floating around up there like ATM pins, phone numbers to the quickest pizza delivery place and way too many urls to count. I can say, however, that I have become more efficient than my parents were. My kids at least get partial names—BranZarGab-- when I become stuck rather than the full treatment. That should count for something.

I was ahead. I should have known better than to add to the mix. I should have known that I was maxed out on information, but I got cocky.

The other day my oldest son was acting, well, like a tween acts. I had enough. In a fit of frustration I blurt out, “Harley! Knock! It! Off!!�

I was immediately aware of the silence.

“Harley?� my son asked in astonishment. "Harley?! Mom, for crying out loud, you just called me by our dog’s name!�

“Yeah, well...� I stammered. “Stop acting like an animal then. And just to be safe, no talking back, kiddo, or when your dad, Mr. Man, gets home, you are in big trouble.�

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (1)

When my husband and I were first married, we lived in a 2-bedroom apartment that felt like a castle. It was ours alone. We even had a spare bedroom! After that lease was up, we decided to move to a smaller apartment because the $495/month rent was rather steep. We went smaller. Cheaper. We didn't need a lot of room for just the two of us. It was in one of these tiny, cheap apartments we affectionately referred to as Our Shoebox that we found out we would be having a baby. A new person to bring into our cozy home. He would be so small and it isn’t like he would be doing many activities. How much stuff can one tiny person have? We saw no reason to move. We were fine where we were. It took about a day to realize the error of our thinking.

We were using standard mathematics and logic when it came to this new little person. What we should have been using was the Parental Addition of a Child Chaos Relativity Theory. That sounds like a complicated, but truly, it is quite simple. The theory states that for every child you bring into your home, your chaos and clutter will increase a minimum of ten-fold whereas the amount of space you have as a couple will exponentially decrease. It’s a proven theory. Look it up. Better yet, ask a parent.

Now that my husband and I are outnumbered three to two by our children (four to two if we count the dog—and we do), we have completely given up on having any order or personal space to call our own. They win.

After a completely hectic and overwhelming child-centered week, I approached my husband in exasperation about the entire situation.

“What are the possibilities of converting our garage into an apartment?�

“Why would we want to do that?�

(Sometimes the sheer limited thinking he has is mind-boggling.)

“Think about it. Let’s just let the kids have the house. I mean, it is their stuff all over the place. Their mess. I went into my closet for my slippers yesterday and find a child. A CHILD. They’re even in my closet! We’ll never win, you know. We will never gain the upper hand on homeownership again. We just pay the bills now. But! We can just move into the garage and they will never know!�

“What do you mean they will never know? They’ll find us, you know. They will find the apartment and will take it over as well.�

He had a point. I began to pace the floor and think. “I’ve got it!� I shouted as I pointed towards the garage. “We tell them that we are working in the garage. That it is hard work. Manual labor. With no pay. We tell them that we could really use their help with chores in the garage. We actually invite them into the process. We emphasize the work part and the hard part. Especially the free part. What child would go within 20 feet of that place?�

I began to see the exciting possibilities flicker behind his eyes. I knew he was coming around to my way of thinking. “And the cars? Won’t they notice that we never put them in garage anymore?�

“As long as we are hauling them around town at their whim, they don’t care where the cars get parked. They just want to make sure they get to their next big destination.�

That night we sat in our bedroom and giggled as if we were a young newly engaged couple planning our future. We created floor plans and planned on how we would decorate our new apartment. We envisioned the parties we would throw, the lazy mornings that we slept late then read the paper in bed and the freedom we would have to trip over our own shoes and not theirs. The next morning we awoke to the sound of children fighting, the dog barking and one of the little people screeching for a pair of socks. We glanced at each other and sighed as we hit autopilot and started our day. Both of us grinning, though, as we passed the door to the garage.

We have not given up the dream of having our own place. (Would you?) If you need us, check the garage. I am not saying we live there or anything, though. Why? What have you heard?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Last night one of my partners in crime and I were deep into discussions about major issues in the media and debating the finer merits of modern literature over the classics, when..…Yeah, right!. I totally couldn’t keep that one going with a straight face. We were totally dishing about life and motherhood. It was then we stumbled upon why we both love the television show Lost. For the two or three of you out there who have not seen the show Lost, this might not make sense. But for those who are familiar with the show and are parents—especially of teens—there are many correlations between that show and the real life drama of parenthood.

We (the parents) have been thrown onto the Island of Parenthood without any idea of the “right way� to survive. We quickly learn that the best way to handle the entire situation is to band together. And much like the castaways of Lost, many of us would probably not have met each other had we not been put in these same circumstances at the same time. Together we are doing the best we can to make keep Parental Island a peaceful and safe place to inhabit.

The beloved Teens? They are the Others. You can hear them, but you never actually see them. Their mumbled taunts and silent grumbles make your stomach tighten up a bit in fear, but you aren’t even sure what they are saying. And let’s be honest, they can certainly make you feel like you are crazy. It is not unheard of for one of the Parents to frantically grab another and anxiously question: “Does yours roll his eyes? Have you ever heard her say that? Could they possibly eat that much food? How big DO they get? What do they want?� And that whole having to push a button at regular intervals in order to prevent the end of the world? We refer to it as the ATM.

In order for The Others and The Parents to inhabit Parental Island, there are rules that should followed. They aren’t law, but it is definitely recommended to abide by them. A few of them include the following:

Find a buddy and stick with them when traveling in this new territory. Do not go into the area inhabited by The Others after dark. Never underestimate the power of the Others. Whatever you do, do NOT get caught alone in a group of The Others. There is no guarantee you will survive or not be traumatized.

I am sure that the day will come on Lost when all will be revealed regarding the secret of The Others. I heard that day will come with teens. I am doubtful. Very doubtful.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 3:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Our featured blogger this week is Mir of Woulda Coulda Shoulda. Grab a beverage of choice and enjoy our interview as we talk candidly with Mir.

Mommybloggers: Mir, we are so excited to have you join the Mommybloggers as our featured blogger this week. Let’s not waste time here. I need to get one thing clear before we go any further. M-I-R. You must correct me on how you pronounce that. Mir as in Mirror, Mire, or Mercy?
(Sidenote: Do you know how hard it is to ask that question on the phone without mispronouncing the name you are trying to pronounce? I’m just saying.)

Mir: Mir as in the Mir space station.

Mommmybloggers: Ahhhh, so you are comparable to a celestial being? Cool!

*crickets chirping*

Mommybloggers: Do people in your "real life" know about and read your blog? Has it caused problems? Do they fear the Wrath of the Blog?

Mir: Some do and some don't. I have friends who know about it and choose not to read it. I have others who use it to keep up with me. On the whole I'd say the reaction has been very favorable, with a few notable exceptions. My ex has grumbled more than once about what he feels is my misrepresentation of him on my blog. (To which I lovingly replied, "Oh well!")

Look, I never claimed to be writing the God's honest truth as set in stone. What I AM writing is my perception of things. Generally speaking, I try to tread carefully and not upset anyone.

I get a chuckle out of the fact that in 100% of cases where people felt the need to give me crap about what I'd written, they were all folks who'd formerly congratulated me on my honesty. Apparently sometimes the truth does hurt.

Mommybloggers: You have a big fan base. One of the reasons we at mommybloggers love you is that you are not afraid to laugh at yourself or the things in your life that may seem embarrassing. You don’t seem to pull back when it comes to doing that. Are you like that in person or is it a blog thing?

Mir: It is who I am. As for the blog, if I make the first strike, it takes away the power of those who want to beat me to it.

Mommybloggers: What are the ages of your children? Where do you fall in the birth order of your own family? Do you relate to the child that has the same order in your family as you held in yours growing up?

Mir: My daughter is 7.5 and my son will be 6 in a few months. I am the youngest of 2 children (I have a brother who is 3 years older than I am).

I often find Monkey easier to just flat-out love on, but I think that's a combination of 1) his being the youngest, 2) his being a boy, and 3) his (very demonstrative) personality. I identify much more readily with Chickadee, who is so like me that I'm already planning on the Witness Protection Program for myself when she becomes a teen.

Mommybloggers: You and I both know the term “mommyblogger� has cause riots, floods and famine across the globe. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but some people don't like the term and yet some embrace it. What do you personally think about the term 'mommyblogger'?

Mir: I don't have a problem with the term as long as it's not being used as a definitive categorization. I'm a mom. I blog. That makes me a mommyblogger. But I blog about more than just my kids, and I think that's true of 95% of the so-called mommybloggers out there.

But for women who rail against the mommyblogger term... I dunno. For one thing, I don't see a huge point in battling semantics. For another, I'm very proud to be a mom. Why would I fight people labeling me that way?

Mommybloggers: So, from reading your blog and talking to you, I have learned that you-- how do I put this delicately-- do not have the most laid back mothering style. In fact, someone close to you--you, as a matter of fact-- said you were a mini-drill sargeant. Is that different from how you were raised?

Mir: I said mini drill sargeant? Uh oh.... Hmmm, let's see. I was raised by one very strict parent and one very laid-back parent. I think ideally you go with something more in the middle. I strive for balance, but my Type-A personality definitely prefers more order to less. I do tend to be quite strict. But I also love to be silly with my kids, when the stuff that I have to crack down on is out of the way.

Mommybloggers:Do you feel you are more rigid because you are a single mom or because that is just who you are as a person?

Mir: Some of that comes from being a single mom, I'm sure, but a lot of that is just the way I am.

Mommybloggers: Will I go to timeout for getting this interview off to a late start?

Mir: You can avoid a time out by handing over the chocolate.

Mommyblogger: You are great about updating your own blog daily. You're a professional freelance writer and a copy editor. AND you blog professionally. Not to mention you are also a single mom. Have you been able to find more than 24 housr in one day that the rest of us don't know about? Care to share your secret?

Mir: My only secret is that I don't exercise enough and/or have enough other hobbies. I'm sure I should be spending some of my blogging/writing time doing something else. But there are so few activities I love this much that allow me to snack and watch TV at the same time....

Ooops, I've said too much! I mean, YES, I never sleep, my house is spotless, I work out 7 days a week, and pay no attention to how long my nose has grown during this last sentence.

Mommyblogger: Tell us about online friends. We know you have become very close to some friends online. What would you tell people just starting out blogging or are new to the Internet? I mean, it can get ugly out there!

Mir: Heh. Yeah, I've certainly tasted both the good and the bad. I've made some wonderful connections where I fully expect the friendships to last, and I suppose it's just like face-to-face friendships: you discover you have common interests and outlooks, and the relationship grows from there. It's no secret that I've forged love affairs with Joshilyn and Kira, two wonderful women I never would've met without blogging. Both of them have not only proven wonderful support on a personal, let-me-weep-on-your-shoulder sort of way, but they both inspire me (and occasionally push me!) to write. Where could I have met two such amazing authors in my little podunk town? At Dunkin Donuts?

I don't know that I have advice for anyone beyond what you'd heed in "regular" life. There are jerks on the internet just like there are jerks at the supermarket. The trick is in figuring it out.

Mommybloggers: Writing online not only puts you out there in terms of vulnerability, but puts your kids out there. Do you worry about saying things that are funny now, but will humiliate your kids later? Where do you draw the line about how much you share on your blog about your children?

Mir: I'm pretty sure I humiliate my kids on a daily basis. I consider it a right of parenting.

I do share quite a bit about my kids, but I stick to a few rules which I'm hoping will keep them from killing me in my sleep: 1) I don't post their pictures, which is a decision I made from the start (and while I certainly LOVE seeing other folks' pictures and acknowledge my choice is not necessarily the right one for everyone, it works for me), 2) I use pseudonyms for them, and 3) if I think it's something which would truly embarrass them, I refrain.

As with anything else, there's plenty that doesn't get posted. Of the stuff that does, I hope that even in my most frustrated moments it's clear to my kids at every moment that I love them. If it's not, I'm doing something wrong.

Mommybloggers: What is one myth about mommyblogging that you would like to dispel right now?

Mir: I think that when men bitch about fatherhood people think it's funny, and when women bitch about motherhood people evenly split into two camps of either cheering "TELL IT, GIRLFRIEND!" or "You horrible woman! You don't deserve to have children!"

Look, parenting is hard. I am a huge lover of honesty. I adore the blogs where fellow moms acknowledge that--cheesy army-themed music aside--it's the toughest job you'll ever love. My kids drive me crazy. And they are everything to me. They drive me crazy BECAUSE they are everything to me! But the so-called mommy blogs that are 100% "I hate this, it's too hard, I'm lousy at it, I miss my life" make me cringe. There's a balance to be struck, otherwise you're just King Midas whining that you want more gold.

Mommybloggers: I know you wanted to be an actress. You may still be discovered one day, but if that is delayed and your life is made into a movie, what actress would play you in the movie of your life? What man would come sweep you off your feet and become your leading man? And you cannot have Matthew McConaughey. He belongs to Jenn!

Mir: Wait, I thought part of this deal was that you were sending an agent over to my house...?

Oh, the movie of my life... that'll be interesting. Let's see. If we're going for the older me, like, the future me, we'll have to cast Sigourney Weaver. For the young me... hmmm... you know, I think we'd have to do a special casting call to find an unknown. I wouldn't want a "name" to do it.

My leading man? How about Viggo Mortensen? Nah, that's too predictable. Wait, you know who I really want? Mark Dacascos. (Here is where I both enlighten you and shame myself: He is the Chairman for the American version of Iron Chef. Yum, on several levels.)

Mommybloggers: You have no problem talking about your vagina, so let's not be shy here. If you were asked to be in the Vagina Monologues, would you do that?

Mir: Lord, my poor father.

Mommybloggers: Where shall I send the sedation medication to your parents since i asked that question?

Mir: I would be in the Vagina Monologues in a heartbeat.

Mommybloggers: In an episode of Sex & the City, Charlotte had a depressed vagina. Have you experienced a depressed vagina, Mir?

Mir: I'm pretty sure my vagina--despite its many trials and travails--has never actually been depressed. It does experience periodic bouts of social anxiety, however. (Please send the smelling salts to my dad.)

Mommybloggers: And here are the questions we subject all of our featured bloggers to: (*With apologies to Bernard Pivot and Inside the Actor's Studio)

1. What is your favorite parent related word?

Snacks. It makes every mom an instant hero.

2. What is your least favorite parent related word?

Whiiiiiiiiiining. As in, PLEASE STOP BEFORE MY HEAD EXPLODES.

3. What is your favorite creative censored curse word used around children?

I don't actually have one. Either I slip up and (loudly) take the Lord's name in vain (and, occasionally, on a popsicle stick!), or I just sputter wordlessly while the children admire the wisps of smoke curling out of my ears.

4. What is your favorite hiding place within your home when you need to get away from it all?

My favorite place to unwind when the kids are asleep is in a hot bath, but that's impractical for during the day; both because I'd turn into a shrivelled prune and because I'd be too easy to find. If I'm really losing it, I go out to "get the mail." My driveway is just long enough that I can simmer down but can remain reasonably confident that everyone will still be alive when I get back.

5. What hiding place have you been found in too often and can no longer use?

The basement. I used to go down there, but the door has a little cat-flap door thing (previous owners) and now if I go downstairs they know it and there are suddenly arms and legs waving through the cat door.

6. If Oprah exists, what would you like to hear her say when you arrive at the Oprah Winfrey show when she features the Mommybloggers?

"I realize now how pointless and self-absorbed my life is without children. You've opened my eyes." (Bwahahahaha... right after she says that, Xenu lands there in the studio, by the way.)

Mommybloggers: Mir, you rock our world. Thanks for being here with us and sharing yourself so openly. Please apologize to you father for us. We will gladly accept the bill for his smelling salts and/or sedation medication.

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (1)

When I became a first time mom, I'll admit it, I devoured the parenting how-to books. I am pretty sure I had all of the most popular titles as well as quite a few of the lesser known as well. I read whenever I could. While I was pregnant, I went to Childbirth Education Classes and a How to Breastfeed Class every week for about 6 weeks. I surrounded myself with the tools and advice of the self-proclaimed experts. I wanted to make sure I did this "mothering" thing well. I looked to the experts and those who had gone before me to reassure me that I was capable of raising this little person without causing too much harm to his psyche. I researched all of the "right" ways to burp, change and rock a baby. I was ready. I was armed with knowledge. I am mother hear me roar!

As my children aged, the books changed. As they went from one phase to the next, the books became fewer; the parenting from the hip style became more apparent. The books have also become more focused on one or two aspects of parenting rather than covering entire phases. Welcome to the teens; you’re on your own! The experts have left the building. (Unless of course you count the true experts. The parents. We are the ones standing on the sidelines of our teens' lives looking perplexed and a bit overwhelmed.) What I need is a book with practical advice on getting through this. Something with chapter titles like these:

“How to Make Yourself Invisible When Dropping Off Your Teen Anywhere, Anytime.� Because let’s face it, your teen will need you to drop him off many times at various places but really wishes you didn’t actual exist. I have discovered that singing “It’s Getting Hot in Herre� is not appropriate drop-off behavior. Which of course, means I do it more often when he give me attitude!

“My Teen Only Writes In IM-Net Lingo…Will He Ever Get Into College?� With the ever increasing popularity of Instant Messages, most teens have created their own language. AAMOF, U need the 411 if u have POS, KWIM? (Translation: As a matter of fact, you need this information if you have your parents over your shoulder. If you know what I mean.) See? I don’t see Harvard all over that essay.

“Getting Your Teen to Speak To You: Going Beyond Whatever, Huh? And The Four Syllable Version of the Word Mom� How often have you tried to speak with your teen about his day or his social life only to be rewarded with a riveting “Whatever, Mooooooom!� There must be a way to have a conversation with more than one word responses that do not involve the words “I need� and “money�.

“Toilet Training Made Me Mental But Teen Training Just Might Kill Me!� There was a time I couldn’t wait until my children were old enough to do things for themselves. Now, all they want to do is to do things for themselves. By themselves. With nothing but my money to aid them. Certainly, there is a middle ground in there somewhere. Show it to me.

"Convincing Yourself That Eyerolling Really Does Mean ‘I Love You� My children have always been masters at eyerolling. Masters. But honestly, I believe there must be a secret class taught in middle school that helps them to bring this skill to a mastery level. I have yet to see a teen who is not the master of the eyeroll.

But as I said, I have yet to see this book. Have you? What chapters would you add if you could?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 4:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBacks (0)

Growing in motherhood I have noticed there appears to be a tremendous amount of pressure to keep a good front around other mothers, regardless of what happens to be going on in your life or your heart. The “I’m Fine Syndrome.� You say it over and over. You laugh when you’re expected to laugh. You cry when it is appropriate. You carry on as if nothing is wrong because that is what is expected from a “Good Mom�. The problem with that? We’re not made to pretend everything is okay.

I know that I cannot be the only woman who has these moments when they just want to reach out to another woman—especially other moms-- and say, “Is it sometimes this hard for you too? Do you sometimes want to just cry and not know why? Will you just sit with me and talk openly about real issues? Just this once can we be real with each other?� But, in the real world, very few of us actually do that. We wear the mask that says to the world that things are better than they are. Times come upon us when we need to reach out, but don’t know how anymore because we are so used to saying that everything is fine when it really isn’t fine at all. It is the how we have been trained to respond to each other.

Do you want to know a secret? I am not that way. I am not a Super Mom.

Sometimes I feel like someone is going to catch on to my scam. They are going to expose me for the fraud I am. Someday, someone is going to figure out that I really don't know what I am doing when it comes to being a “Good Mom.� When it is discovered that my motto on childrearing is "Do the best you can with the kids you have and try not to screw them up too much", I am sure I won’t be asked to teach any parenting seminars or write any ground breaking articles on motherhood.

I see other women at soccer games, in PTA, volunteering in the schools and I wonder "Where did they learn how to do this?" Who teaches these women how to be the Super Moms that they are? Do they come from a long line of June Cleaver women who were born wearing pearls, an apron and high heels?

It makes me wonder if I am missing a certain mommy gene that other moms have.

For school parties, I am the mom who volunteers to bring juice rather than come up with some uber-cool craft that will awe and amaze both children and parents alike. Rather than meet over lattes to discuss PTA policy, I would rather meet over cocktails to talk about the latest celebrity gossip and dish about our own lives. If you call me and ask me if I could host a meeting after school for a few moms, rather than be overjoyed that my House Beautiful home will be warm and welcoming, I will panic and hope that no one sprains an ankle on the many Barbies, Hot Wheels and Legos scattered around.

Confession time: I am a fraud. I don't have it all together. Most of my mothering comes from the great philosophy of "faking it". I just want to know something: You moms who appear so together, so June Cleaver-ish, so very PTA and Junior League....where did you learn how to be so motherly....

....or are you just faking it too?

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 9:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

Sometimes in a family of 5, you need to sit the kids down and have a Very Serious Talk about attitude. (This week on a very special episode of Family of Five, the family pulls together for a Very Serious Talk about attitude. A must see episode for the entire family.) Of course for the children it is best if you can do this as a group. You are more likely to not be the only one taking the heat. We as parents know this. Which is why we did it one on one. Or rather two against one. (Seriously, did my parents derive this much giddiness from watching The Squirm that the kid on the hot seat does? Sick bastards we are!)

So we call in the oldest and start talking. We have this rule when we have these talks. You can say anything. As long as you are being constructive and not just trying to get some digs in and being ugly. If you are mad, let us know. If you feel like it is unfair, let us know. Say Anything.

Well, it can get tense when you have these talks. Especially when you are feeling like you are on the hot seat and getting the lecture. I am not one to do well with super tense scenes. My sarcasm and dry wit tend to overcome me before I am even aware of it happening. So I look at my son and say with a perfectly straight face, "So, would you like to talk about sex now? I know the word penis and I'm not afraid to use it."

*Cue shocked and appalled look from my son. He replies to me in a very preteen, angsty way, "Mooommmmmm!"

Seeing that I have pushed a button, demon mom kicks in.

"Seriously. Shall we talk scrotum? Which, by the way, is the plural of scrotum scrotums? Scrotumeses? Scroti?....."

*Shocked look from my son who is actually looking for something sharp to jam into his eardrums, but realizes he is stuck with nothing but his own fingernails that were trimmed that morning and would never work.*

"...I am sure it is probably scrotums. But don't you think that scroti sounds more scientific? For example, 'In our family we have a ratio or 3 boys to 2 girls. Therefore, we have a plethora of scroti in our home.' See? It just sounds more official and scientific."

At this point my son is writhing in agony on the couch praying for death or a psychologically freaked out induced coma to get out of this situation and never have to hear his mother say the word scrotum again.

Then I get The Stare. A glazed over look was behind The Stare. But nevertheless I know that the stares means, "Mom. You've gone too far. You can no longer shock me. Give it your best shot."

If you know me, you know that I just do not have the ability to walk away from such a challenge. Especially from one of my children. I stared back. Then, in my most perplexed and inquisitive manner, I looked at my son and asked, in all seriousness, "Speaking of this, I was wondering, since you are Mr Science, do flies have scrotum? I mean seriously. I guess that depends on whether they have a penis or not. Do you know?"

At that my son gets up, rolls his eyes and says, "I think this talk is over now, Mom. I mean really!" He walks out of the room. Only to hear his father scream from the living room, "Son, are you looking it up. Fly. Scrotum. Google it."

Yeah, I am pretty sure we are going to parental hell for this one. But damn it was funny!

Originally posted on Mommy Needs Coffee on November 15, 2004

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

When the geek movement first arrived in my life, I did try to resist it. When my husband Clint had a BBS before we got married, I still vowed to love him in spite of the geek factor being blown off the scale.

I resisted becoming a geek.

Oh sure, I logged on, got a great user name and chatted with the other users, but I was NOT a geek. Honest. And yes, I did go with him to the sysop get togethers. (But man, those geeks can drink!)

Yet, I resisited becoming a geek.

After Zarek was born in 1995 I became a full fledged insomniac. Clint's answer? Show me the internet. Teach me how to navigate the World Wide Web. Our conversations went something like this:

Me: What do you mean I can find a website on anything I want?"

Clint: "Just type anything you want to know in that box and it will take you to that website."

Me: *typing* 'anything I want to know' *SMACK to the forehead* "Ohhh, you mean type the TOPIC of what I want to know?? Like if I type 'coffee' I can read all about the different brews?"

Not only did I find coffee related sites, I found PARENTING sites! And JOURNALS! And CHAT sites! (I could suddenly chat with anyone, anytime!) I really did have something new to do with those middle of the night sleepless hours. I was going to like this new Internet thing. (Thanks so much, Al Gore. I heart the Internet!)

Yet, I resisted becoming a geek.

Years passed. I set up a few different websites of my own. I discovered IRC and went to real live get- togethers with these people that I met in *gasp* a chat room. I joined an awesome online Moms groups when Gabriella was a newborn. Even starting my very own blog in 2003 didn't bring me to the realm of full fledged geek. It didn't matter that I wrote on the internet. Or that I actually learned HTML. Even the fact that I knew what people were talking about when they spoke geek. I wasn't there yet.

That moment arrived a week or so ago. It was in that moment that I realized not only had I arrived in the World of Geek, I just may have to try to be their queen.

Clint was in the family room with his laptop doing something geeky online. I was in the bedroom getting ready to call it a night when I had a moment of inspiration. I grabbed my laptop and (giggling like I am being a bad girl) sent him a very suggestive instant message asking him to meet me in the bedroom.

I struck a pose and waited...

...and waited

...and waited.

Perhaps my IM was too suggestive and not blunt enough. Fine. I can do blunt. So, I decide to send him a steamy IM that was in no way shape or form questionable about what I was talking about. Dirty words and all.

I struck a pose and waited...

...and waited

...and waited.

Nothing.

My first thought is, 'Oh my god! What if I IM'ed that to a friend or worse my Dad?!' In a panic I double checked and was relived to see that I had not propositioned either.

Then I got pissed. What the hell is wrong with me that my own husband isn't responding to a very blatant invitation? It then dawned on me that maybe it wasn't his fault.

I grabbed a robe, stormed into the family room hand on my hips and demanded, "Do you or do you not have porn blocking on your instant messenger?"

Stammering, he replied that he did and then proceeded to try to figure out why he was in trouble for NOT having porn on his laptop.

"Nevermind," I sighed turning on my heal and leaving with a pout.

Back in the bedroom, I gave it one more shot. This time it worked.

Can I just share something with you about propositioning your spouse through IM, though? It really does lose something when all of the "dirty" words are spelled with an asterick smack in the mid*dle of them.

Originally posted on Mommy Needs Coffee on January 29, 2005

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 6:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I don't think anyone was more shocked by the fact that I was pregnant than I was. Okay, maybe Clint was too. We certainly weren't trying to get pregnant. I was on the pill for crying out loud. We lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment the size of a shoebox (or so it felt!) To say that we were unprepared would be an understatement. However, we began to get used to the idea of our baby. We didn't have 2 pennies to rub together, but we managed to get me some pretty decent maternity clothes. We took walks everyday. We even gave into my frequent cravings. The pregnancy was pretty textbook. Morning sickness the first 3 months and then feeling great!

At the time, Clint was working a lot of hours and I was working part time as a receptionist. With crazy schedules, he rarely was able to go to any doctor's appointments with me. I eagerly shared everything with him the moment I got home. We must've watched our sonogram tape a hundred times. We were officially in love with this baby...this boy (as we came to find out about halfway through the pregnancy.)

So finally, as I reached my seventh month, Clint was able to go to the doctor with me to hear the heartbeat and just share it with me. It was a normal appointment. I was measuring smaller than I should, but the doctor didn't seem worried. I asked if he could use the doppler so that we could hear the heartbeat.

The doctor rolled it across my belly. Nothing. Again. Nothing. He began to look worried. "I'm sure everything is fine, but procedure says we need to do a sonogram to ensure we can see the heartbeat." But I knew. I knew everything was not alright. If I close my eyes and remember, I am right back in that room with that sinking feeling of all innocence and joy being sucked out of me.

As soon as the image popped up on the sonogram screen, we knew. No heartbeat. Everything in my world stopped in that moment. I don't remember a lot of the next few moments. I remember the nurse trying to comfort me. I actually punched her to make her go away. If she comforted me, that would make this real. I didn't want it to be real.

We were scheduled to go home and come back the next morning to labor and delivery. I begged the doctor to either do it right then or do a c-section or something. He said it was safest for me to go through labor. I was devestated.

I don't know how I made it through that long night. It was the most torturous, agonizing night of my life. The next day, my parents and Clint's parents came to the hospital to be there for me. They did one final sonogram to make sure and then began the pitocin to start my labor. Eight hours later, Jacob was born. I never got to hold him. I never got to see him. I just gave into the strong medicines they had been giving me all day and passed out into a deep, sad sleep.

We didn't know what had happened. An autopsy showed nothing was wrong with him. It wasn't until later, when we were brave enough to talk about someday trying again, that I decided to go through testing to see if it was something preventable in future pregnancies. The most amazing doctor ever (one of my heros) took me into his practice and ran a number of tests on me when I was not pregnant, to compare to when I was pregnant.

Many months later, when I I found out I was pregnant again, my doctor ran the same tests. We had found our culprit. I had a condition known as antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. Had we not lost Jacob, I may never have known about it. Had we not tested me, we probably would've lost Kidlet Sr. too. However, since we knew, we could help this pregnancy along. In order to save the baby I was pregnant with this time, I took one baby aspirin a day. One. To save his life. And it worked. Kidlet Sr. was born healthy and safely. Each pregnancy became harder and harder on my body. By the time I was pregnant with Little Diva, I was taking heparin shots and on bedrest too keep her safe.

I'm often asked about whether or not I still think about Jacob. I do. I still hurt for the baby I wanted so badly and loved so much. Days like today, his birthday, I think about the "should've beens" and the "what if's". I don't stay there too long. It would hurt too much.

So today, by sharing his story with you, he goes on. Now you know Jacob and will remember him, too.

Originally appeared on Mommy Needs Coffee on April 07, 2004

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There is an aspect to this motherhood thing that few people are willing to talk about. Sure, if I say it outloud many of you will probably nod your head in the solitude of your own home and agree. Some of you may even shout out an "Amen sistah!" And yet, a few out there may look at their computer in total confusion. (Those of you who do that, you may just want to go read a warm fuzzy parenting story. This isn't for you.)

Some days, I just don't like the job. I look around and wonder what the hell I was thinking when I thought that being a mom would be the greatest and easiest job in the world. For the most part, it is the greatest job in the world. (We won't even go into how naive I was to think any part of it would be easy. That is just sad!) But there are days this job just sucks.

There. I said it.

I have been in that place the last few days. For example, this morning, when I heard Little Diva waking up and calling for me, well, let's just say I didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling. In fact, I wanted to smash the monitor and go back to sleep.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't the children that I am disenchanted with right now. It is the job. The work. The nonstop being on duty. The neverending demands on my time, my energy, my funds and my sanity, not to mention my sleep. (We'll get to that one.) By the time the day is nearing an end and it is time to put the kids to bed for the night, there is very little desire for one on one time. The only person I want to be alone with after 16 hours on the job is myself. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have even yelled in the general direction of their bedrooms (more than once) that they "better not get up unless there is blood, vomit or fire".

But, the catch is, you can't just look at these little people and say, "Nope. I am not on duty right now. My shift ended 15 minutes ago. You're on your own, bud. If you don't like it, call the union." (Sure, the occassional, "Go ask your Dad" will escape my mouth, but that usually ends up with him asking me whatever it was that they were going to ask me in the first place.)

Some days, I just don't want to play Barbies.
Some days I don't want to put together the same puzzle 75 times.
Some days I don't want to help do the homework that I already had to do 20+ years ago.

I don't think it is fun to change a dirty diaper.
I don't find my zen in washing load after load of stinky boy-clothes.
I really could care less who Yugi is and why he is so Oh!
And since I am being so honest, I really don't get that excited about someone using the potty. I have been doing it for years and the excitement of it has pretty much worn off.

So, let's talk sleep. At least, I will try to talk about it. I vaguely remember how wonderful it was to sleep. We're talking about sleeping when you are tired. Sleeping all night long without anyone waking you up. Because trust me, when one of these little people wakes you up in the middle of the night, it is never for an enjoyable reason. I have yet to be awakened to hear, "Mom! Mom! We won the lottery!" or "Mom! Mom! You're going to be late for your all expenses paid, all- nclusive, trip to the spa...alone." No. It is usually "Mom! I threw up." Or "Mom! I had a bad dream and need you to get up right this minute Be sure to wake up fully so that you can take me to my room where I will immediately fall asleep. You, however, have adrenaline rushing through your system and will be wide awake for at least an hour." (Okay, so maybe those exact words were not used. But they were implied!)

The point? I am sure there was a point here somewhere. (Yeah, yeah, besides that somedays I just don't like my job.) I guess part of the point is that it really is okay to admit that.

It is okay to admit that.

Why can't we talk about it? Does it make us bad moms? No. Does it mean we love our children any less because we really want to sleep and be alone every now and then? Not at all. Does it mean we won't win "Mom of the Year"? Well, it probably does mean that, but so what? Do you really want it if it means you have to be fake about who you are and what you feel? I don't.

So, listen up, sisters. It is okay to not like this job everyday. It is okay to get frustrated and cry about it. It is okay to look at another Mom and say, "This sure can suck and the pay leaves a lot to be desired."

It is not okay to keep it all inside if you feel this.

Trust me, I stake everything I have on this one fact: You are not alone in thinking this way every now and then. I know that at least one other mom out there related to this. If one did and admits it, more did. That's all I'm saying.

Tomorrow, I hope to say, Hey, this is the greatest and easiest job ever. (Okay, I at least want to not say, "This sucks. When do I get off duty?")

Based on past experiences, I will. I hope you do, too.

Originally posted on Mommy Needs Coffee on May 04, 2004

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I am changing. I'm not sure I am a big fan of it. Physically, you can see it. Those tiny lines around my eyes are not so tiny anymore. The dark circles under my eyes are darker. My face just looks different. Older. Wiser? I'm not sure. But definitely older. The past two months are taking their toll on me.

But it isn't the physical changes that bother me. It is the deeper, hidden changes I feel that I am fighting. I want to slam on the brakes and stop this. Other people, older people face the death of a parent. Not me. I am certainly not mature enough to handle something this hard. This heartbreaking. This life changing. I don't want to be that person.

There is a bond between a mother and daughter. Something that binds them together in a way that no other relationship can. Many women identify who they are as women and mothers by their own mothers. Whether they are trying to not "become" their mother or if they are trying to mimic the one woman they identify the most with. A deep part of who they are comes from their Mom.

What do I do when my Mom dies? Who do I become? Even though my mom has not been "my Mom" for years due to her MS and the way it robbed her of so much, I need her. Right now, she is still there. I can talk to her. I can hug her. I have always been "Sandy's daughter." It makes me proud. She is a very loved woman. If you have ever thought I was funny, trust me, I am nothing compared to my Mom. She has always been the funniest woman you will ever meet. Even now, she will crack a joke or laugh at her own expense. She sees humor in any situation. When I get in one of my silly moods or hit super sarcasm mode, the common refrain is "She is her mother's daughter."

And I am. I am my mother's daughter. And my mother is dying. A huge part of who I am is dying. And I just can't wrap my mind or my heart around that. I am not ready. I am just not ready.

Little things that seemed so important suddenly have lost so much of their power. My home is a wreck? So what. My Mom is dying. What's for dinner? Who cares! My Mom is dying. What have you written today? Nothing. My Mom is dying. When the grocery store clerk asks me if I have found everything I needed and how I am doing, I struggle with "Fine" but I want to shout, "I am in non-stop turmoil and want to just not feel this way. Do you have a product to make me better??!" Where I used to be hyper involved with my kids' schools, now I can barely muster the interest to pick them up after school, let alone know what is going on during the day or when they have tests, programs or special days. I feel like I am moving under water while the rest of the world is flowing in the fast lane.

I know I am depressed. Who can blame me? I know that. But in all honesty, how do you not feel anguish as you watch your very own flesh and blood, your hero, lying in ICU suffering? How do you not let it take over every emotion you feel (or try not to feel)?

I am grateful I was able to spend so much time with her when I was in the hospital during their lock down. I was there around the clock to be able to cool her with a rag when her fever rose. I was able to hold her hand when she got dialysis. I tried so hard to comfort her when she told me she was scared. She asked me if I was scared too. How do you answer that? How? So, I looked into her eyes, and with all of the strength I could muster, I lied to her. I told her that I was not scared and that I was there for her. I told her to take my strength and know that she is not alone. When she fell asleep I whispered, "Yes, Mommy. I am very scared. I want my Mommy. But you should not be scared. I don't want you to be scared. Forgive me for lying."

I'm changing. And I don't like it.

Originally posted on Mommy Needs Coffee on September 29, 2005

Posted by Jenn Satterwhite at 5:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)