For the last week (actually 12 days) I've been trying to get over a terrible cold. I've been suffering through it silently, dosing up on various cold medicines and praying to the Gods to kill me in my sleep.

It's tough to be a wife and mother when all I want to do is crawl under the covers and sleep for days. The housework has piled up. I have dishes in the sink, my son's toys are scattered all over the living room and I haven't had the energy to vacuum.

And trying to keep a certain 3-year-old occupied, in between blowing my nose and coughing up a lung, is pure Hell. Yes. With a capital 'H'. Add to that a meltdown of a preschooler and I nearly jumped from the second floor window.

My husband isn't much help when I'm sick. He tries to act as though he wants to take care of me, all the while staying as far from me as possible so that he doesn't catch what I've got. But as for helping with the housework? Only in my dreams.

That isn't to say that he doesn't do his fair share. He does, for the most part. But ever since I became a work-at-home-mom, the bulk of the chores fall on my shoulders. And then when I get sick he doesn't step in to help.

I can't figure out why. When he's sick, he acts like a big baby and I do the best I can to make things comfy for him. I take Dawson out of the house so he can rest and get over his sickness. But when I'm the one feeling miserable he tells me to suck it up.

Just the other day, as I was laying on the couch, sneezing and coughing, he had the audacity to ask me, "So, umm, are you going to get to these dishes?"

"Geez, I'm dying over here and that's all you can think about?" I asked. "I'll do them tomorrow when I feel better."

"What time tomorrow?" he snickered.

Now, I know he was trying to be funny. He's a comical guy. Joking is second nature for him. But he chose the wrong time to be Robin Williams. I flipped out.

"How can you ask me what time, when I've been sick for a week and a half and barely functioning? You stupid jerk!" I screamed. "What ever happened to that 'in sickness and in health' part of this marriage?"

I overreacted. I know that. It's just that there seems to be a double standard here.

When men get sick, they revert back to childhood and want to be taken care of. As a mother, and someone who nurtures, I don't mind taking care of my husband. However, when women get sick, all they want is someone to help them, but men act like the tough football coach and tell us to "Tough it out."

Do I have the right to be mad? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?

Posted by Dana at 3:31 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

I'm pissed off. No, I'm furious. I'm extremely angry at John McCain. I wanted to tackle this topic last week but I was seething after reading this:

Republican Sen. John McCain, campaigning through poverty-stricken cities and towns, said Wednesday he opposes a Senate bill that seeks equal pay for women because it would lead to more lawsuits.

Senate Republicans killed the bill on a 56-42 vote Wednesday night. Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., had delayed the vote to give McCain's Democratic rivals, Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama, time to return to Washington to support the measure, which would make it easier for women to sue their employers for pay discrimination.

McCain skipped the vote to campaign in New Orleans.

I have been sputtering about this for days. It's just another piece of evidence that proves that Republicans do not care about women like they say they do. I've always wondered why women my age are mostly Democrats and I think I figured it out. The Democrats actually give a damn about the rights of women. And while I may disagree with abortion as a "reproductive right" I do understand why so many women vote Left.

The GOP is out of touch with reality. They are perfectly content on believing that a woman's "place" is in the home. Never mind that many women choose to be home with their children. So says McCain, "They [women] need the education and training, particularly since more and more women are heads of their households, as much or more than anybody else, and it's hard for them to leave their families when they don't have somebody to take care of them."

This remark just doesn't make sense to me. I can't see the correlation between women finding it difficult to leave their families to go to work and pay inequality.

When I worked outside the home I struggled with "mom guilt". It was hard to take my son to daycare each day, without feeling as though someone else was raising my child. But my family needed my income to make ends meet, and I actually liked working. It wasn't the worst thing I could be doing. But just because I found it difficult to be a mother and an employee, does that mean I shouldn't be upset that my male co-workers, with the same qualifications, and the same job training, received a higher salary than I did?

And what about the women who are college graduates, educated women with pertinent job training? Do they need more training and education to get paid equally? If a woman does the same work as a man, and has the same qualifications, education and work experience as that man, why is she paid less? Does that seem fair? Because the man has a penis he automatically gets a salary increase? Is he paid based on testosterone? Does producing estrogen automatically knock a woman's wage down?

It's true, more women are the heads of their households. More women control the purse strings. More women are in charge of family decisions. More women have greater influence in matters of business. It's also safe to say that women are better able to influence other women on how to vote in this coming election. But the one area where women are jipped is in salaries. We are still treated as second class citizens.

Why are we treated so unfairly? Is it because we tend to be more nurturing? Because we are partners, wives and mothers? Because we have vaginas? That's it, isn't it? Men are afraid of the power of the va-jay-jay so to punish us, we get paid less money so they can still feel in control. On top. Like they have more authority.

I've got a vagina that says these men better use their salary boosts to buy protection for their man parts, you know, just in case millions of angry women can't fight the urge to kick them in the balls.

From Comedy Central's Indecision 2008:

It's men like John McCain that make it impossible for women to escape these stereotypes. (I've found another reason to be glad I didn't vote for McCain in the Wisconsin primary.)

Posted by Dana at 3:00 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Two weeks ago (has it really been that long?) I departed for New York City. I had never been to the Big Apple before, and the excitement was too much to bear. I couldn't wait to walk through Central Park, ride the elevator to the 86th floor of the Empire State Building and admire the Flatiron Building from Madison Square Park.

The trip was magical, fabulous, amazing. There really are now words to describe the experience, only overwhelming feelings -- most of them good (seeing the Statue of Liberty), some nerve wrecking (taking the subway, alone) -- but overall I enjoyed the four blissful days away.

As a mother, it's not often that I get away sans Dawson, and when I do have the opportunity to hang out with myself, I often feel guilty for enjoying time alone.

The most difficult part of this mini mom-vacation was leaving my son in the care of my husband and my parents.

It's not that I doubted the care my son would receive, I knew he would be in good hands. After all, my husband is a competent man and a wonderful father, and my parents raised four children so it's not like they lack experience.

My biggest fear was the emotional toll I was placing on my little boy. Would he cry for me while I was gone? Would he be able to fall asleep without me by his side? Would he wake up each morning and wonder where his mama was?

The mommy guilt was eating away at me. Even though I needed to get away from the daily grind of house work and the many demands of raising a 3-year-old, I actually asked my husband if he wanted me to stay home. Obviously he said yes, but only because he was going to miss me.

"Just don't worry," he said. "You need time away, too."

Telling a mother not to worry is like telling the sun not to rise in the east. It's guaranteed that all moms worry about leaving their children with others, even family members. We cared for our babies since birth, we have an unbreakable bond, it's only natural that we believe we are the only ones who can do what we do. There's just no replacing the Mommy.

But I understand that we have to let go. If only for short periods of time. We can't always be the only force in our child's life. Sometimes we have to relinquish control of our dominant role in order to be better mothers. Sometimes we have to let Dad (and Grandma) navigate the ship. If only to regain some of our own sanity.

Four days away was enough for me. I started missing my baby and wondering what he was up to. When I finally got home, I noticed something different about Dawson.

I swear he grew. He looked taller. He learned new things while I was away.

"Mommy, the town we live in starts with a "P". It's....ummm...Puh-wover, Wis-cahn-sin!"

Grandma taught Dawson new words and shared new experiences with him while I was away. I felt the guilt in the pit of my stomach.

But I realized, while I was enjoying NYC, Dawson was enjoying the diversity that spending time with other family members can bring. I realized that maybe my son needed a vacation from me, just as much as I needed a vacation from him. The hug I received when I got off the plane showed me just how much he missed me, and how much I missed him.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Indeed it does.

Posted by Dana at 9:11 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Today, I turned twenty-nine. I don't know what it is about that number that bothers me most, the fact that it's my last year in my twenties or that in another 365 days I'll be a member of a new decade. After all, 29 is really just the gateway to 30.

I'm not so much worried about getting older as I am about my "to-do" list. You know. The List. The list of stuff I wanted to accomplish before age 30. And now, realizing I have a year left to cross those things off, I'm kind of fretting.

Don't get me wrong. I'm young. I'm not 99 for goodness sake. Still, I can't help but think about the here and now and the accomplishments I've yet to achieve.

For example, the last few years I've contemplated a second child. I have always wanted a lot of children. Five or six at least. But I'm a card carrying member of the Infertility Brigade. It took 3 years to conceive Dawson.

I've blogged my feelings about this subject time and time again. And it never gets any easier to deal with. Knowing that my biological clock is ticking is unsettling. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Can't you hear that? It's menacing.

I, myself, get sick of talking about it sometimes. I try to push those negative feelings to the back of my mind. I ignore them. I pretend it doesn't bother me. I shrug off every remark from family and friends. When others are announcing their second, third and fourth pregnancies, I smile and make the obligatory congratulations while worrying that I'll never be next.

I've played the game where I say, "It's all in God's hands" or "Someday it will happen" or "When the time is right" but really, I can't help but cry in the night, when no one else is around to hear me.

I don't want to be that woman. The one who is insanely jealous of other pregnant women. I don't want to be her. But when I see an expectant mom, I feel the pain twisting inside. I can't imagine what other women go through, the ones who've never birthed a child and so desperately wish to do so. I mean, really. I'm lucky, right? But why do I still feel incomplete?

Don't get me wrong. I love my son more than anything. More than life, he is my blessing. And I try to use that love to make myself feel better, but it doesn't.

"At least I have Dawson." I say. I don't want my little boy to think he isn't enough. But why shouldn't I want to share my love with another child? Why shouldn't I want to give my son the gift of a brother or sister to love?

With every birthday that passes, I fall a little more into the depression of not being able to conceive a second child. I just don't get it. Why do I feel this way? How do I overcome these emotions?

Why can't I enjoy my birthday without thinking about that damn biological clock and all that it reminds me of?

Posted by Dana at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Last Wednesday I lost my job, and while it sucks to not work, I have gotten over the shock of the tragic situation and learned to embrace my time at home.

At first I thought I would go mad. The day after my employer told me he couldn't afford me, I freaked out. I sulked. I cried. Then I realized it isn't the end of the world and began tackling the housework I neglected before.

This house is almost spotless. I'm actually vacuuming every single day. When I worked 40+ hours a week, I was lucky to vacuum once a week. The dishes are done within in 30 minutes of dirtying them. Dawson's room has stayed clean for a record 31 hours. Beds are made. Toilets are sparkling. My kitchen floor is so clean you could eat right from it.

And the laundry is clean. And put away. (In drawers and closets!) It's a miracle.

Besides cleaning the house, I've had the opportunity to keep Dawson home with me. I've learned so much about my son and I almost feel guilty for working and missing so much about his life.

For example, he likes corn dogs. It may sound ridiculous that I'm excited about this, but I am. I never bought them before, because he ate plain hot dogs without the bun. So when we were grocery shopping and he demanded I get corn dogs because he had them at Renee's house (his daycare provider), I was caught by surprise.

I have really enjoyed having time to read books and play games and run around the house playing "Run, Jump, Chase" and it's actually fun. I never thought I'd like being a kid again.

If I never have to work outside the house ever again, I would be insanely happy.

My husband, also known as the compulsive worrier, has been very supportive during what he calls my "Figuring Things Out Period." Yet despite the immaculate house and the well-rounded, less defiant 3-year-old (because Mom is home all day and has time to pay attention to him), I can sense he is eagerly awaiting the day I get a job and bring in some money to pay some bills.

Recently, I've been given some opportunities to work from home, but I feel like my husband thinks this isn't good enough. He hasn't actually said the words, but there is a feeling in the air. I refuse to be the first person to bring up the subject.

I know that women and men are different. It's the whole Venus and Mars thing; I get that. I'm trying my best to put myself into his shoes and understand his frame of mind, but I want him to do the same.

Raising a child (and in our family, I spend the most time rearing our son) and working is very difficult. When I had a job, I often felt guilty for placing my son into someone else's care while I spent eight hours behind a desk.

I hoped and prayed for an opportunity to spend more time with Dawson. In a way, I think getting laid off was a blessing in disguise. But my husband makes subtle remarks like, "I'm glad you're enjoying this time, before you know it you'll be back to work."

It's almost insulting. Why do I have to get in a car and go to work somewhere to be considered a valuable member of this marriage? Being Mommy is hard work. It's a job that receives no monetary compensation. But it's a job I love.

Over the last seven days, I've discovered that I'm good at this. I've been given a second chance to prove it to myself and I'm so grateful.

I've always said I'm a wife and mother first, and an employee second. My priority will always be my family over a career. Is that wrong? I don't believe so. But why do I feel like I'm doing something wrong in my husband's eyes?

I want to so badly to be a work-at-home-mom. Do you have any suggestions or advice? How do I discuss this delicate subject with my husband?

Posted by Dana at 7:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (0)

Loyalty is important to me. I'm loyal to my husband, family, friends and employer. I've been loyal to the Republican party thus far. But has the GOP really been loyal to me? Not really. Is it realistic to think they should be? I'm not sure....

Today, I voted for Barack Obama in the Wisconsin Primary. It was one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make, politically speaking.

For several long months I've weighed my options, I've absorbed the headlines and the polls and tried my best to give every candidate a fair shake. To say that my political views have evolved would be an understatement. The way I see this country today has changed completely since the last time I voted for a presidential candidate.

I could say that it's because of the opportunities I've had to research politics. Writing about politics for the last year at BlogHer has definitely opened my eyes to other ideas and opinions. But this isn't the only reason I've changed my voting direction.

I think I've learned that it's okay to be objective, it doesn't make you weak. Not knowing who would get my vote was the best thing to happen to this Republican because it forced me to really delve into the issues and get a good grasp on which candidate stood where.

In years past, I voted strictly based on one issue: abortion. As a Catholic, there was no way to compromise my morals. I could never bring myself to vote for a candidate that supported abortion. I wasn't willing to budge. I don't believe my choice was wrong, but I'm also distraught about some of the things that George W. Bush has done in his eight year tenure as President of the United States.

Perhaps I've matured in eight years. I'm a wife, a mother, a full-time employee. I worry about health care, education, the environment and terrorism. I get upset with each school shooting that I read about in the news. I get angry every time I open the newspaper and see another violent act against women and children. I'm fed up.

I'm tired of politics-as-usual, and I desperately want a new face in the white house. I want someone who can give this country, and our government, the kick in the ass it so desperately needs. I looked at the men and woman running for president and struggled to determine who that someone would be.

When it comes down to it, Barack Obama is the man for the job -- as of right now.

I don't know what will happen in November, but I feel comfortable with Obama. I like his plan for health care. I think he can be the Education President. I believe that he will be the man to get down to business and make the changes Americans are craving. He's worked for the votes. He truly cares about me and my family; even though I'm not a Democrat, Obama has shown me there is room for me in his party.

I don't feel that way about Hillary Clinton. Her arrogance is infuriating. She'd rather blame others for this country's problems instead of admit she's played a part in creating them -- especially when it comes down to Iraq. It's as if she thinks she deserves to win, without having to work for my vote. Several radio ads for Hillary kept placing blame on Bush for Iraq, but Hillary voted, too. I needed her to admit she made a mistake, but she couldn't do it, and it bothers me.

Don't get me wrong, I support the troops and the fight to end terrorism, but I think we've gone too far in the Middle East. This is also why I worry about John McCain as president. He's prepared to station troops in Baghdad for several, maybe even a hundred, years.

Because I don't believe that Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul (whom I was starting to like more and more) stand a chance against John McCain, I decided that my vote would have more weight in choosing the Democratic candidate.

Initially, I only wanted to vote for John McCain because of his stance on abortion. That was my bottom line.

On the contrary, I wanted to vote for Hillary Clinton simply because she's the first viable female candidate and that alone is a big deal. But what does it say about me if I vote for a person based on one issue, as opposed to voting for another based on several?

You can understand my conundrum. I tossed and turned for five days before I made my decision. And it wasn't easy. I thought for sure that after I made my choice at the polls, I would feel guilty. But I didn't. I felt relieved.

I still have to figure out what to do about the issue of abortion. I'm hoping that Barack Obama will embrace my feelings and help us find a way to end the needless abortions committed every year. (I can understand desperate situations like rape, incest and protecting the health of the mother.) I believe that Barack will be the candidate to bridge the gap between left and right. I didn't see that happening with Hillary Clinton. I dislike her "my way or the highway" attitude.

Ultimately, for me, it was about being comfortable with the choices, Democrat or Republican. Barack Obama made me feel comfortable, even hopeful. I think that says it all.

Posted by Dana at 4:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (23) | TrackBacks (0)

So it's Valentine's Day. No big deal, just another ordinary day. I'm content to believe that. After having kids things change, and most of you know this already, so you don't need me to remind you. But I can't help but wonder why I feel like something special should be happening today?

I can remember the first Valentine's Day my husband and I celebrated. Doug and I had been dating for just over a year. He came over to my apartment to pick me up for a steak dinner at a local supper club. When I opened the door, Doug handed me a large box wrapped in paper adorned with red, pink and white hearts.

"Open it," he said eagerly.

"Okay!" I replied, a huge smile plastered on my face.

It was a VCR. I didn't have one and I was taking a psychology class that required watching nine videos at home. Without a VCR, I would've driven home to my parents' house each night.

I was amazed that my boyfriend paid attention and bought me a Valentine's Day gift that he knew I would like as well as being practical.

Fast forward ten years. After a big wedding, buying a house, having a baby and working our butts off to pay for it all, this year's Valentine's Day went something like this:

"So, should we do something for the 14th?" he asked.

"The 14th of what?" I replied.

"You know, Valentine's Day." he said dryly.

"Oh...yeah. I guess. What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"I dunno. Dinner maybe?" he asked.

No enthusiasm. No excitement. Just another ordinary day.

We decided to have a casual dinner at the Moose Lodge. My parents are members and they invited us to tag along to the Valentine's Day dinner. The best part is the proceeds will be donated to a local food pantry. So, we're doing something good and we get to fill our mouths with steak and shrimp, just like that very first V-day, ten years ago. Maybe, some things don't change after all.

Posted by Dana at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Super Tuesday headlines are plastered in newspapers, on television, as well as online media sites. Twenty-four states will head out to vote today. Wisconsin is not one of them and I'm envious of those of you that have the opportunity to choose which candidate you think will be a better leader of this country.

The Democratic candidates, Senator Hillary Clinton of New York and Senator Barack Obama of Illinois are in a political wrestling match, so-to-speak. After the very polite Democratic debate in Los Angeles last Thursday I'm anxious to find out which candidate will come out on top. As of last night's report on CNN, Hillary was in the lead with Obama catching up quickly.

On the Republican side, Senator John McCain of Arizona is in the top spot, while former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee trail behind. Congressman Ron Paul's status is barely mentioned as his rank falls behind Huckabee.

The biggest issues affecting today's votes are (in random order) Health Care, Iraq, Education, Immigration, Gun Control, Gay Rights, Abortion, Iran, and the Mortgage Crisis.

Americans are seeking the one candidate who can address these issues and take the necessary steps to solve these problems.

Who will Americans choose? Which Democratic candidate will win out? Barack or Hillary? Will McCain keep his lead over Romney? Can Huckabee and Paul catch up?

Since I'm a fan of open discussions, I encourage all of you to leave your thoughts in the comments section. Tell us what you think!

Posted by Dana at 3:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)